A Bizarre Yet Effective Cure
"Hey, Velmut. I heard you fell asleep in your lab after drinking again?"
At the Golden Magic Tower Master's words, Velmut, who had been wearing a blank expression, snapped his head up in surprise.
"What did you say?"
"I asked if you fell asleep drinking again. The cleaning staff reported it to me. What on earth is wrong with you? You keep saying you're fine, but since the war ended, your condition has only grown worse."
Velmut shook his head frantically at the accusation.
"I've just been having frequent nightmares lately, Tower Master. There's nothing wrong with me."
"There was an academic conference yesterday. You didn't attend that either, did you?"
The academic conference.
Velmut blinked.
It was the first empire-wide academic conference to be held since the end of the massive conflict known as the Ten Years' War.
Only now did he recall the Tower Master's strict order that all mages belonging to the Golden Magic Tower must attend.
Lately, Velmut's memory had deteriorated significantly due to his chronic lack of sleep.
"I'm sorry. It's just..."
"Enough. Go back. But let me make one thing clear. If I catch you drinking in your lab one more time, you will be expelled without mercy. This is a place for scholarship and research, not a tavern. Do you understand?"
"I understand. I'm sorry."
"Get out."
After leaving the Tower Master's office, Velmut intended to return to his lab, but ended up walking straight out of the Magic Tower instead.
His head throbbed as if it were about to split open.
Whenever he closed his eyes, he heard the sound of exploding artillery shells.
The sound of machine guns tearing off human limbs.
He saw the images of soldiers running frantically in search of medics, their bellies ripped open and spilling their guts.
"Ugh... Uuuugh!"
Yet, as agonizing as those visual memories were, there was something else that truly tortured him.
He could endure everything else.
But the smell.
He couldn't shake the horrific stench of the battlefield from his memory no matter how hard he tried.
The smell of feet rotting from trench foot.
The stench of vomit, feces, and urine released by dying soldiers.
The odor of decay wafting from corpses.
Just the memory of those smells made him want to throw up.
He wanted a drink.
Please, he begged, let these hellish memories of smells disappear, even if just for a moment.
To hell with research, to hell with academic conferences.
He just wanted to fall asleep forever and find peace.
Velmut's pace quickened in desperation.
However, contrary to his urgent mind, his terribly emaciated and weakened body refused to cooperate.
His feet tangled, and Velmut collapsed awkwardly onto the ground.
Lying there on the dirt, he sobbed and choked for a long time.
Apprentice mages passing by stared at him strangely, but he no longer had the strength to hide it.
Pretending to be fine, pretending to be okay—he had reached his limit.
He felt like he was about to snap.
He wanted to put the pistol in his lab into his mouth and pull the trigger.
If his head blew apart, this painful life would finally end.
Yes.
Let's die.
It's better to die.
With that thought, he dragged himself up, intending to head back inside the Magic Tower, when—
"Hey, Velmut."
At the familiar, deep voice behind him, Velmut turned his head.
Volka Adrakin.
His former comrade-in-arms was standing there.
"I'm sorry, but I'm a bit too exhausted to talk right now," Velmut muttered.
"You look it. You look more like a corpse than a living person. Which is why I want you to come with me."
"I told you! I'm too tired to go anywhere else!..."
Volka Adrakin strode toward Velmut.
His massive build and a face that could rival any thug's—even though Velmut already knew what he looked like, he couldn't help but flinch.
"I'll have to force you if I must, Velmut. Do you know what your face looks like right now? You look like you're about to go back to your lab, put a pistol to your head, and pull the trigger. I saw mages like you all the time on the battlefield. Come, let's talk."
Velmut let out a hollow chuckle at Volka's words.
"What, are we going to drink and reminisce about the war?"
"No. I found someone who can cure your nightmares and that splitting headache of yours. Just trust me and follow."
When Velmut simply stood there in silence, Volka grabbed his hand and practically dragged him out of the Magic Tower.
Velmut didn't even bother to resist.
Any hope or desire for life had already vanished from him.
In a state of utter despair, Velmut followed Volka. Before long, they entered a shabby tavern in a back alley.
And there, he met—
"Is this gentleman my client?"
"Yes, Chouka. Take a look at him. Can you treat him?"
"Haha! Well, let's give it a shot!"
