I Wish They'd All Just Piss Off
Explosion Neurosis in mages.
The symptoms of PTSD were diverse.
Some, like Velmut, suffered from insomnia. Others exhibited self-harm, overeating, short-term memory loss, or a complete withdrawal from society, locking themselves away in their rooms.
Surprisingly, these conditions—which even modern medicine on Earth in my past life couldn't fully cure—showed signs of improvement through the bizarre healing rituals of the goat beastmen shamans.
Not all rituals were the same.
Some involved scent therapy, like Chouka's, while others required long conversations or even singing strange songs together.
Without fail, every healing ritual ended in a deep sleep.
After falling into a long, profound slumber that lasted for a whole day or even two, the mages would wake up. They would shed tears or, with startled faces like people who had just received a massive shock, urgently seek out the goat beastman who had treated them.
"My entire clan has to head up to the North," Chouka told them. "If you want to keep receiving regular treatment, you'll have to come with us. Well? Are you willing, master mages?"
"We will! We'll follow you! As long as we can sleep properly, we'll do anything! Absolutely anything!"
And so, eight mages suffering from Explosion Neurosis, including Velmut, along with four of the Golden Magic Tower's top magicologists, decided to head to the North.
Some might ask, Only twelve? But this was a staggering number.
In the original romance fantasy novel, the female lead had scraped together only six mages using all her connections and future knowledge to establish her merchant guild and conduct large-scale magic research.
Twelve was double that amount.
It was by no means a small number.
"I guarantee regular treatment from the goat beastmen for the mages with neurosis!" I announced. "For the rest of you, I will ensure you have access to your existing research data and equipment as much as possible! Your salaries will remain the same as what you received at the Golden Magic Tower! Furthermore, if the project succeeds, I will pay out a massive bonus!"
Not a single mage rejected my offer.
After signing contracts with all twelve, I was able to secure a sufficient amount of research equipment and the individual research records of each mage from the Golden Magic Tower.
"Thank you once again, Magic Tower Master."
"As agreed, twenty percent of the Elixirs produced for ten years from the moment the research succeeds will belong to the Golden Magic Tower. Understood?"
"Of course."
I shook hands with the Golden Magic Tower Master before leaving.
A resolute, cold, iron-blooded mage and leader.
That was the image of the Golden Magic Tower Master.
And that was how I wanted to remember him.
Sincerely.
"My little plump piggy. Did you give all this up just for me? I'm so grateful. I'll have to visit you often."
"N-not here..."
"Who cares? No one's looking. Shut up and give me those lips, you little piggy."
"Ah...! ...Mnh..."
While moving equipment around the Golden Magic Tower, I had noticed Chouka heading toward a secluded corner. Fearing she might cause trouble, I had quietly followed her, only to overhear that shocking conversation. Ever since, I had been desperately trying to erase those words from my mind.
Fuck.
If that wasn't mental pollution, I didn't know what was.
Plump piggy?
Ah.
Please, I just wanted to delete my own memories.
Suffering from a mild case of mental pollution, I managed to secure ample support from the Golden Magic Tower and finished preparing for our departure to the North.
"All the equipment has been loaded onto the trucks!"
"Keep that in mind, Hybel! If even a single piece of equipment in those trucks is damaged, it will be a massive loss for the entire North! Drive with absolute caution! I don't care if you go slow, prioritize stability above all else!"
"I will instruct my people accordingly! Leave it to me!"
"Krat! Rompelt! Escort them safely with the Northern soldiers you brought. The future of the North is in those trucks!"
"Of course!"
The trucks carrying the mages and their equipment departed first, under the command of Rompelt, Krat, Hybel, and Kka-Chi.
The remaining trucks stayed behind to transport the goat beastmen.
Why couldn't they depart together?
"Chouka! Is this everyone?"
"Let's see... A few are still missing."
"Where are they?"
"Probably at the tavern."
"Go fetch them! How many times did I say we were leaving now? Why are they still slacking off?!"
"Just relax and wait, Lord Volka. We naturally take a bit of time to get ready. Some of them are probably still exhausted from the journey here. We need to relieve that fatigue with booze and sex, you know."
"Chouka!"
"Ah, alright, alright. This is why I hate military types. We're creatures who live laid-back, unplanned lives, but you're just so uptight..."
It was delayed because of the goat beastmen's characteristically lazy, loose-screwed attitude.
However, Chouka ran around quite diligently for a goat beastman, rounding up those who were passed out drunk and grabbing the ones who, blinded by lust, were trying to slip into the red-light district. Thanks to her efforts, we managed to set off only about three hours behind schedule.
There were about two hundred goat beastmen.
Men and women mixed together, and every single one of them...
"How long do we have to wait? I'm bored. Want to give each other handjobs? Let's bet on who finishes first."
"Sounds good."
"We get to drink more alcohol if we follow you, right, Chouka? I need to drink at least six bottles a day!"
"Is there actually good food in the North? I don't drink as much as the others. I only drink about two bottles a day. But I do love to eat. I came because I heard the North has lots of delicious food, Grand Duke."
"The dicks of the Northern men are all mine! As soon as we get there, I'm going to buy dozens of men! I'll throw them all in one room, strip them, and then I'll [CENSORED] them, starting with the [CENSORED] position, and try some [CENSORED] play and [CENSORED] play!"
They were completely out of their minds.
They were incarnations of chaos and lust, as if they had left all sense of rules and discipline behind in the womb.
If we went to the North like this, there was no telling what these two hundred goat beastmen would pull.
I had to establish control before we set off.
"Listen up, all of you!"
I climbed onto a truck and bellowed at the chaotic crowd gathered in the plaza.
