Pink Head (6)
The taxi shot off with a roar, darting through the alley and vanishing from sight in seconds. Magical Girl Erika stared up at the office building, her face taut with tension.
She suddenly had a desperate craving for a cigarette. She walked over to the parking lot and climbed into her pink car, which had been sitting there untouched for three days. The moment she opened the driver's door with a click, the smell of leather hit her. She slid in and slammed the door shut.
Erika put a cigarette between her lips, flicked her lighter, and drew in a long, deep drag. A plume of smoke billowed out of her mouth.
Why the hell did I go there yesterday?
Yesterday, she'd gone to Kang-jun's place like she was possessed. She'd wandered around the area for a long time, smoking more than ten cigarettes like a crazy woman. She'd returned home drowning in regret and self-loathing.
It had started the day before, when she'd woken up in that motel room. Erika couldn't shake that hazy, dreamlike feeling. It was like the first time she'd ever smoked a cigarette — that sensation of drawing in a big drag and feeling your head go slightly fuzzy.
Phlegm caught in her throat. She cracked the door open, spat a thick glob of phlegm onto the concrete floor, and closed it again. Something felt off. Not because she'd spat anywhere — she'd lost whatever conscience she had a long time ago.
Erika felt like something had been branded onto her. The mark left on a body that had been free her whole life gave her a strange, unsettling feeling. She couldn't tell if it was good or bad.
Out of habit, she checked her phone screen.
Erika didn't reply. She'd somehow lost all affection for Ji-hoon.
Affection?
Could you even call it that? It would be more accurate to call it lust.
Her lust for Ji-hoon had vanished as if by magic. The excitement, the anticipation, the fluttering in her chest — all gone.
The cigarette had burned down to the filter. She opened the door again, tossed the butt on the ground, and put another one between her lips. The rule about not chain-smoking outside the house might as well have never existed.
Usually, smoking left her feeling refreshed. But today, it only made her feel more suffocated.
Why am I like this? What's wrong with me?
Erika got out of the car before she finished the cigarette. She flicked the butt onto a flower bed marked with a no-smoking sign.
The magic staff she'd brought down felt unusually heavy today. No, everything had felt off lately. Everything. Including herself.
Today was the team leader's day off, so she skipped the third floor and went straight to the second-floor office.
"Good morning, Deputy Team Leader!"
The D-grade members who'd arrived early sprang to their feet and bowed deeply. Erika responded with her usual smile. "Hey, good morning!" Her acting was flawless.
Right. Just act normal.
C-grade Carl Bail also gave her a polite nod. She raised her hand slightly in return. Kang-jun's seat was empty, as expected — she'd noticed his car wasn't in the parking lot earlier.
Erika sank into her chair. D-grade Yoo Hye-ji, as always, set a cup of mixed coffee on her desk. She lifted the paper cup and swallowed a mouthful.
Haaah…
A long sigh escaped her. She stared out the window, lost in thought.
"Deputy Team Leader?"
"Hmm?"
C-grade Carl had somehow appeared near her desk, grinning broadly.
"Were you not feeling well the other day? You were absent…"
"Oh, yeah. I wasn't feeling great. I woke up and realized it was already late. Sorry I didn't let you know."
"Take it easy. It's getting tough for you to go on field missions these days, anyway."
"Don't worry. I'm still got plenty of energy. What do you think I am…"
Carl chuckled and returned to his seat. The D-grade members had briefly eavesdropped on the exchange before losing interest.
Erika turned her gaze back to the window. Oh! A black sedan was pulling into the parking lot. Kang-jun's car. Her heart suddenly started pounding.
She quickly took a sip of coffee, then stood up and walked into the break room.
She shoved another cigarette between her lips. Poo— Her mind went blank for a moment. Before she knew it, the cigarette had burned down to the filter. She dropped the butt into a paper cup, picked up the pack, then just shoved it back into her pocket.
Not now.
She took a slow, deep breath and opened the break room door.
