Chapter 130
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Translator: Ace
Chapter: 130
Chapter Title: A Step Toward Recovery
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"Urk! Uweck!"
Shin Heiju, who had visited the clinic, felt a surge of defiance.
Anorexia? She only vomited on purpose when she needed to, by her own will.
So she decided to prove she could control it herself.
Just one week. She'd hold back from vomiting.
"Kuh, kuh!"
But she couldn't pass by the bread on the table.
Anxiety overwhelmed her at the thought of the carb lump absorbing into her body.
- This is a pathological state. Brain function needs to recover through proper meals and sleep before any judgment can be made. Anorexia actually disrupts the brain's neural networks.
The doctor's words kept echoing in her mind.
She wanted to shout, "If I just set my mind to it, I won't vomit!" But in the end, it happened just as he said.
But saying she couldn't even judge properly? That was too much.
She lowered her head and looked at her body. Her sagging belly fat came into view.
Ugly.
She had to get rid of it.
'It's because I didn't take the meds that I can't control my appetite. That's why this happened.'
She was trying so hard to hold back, Mom? Bro? Who bought bread and left it at home?
...No. It was all her gluttony. It didn't matter what others ate.
- Obsessing over body shape and eating isn't your fault either.
Shin Heiju shot to her feet.
She gave up forcing herself to vomit and headed to her room.
No one had ever told her it wasn't her fault.
- If you don't sleep like this, you'll collapse in less than a week.
She felt confused.
The week was almost up, but she was still fine.
Well, she had some abdominal pain and headaches, but not to the point of collapsing.
'Staying awake burns more basal metabolism anyway.'
She could exercise and fall asleep naturally.
Shin Heiju pulled up a NewTube video to follow along with ab workouts.
Plop.
But she couldn't hold a plank for even 10 seconds.
'Ah, I shouldn't have. My stomach hurts.'
Maybe because she tensed up awkwardly, her lower abdomen started aching.
Thinking she'd head to the bathroom, Shin Heiju jumped up.
Then, her head spun.
'Orthostatic hypotension again... Huh?'
Huh?
Huh? Huh?
She lost her balance.
She couldn't hit her head...
Thud!
In that fleeting moment, countless voices flashed by.
- Hey pig~ No pork rice soup today?
- You really weigh 48 kilos?
- How do you keep getting skinnier? You're all bones, girl.
- Still sprawled out like a pig?
The kids who bullied her just for liking pork rice soup.
Her first boyfriend, whose mocking face was so memorable.
The friend whose subtle jealousy shone through, hoping she'd gain weight.
And her dad... whom she wanted to kill.
- You have no fat to lose.
- Our clinic fully disclosed all side effects—
Even the Gangnam clinic that made her sign a waiver after flip-flopping.
The voices etched deep in her mind passed like a panorama.
Then the last one rang clear.
- You're in a state where judgment is impaired. Whether you're healthy or not, fat or thin.
Now she truly didn't know.
Am I fat? Then why do people say I'm thin? Why does hearing I'm thin feel good?
- It's not your fault.
- The way out of this isn't diet pills, but proper diet and sleep.
Was that doctor thin? Fat?
He just... looked good.
So confident in his words.
And he had abs... Not scrawny—maybe that's the ideal form?
Ideal body?
Someone cool?
Instead of skinny foreign women on her phone, the director's image flickered.
His figure blurry.
- Take the medicine right away and come back.
Only that tone, insisting she return, stuck clearly.
Shin Heiju's eyes snapped open.
"Heeju? You okay? Heeju!"
Wait, didn't she just fall? She thought it was her life flashing before her eyes.
A dream?
"Did I collapse? Or fall asleep?"
"Don't you think I want to know? How long have you been like this? I got scared seeing you asleep on the floor!"
She must have passed out from exhaustion.
"...I don't know either."
Shin Heiju dragged her wobbly body to the fridge.
Though she'd said she didn't need it, there were a few packs of herbal medicine her mom had gotten from Seongsu Clinic.
"Are you really okay? What made you collapse? Sure we don't need the ER?"
She didn't know what to say.
Plank for 10 seconds? Or heading to the bathroom?
"I guess I just fell asleep. I'm better after a bit. Not ER level."
Her mom snatched the medicine pack she was about to tear open.
"Gonna take this? Hold on, Mom'll heat it up!"
Her habitual resistance flared, but
Shin Heiju successfully suppressed it.
She just sat blankly at the table, waiting for the medicine to warm.
- Take the medicine right away and come back.
...Should she go back?
"Mom."
"Yeah, eat up quick. What can Mom do?"
"Can you drive me on your day off? Let's go back there."
"Seongsu Clinic?"
"Yeah."
"Finally ready for treatment? Let's go tomorrow!"
It wasn't that serious,
but Shin Heiju's mother fussed, afraid her daughter might change her mind,
planning to use her day off right away.
"You decided faster than I expected."
"...Not really decided, just... came by. Stomach doesn't hurt after the meds."
"Just like you said, Director! Heeju collapsed yesterday! Scared me half to death sleeping on the floor. She's okay, right?"
"It wasn't a big deal. Just got weak and dozed off."
"That's collapsing, sweetie!"
Her pulse had been really off, so I'd warned her she'd collapse within a week.
But I figured it'd take longer to actually come back.
"I tried not vomiting like you said, but did it three times in a week."