At my booming voice, the two hundred goat beastmen turned their gaze toward me.
"The moment you settle in the North, I promise you housing, food, alcohol, and a steady wage! However! Living the way you do now is forbidden! You must follow at least three rules!"
I held up three fingers.
"First! Publicly committing obscene or indecent acts in front of everyone is strictly forbidden. Any behavior that disrupts the lifestyle of the Northern people is banned! Understood?!"
The goat beastmen fell silent for a moment, then began to snort and boo in unison.
It was quite a baffling feeling.
Being booed.
It was a first for me.
"Second! Sleeping on the streets while drunk is forbidden! If you're going to pass out, do it at home! Not on the streets! Understood? You are valuable assets! If you sleep on the streets, you could freeze to death! And it looks terrible!"
"Our lives belong to Lord Silvanus! If we freeze to death on the street, then that is our fate!"
"Don't try to oppress us! We'd rather die than be controlled! Boo!"
They're like giant elementary schoolers.
Feeling a headache coming on, I stated the third and final condition.
"Third and last! You must approach your healing duties with sincerity and diligence! Those are the three rules! If you do not follow them...!"
"And what if we don't?!"
"Don't oppress our freedom! That directly goes against the teachings of Silvanus, the god of wine and the future!"
Listening to the shouting of these childish, whiny brats, I slowly lowered my hand and bellowed my sentence.
"I will ban every single one of you from ever setting foot in the North."
Instantly, the shouting goat beastmen fell silent.
Their eyes wavered.
Both they and I knew the reason.
The Crow Brotherhood.
Although they were a messy, loose-screwed clan, judging by Chouka's serious attitude earlier, it was clear that anything related to the Crow Brotherhood was something they could never compromise on.
Not taking them to the North at all.
That meant they wouldn't be able to get involved in anything related to the Crow Brotherhood.
The goat beastmen muttered among themselves, looking at one another.
A moment later, they looked back at me with much humbler expressions.
"Um... you can't do that."
"Don't you need us too, Commander? Banning us from the North entirely is a bit..."
"The North has rules," I said. "You must follow them. I'm not trying to completely suppress your freedom. If we are to live together, we must draw a line and respect it. If you won't even do that, you will bring more trouble than you're worth. So, will you follow my three rules, or not?"
At my words, the goat beastmen looked at each other, seemingly debating the matter.
But in the end, their answer was already decided.
"We'll follow them. We just have to follow those three rules, right?"
"Yes. And you must obey my orders. Can you do that?"
The goat beastmen pouted.
Seriously, they were like children.
How was that expression any different from a kid who had just been told they couldn't have candy?
"Fine."
They reluctantly nodded.
But of course, knowing their temperament, I didn't trust them for a second.
"Line up in front of me, one by one. I am going to brand you with a mark. It's a spell called Messenger. Through it, I can share your senses. I will personally monitor whether you cause trouble or not."
The goat beastmen's pouts deepened even further.
They looked severely displeased, but they had no choice.
Chouka was the first to step forward.
"Well, since I'm the one who brought them, I should set an example, right?"
I channeled mana into her, carving the brand of the Messenger spell.
With Chouka leading the way, the other goat beastmen had no choice but to follow.
One by one, the branded beastmen grumbled as they returned to their spots.
I was sorry, but I had no choice.
The North was already struggling.
I didn't have the luxury to clean up after their messes.
After branding all two hundred of them, I gave them one final, stern warning.
"Now I can track your locations and see your actions. So make sure you follow the three rules I gave you. Understood? If you break these rules..."
What kind of punishment would terrify these people?
After a brief moment of thought, I raised my voice.
"I will lock you in solitary confinement, bound up, and deny you any form of pleasure or stimulation! You wouldn't want that, would you? So you'd better listen to me!"
I had done my best to threaten them into submission, but to my surprise...
My words elicited a completely different reaction.
"Wait a minute... So with this brand, Volka Adrakin can watch us in real-time?"
"Free exhibitionism and voyeurism play?"
"Ah... ♥♥ That's actually... kind of hot?"
"And he'll lock us in solitary confinement, bound up, with no pleasure or stimulation?"
"That's sensory deprivation and bondage play. This guy really knows how to party, doesn't he?"
"I love it. Being restrained and oppressed is totally my thing."
The goat beastmen giggled, their faces flushing.
Watching their reactions, the serious expression I had worked so hard to maintain completely crumbled.
Trying to look stern in front of these natural-born degenerates only made me look ridiculous.
"Just get in! We're heading to the North! I'm begging you, just don't cause any trouble! As long as you don't cause trouble, I'll give you all the shelter, food, and alcohol you want! Got it?!"
I decided to give up.
I climbed into the truck, and the goat beastmen followed suit.
With the familiar rumble of the mana engine starting up, the truck began to move.
Chouka and a few older-looking goat beastmen climbed in beside me.
And then...
"So, what's the maximum number of people you've done it with at once?"
"I think twelve was my max."
"Commander, if you really do lock us in solitary for causing trouble, I highly recommend leather straps over iron chains. Leather gives a much more... erotic sensation. Oh! We also have full-body bondage gear! Would you like some if you need it? Actually, please let us design the layout of the solitary cells!"
"Are you really going to watch everything? Even when we go to the bathroom? When we sleep? Ah... ♥♥ Even when we're... fucking? Mnnnh... ♥♥"
I was in for a hellish journey all the way to the North.
Chouka looked at me and smirked.
Don't laugh, you crazy bitch.
Just...
I wish they'd all just piss off.
Never in my life did I think I'd meet people who outdid the degenerates leaving vulgar comments on web novel smut.
Will we make it in one piece?
I prayed to God we would.