The Fifth Inquisition Office (2)
The Fifth Inquisition Office (2)
Divine Judge Dimona came looking for me.
"What are you doing right now?"
"Can't you tell by looking?"
I pointed at the mop I'd been dragging across the floor.
"I'm mopping."
"No—! That's not what I meant—!"
Dimona pressed hard at the bridge of her nose. A trickle of blood ran down.
I hastily handed her a tissue.
"I just cleaned that!"
"You little shit! Worry about me first!"
Dimona slumped into an empty chair.
"Why... why are you mopping? You talked like you were going to confidently turn everything upside down... so why are you mopping...?"
"Because the floor's dirty?"
"Do you think I brought you here to watch you mop?!"
"You're going to burst my eardrums. Calm down. Want me to get you some water? Or I'm making a special beverage—want to try some?"
"A special... what?"
I changed out of my apron. Dimona clutched the back of her neck.
"I didn't... bring you here... to be a general... housekeeping... helper..."
"The stuff I make is pretty popular. Try it."
"...Why is it good?!"
"Right?"
Hm. Maybe I really do have a talent for cooking.
Dimona, who had downed the drink in one shot, went limp and melted. She slumped over the table and sniffled back tears.
"I... I... said I'd hold on no matter what... I'm trying... and the troublemaker I finally brought here is... working as a housekeeping helper..."
"I didn't put any alcohol in it. Strange."
"I said that for you to hear! It's not drunken rambling!"
"There, there. Calm down."
I set the mop down. I slipped off the apron.
"I'm handling things fine on my own, so why did you come looking for me?"
"Why do you think?! I came because I heard you were wasting your time! You're supposed to be an apostle! Chosen by Ra! And the best you can do is be a general housekeeping helper?!"
"Who says I'm a general housekeeping helper? Who exactly!"
"B-but the work you're doing..."
"Dimona."
I looked at her with pitying eyes.
"Do you really not know what I'm actually doing?"
"...D-don't tell me!"
Dimona shot to her feet.
"I knew it! You did have something in mind, didn't you? Well, sure. You may be a bit of a shithead, but that brain of yours is sharp!"
"I'm also developing a new beverage recipe. Want to try it?"
"You son of a bitch!"
Time to stop messing around.
"Our capable Divine Judge Dimona."
"What."
"Do you know that factions have formed in the Fifth Inquisition Office's Group 2?"
"...Huh?"
Of course not.
How could a proper Group 1 paladin be raised when you don't even know what's going on around you?
"Here. Take a look."
I held out the notes I'd briefly organized over the past few days.
"What's this?"
"What do you think? It's what I recorded while disguised as a harmless little animal."
I hadn't only been handling cleaning and meals all this time. While doing odd jobs, I'd quietly observed the internal dynamics.
Rumors about me had spread far and wide. It was only natural that inquisitors who didn't know me would keep me in check.
But what if I volunteered to be the errand boy myself?
The suspicious looks died down one by one. People who tried my cooking and liked it started complimenting me as they passed by.
Earning goodwill.
That was the first thing I accomplished. Since all the inquisitors I'd worked with were from the Group 1, it wasn't even difficult. Praise for me was already widespread.
The problem was the Group 2 paladins—the future of the Fifth Inquisition Office and its freeloaders.
"The Group 2 has quite the colorful roster, doesn't it? They just accepted everyone, didn't they? From that group of northern barbarians... to beastfolk... a nun who loves money... and there are even genuinely incompetent outcasts, right?"
"You figured out their traits in a week?"
"It was easy."
"You really are a monster..."
Dimona, who had been flipping through my organized notes, lit up.
"So? What's next?"
"Obviously, one thing."
I tossed the apron aside.
"The factions are split into three. You could call them the problem children of Group 2. First is Nord, from the northern barbarians. Second is Isabel, who came up from a church branch. Third is the faction led by Austin—incompetent outcasts, but well-liked ones."
"What are you going to do with them?"
"What do you think?"
I grinned.
"I'm going to put what they want right into their hands."
. . .
Nord, from the northern barbarians. A typical strongman with nothing in his head.
The reason he was considered a problem child of the Group 2 was that he went around beating up fellow paladins with his fists. He'd been warned a few times, but it never stuck.
A guy who believed might makes right. That made him even easier to handle.
Crushing people with sheer force is my specialty!
"What business does the kitchen boy have here?"
Nord asked. I answered.
"Bring it, you little shit."
"...Ho. Are you challenging me to a warrior's duel?"
"What bullshit."
I loosened my fists.
"This is insubordination!"
It didn't even take a minute for Nord to go down. As blood sprayed and bones snapped, Nord screamed.
"S-stop! Stop! I lost!"
"Lost my ass! I heard you've broken three hundred bones belonging to other paladins! Let's break about a hundred and fifty of yours today!"
"I-I don't want to be beaten half to death!"
"Then I'll only beat you a quarter to death!"
"Are you insane?! You—!"
Nord submitted to me. Closer than the law was the fist, and closer than the fist was my kick.
Nord clung to my leg. Shedding blood, he sniveled.
"P-please... spare me..."
"Fine. I'll spare you."
I glanced around. Nord's crew flinched when our eyes met.
"Anyone have something to say?"
"W-we're not scared of the likes of you..."
Crack!
"We'll follow you!"
Absorbing Nord's faction didn't even take half a day.
