The Incubus Who Visited the Church #3
The Incubus Who Visited the Church #3
When I slipped out of the inn, I thought getting the Holy Water would be simple. Find Kate inside the church, done. The moment I actually got in front of the building, I had to revise that assumption.
'Fucking hell, that's a lot of people.'
I'd completely forgotten today was Sunday.
And since it was morning, the church was swarming with citizens who'd come for Sunday service.
The instant I stopped in front of the building, a buzz of murmurs rose up around me.
"L-Look! An incubus!"
"What's an incubus doing in front of a church?"
"Isn't he trying to ram the church with his horns or something?"
The faithful were boring holes through me with their stares.
Female parishioners blushed as they stared.
Married men shoved their daughters and wives behind their backs, voices thick with terror.
"Darling! Do not go near that blonde incubus, no matter what!"
"Wh-why not?"
"My male instincts are screaming a warning! That fiend is a monster who devours married women...!"
"I feel exactly the same, dear. Looking at that incubus, my groin is tingling so unbearably I can hardly stand. Uuugh, hnngghh—!"
One ripe married woman who'd been staring at me let out a loud "hnnnggh—!" and collapsed to the floor.
I hadn't even done anything, yet families all around me were falling apart in real time.
This wasn't my first experience.
Couples and married folk in this world always went into conniptions the moment they laid eyes on me.
Sometimes, watching scenes like that, I'd get angry enough to feel like hitting on the woman just to spite them, but I'd never actually done it. Not yet.
"Fucking couples. I hope you all drop dead."
I watched the husband propping up his collapsed wife and spat on the ground.
What would happen if I seriously started hitting on that married woman?
It wasn't as if I had zero curiosity about it.
That business with threatening the nun last time had made me realize I possessed the talent of a Gold-Tanned Incubus, after all.
But right now, getting the Holy Water to Rebecca as quickly as possible mattered more than satisfying my curiosity.
"FULL BELLY DANCE—!"
I shouted the words like a battle cry and strode into the church.
Just like entering an instance with a jump is considered basic etiquette, I followed along behind the crowd with a spring in my step.
The church obviously wasn't a dungeon, but I needed to steel myself just as much.
Because I'm an incubus.
A wicked Dream Demon was entering a church.
Because of the goat horns on my head, the faithful sometimes treated me like a devil. Not every single one of them thought that way, but I had to be prepared for hostile stares.
"An incubus has entered the church!"
"Oh my God! Lord Baldur! Deliver Your innocent lambs!"
"Kyaaaaaah! Look at those lewd horns—I feel like they're going to haunt my dreams."
The churchgoers stared at me with horrified eyes.
I winked at one female parishioner who seemed particularly enthusiastic.
A small reward for her fervent reception.
Maybe the reward was too generous, because the young woman started foaming at the mouth and collapsed on the spot.
"Th-The Impregnation Beam...! The incubus fired an Impregnation Beam!"
"What do we do? Should we make her take contraceptives?"
The fuck is an Impregnation Beam?
The continent was drowning in incubus hate again today.
The church, especially, reacted to me far more violently than I'd ever imagined.
Every single move I made sent the faithful shrieking with bizarre screams.
"Kyaaaaaaah."
"The incubus...! He scratched his head!"
"He must be signaling the demons of hell!"
I ignored every last scream and walked forward without looking anywhere but ahead. A cacophony of shrieks erupted around me, but no one actually tried to physically block my path.
The faithful just stared at me with brimming eyes.
The reaction was so utterly meek that I couldn't help feeling a little puzzled.
Then it suddenly hit me.
Exactly what kind of place this church that worshiped Baldur was.
The Luminous Church.
The church called by that name taught its followers a slightly unusual doctrine.
Namely, a doctrine that pursued absolute nonviolence.
- Do not strike others without cause. For that person, too, is someone precious to another.
Supposedly, it was a teaching the god of light Baldur bestowed upon humans long, long ago. Because of that, Baldur's faithful almost never resorted to violence. To the point where they'd smile and turn the other cheek even after being slapped.
I'd actually seen a follower of Baldur getting beaten on the street once.
They just kept their guard up and tried to resolve things through dialogue until the very end.
At least, until the other guy started insulting their parents.
