Stand-In for Love
The day after becoming the theater club's vice president. School. After all my classes ended, I headed to the theater club room.
"Everything together, please."
"Yes, 18,000 won processed."
With plastic bags in both hands. This was my way of showing sincerity to the theater club.
'Tomorrow, the seniors will call another session for the students who couldn't make it.' That's what Ha-yoon had told me yesterday. There were people who missed it, so they'd explain again. That's why Ha-yoon had come to my house. And the people who missed it yesterday obviously included me. I'd ended up making the seniors work extra for no reason. So, showing some gratitude was only polite.
Just as I was about to enter the club room with snacks in both hands—
"What?! You brought food?!"
I got caught by Han So-ra sunbae. Her eyes lit up as she scanned the bags I was holding.
"As expected from our junior—you know how to show affection! Come on in!"
She grabbed my wrist and flung open the club room door.
The snacks I'd bought were a hit. A few seniors complimented me, and Do-kyung sunbae looked content with his full stomach.
"Alright, shall we get started?"
He looked at me as he kicked things off. To sum up what he said: the theater club's goal this time was just to make an appearance. For the midterms culture festival, they'd put on a show centered around first-years. It would give them some stage experience, however brief, and build a sense of belonging for future activities. Short and straightforward.
To get as many first-years involved as possible, they'd do it as an ensemble play. Do-kyung sunbae passed out pamphlets he was holding.
"You'll see when you open them, but the play's flow is roughly like this."
The main theme was love. A young lamb prays at a temple, asking the god what love is. The god shows various situations right there. Modern love, medieval love, love far in the future. And—
"Each of these stages of love will be shown by the first-years."
That's where the first-years would create the scenes. Teams of scriptwriters, actors, and other members would stage their take on a moment of love. Do-kyung sunbae pulled a few scripts from the club bookshelf.
"You can adapt from books like Romeo and Juliet, Pride and Prejudice, Wuthering Heights, whatever. But!"
Do-kyung clapped loudly. The room's attention naturally focused on him. He emphasized each word, putting force into his voice.
"No copying! Don't just recreate pre-written scripts as-is."
He declared it. It was a call to infuse a bit of their own reality. With that, sheets like schedules were handed out. It was the group assignment Ha-yoon had shown me yesterday, and once everyone had theirs—
"Stick around if you have questions. Otherwise, you're free to go!"
At Do-kyung sunbae's words, most people scattered.
. . .
After people cleared out, I stayed behind with a question for Do-kyung sunbae. He must've expected it, because he beckoned me over. I approached, and he relaxed his posture, like he was saying to speak freely.
"First off, you okay now?"
"Yeah, thanks for worrying."
"But what got you sick? You don't strike me as the type to catch a cold."
He eyed my face. Was my face the type that screamed "frequent colds" or something? I just told him straight.
"I ate something with soy sauce base, chocolate ice cream, and ramen noodles in it."
"...You do YouTube or something?"
"No."
"Then... you taste things differently from others?"
Do-kyung sunbae stared at me, flustered. Every word dripped with genuine confusion. He clearly had no idea why I'd eat that. No point hiding it, so I explained.
"It was my little stepsister's creation."
"Creation...? Not food?"
"Calling that food would insult chefs."
Do-kyung sunbae nodded at my words.
"Yeah... no wonder if you ate that."
"Wanna try some? There's still left at home."
"Unless I'm dating your sister, that's never happening."
He stated it flatly. There was a four-year age gap between them. In society, who knows, but it was middle schooler vs. high schooler. Translation: he'd never even consider it. I had no intention of poisoning an innocent person either, so I dropped it.
"Anyway, you said you had a question?"
Do-kyung sunbae switched topics quick. Following his lead, I showed him the sheet I was holding.
"Why is my name listed under actors here?"
I pointed to it. My name, Kang Sung-hoon, in the script section, and Kang Sung-hoon (Backup) under actors.
Do-kyung glanced at the sheet, then back at me.
"It's a kind of consideration."
"Con...sideration?"
"Doesn't click? I was the same back then."
He laughed at my puzzled look. Like, yeah, figured you'd need more, and launched into a story from long ago.
"Sunbae!"
"Huh? What's up?"
Do-kyung shouted at his senior. He was a third-year now, but back then, a first-year. He boldly approached the president and stared at a group assignment sheet just like mine.
"Why is my name next to actors?"
He asked the exact same question.
The president sunbae laughed.
"It's a kind of consideration. For you and everyone."
He looked at Do-kyung.
"You aspire to be a scriptwriter, right?"
"Obviously. It's been my dream."
"But you're not thrilled with the first-year actors, are you?"
"..."
Do-kyung shut his mouth. It was his inner thought—he hadn't expected it called out.
The president laughed at his reaction.
"You've got talent in scripts and acting. That's why you're unsatisfied."
I could write a better script. My rehearsal fits the script better. I'd act it better than any first-year. Do-kyung's inner thoughts were laid bare. The president, having said it all, smiled like he got it.
"You're right, Do-kyung."
"...Huh?"
He affirmed it, leaving Do-kyung flustered instead. The president continued, his sharp eyes appraising the first-year actors.
"You're the best right now. Fact."
"Not something the club president should say."
"That's why I'm saying it to you alone. Secret?"
He put a finger to his lips in a shh gesture. Do-kyung nodded, and the president went on.
"Acting is half talent."
"...I think so too."
"Especially in high school. No professional training."
Most people are like that. By high school, talent shows. Especially in expressive arts like acting. As Do-kyung started to get it, the president pressed on.
"So it's consideration. So first-year guy actors don't quit over your talent. So you don't get disillusioned with actor friends."
Hence, slotting him in as backup. To act anytime, anywhere, feel the gaps, and improve on his own. To the now-enlightened Do-kyung, the president said,
"This only applies to juniors like you, though!"
He said it, unaware a similar guy would show up years later.
"...That's how it happened."
Do-kyung sunbae finished. I mulled it over. It was a perspective I'd never considered. What if the first-year actor sucked compared to me? I might think I should take the stage. In that sense, he'd given me the backup spot.
Seeing I'd gotten it, Do-kyung sunbae said,
"Questions done? Let's head out before sunset."
I quietly left the club room. I caught him muttering softly behind me, but...
"In your case, it's a totally different vibe..."
The door's creak drowned it out. If it was important, he'd say it outright. With that, I stepped out.
Outside, the sun was setting. The sunset dyed the hallway red as I walked that path.
Love, huh...
I pondered quietly. No matter how I turned it, it was foreign to me. In 17 years, had I ever loved? I asked myself. The answer came quick.
No way.
Mom died when I was little. Dad turned into a wreck because of it. Outside that... I'd never felt loved.
"Maybe ask the one guy I know who might get it...?"
I hesitated. Right on cue, a text pinged.
An invitation. I thought for a sec, then typed back.