This Country Is Simply Beyond Hope (2)
That evening.
Having escaped the royal council after a meeting that accomplished absolutely nothing, I made a beeline for His Majesty the King, who was lounging about in his private quarters.
There, I poured out my horror at the sight of our ministers and explained to him, in no uncertain terms, just how hopeless our country really was.
"Come on, Father."
"When it's just the two of us, call me Father."
"That's what I said—Father. What on earth are the ministers even doing? They spend the entire day gawking and exclaiming, and not a single one of them has an actual thought in their head!"
I lamented the sorry reality that these so-called ministers had been reduced to nothing more than reaction machines for the royal court.
"Father, how have you managed to run the country with men like that?"
It was doubtful the state was even functioning properly at this point. I truly wondered.
His Majesty, sprawled on his sickbed with a frail body that looked like it could still put up a 700-kilogram powerlifting total, answered.
"Was Duke Blaine absent from today's council, by any chance?"
"Duke Blaine?"
Once the name left His Majesty's lips, I finally managed to dredge up a memory of the man behind it.
"Ah, Duke Blaine… you mean the Chancellor?"
"That's the one. Duke Blaine. This kingdom cannot exist without him."
The Chancellor of the realm, Duke Blaine.
He had been famous as a legendary statesman since long before I came of age. Not that I had ever actually laid eyes on him—he was famously reclusive, declining to attend anything outside of royal council sessions.
"Duke Blaine. He is, without exaggeration, the greatest statesman our kingdom has ever produced."
So His Majesty trusted the man that deeply, then. A stream of lavish praise for Duke Blaine began pouring out of the King's mouth, one compliment after another.
"He is the finest chancellor in our kingdom's entire history… there is nothing Duke Blaine cannot do."
"Whoa, Duke Blaine, huh… wait a moment…"
When exactly had I been contaminated? Even I flinched at the reaction that had slipped so naturally out of my own mouth.
Our sovereign, naturally, paid my condition not the slightest attention and simply carried on with what he wanted to say, continuing to heap accolades upon the greatest chancellor of all time—the GOAT.
"Back in Duke Blaine's prime, the entire continent used to gasp in astonishment at his miraculous administrative genius."
"Our administration leaked out across the whole continent? Then we need to hunt down some spies, and quickly…"
"It's already a famous anecdote how he fed the people with five loaves of bread and two fish and carried us through the worst famine in memory."
I quietly listened to His Majesty's tales of Duke Blaine. And then, before long, I noticed something distinctly off and raised it with him.
"Father… how, exactly, is that famine relief?"
If our illustrious chancellor had personally performed the miracle of the five loaves and two fish, this had long since stopped being a matter of disaster relief.
Could you even call that administration?
Naturally, His Majesty, already completely enamored with Duke Blaine, did not stop his rapturous praise.
"Then there's the famous tale of how he wagered an entire year of the kingdom's budget on the jousting tournament held in the Empire, all to shore up our pitiful treasury."
"He's just a lunatic."
"But he won, didn't he? And thanks to that, we were able to go galloping across the wide open plains and abduct marchionesses to our hearts'—"
I realized there was no longer any reason to keep listening to His Majesty.
Asking anything of a man who was one flesh and blood with this insane nation was the mistake to begin with.
Fwoosh, fwoosh.
After cutting him off with a light wave of my hand, I delivered a one-sided announcement to His Majesty.
"I'll handle things myself."
"Fine, fine. With Duke Blaine around, you'll manage well enough on your own."
Having paid his respects to the greatest chancellor in history—the GOAT—His Majesty dragged his decrepit, 700-kilogram-capable body back down onto the bed and drifted off to sleep.
Grrrrooo—.
Listening to the rumble of his snoring, I slipped quietly out of the sickroom.
"We're doomed as a nation."
This country was simply beyond hope.
And so, I would have to be the one to change it.
The next morning.
Attending the royal council, I finally came face to face with the famously renowned chancellor himself—Duke Blaine.
A neat, dignified middle-aged man, appearing leaning on a walking cane. The chancellor hailed as the finest statesman on the continent had graced the royal court with his presence.
"My apologies for yesterday, Your Highness."
"……"
"This unworthy servant was feeling a touch unwell… and was regrettably unable to attend the council."
No sooner had he entered the chamber than he bowed to me with impeccable courtesy. Perhaps he had already been informed of the arrangement—that I would be handling state affairs for the time being. He didn't question the sight of the crown prince seated on the throne, either.
Perhaps he consulted with Duke Blaine before summoning me.
Come to think of it, even my handling of state affairs might be at Duke Blaine's recommendation.
After acknowledging his greeting, I addressed the assembled ministers of the great hall.
"Now that Duke Blaine has returned, let us revisit yesterday's agenda."
Phew—.
At my words, the ministers let out a collective sigh of relief. Apparently the mere sight of Duke Blaine had been enough to calm them.
Turning to the mustachioed chancellor, I laid out once more the matter we had discussed the previous night.