'Well, can't blame them when you bring their parents into it.'
People in this world seem to have very little immunity to that particular insult.
Which meant, as long as I didn't talk shit about anyone's parents, I was safe in this church.
Baldur's faithful were all so innocent it was practically stupid.
Except for that one blonde nun I'd met.
"Mind if I go inside?"
"Huh...?"
"I asked if I could go inside the chapel."
I spoke to the priest who was guiding the line.
The priest stared at my horns, eyes flying wide.
"An incubus... what business brings you to our church? And you wish to enter the chapel, of all places?"
"I'd like to offer a prayer to Lord Baldur."
"Is it even permitted for you to pray? Wouldn't you burn up and die if you harbored a sacred heart?"
"I won't fucking die."
When my expression turned menacing, the priest trembled and told me I could enter.
He was clearly terrified out of his wits, but that didn't really matter.
I'd gotten permission to enter.
I followed the crowd of faithful into the chapel.
Naturally, the murmurs didn't stop, but no one tried to physically stop me.
Ignoring the chorus of fake coughs—hut, hum, ke-hum—that echoed around me like beatboxing, I claimed a seat in the back row of the chapel and sat down.
"An in-incubus...!"
An old man seated next to me gaped, his jaw dropping open.
"Lovely weather, isn't it?"
"An incubus! An incubus has appeared...!"
I greeted the old man casually.
But he didn't return the greeting, which irritated me a little.
"You'd be better off closing that mouth. Before your dentures go missing."
"H-hyeeek...!"
The old man's teeth clacked together audibly as he abruptly stopped shouting.
Surprisingly, his dental health must have been solid, because the teeth protruding from his mouth were genuine.
"Greetings, faithful. In the name of Lord Baldur, I welcome and bless all beloved faithful who have come to Sunday service—."
Soon, a middle-aged priest appeared on the stage and began the Sunday service.
The chapel was as large as a gymnasium, so there was no way the priest could see me sitting all the way in the very back.
I sat quietly and began searching for Kate, who had to be somewhere in the chapel.
If Kate was a nun, there was a high probability she was somewhere assisting with the event.
'Where the hell is she?'
The chapel was so huge it was hard to find her at a glance.
For now, I had no choice but to stay seated and at least pretend to participate in the service.
There was a young nun watching this area, and she had the look of someone who'd throw me out the instant I made a wrong move.
I quickly decided not to give the young nun any excuse to eject me.
Like, singing hymns together with the faithful.
"Glory, glory, glory, glo-o-ory—! Glory, glory, glory, glo-o-ory—!"
"......."
Or quietly lacing my fingers together and sinking into silent meditation.
Of course, I didn't peacefully go along with every part of the ritual. When the collection bag being passed down the rows reached me, I bit my tongue and played dead.
My desperate act must have worked, because the collection bag quickly moved on to the next person.
By that point, I figured I'd participated in the service pretty well.
The young nun watching me apparently didn't see it that way.
"U-Um, Incubus, sir..."
"What is it?"
The young nun looked at me, her face crumpling into a tearful grimace.
"There must be... a reason you're doing this."
"What reason?"
"Sniffle..."
The young nun just cried without saying anything.
No, for fuck's sake, you've got to tell me what I did wrong if you want me to know.
Is crying supposed to solve everything?
Is Santa not a thing in this town?
You shouldn't cry, you little shit.
"Ah, um. It seems I've done something wrong. Won't you please tell me why?"
Still, I couldn't very well take my anger out on a young girl.
I tried to soothe the young nun in the gentlest tone I could manage.
"Sniffle, sniffle, sniffle. Sniffle, sniffle, sniffle."
But once the tears started, they didn't stop easily.
When a little kid wearing a nun's habit starts crying, every eye in the vicinity turns your way. The faithful all stared at me as I spoke to the young nun.
'Ah, fuck. Am I screwed?'
I'd really drawn all the aggro now.
Under the deluge of stares, cold sweat trickled down my back.
Because this scene could definitely be misinterpreted by people with an overactive imagination.
An incubus preying on a young girl. Even for followers of Baldur's faith, that seemed like the one thing they wouldn't forgive.
"That Dream Demon bastard is targeting the Sister—!"
