No Issues During Operation (2)
The Monster Garden was quiet in the dead of night. Faint cries from monsters echoed softly across the distant hills, but otherwise, there wasn't much noise to speak of. The souvenir shop on the far side glowed brightly, suggesting Ammugar and Orkog were hard at work crafting more replicas. Their skills had improved by leaps and bounds—they could now sculpt and paint not just dragons but every creature in the zoo with stunning realism.
Word of their hyper-realistic, almost eerily lifelike sculptures spread like wildfire, turning the shop into a holy site for so-called "monster enthusiasts." I'd suggested to Ammugar that they produce two lines: one with the same intricate detail as before, and another that was a bit more stylized and cute, even if the shapes were a tad abstracted. He jumped on the idea immediately—anything I said, he'd do without question.
We priced them worlds apart. It only made sense; the effort and time differed wildly, and so did the target audiences. The cute ones appealed to everyday customers, while the hyper-realistic masterpieces were for the die-hard enthusiasts. Even at absurdly high prices, these suspiciously wealthy perverts didn't bat an eye at handing over gold coins. The demons struck it rich overnight. According to Ammugar, they were earning more than a legion commander's salary. Case closed.
I skimmed a cut off the top under the guise of business taxes and such. Not taking it would be weirder than not offering.
"Aigoo, my head..."
Right on cue, Orkog pushed open the door and stepped out with a groan.
"AigoOO, my head..."
Idwild stifled a low chuckle at the sight of the hulking red-muscled brute lamenting nonstop.
"Hehe... Big Tomato Uncle..."
"Eh...? Hero? Black Mage? What brings you here at this hour?"
Spotting us, Orkog bowed deeply.
"Got business with Mideronde. So, what's with the headache? Splitting logs with your skull?"
Orkog let out a guttural chuckle at my jab.
"Nah, not that. Just some real brain-melter."
"Like what?"
"Well... might not be the best to say with the Black Mage around..."
Idwild promptly hooked her arm through mine and pressed close, grinning mischievously.
"Hehe... It's fine... I know most things anyway... Not an idiot..."
"No, it's not that you're an idiot, it's just... ugh."
The door creaked open again, and Ammugar emerged lugging a massive log.
"Orkog. Should we just tell 'em we can't do it? Oh? Hero's here."
"Can't do what? What's going on?"
Clutching the log in one arm and adjusting his glasses with the other, Ammugar gave a troubled smile.
"Kinda headache-inducing stuff."
"Spill it. What?"
Ammugar glanced at Idwild just like Orkog had and clammed up.
"Later... privately."
"Because of Idi? Just say it. She's a black mage—what could be off-limits?"
"It's not about her being a black mage, it's... ah, this is..."
"Hehe... Uncles... tell me... I'm dying of curiosity, won't sleep tonight..."
Idwild's coaxing finally broke him.
"Care to take a look?"
He held out the log. It was about the size of a chopped firewood bundle, split in half lengthwise. At the center of the cut end was a long, vertical droplet-shaped hollow, surrounded by half-carved, wavy grooves.
"What's this?"
"This is... Tene Gano's... *sigh*..."
Ammugar trailed off, and Orkog pretended to stare at the horizon.
Idwild craned her neck for a better look.
"Looks just like a pussy..."
Ammugar dropped the log. Orkog sighed and pinched his brow.
What...? Like a what...? Wait... yeah, it kinda does...
"Why the hell are you carving this, you two...?"
"Aigoo, Hero... Think we'd carve this willingly...?"
Ammugar explained with a groan. Monster enthusiasts occasionally placed custom orders, usually for rare beasts not in the zoo. Being an expert on nearly every monster out there, Ammugar charged a fortune and delivered. But one day, some enthusiast offered a king's ransom for a female Tene Gano's genitalia.
"How much exactly...?"
"Three hundred gold coins..."
"What...?! Three hundred...!?"
Idwild patted her crotch in awe.
"Hee...? That's one expensive hole..."
"So... what do they plan to do with it...? Don't tell me..."