There he was. Her eyes instinctively tried to dart away from him. He gave her a slight nod when he saw her. Oh, right. Hello. She accepted the greeting but couldn't shake the feeling that she'd made too much of a fuss. Embarrassing.
She returned to her seat. She was anxious. She kept biting her fingernails — a habit she'd never had before.
She kept stealing glances at Kang-jun while pretending not to. Wondering what kind of reaction she'd get from him.
The truth was, since they'd parted ways, he hadn't contacted her once. And she hadn't reached out either. As if they'd made some unspoken agreement… though they never had.
So this is just a one-night thing, right? That's it?
A hundred different thoughts raced through her mind. Erika felt uneasy. It was a vague anxiety with no clear subject. She couldn't pinpoint the reason.
The morning passed without incident. Everyone stood up for lunch. The D-grade members chatted about what they'd eat today.
"Deputy Team Leader, you're not coming?"
"Yeah, I am."
Erika stood up. Seeing Kang-jun made her sigh again. He hadn't looked at her or said a word since their morning greeting. He was acting like that day had never happened. It made her feel sick inside.
I shouldn't be like this. I really shouldn't…
How many one-night stands had she had? She could just brush this one off with Kang-jun too. He seemed to want that, anyway.
But she couldn't stop thinking about him. It was making her own rules feel meaningless.
For someone you don't care about, you send them off coolly.
It was a rule she'd followed perfectly for over a decade. But it was starting to waver. Something inside her — something that had never budged before — was shaking from within.
Why am I like this? …It's just because I'm getting older. Age. You start getting sentimental for no reason.
Erika blamed her age. …The truth was, she didn't want to admit what was stirring deep inside her.
The Carlos team went to a nearby restaurant. They sat around a long table and each ordered their own meal.
Erika ordered her usual.
"I'll have the tomato pasta."
Kang-jun followed her lead.
"Tomato pasta for me too."
She glanced at him for a moment, then quickly looked away. A strange delusion took hold — why did he order the same thing as me?
She was attaching meaningless significance to every little action. …Like a young girl daydreaming about a crush.
Her flower-blooming fantasies amounted to nothing, and lunch ended. Erika sat in her chair in a daze, killing time. She only snapped out of it occasionally to go to the break room and smoke a cigarette.
Should I call him over? Maybe just talk to him?
The impulse came up. She even tried making excuses — what's wrong with talking as just teammates, not sex partners? — but the moment she gathered her courage and stepped out of the break room, seeing Kang-jun made her resolve shrink like a testicle in cold water.
Erika sank back into her chair and tried to figure out where things had gone wrong.
Right. It started when I got curious about what Kang-jun's was like.
The moment she thought that, the massive thing she'd seen in that motel room came flooding back. And then the sex from that day — the mind-blowingly good sex.
In that suffocating oxygen deprivation, she'd stepped into a world of ecstasy she'd never experienced before. There was the feeling of that massive thing pounding into her from below, and the hazy bliss rising as her vision faded from above.
Once she stopped trying not to think about it, the memories multiplied like a flood breaking through a dam.
Erika couldn't forget it. She truly couldn't. Those dozens of sensations she'd felt during the suffocation that nearly knocked her unconscious. And Kang-jun's rough, body-piercing thrusts.
She felt like a part of her body had been seared by a hot iron. The mark that had been freshly carved came with blood, heat, and pus. She'd been suffering inside ever since. That's why yesterday, for two whole days—
She'd barely managed to forget about it…
Suddenly, her throat burned. Erika called out.
"Coffee!"
Yoo Hye-ji quickly brought her a cold mixed coffee. She gulped it down in one go and rolled the ice cubes in her mouth like candy. Her mouth went numb.
Then a message came in. From Pink Dick Kang Ji-hoon.
Her eyes reflexively moved to the window. A pretty boy was looking up at her from the first floor. No, I told you not to come—! Irritation suddenly surged.
Erika sprang from her seat and stormed out of the office. She bounded down the stairs and passed through the main entrance on the first floor. She spotted Kang Ji-hoon standing near the parking lot entrance, gave him a slight nod, and gestured for him to come around to the back of the building.