"I-I can't stand this! Let's go!"
Two burly parishioners tagged up and started advancing on me.
I let out a sigh and got to my feet. I had no intention of causing a disturbance in the chapel, so naturally, I planned to bolt.
But just as the two men closed in on me, a familiar voice flew in from somewhere.
"That's enough!"
Someone stepped in between me and the two men.
A blonde nun I'd seen before.
It was Kate, the very woman I'd been searching for, appearing on the scene at just the right moment.
With a solemn expression, Kate warned the two burly men.
"We're in the middle of a service. Cease this disturbance and return to your seats."
"S-Sister Kate!"
"But that Dream Demon over there was doing something suspicious...!"
"This person is someone I know well. He is by no means the sort of vile Dream Demon who would threaten a young girl. I, as a nun, can vouch for that."
Kate placed a hand over her heart and spoke with a perfectly guileless expression. It was such a dependable look that I almost felt a flash of goodwill toward her.
Then I thought about it a bit and realized something was off.
Knew me well?
I wasn't the kind of bad Dream Demon who'd threaten a young girl?
Well, it wasn't exactly wrong, but Kate and I had only known each other for a few days.
There was no way Kate knew me that well.
Which meant Kate was brazenly lying right now.
The blonde nun was talking shit the instant we met again.
What a mouth.
Was she the kind of nun who opened her mouth and nothing but bullshit came out?
"Nancy, you stop that too. Everyone's watching. You're disrupting the service."
"B-But Sister Kate... That Dream Demon uncle is just so... conspicuous. It's not like he's actually doing anything strange. But even just sitting there draws all the attention. This has never happened before."
The young nun named Nancy finally mustered her voice properly. At last, I learned why the young nun had started bawling out of nowhere.
Apparently, my sheer presence was so overwhelming it had made her cry.
Who the hell cries over something like that?
"That's hardly Mongma-nim's fault, is it? Honestly, I've been finding it so funny since earlier that I've been... heeheehee. Ahem—! A little distracted myself. But crying is just bothering the people around you."
"Okay..."
Kate soothed the young nun with her skillful silver tongue.
With a single gesture from Kate, the two burly men had long since returned to their seats.
It seemed she commanded quite a bit of trust among the people in this church.
"What are you doing? Hurry up and get out of here."
Kate pursed her lips as she spoke to me.
"We're in the middle of a service. Who are you to tell me to leave?"
"No matter how I look at you, you don't seem like the type who came to pray to God. You were just pretending to follow along while constantly scanning the area. Be honest with me. What did you actually come to the church for? Our agreed-upon date isn't today."
"Holy Water—"
That was the moment I was about to bring up the Holy Water.
Kate urgently raised her index finger and mimed covering her mouth.
"Shh!"
"...Huh?"
"Uh, well. Let's take a little walk together. I'll kindly explain the doctrines of the Luminous Church for you. Okay? You have so many questions, you say? What a curious fellow you are, so full of interest in the church for an incubus! Ohohoho!"
Kate let out an exaggerated laugh while warily glancing at the people around us.
Probably meant I shouldn't casually bring up the Holy Water.
She was a cautious woman, at least inside the church walls.
Unlike how she acted recklessly and caused incidents outside.
As for moving to a different location? Fine by me.
"Follow me."
I followed Kate out of the chapel.
And when we finally reached a deserted corner of a hallway.
Kate glared at me with eyes that could kill.
"Are you insane? Why would you bring up the Holy Water right in front of everyone? If our deal gets exposed, my life as a nun ends that very day, you know!"
"Ah, right."
I answered with an indifferent expression.
Whether her life as a nun ended or not was none of my business.
Kate was under a misconception right now. She was mistaken about just how lacking my character was, assuming I'd quietly take such harsh words.
"You, seriously, your thought proc—"
"If I'm that thoughtless, I'll just head back."
"Back where?"
"To the chapel. And there, we can have a nice, refreshing chat. About the misdeeds you've committed—."
Cold sweat breaking out, Kate clutched my sleeve.
"Absolutely not. Please, I'm begging you, don't do that."
She looked so genuinely terrified that it actually caught me off guard.
I'd just blurted that out in a moment of anger.
I never expected such a lowbrow threat to actually work.