He was introduced to a highly sensual goat beastman woman with four horns growing from her head.
It seemed Hybel was someone with quite a reputation and connections in these back alleys.
"Haha! If the Rose of the East asks, of course we must clear it out!"
At Hybel's request to clear the tavern's rooftop, the owner complied without a single complaint. Thanks to that, Chouka was able to examine Velmut without any interruptions.
"Hum-de-dum, hum-de-dum."
Humming a peculiar tune, Chouka pulled out various strange incenses from her large bag, lit them, and then produced a unique silver bell, which she began to ring slowly.
"So, where does it hurt, dear customer?"
Her voice and attitude still sounded somewhat eccentric and loose.
Yet, strangely, that very demeanor put people at ease.
Velmut stared blankly.
His face looked as if his emotions and sense of self had completely vanished.
Chouka gently handed Velmut a cup of alcohol mixed with crushed herbs.
"Hey, Chouka. That's not some strange psychotropic drug, is it?" I asked.
"It's just ordinary herbs. It calms the mind. And please, don't talk to me during the treatment!"
Velmut stared quietly at the alcohol Chouka offered before slowly draining the cup.
With a long exhale, Velmut's face softened slightly.
Chouka rang the bell once more.
Then, she slowly began to release a green mana.
"Now, now. Let's try this again. Where does our dear customer hurt?"
The green mana mingled with the smoke rising from the incense, slowly filling the entire room.
A strange sensation washed over me.
My entire body relaxed, feeling as though I were sitting in a peaceful, sun-drenched meadow.
It wasn't just me.
Hybel and Kka-Chi also wore similar expressions, their faces completely relaxed and melted with ease.
Velmut was no exception.
The eyes that had been tightly strained with tension and fatigue gradually softened, and suddenly, tears began to pour down his face.
"I... I can't sleep. I can't sleep well."
"Of course, of course! Here, have another drink! And why can't you sleep?"
Chouka's way of speaking was truly peculiar.
She wore a smile that felt somewhat bizarre.
It looked ridiculous, yet at the same time, it made one feel strangely close to her.
"The smell! That godawful smell keeps... it won't leave my head!..."
"Ah, the smell! A dirty, disgusting smell keeps visiting you, I see."
"It's driving me crazy. Every time I close my eyes, the smell... it just comes back, and I... I just want to die..."
"Oh dear!"
Chouka suddenly clapped her hands with a loud smack.
Just as a startled Velmut widened his eyes, Chouka shoved his forehead hard with her palm.
Amusingly, because she had a small scent pouch attached to her palm, a funny squeaking sound echoed, and a fragrant scent of musk filled the air.
"Your head is stuffed full of dirty, harmful things! Stuffed to the brim! No wonder you can't sleep and your head hurts from the smell. Now, now, look at me! *Quack!*"
Making ridiculous noises, she shoved Velmut's forehead about three more times with the scent pouch.
Funny squeaks and quacks erupted in succession from the pouch and Chouka's mouth.
Kka-Chi scowled deeply, his face practically asking what kind of idiotic nonsense this was.
However, Hybel, who likely had plenty of experience with goat beastmen, merely watched Velmut with a faint, knowing smile.
"From now on, whenever you close your eyes, you'll think of these funny sounds! *Squeak* and *quack*! And you'll smell the musk I sprayed. Can you smell it?"
"Yes."
"Your body feels heavy and relaxed, doesn't it? Like you're melting away and getting sleepy."
"Yes. That's right."
"Good, good. Very good. Now that we've chased away the bad things in your head, it's time to spit out the filth in your soul. Tell me about your bad, dirty memories. Let's have a drink together and talk about it."
She poured the herb-infused alcohol into a peculiarly shaped goblet.
Velmut and Chouka drank together, sharing stories.
Velmut wept and wailed like a child, and at times, he screamed violently, venting his rage.
And with every outburst, the green mana grew denser, filling the rooftop room.
Chouka was an excellent listener and conversationalist.
She was so engaging that even Kka-Chi, who had initially doubted if this would work, listened in a daze.
"So that idiot commander ordered us to charge the enemy trenches! He told me to stand at the front and cast defensive magic on the soldiers so they could withstand the machine-gun fire! What a dumbass! Maybe for one or two people, but how the hell am I supposed to cast that level of defensive magic on hundreds of soldiers at once?!"
