Beyond the Dream (5)
Beyond the Dream (5)
Amar raised a small hand. She pointed lightly at a storybook.
"Rubia."
One of the few books she had. One of the few gifts she had received after entering the research institute.
"What is love?"
Unlike the other staff, who left work as soon as their research was done, the researcher who stayed with her late into the night lowered her gaze. She pulled Amar into an embrace and whispered softly.
"What do you think it is, Amar?"
"I asked because I don't know."
"...Try thinking for yourself sometimes."
"You tell me most things, Rubia. I don't need to think about anything anyway."
When she was hungry, food was brought to her.
When she sat there blankly, questions were tossed her way.
When her body seemed off, lines were attached all over her.
She didn't have to do anything. A comfortable place where she only had to stay alive.
Hadn't other people even told her so?
"They said staying still is how I help."
"Who said that?"
"Bubble did."
"...That idiot."
Researcher Rubia let out a sigh. She took the storybook from Amar's hands.
"What's drawn here?"
"A knight."
"And this?"
"A princess."
"Good. So why do you think the knight goes out of his way to rescue the princess?"
"...Wealth and power?"
"Who taught you that?"
"Bubble did."
"That little shit."
Rubia turned the page.
"Look. There's a dragon blocking the way between them, right?"
"Yeah. It's blocking the way."
"But this dragon is terrifying, isn't it? Could a knight defeat a dragon all by himself?"
"...No?"
"Right. It's a losing fight. Close to impossible. But the knight still charges at the dragon. Why is that?"
"To rescue the princess?"
"Why?"
"Well, wealth and power..."
"Isn't it strange to risk your life for things that are useless if you die?"
Now that she thought about it, that was true.
Amar pondered. She thought and thought, then eventually went limp.
"Wouldn't everyone be better off if the knight died?"
"...Don't just jump to a conclusion because you don't want to think."
"But you think for me instead, Rubia."
"I told you already. You have to think for yourself. That's how you'll be able to act properly at the right moment."
"Here?"
Amar asked.
There was nothing here. And she would never go outside.
Bubble and the other researchers had said so. That she was an extremely dangerous existence.
So she must not go outside.
She didn't know what those words meant. But Amar knew that life in here was more comfortable than life out there.
Here, she didn't have to struggle to survive with her life on the line. If she just stayed still, everything was provided.
And besides...
Amar stretched out her hand. She nuzzled her face against Rubia's chest.
"This is acting properly."
"Oh, really."
Rubia stretched Amar's cheeks.
"It is cute, but that won't work. Come on. Keep thinking. Why the knight would risk his life to save the princess."
"...Because she's precious?"
"That's right. You're almost there. Being precious is incredibly important. Look at me, Amar. Why do you think I stay here so late?"
Her chest tingled. Amar's eyes sparkled.
"...Because I'm precious?"
"Correct. Then shall I put it a little differently? If you express being precious as an emotion, what is it?"
The arms holding her were warm. Amar mumbled.
"...Love?"
"That's right. Love. Because love is an emotion that can understand anything."
"Understand... means..."
"You're different from us, Amar. Right? And on top of that, I'm a priest of Ra and a member of the Heteromorphic Research Institute."
Slowly.
Very slowly, she stroked Amar's head.
"Normally, we're two people who could never be together. But we're together now, aren't we? Amar, do you enjoy being with me?"
"Yeah. I really enjoy it."
"Me too. I enjoy being with you, Amar. That's what being precious means, and that's what love is too."
Amar closed her eyes gently. Even with her eyes closed, she could feel Rubia there beyond the darkness.
A tender touch. The soft sensation of her hair being moved.
"Love can understand everything. Even if you're different from each other, you can understand completely."
"...Yeah."
Amar nodded slightly.
So love is understanding.
She thought to herself—so love is the emotion that lets you understand everything.
. . .
"Aaaaaaaaaaaaah!!!!!"
Amar gasped for breath. Her strength drained, her body went limp.
Her vision spun. She was so dizzy she felt like she might vomit at any moment.
"Stop! She still hasn't adapted...!"
"The time for indulging tantrums is already over, Rubia."
Footsteps sounded. Amar lifted her head with difficulty.
Someone stood before her. A person dressed differently from the others.
"But Your Excellency...!"
"Amar is a valuable case. There are few demons that can be captured. Heteromorphic species... and ones born so similar to humans are rare."
A hand forced her face upward. It was different from Rubia's.
Not a tender hand at all.
"The more we study the creature, the more we can learn about demons. We can research magical power and even develop Holy Arts to counter it."
"There must be a better way...!"
