Useful Bullshit Accountant (5)
"No thanks."
The woman rejected him outright with a bored expression and walked off toward the other side of the room.
"Pelle...! Come over here quick...!"
Ammugar glanced at me nervously before hissing lowly at her. But the woman shot him a brief glare, sat down at her desk, and said,
"It's still lunchtime."
Her voice was icy and indifferent. She acted like she couldn't care less about this stranger in front of her, with the managers groveling and the other employees nowhere in sight.
Ammugar fawned desperately, bowing his head to me.
"Have you... had lunch yet...? If not, why don't we eat together...?"
My stomach was growling right on cue. These guys weren't going anywhere with me watching, and I'd found the woman anyway... So, food first, then back to business?
Orkog set up lunch on the makeshift kitchenette counter in the corner of the office. The menu was simple stuff the woman had brought—mostly bread and ham from a large paper bag she unpacked onto the table.
"Please, this way..."
Ammugar pulled out a chair for me. Orkog sliced bread onto a plate, added ham and boiled beans, and set it in front of me.
"You guys eat like this every day?"
"Our finances aren't great..."
"Come by our inn later. I'll have something tasty made for you."
"Your... inn?"
I told him about opening the inn in Rosens. Ammugar couldn't hide his amazement.
"To think the fearsome one is running an inn... Unbelievable..."
"An inn means beer and stuff like that, right?"
Orkog smacked his lips as he butted in.
"Yeah. Beer, mead, wine—you name it."
"Mead... Haven't had a proper drink since the Demon King's castle fell..."
Orkog stared mournfully at the boiled beans in front of him.
As we ate, I snuck a glance at this Pelle woman. She'd taken off her headscarf, revealing two small horns jutting from her head—curved like goat horns, covered in countless horizontal stripes.
She ignored us completely, pulling a small lunchbox from her bag. Inside were long slices of cucumber and carrot. Pelle crunched on a carrot stick while staring out the window.
"Don't mind her. She's always so cold..."
Ammugar whispered low enough that she wouldn't hear, noticing my gaze.
"She's a demon too?"
"Ah, yes. She handled basic admin at the Demon King's castle. Sharp mind, so I took her in."
"So the rest of the staff are humans? You're demons, right?"
Ammugar pointed to his horns and chuckled.
"In this line of work, desperate folks are a dime a dozen. They don't care if the boss is a demon."
"Strutting around while stiffing us on pay..."
From across the office, the woman muttered around a mouthful of carrot, her face blank.
"H-Hey... We have a guest here...!"
Ammugar tried to hush her, but Pelle just smirked in response.
"Pay's late?"
"Ah... Well... Sales have been slow lately..."
Ammugar explained that monster souvenirs sold best when they were round and cute. But they struggled to make theirs that way—too familiar with the real monsters to simplify or cutify them easily. Meanwhile, competitors churned out cutesy knockoffs and stole the market.
"Just copy the other guys' stuff then."
"That's against the law..."
"Bullshit. Follow the law under the Demon King if you want. What's with this crap now...?"
"Being special management makes us cautious..."
"Fuckin' hell... Can't run a business if you're stiffing your staff."
"Most of our revenue goes to interest payments."
That made me tilt my head. How could interest eat up all their sales, no matter the debt?
"Hey. Got your loan docs handy?"
"Ah, yes. Right here."
Ammugar fetched a stack of papers. I snatched them and flipped through.
"What the fuck... is this shit...?"
A tiny bank loan, and the rest all from illegal loan sharks. The scammer must've had crap credit too—the bank loan was barely two months of my pension.
But the sharks... that was a lot.
"You've been paying nothing but interest this whole time...?"
"Yes... To the collectors who show up regularly..."
"In cash?"
"Yes..."
"You fuckin' idiot!"
I smacked Ammugar's head with the papers in a rage.
"Ow! Why hit me?!"
"You think I don't know?!"
He backed away, rubbing his head with an aggrieved look after more whacks. Demon or not, unrelated or not, this stupidity pissed me off.
I took a deep breath to calm down.
"Come here."
I separated the bank and shark docs in front of him.
"This is legit bank. This is illegal shark loan."
Ammugar pointed at the shark one. "This is a bank too. See, it says bank in the name... Ow!"
I hit him again; he rubbed his scalp.
"What psycho puts 'I'm illegal' on their sign? They name it shit like Credit Bank to hook morons like you."
"Th-Then how do you tell?"
"Look at these rates. Normal to you? There's a legal cap—statutory interest. These blow past it. That's illegal."
"Statutory... interest...?"
"The country's line in the sand on how much interest they can gouge. You didn't know that either?"
I tossed the papers on the table.
"All illegal except the bank. Don't pay 'em."
"You mean don't repay borrowed money...?"
"You can. Strictly speaking, yeah—but fuck it."
"They come daily. Skipping'll cause hell."
I raised the papers to hit him; he backed off preemptively.
"I said illegal."
"But just skipping? Any real method...?"
"There's methods. Promise one thing first."
"What?"
"I'll tell you, but give me one thing I want."
Caution flashed on Ammugar's face, but he nodded.
"As long as it's not our lives..."
"Break the promise, and I take 'em. Deal?"
His eyes lit up; he leaned in. Orkog paused mid-bean to listen.
"First: Run. But special management makes it tough."
"Yeah... Debt-free, maybe. Oweing? No."
"Second: Prove fraud to a judge or catch the scammer."
Ammugar listened quietly.
"Proving fraud's hard—scammers aren't sloppy."
"True..."
"Catch him, he claims he spent it all. Sharks just want cash from anyone—they'll hound you."
Shadow fell over Ammugar's face.
"No way out...?"
"Last method. Risky, but effective."
Hope returned. "What is it?"
"Take Orkog, raid the sharks, snag original contracts, trash the places."
"Trash 'em?"
Orkog perked up eagerly.
"Yeah. Crush 'em so they never bother you again."
"So... violence after all...?"
Ammugar looked troubled, pushing up his glasses.
"Problem? Go in, demand to see contracts, grab 'em, Orkog smashes. Simple."
"But we told you—special management..."
"Hence the risk. But fine. They're illegal."
Criminals expect no law protection. Destroy contracts, wreck shops—no witnesses, no case. Deny assault claims; no proof without docs.
Act fast, no third parties.
"Good?"
"Love it."
Orkog grinned, clashing huge fists. Ammugar still hesitated.
"What now?"
"Even so... too extreme..."
"How'd a pussy like you make legion commander?"
"Circumstances changed... Gotta be careful now..."
I slammed the table. "Bosses feed and protect their people!!"
Pelle turned from her cucumber to stare.
"You didn't betray the Demon King and run to starve 'em. What about the two humans? Their families live on dew?"
"Ah... Yes..."
"Illegal vs. illegal: Strongest wins. Eat the cannibal. Save your crew first."
"Understood..."
"Beat 'em all. Lock persistent ones here, beat more. They've done it to debtors."
Orkog clapped unconsciously, then stopped.
"G-Got it... We'll try your advice..."
Ammugar sounded unconvinced. I shoved the sorted papers at him. He gathered them and shuffled to the boss room.
Orkog stared blankly at me and the room, then ate more beans. Pelle crunched cucumber, back to the window.
Ammugar returned, sat, adjusted glasses, eyed me, and spoke.
"You gave the method, asked for one thing in return. What do you want?"