"Duke Blaine, are you aware that the nations of the continent are preparing a crusade?"
"Of course, Your Highness. The detestable Holy See raising a crusade to attack us is a fairly regular occurrence."
Blaine replied that he had indeed anticipated the crusade's movements.
"However… I hear that this time their numbers reach thirty thousand."
"……"
"Duke Blaine… how are we supposed to hold back a crusade of thirty thousand?"
I explained to Blaine that an enemy army of thirty thousand was marching on us. If he already knew the situation, then asking for the solution was easy enough. I hoped that the man they called a legendary chancellor might produce some idea to resolve it.
As if to reward that expectation, Duke Blaine declared with full confidence,
"Repelling a crusade of thirty thousand is, for one such as Blaine, not a particularly difficult task."
"Ohh…"
"Ohh, incredible… that's our legendary chancellor, Duke Blaine."
As the ministers marveled at his words, something rather plausible finally emerged from Blaine's mouth.
"In the art of war, the single most important principle is to hold a greater number than your enemy."
"Yes, quite right."
Well, obviously. That's just common sense.
I listened on, curious what answer would follow. Would he propose an alliance? Or perhaps sowing discord among the enemy to scatter their forces?
While I waited for such an answer, the greatest chancellor in history spoke.
"Let us conscript sixty thousand soldiers."
Sixty thousand conscripts.
Hearing that, I turned to Blaine.
"Conscript sixty thousand?"
"Yes."
"Seriously?"
"Yes."
After this exchange of perfectly flat, deadpan dialogue, I began hurling objects at Duke Blaine as I spoke.
"Our entire population doesn't even break forty thousand, you maniac!"
Thud, clatter—.
Even as the flying objects struck him, Blaine stood there, utterly composed.
"Ow."
"Ohh… that's Duke Blaine for you. A solution no one else could ever have conceived."
"Conscripting sixty thousand from a population of forty thousand… nothing short of genius."
Surrounded by admiring ministers, I glared at Blaine once more.
"Forget all that—give me something else… something even remotely realistic, damn it!"
"Then let us conscript sixty thousand and one."
"Are you out of your mind?!"
"Then let us conscript sixty thousand and two."
The ministers nodded along to the alternatives flowing from Blaine's mouth.
"Ohh… that's our legendary chancellor. Brilliant stratagems simply gush forth from him without end."
"Truly, he is this kingdom's crown jewel."
Despite being pelted with this and that, Duke Blaine stood tall and stuck to his guns without a hint of wavering. In the end, realizing there would be no end to it if things continued like this, I stopped throwing things.
Instead, I addressed the chancellor where he stood.
"Haah… Duke Blaine. Then you will take personal responsibility and conscript those sixty thousand yourself."
"……"
"But know this—if you fail, you will answer for it accordingly."
How on earth does one conscript sixty thousand from a population of forty thousand? If he was so confident, then let him do it himself. That was the order.
Naturally, the kingdom's crown jewel and legendary chancellor showed not the slightest inclination to back down.
"Yes, Your Highness. I shall accept your command."
"What? You'll do it yourself?"
He accepted my proposal with perfect docility.
"In return, might I request that you lend me your name, so that I may conscript anyone and everyone?"
Not content with that, the man went on to demand conscription authority from me as well.
I issued an ultimatum to this purveyor of nonsense.
"Fine! I'll lend you the Royal Sword! But if you fail to gather sixty thousand, I'll have your head!"
It was a warning that, unless he wanted to die, he had better cut the nonsense and get on with it.
Needless to say, the greatest chancellor in history was not a man to be frightened by something as trivial as death.
"Have no fear, Your Highness. I shall never disappoint you!"
"……"
"For the sake of this kingdom's future, I will gather sixty thousand soldiers without fail."
Phew—.
I sighed and pressed a hand to my forehead.
When, oh when, would I ever get a single normal minister? The more I thought about this country's future, the more my head ached.
The next morning.
Having risen in the secondary palace and set off for the council chamber, I ran into a familiar face in the corridor.
Thud. Thud. Thud. Thud.
A man in gleaming armor, armed from head to toe, was marching along clutching a halberd.
I startled and rushed over to His Majesty, who was making his way down the hall with that halberd in hand.
"Father! Where on earth are you going at this hour?"
I asked His Majesty, halberd and all. He looked at me with an expression of pure, unadulterated annoyance.
"You, brat. I heard you conscripted me?"
"……"
That single sentence from His Majesty's mouth. At those words, I simply stared at him in a daze for a while.
Blink. Blink.
Only after a moment of silently studying my father's face did I ask again.
"…I'm sorry, what? Who told you that?"
"Blaine did."
"……"
"I raised my son wrong, tsk tsk. Finally pushing his own ailing father onto the battlefield."
Thud. Thud. Thud. Thud.
I watched His Majesty march off down the corridor, halberd in hand, and groaned.
"Heavens…"
Blaine, you absolute madman.
You've finally conscripted the King of this country.