"Exactly what you're imagining."
"Doesn't compute. Fine, kink's a kink, but won't a wooden hole chafe?"
"They requested extra nischil coating. The rest? Meat chunks or... slime, they'll handle."
"Ugh..."
Crazy bastards. "Monster enthusiasts," my ass.
"Gross, sure, but three hundred? Hard to turn down flat."
"Precisely. Who knows? If they like it, next time it could be a dragon's... aigoo, mouth running wild."
A dragon with a hole? We had one at the inn, but...
"Whatever you do, never breathe a word to Aterugar."
"Got it. Anyway... sounds like a headache."
"Yes. Gotta make it for the coin, but carving just fills you with self-loathing."
Makes sense. A sex toy modeled after a monster's junk...
"Wait, how do you even know what it looks like? Dissected one?"
Ammugar and Orkog just sighed like the world was ending.
Oof... sticking around might make me hurl.
"Alright... carry on. We're out."
"Take care, Hero. Black Mage."
"Hehe... Bye-bye..."
We left the zombie-like demons behind and headed for Mideronde's lab. Idwild, glued to my side, asked,
"Bertraaang... how many gold coins is my hole worth...?"
"What kinda question is that?"
"Hehe... curious... Monsters are three hundred..."
"Gah, seriously! Drop it—I wanna forget!"
"Hehehehe..."
I yanked her squishy cheek, and the dopey girl just giggled happily.
* * * * *
Mideronde's lab was a classic forest cabin: narrow but tall, with a steep gabled roof. Crammed bookshelves and arcane gadgets lined the walls—or so you'd expect—but inside, it was spotlessly tidy, like a normal home. Staring at it always took me back to my hero days.
Some little roadside inn, deep in the woods somewhere on the continent. The owner was a pureblood elf like Mideronde, middle-aged by human standards. But pureblood elves don't show age—she was breathtakingly beautiful, timeless.
She'd opened the place to chat with passing travelers, tired of living alone. Too timid to venture into human lands, she stuck to the familiar forest. I had a mission nearby and stayed a few days, swapping stories with her.
That must've been when it planted the seed: one day, I'd run my own inn. She's probably still there, waiting for guests. Gotta visit again sometime.
"Still up, huh...?"
Idwild whispered, peering at the soft glow from the window.
I grasped the bronze knocker and rapped. Light footsteps approached from inside.
"Who's there?"
"Me."
The door swung open, and Mideronde... whoa?! Buck-naked Mideronde smiled at us.
"What brings you two here so late?"
Moonlight made her skin shimmer like she glowed from within—pureblood elf perfection, unreal beauty. Idwild, clinging to my arm, grew hot and damp against me. She couldn't even look up, head bowed low.
"You... why're you naked...?"
"I always sleep nude. You used to, too."
"R-right... we'll come back tomorrow then..."
"Come in. You're here now. If it's awkward, I'll get dressed."
She held the door wide and stepped aside, leaving us no choice but to enter.
A single candle flickered in the cozy space.
"Sofa?"
Mideronde, now in a loose dress, gestured invitingly. Mage perks—she'd conjured clothes in seconds. We sat, and a teapot and plates materialized from thin air, floating down to the table. Idwild watched, breathless.
"Waaah... cookies..."
Her face lit up at the treats on the plate.
"Idi. Eat sweets at night, you'll get fatter."
"It's okay... just one... And before bed, I'll lap the inn and bathhouse ten times..."
As if. She always swore she'd do evening walks. Never happened once. "Too many customers today," "Bit chilly," "Ate too much dinner—running might make me puke," "Kali wouldn't come out," "Forgot holy water bath, doing it tonight," "Loitering bugs Ukun's construction," "Counts as exercise if we do it at night"—endless excuses.
Hence the muffin top spilling over. I kneaded her doughy side, and she grinned like an idiot, reaching for a cookie.
Mideronde watched fondly, then asked,
"So, why'd you come?"
"You mentioned once, back when you lived here alone, you used a magic mirror or something to watch the outside world?"
"I did."