"Hard to control, right? Still, good job trying to stop."
"...Yesterday, I just didn't even know why I was doing this."
Illness awareness had dawned.
This was the starting point.
The patient had the will to heal,
and hadn't gotten hooked on strong appetite suppressants yet.
"We'll treat it step by step. First, recover your wrecked digestion from prolonged fasting. Sleep will improve, and blood flow to the brain too."
"...If treated, will things change? Can I get better? I don't even know when this started. Or what 'this' is..."
"It'll definitely get better."
"..."
Shin Heiju paused without answering.
Her eyes lost focus, staring blankly as if entranced.
"Hearing you say it, it really feels like it will."
Then she bowed her head and chuckled softly.
"I only say what works. If unsure, I'd tell you straight. I'll treat you."
If I wavered, the patient would panic tenfold.
No 100% guarantees, but for someone who's come this far, improvement was certain.
I seized the moment of her cooperation for a full inquiry.
Detailed digestive issues, sleep patterns, bowel movements—proper questions now.
Compare to last time with zero awareness, tailor prescription to symptoms.
"Appetite seems excessive? Normal levels?"
"...Others say my gluttony is too much."
"What do you think?"
"...Back then, it didn't feel excessive. Now, even trying to hold back, I can't."
I nodded.
"Don't force it from now on."
She described confusion over digestion judgment, frequent vomiting, abdominal pain.
Here, prioritize abdominal diagnosis and pulse diagnosis over inquiry.
Noted her words as reference, recalled herbs to tonify her weakened digestion.
"Guipi Tang, boost ginseng and astragalus, add direct digestive aids. Need major qi uplift."
"Ah, okay."
"Detailed instructions with the meds. Not full fast, but digestion's weak like it—ease into food. Minimum two days rice gruel, five days porridge. If no vomit or pain, regular meals."
"Yes, I'll prepare it."
Shin Heiju's mother answered.
"Chew 30 times per bite. Ignore carb-protein balance now. After a month, adjust based on appetite, digestion, weight recovery."
"Got it."
"Call anytime with questions."
"Thank you."
Shin Heiju answered plainly and left the exam room. Her mother bowed 90 degrees at the door.
Thankfully, just as the doctor said, her daughter changed her mind in a week.
Shin Heiju's mother, Yoo Jinju, made pork rice soup at the restaurant by day, pondered dishes her daughter might like by night.
The porridge period was over; now she could eat proper rice.
Was the collapse deliberate? Initially confusing,
but gratitude came first that her stubborn daughter finally listened.
"One bowl of pork rice soup, please."
Washing dishes in the kitchen, she heard her daughter's voice.
"Coming right up~."
The staff took the order.
He'd never seen her since she started helping out occasionally.
"What brings you here?"
But could a mom not recognize her child's voice?
Yoo Jinju rushed out and checked on her daughter.
"Just... craving pork rice soup."
It was her specialty.
After divorce, first thing she thought to make alone.
But her daughter hated pork rice soup.
Ate it fine as a kid, but grew to despise the smell, trembling at it.
She'd even spritzed air freshener after work as routine.
"I'll make it quick."
Odd, but she didn't pry.
Yoo Jinju served as requested.
Then pretended busy and retreated to the kitchen.
Afraid she'd say something wrong.
Hiding, she peeked.
Sniff...
Heeju's hands trembled.
'Is she okay?'
Worried, but Yoo Jinju held back.
Her daughter chewed 30 times as instructed, attacking the pork rice soup fiercely.
"Hup, huuuh!"
"Heeju, what's wrong?"
Spotting tears, Yoo Jinju's body moved on its own.
"Mom... sorry."
"Why, Heeju? What happened?"
Shin Heiju shook her head.
"Nothing... nothing at all."
"Tell me. Why? Who hurt you? Did Mom do wrong?"
She shook harder.
"No. Mom... did nothing wrong. I know that even if I know nothing else. It's all me..."
"Our Heeju did nothing wrong. Just stay healthy, that's all."
Her daughter finally nodded.
"Sorry, thank you."
"Mom's sorry and thankful too."
Nod, nod.
After a few nods,
"Tasty."
She grinned brightly.
"Huh? Pork rice soup tasty?"
"Tasty. Really tasty. Mom's pork rice soup is the best in the world."
That day, Shin Heiju polished off the pork rice soup she once hated.
A few days later,
Shin Heiju and Yoo Jinju finished a month's meds and returned for follow-up consultation.
"Separate consult today~."
The one with her daughter ran over 20 minutes, but questions for mom were few.
No night eating? No vomiting or pain complaints?
Yoo Jinju answered diligently, of course.
"Truly grateful. Thanks to you, Director, she's eating properly. Getting healthy is just a matter of time."
"Thanks to your great support, ma'am. We'll tackle root causes sequentially through consults."
"My support? ...I've just been clueless, yelling and crying like an idiot till now. But thanks to you, we're closer. I don't know how to thank you enough."
She nodded repeatedly.
"By the way, where'd you get that herbal medicine you mentioned last time?"
Suddenly, as if recalling, the doctor asked.
"Oh, Haneul Clinic. She wouldn't sleep after taking it, so I searched if it was sketchy and found you guys."
No malice there probably. Gave it since daughter insisted.
Yoo Jinju said lightly,
but the doctor's face hardened coldly in an instant.