Sending a Text

Every person carries their own private anguish.

Humans are creatures that exist by thinking, and the more tangled those thoughts become, the more anguish takes root. That anguish can sprout anywhere. Someone might pour their entire soul into the solemn cause of world peace. Someone else might burn with thoughts of their own future. The subjects differ, but not a single one of those struggles is unimportant.

And here, too, was a human being sunk in an anguish that ran — by her own measure — extraordinarily deep. It would contribute nothing to world peace, but in sheer depth it could have slapped Descartes across the face.

That anguish was the act of sending Lee Se-won a text.

Seong A-rin was sending a text. Tap, tap. Her slender fingers moved with painstaking care, each keystroke assembling the ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠next word as if the screen might shatter if she pressed too hard.

"...N-no, no! Don't use formal speech."

She deleted everything. That made it the thirteenth time she had wiped the slate clean. Lines she had agonized over for the better part of an hour vanished into a blank field in under a minute. A faint flush of embarrassment rolled through her every time she wrote and erased, but there was nothing she could do ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠about it.

She was trying to ask him out.

For a woman to propose an after to a man was no small thing. Someone might reasonably ask: hadn't they already had sex? Hadn't they already seen everything there was to see? They texted each other now and then, so he clearly had some interest — why not just casually suggest grabbing a meal?

That was the kind of thing you could only say if you didn't know her.

Seong A-rin was not, and had never been, the type to take the lead. Even meeting friends usually meant waiting until someone else invited her out. The last time she had texted a boy about anything at all had been middle school — and even those messages had mostly been about group projects.

She had a large chest, but her timid personality meant she had hardly any history with men. Her sexual fantasies had probably grown in that particular direction ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠for the same reason. Taking the initiative frightened her, just a little, which was why she so badly wanted someone else to take charge — even if that someone had to force her.

And so, even now, dealing with Lee Se-won was hard. He had a delinquent look about him, and A-rin couldn't help but be intimidated. She had more or less gotten used to those sharp eyes by now... but a personality you could never predict was more than enough to scare her. What if she asked and he turned her down? What was she supposed to do after that? Every worst-case scenario in existence paraded through her head.

Still, she clutched her skull and forced the words out, and after a while she managed to produce a message. No formal speech. The tone wasn't too heavy. It actually said what she wanted it to say. The result was a little groveling and quite a bit longer than it needed to be, but of everything she had written so far, it was the one she liked best. All that effort seemed to be paying off.

"Hnn."

Of course she couldn't leave it there. The groveling had to go, and the whole thing needed to be shorter. Send it like this and he would definitely write her off as a clingy woman. She clutched her head again.

"What's going on?"

A clear woman's voice called from outside the door. A-rin turned. Her younger sister was standing there, looking at her with open curiosity. A-rin's expression quietly hardened. This was not a welcome visitor.

Seong Yu-jin. Two years younger, and like most sisters, the two of them did not get along particularly well. Their personalities had never matched. Where A-rin was timid, her sister was outgoing and social, and — it was a little embarrassing to admit — A-rin felt a faint inferiority toward her. She was two years older, and yet somehow Yu-jin always seemed to be pulling ahead.

"It's nothing. Go away."

"Nothing, huh? Then why are you clutching your head like that?"

Yu-jin was not the type to take that at face value. She wriggled onto the bed and slotted herself in beside her sister, her head slipping into the crook of A-rin's slender arm. A sweet shampoo scent filled the room. Before A-rin could react, Yu-jin had already peeked at the unlocked phone, and a smirk spread across her face.

"Pfft. What? Unnie, you've got a guy?"

"D-don't look!"

A-rin yanked the phone up. The heat rushing to her face felt like it might set her on fire. As the screen receded, the chat window shrank, and the draft disappeared from view — but Yu-jin's mouth showed no sign of stopping. She pressed on with a face full of mischief.

"Lee Se-won, huh? An actual guy. Ooooh~ look at you go, unnie. Asking him out first and everything. Did you get his number?"

No. He got mine. Along with my virginity.

The answer ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠rose unbidden, but there was no reason to say it out loud. A-rin snapped at her again. If she didn't drive her off now, Yu-jin would latch on for the rest of the afternoon — she had clearly found herself some entertainment.

"I'm not telling you anything, so get out."

She started pushing Yu-jin away with her toes, yanking out the arm that had been serving as a pillow and shoving her sister's back with the smooth sole of her foot. Faced with actual physical force, Yu-jin had no choice but to get off the bed.

"Tch, fine. I'll go, okay?"

Yu-jin's lower lip jutted out. A-rin felt a small wash of relief. A part of her wondered if she had been too cold to her own blood, but it couldn't be helped. On a normal day she might have indulged her. This, however, involved a man, and she had no desire to talk about him carelessly. How was she supposed to explain that she was an NSFW artist's commissioner?

Once Yu-jin was gone, A-rin turned back to her phone. All right. Back to the manuscript. She needed to revise this thing into something approaching perfection — strip out the groveling, cut the length. Hmm. Looking at it again, the current draft really did look like garbage. Send this and the only feelings she'd accumulate would be negative ones. It needed to be deleted immediately.

She was focused on the screen when it happened.

"Hah!"

Like an assassin hidden in the dark flinging a dagger, Yu-jin slipped through a crack in her sister's attention and stabbed a finger at the phone.

A notification chime rang out.

The highly advanced civilization of modern humanity delivered the text at the speed of light, without a single hitch. The little unread '1' vanished before a few seconds had even passed.

"KYAAAAH! You crazy bitch!!"

Seong A-rin screamed, her face scarlet.

The text went on for several more lines after that.

I stared.

"Whoa."

What is this. What the fuck is this. Why is it oozing clinginess like that. Thirsty, sticky feelings were leaking through the text like someone had wrung out a wet rag over my phone.

I had just been scrolling and tapped the notification by accident. I did not expect to get hit with something this heavy. A wave of secondhand panic rolled through me. Skimming it, the actual point seemed to be whether I was free this Saturday. Did she really need to take the scenic route? Just say the thing. It would be easier to read and a lot less of a burden on everyone involved.

I was still reading when another text came in from someone else. Right — I had just finished a commission and was in the middle of sending the file. The client was getting impatient because the art they'd been promised hadn't shown up. A precious customer who had paid me seventy thousand won. I sent the piece immediately.

The piece itself wasn't anything special. The client had wanted a more detailed drawing of Geumtaeyang, the character I'd been working on. The scene was a rough fuck with Yoo Jae-hee, the first heroine of the series — Geumtaeyang pinning her down while she moaned hngh—! hah—! and slamming into her over and over. Easy enough work. I'd knocked it out quickly.

A clean thank-you, and then they were gone. Fortunately, the Geumtaeyang born on my tablet was sailing along just fine. I'd only uploaded two chapters and I was already getting commissions — the character clearly had some real appeal. Good. Nearly two weeks of holing up at home and drawing myself into the floor hadn't been a waste.

Anyway. Business handled. I went back to Seong A-rin's text.

It was long and it was a lot, but I liked the intent. She was the one asking me out first, after all.

"That's actually kinda cute."

I'd been thinking it was about time we met up anyway. I'd been stuck at home long enough that the pent-up want had nowhere to go, and last time we'd barely talked before going straight to sex — no time to actually hang out. In that sense, her request was pretty welcome.

Saturday, huh.

Saturday was two days from now. A weekend, so the best day of the week to go out. I was honestly busy, but taking one day off to have some fun seemed fine.

I sent her a reply.