"He really was a dumbass. He must have been an earthworm in his past life. Earthworms have a habit of rushing toward any sound they hear. And his junk was probably like an earthworm, too. I can estimate the size of those guys' crotches just by hearing about them."
"Haha! Exactly! He definitely was!"
As the long conversation went on, Velmut found himself laughing without even realizing it.
They talked about the horrors of the battlefield, but also the warm, human memories that existed amidst the chaos.
Chouka listened to every single word.
The green mana grew thicker and thicker.
"I... I don't want to be kicked out of the Magic Tower. There's still... still so much I want to research. So much I want to learn..."
"Now, now. Sleep. Sleep. Remember the *squeak* and the *quack*, and drift off in the scent of musk."
After drinking about ten cups and talking for over an hour, Velmut finally fell asleep.
Chouka gently laid him down and patted the scent pouch around his face and nose.
Then, she gestured for us to follow her out.
"He'll be a bit better after a good sleep. His mind was hanging by a thread. I cast a quick emergency shamanic spell on him."
"Chik! So is he cured?"
At Kka-Chi's question, Chouka shook her head.
"A wounded body can be cured, but a wounded soul has no cure, you little rat. It's just about slowly helping him forget the bad memories and filling the empty space with good ones. He'll need several more sessions. Commander, it will take time."
I nodded at Chouka's words.
"But he'll be a little better, right?"
"Who knows? This kind of psychological treatment works differently for everyone. We'll have to see when he wakes up. If he shows improvement, are you really going to hire our entire clan in the North?"
"Yes. I keep my promises."
"Since we have some time until he wakes up, could you perhaps give me an advance on my pay?"
"What for?"
"My upper hole and my two fun lower holes are feeling a bit lonely. I want to get some food and drinks, call over a few guys with thick dicks, and have a happy time..."
Chouka held out her hand boldly, wearing that same eccentric smile.
Right.
She had done a good job, but I felt the need to make one thing clear.
"Let's make one thing clear, Chouka. If Velmut improves and you get hired in the North, your attitude and reputation will matter. I won't stop you from having sex, but overly promiscuous behavior will be a problem."
"Huh? Then what am I supposed to..."
"Choose one partner and stick with them. Orgies and excessive promiscuity are banned from now on."
"O-orgies are banned? I have two holes, so I need at least two dicks!..."
"No."
"..."
"Think of my reputation as well, Chouka. You will be a member of the North now. You need to behave in a manner fitting your status."
Chouka stared at me with a sorrowful expression, then rubbed her hands together, looked up at the sky, and began to pray to some unseen entity.
"Please, please, please, pleeease let Velmut show no improvement. So I can just live my life freely."
"If that happens, I'm clawing back the two hundred crowns I paid off for you."
"Please, please, please let Velmut show improvement. And please let the Commander change his mind and allow at least two partners."
I felt like I would lose my mind if I kept talking to this eccentric goat.
"Orgies are banned. Keep that in mind! No orgies!"
In the end, I had no choice but to hand Chouka some pocket money and send her away.
Bringing those goat beastmen to the North—not just one, but an entire clan.
I couldn't help but worry if this was truly a good decision.
"Trust her, Lord Volka. Even if the goat beastmen have that kind of temperament, their skills are undeniable. There was a reason why the brothels, which couldn't afford proper doctors or mages, kept seeking out goat beastmen even when they didn't pay for their drinks or services."
Hybel cautiously offered me a word of advice.
Listening to him, I turned my gaze toward Chouka instead of answering.
"Oh, Great Silvanus, God of Alcohol and the Future! Please make my throat as loose as my lower holes! Hey! A promise is a promise! You said you'd give me 10 crowns if I could drink these all at once!"
Watching Chouka rush over to the tavern owner the moment she got her pocket money, ordering strong whiskey, rum, and wine all at once, and then chugging them all together—I couldn't help but question if I should really trust Hybel's words.
However, fortunately.
The Rose of the East did not speak in vain.
The next day.
Velmut, who had been holed up on the rooftop for nearly the entire day, finally descended as late evening approached.
"Volka... let me meet that goat beastman again. My god! I can't remember the last time I slept this soundly!"
Velmut shouted those words with a face full of color, wearing a happy smile I had never seen before.