. . .
Isabel, who had come up from a church branch, was a nun who was absolutely obsessed with money. Most of her followers were bound to her through financial ties.
Even the Group 2 apparently received wages. And using that as capital, Isabel had swallowed up part of the Group 2.
"I like money. Money solves everything."
"So you really do love money."
I slid over the documents I'd drawn up. Isabel narrowed her eyes and examined them.
"...What is this?"
"What do you think? A business plan."
The pages flipped by. Isabel's eyes widened.
"Th-this... how can... how can something like this even be possible... N-no, wait! In the first place, there's no way this should be possible, right?"
"Why not?"
"To make this possible... you'd need an enormous amount of raw material... but there's no way that kind of raw material exists in this world..."
"It does."
I smiled broadly.
"I can make it possible."
"......"
Isabel stared at me. Her face was weighing the possibilities. I leaned back casually in my chair.
"If you don't want in, then don't."
"...What do I get out of it?"
"Simple. I think highly of your skills. You love money, so you've got a good eye for business too, don't you? Honestly, most priests are pretty lacking when it comes to business sense."
"...Even though the other priests called me vulgar?"
"Who said that? The more money, the better. I like you, Isabel. If a woman as capable as you would work with me, I couldn't ask for more."
I extended my hand.
"So how about it? Business partners. Using my capital and your skills to make a fortune... You'll be bathing in piles of gold coins... You still don't want to follow me?"
"...J-just a moment. It's good... it's very tempting... but where's the proof that you actually have this item?"
"I'll show you, so don't doubt me. I just need to get my hands on it somehow, right? All you have to do is sell what I pass to you."
"......."
Isabel stared at the documents again as if entranced.
"F...fine."
She took my hand.
"I'll work under you. Money doesn't lie. A-and... also..."
Isabel fidgeted with her hands.
"You're the first person... who ever told me I was capable..."
"An excellent choice."
Absorbing Isabel's faction took barely half a day.
. . .
The church headquarters occasionally took in children. But not all of them became high-ranking priests.
People with mediocre talent. Priests who were too ambiguous to throw away, yet somehow uncomfortable to fully take in.
That was what Austin's group was. They had risen with mediocre talent, and when it became unclear where to use them, they had been practically discarded.
"...I've heard the rumors. But why have you come to us?"
"I need you."
"We're incompetent. We have no power. Our heads are dull, and our physical abilities aren't anything special."
Austin smiled bitterly.
"There's nothing to gain by bringing us in."
"What do you mean, nothing?"
I conjured the Sacred Flame. Austin stared at the Holy Art as if mesmerized.
"That's..."
"It's an advanced version of Ember. But even Ember is something you can do, isn't it?"
"But there's a difference between being able to do something and handling it skillfully. We were ostracized because we couldn't manage that."
"Still, you can see yourself objectively. Your character passes too. Good."
So they're the easiest of the three factions to handle. Aside from their lack of motivation, they're very useful.
"Don't you want to get stronger?"
"...We've already given up hope. Even when we put in the same amount as others, we can only keep up halfway."
"Give up? Pick it right back up. An opportunity just dropped in front of you, and you're not even going to grab it?"
"What opportunity?"
"I am the opportunity—and your savior."
I intensified the Sacred Flame. I made it coil around my arm like a snake.
Austin recoiled.
"Good heavens... how in the world...?! Even the teachers I've seen couldn't use Sacred Flame like this...!"
"Do you know who's standing in front of you? A once-in-a-generation genius, a talent who passed the Theological Academy in a single month."
I extended my hand to Austin.
"I'll teach you personally. Take it if you want. If you don't want to stay cowering in that corner."
"...Could someone... like me..."
Austin spoke in a whisper.
"Could someone like me... become a great priest?"
"You can. As long as you're ready to put in the work. Of course, it won't be easy. There'll be more days when you want to die."
I grinned.
"But if you're prepared to die, what can't you do?"
"...Do you believe in me?"
"If you believe in me."
"......"
Austin took my hand, crying.
"I... I... want..."
Austin knelt.
"I want to become... a capable inquisitor...!"
"Good."
Preparations were complete.
"Let's do this."
. . .
"What in the..."
Dimona was panting. She pinched her cheek several times while looking at the Group 2 lined up for training.
"How in the... no... holy shit... how did you do what I agonized over for months..."
"You could've done it too if you weren't a Divine Judge, Dimona."
"What do you mean..."
"There's a saying—position makes the person. In the end, whether for better or worse, a position inevitably influences whoever stands in it. When someone of higher rank approaches, it's uncomfortable, right? Naturally, people put on a mask instead of revealing their true feelings."
I pointed at myself.
"But what if the person who'd been doing odd jobs strikes up a conversation? Opening up more to someone below you is just human nature."
"Ah... ahaha..."
Dimona rubbed her face, a grin creeping across it.
She was trying to hide her laughter but failing completely.
"Heh... hehehe... I was right... I was right... I did well bringing you here...!"
"You're not crazy, are you?"
"Who's crazy?! So what now?! Do we just train these guys into the Group 1?"
"They'll listen well. I've already finished talking with them. Just polish them up appropriately."
"And what about you?"
"Me..."
I've got to go take care of something I'd put off.
"I'm going to secure a source of funding."
One of the reasons I came here. To quietly swipe a hidden Sacred Relic.
Just you wait! Here I come!