"Noona—!"
He was genuinely happy. But she wasn't. Still, her anger had subsided. Suddenly, and strangely.
"What are you doing here again?"
"Noona, I'm sorry."
"What if your dad finds out? Seriously."
"He doesn't care about me. My dad."
"What kind of dad doesn't care about his own kid!"
"I don't know. I only think about you."
Erika had never met a man as stubbornly single-minded as Kang Ji-hoon.
"This can't keep going."
"I know. I know."
There was a brief silence. They stared stubbornly into each other's eyes.
Today, there was a certain resolve in Ji-hoon's gaze. The look of someone about to make a decision.
"Noona."
"Yeah."
"What kind of person am I to you?"
That was where Erika lost her words. Ji-hoon gave a bitter smile.
"Just… one of many men?"
"Ji-hoon-ah."
"I thought about it a lot that day. What was I missing? What about me wasn't enough for you?"
"Ji-hoon-ah, it's not like that."
Even with Erika's denial, Ji-hoon shook his head.
"No, that's exactly it. I wasn't enough. For you."
She fell silent. She could sense a firm conviction in his words. Even if she denied it, she knew it wouldn't change.
"I'm just one of the people who passed through your life."
Kang Ji-hoon gave a sad smile. Tears rolled down his cheeks.
Erika clenched her teeth and balled her fists.
"I realized that. …I was naive."
"Ji-hoon-ah."
"I'm sorry, Noona. I've been a bother. Yeah, that's right. There could be a man you like more than me. It's my selfishness. …But please understand this one thing."
He wiped his eyes with the back of his hand. And smiled brightly one last time.
"I truly loved you, Noona. Really."
Erika's heart ached. Ji-hoon studied her face thoroughly, as if trying to memorize it forever.
"Goodbye… Noona. I hope you're happy. Truly."
Kang Ji-hoon slowly turned around and walked away at a slow pace.
Ah…
Erika opened her mouth slightly and reached out her hand.
"Ji-hoo—"
Then she loosely curled her fist and slowly lowered her arm. She didn't chase after him. She just bowed her head and turned around.
It wasn't sadness. Just a slight fluttering in her chest.
Love? No— Erika had never loved Ji-hoon. Honestly, she'd just thought of him as a toy to play with for a while. Because he was fun.
Normally, even if he left like this, there was no reason for her to feel this confused. How many breakups had she been through? …This strange, unsettling sensation — it was all because of Kang-jun.
That's why, when she heard footsteps approaching from behind, she thought Ji-hoon had come back. Right, that's the kind of kid he is. He's weak-willed.
"Just go. I don't like you. I'm sorry, Ji-hoon-ah. Noona's a bad woman. A trashy woman. The kind who sleeps with any man. A woman who can't be satisfied with just one."
No answer. No movement. She bit her lips and spun around sharply.
"Ji-hoon-ah, I said just go—"
The last word faded to a whisper. Because the person she thought was Ji-hoon was someone else. She was so startled she almost screamed.
"Not Ji-hoon, unfortunately."
It was Kang-jun. Erika was truly flustered. Her eyes darted left and right.
"Oh, um, well, uh… Ji-hoon was just here. I guess he really left."
"Yeah, I saw him. He walked out."
They stood there in silence for a long while. Erika pursed her lips, then lifted her lowered gaze.
There was a long stretch of silence. They just stood facing each other, quietly. In that warm atmosphere.
Erika had something she really wanted to ask. But she lacked the courage. Finally, she clenched her fists and opened her mouth.
"Are we… done?"
For someone you don't care about, you send them off coolly.
She'd broken that rule. For the first time.
A smile slowly spread across Kang-jun's face. His hand, which had been in his pocket, came out and tapped his crotch.
"Want to suck it?"
Erika blinked once. Then she slowly walked over and pressed herself against the large ventilation unit on the side of the building, out of sight.
She knelt down, then used both index fingers to pull her lips apart.
"Magical Girl, Erika…"
Smiling.
"Please use my mouth."
…Yeah. This is how it's supposed to be.