"Demons have no human rights, Priest Rubia. Know your place. You are a heteromorphic researcher. Your role is to analyze and uncover our enemies."
The hand gripping her face tightened. Amar thrashed in pain.
Something flowed into her. Something unpleasant.
"Uweeeeegh!!!!"
Amar vomited with all her strength. She emptied everything she had eaten onto the floor.
It hurts.
It hurts.
It hurts so much I can't bear it.
Amar turned her head with difficulty. She looked at Rubia.
Their eyes met. Rubia, clenching her teeth, tried to shout something.
But the moment the man before her spoke, every movement stopped.
"Think of your younger sister, Rubia. Isn't that why you're here?"
"......"
Rubia's eyes flew wide open. Her clenched fist trembled.
Amar reached out her hand. But Rubia turned away from it. She averted her gaze and covered her face.
Then she turned around. She walked out.
Fading footsteps. Amar trembled.
Why...?
The words she couldn't get out echoed inside her mouth. A calm voice rang out once more.
"Beginning the second experiment."
. . .
Her body had no strength. She had no appetite. Amar curled up.
I was a fool. Yeah. I was a fool. Why did I follow her so blankly? She was a stranger, so why did I take her hand?
Rubia. Rubia.
It was all lies. She brought me here from the very beginning just to do this.
Amar trembled. There was nothing in the cold darkness. Lying on her side, she stared blankly at the opposite wall.
There was something there. A storybook tossed aside carelessly.
The story of the knight.
I like it. I've read that story so many times. But now I hate it. I don't want to read it at all.
Because I'm scared to be alone.
Because if I read it... I feel like I'll be fooled again like an idiot.
So...
So...
"Amar."
Amar flinched. Along with the sound of the door opening, she heard someone's footsteps walking in.
She didn't turn around. She silently swallowed the tears that had begun to fall at some point. Someone sat down behind her.
I know.
Who it is.
But I don't want to turn around.
"...Amar. Are you asleep?"
"......"
An uncomfortable silence stretched out. Amar sniffled. She quietly wrapped her arms around her knees.
"...Liar."
"......"
"You didn't love me."
"......"
"Idiot. Trash. Go die."
"...I'm sorry."
The voice behind her laughed awkwardly. At the strangled sound, Amar raised her body slightly.
She turned around. Rubia. She was sitting there. Staring blankly into the air, thinking about something.
Words suddenly spilled out. Rubia murmured.
"...I."
The words she couldn't bring herself to say circled inside her mouth once. Then she gathered her courage and let them out.
"I had... a younger sister."
"......"
"I had a younger sister... but, you know... she's gone now. There are many people in the world, Amar. And among them, there are many who don't have the strength to protect themselves."
Her voice had no strength. Amar blinked at this side of her she had never seen before.
"Sometimes I dream. Dreams with my younger sister in them. The ending is always the same. My sister gets devoured by something, and I wake up."
"...Why?"
"...Because my younger sister is somewhere I can never see her again."
Rubia lowered her gaze. She stared blankly at Amar.
"Listen, Amar. There's only one thing I want. A world where even the powerless can live safely. And the greatest danger in that world... is demons. Even if their numbers have decreased, they're still dangerous. We lack the means to deal with them, and countless people who fight against them die."
"......"
"B-but, Amar. Listen. It's true that I love you. Love is understanding, right? Amar. You're precious to me. Am I precious to you too?"
She crawled across the floor. Rubia. She looked down at her with eyes Amar had never once seen before.
"Amar. Answer me. Do you... do you love me?"
Amar opened her mouth. She tried to deny it. But for some reason, those eyes were so desperate that she couldn't bring herself to speak.
Behind Rubia, she saw the fallen book. The storybook. The story Rubia had often read to her.
...The knight defeated the dragon.
For the one he loved. He overcame even hardship.
He gave his life to understand. Because he believed that was love.
"...I, I..."
Amar blinked. She forced her voice out.
She was scared. Those experiments hurt. They brought pain beyond description.
But even so, Rubia was precious. The person before her was the only one who had ever shown her affection in her life.
The child leaned on the adult. She thought and thought, then spoke the words she needed to say.
So she wouldn't be abandoned.
The words she had to say to be loved again.
"I... l-love... Rubia..."
"R-right?"
Rubia whispered.
"Then just endure it a little longer. Amar. Please. This is all..."
For some reason, Rubia's voice sounded distant.
"...for the powerless and the weak."
Was that right?
Was I... not in that?
Amar didn't ask. She just held her silently.
It was more uncomfortable than she had expected. It wasn't as warm as before. The warmth had faded, and her embrace was somehow suffocatingly stifling.
But it was okay.
Because it was a little warm.