Kindness
I sat up in bed and twisted my body hard, working the knots out of my muscles.
"Ugggh... I'm so tired... Wait. What time is it?"
I checked the clock in a hurry. It read exactly nine in the morning.
"...Alright. Sick leave it is."
Faking an illness from the second lecture onward stung a little, but it couldn't be helped. Better to pawn my conscience than let my GPA go down the drain.
"Okay, then. Time to get up and..."
Get to the hospital...
That was the plan, anyway.
Slip!CRASH!!!
"AAAAARGH!!!"
As if the universe had decided to punish me for my rotten attitude, I stepped on something lying on the floor, skidded, and went down in a heap.
And then...
"...Guess I really do have to go to the hospital now."
Not internal medicine. Orthopedics.
"It's a muscle tear. Tennis leg, they call it. Did you happen to fall while exercising this morning, or make a sudden change of direction?"
There was no universe in which I was going to admit I'd slipped on a piece of clothing, so I mumbled something vague.
"Ahaha... yeah... something like that...?"
"I'll prescribe you an anti-inflammatory. Keep icing it, and avoid exercise as much as possible."
"Understood..."
"Alright, you're all set."
"Thank you..."
I got to my feet with a slight limp, bowed to the doctor, and headed out. After paying the bill, I collected a medical certificate from the nurse and messaged my professor — something about exercising that morning, the pain being bad enough to send me to the hospital, and a torn muscle waiting for me when I got there.
A brief Get well soon came back, along with confirmation that the absence would be excused. Just like that, I found myself with unexpected free time.
I decided to head home, picked up my bag of medicine and a convenience-store lunch box, and started walking.
"Hic... hic..."
Someone was crying on the street, a thin, wretched sound. The weather wasn't exactly... nice. It pretended to be warm, but it was filthy cold, and then the afternoons would turn hot again. Hell, basically.
Anyway, I looked to see who was crying in this miserable weather, and—
"...Sunbae?"
It was the fairy of our department.
"You...?"
Those big, tear-soaked eyes started trembling the instant they found me. I rolled my own eyes, turning over what to do, and made a decision.
First things first. Try to calm her down.
I forced my leg to bend and helped her along, steering us toward a nearby park. Maybe because it was a weekday morning, the place was empty except for a handful of elderly people out for a stroll. I spread my jacket over a bench and sat her down on it.
Sniffling, she had followed me the whole way like a lost puppy, and now she sat where I'd guided her. The sunbae who usually radiated such warmth and kindness looked, at this moment, exactly like a rain-soaked dog.
I wondered what to do, then decided to offer her the handkerchief I kept in my pocket. It was just something I carried out of habit, but it seemed I'd finally found a proper use for it.
"Sunbae. Here..."
She took it and began wiping her tears. After a while, she handed it back with careful politeness.
"Th-thank you... I used it well..."
The damp cloth told me exactly how many tears she'd shed. I was curious what had made her so sad, but I decided not to ask. More precisely, I decided to wait. If she wanted to tell me, I'd listen. If not, I'd simply forget about today.
Silence settled over us. Nothing happened. Neither of us moved. After several minutes of that, she was the one who spoke.
"The... weather's... nice..."
Whether she genuinely had nothing else to say or not, she was talking about the weather. I decided to play along.
"...Yeah. It is."
Silence again. And again, she broke it.
"Why are you... here right now? You should be... at school..."
"I'm... on sick leave. Torn muscle."
I lifted my taped-up leg so she could see. Her eyes widened a little — and there was a flicker of something like anger in them, too.
"How did that happen...?"
"While... exercising."
Too embarrassed to tell the truth, I mumbled the same vague excuse I'd given at the hospital. She scolded me, softly.
"You should be more careful..."
Funny enough, I heard those words a little differently. As in: Ask me, too.
I decided to trust that interpretation.
"...Then why are you here, sunbae? Your schedule's the same as mine."
And what came out of her mouth was—
"Would you... listen to my story...?"
It was a longer story than I'd expected. And after I'd heard it all, the first thing I said was a small comfort.
At those words, she started crying again. Quieter than before, but far more heartbroken. She quietly let out all the resentment she'd been holding inside.
I told him.
Not everything. What I told him was what had happened today, and that I'd been holding it together on my own for a long time, but today had been a little too much. That was all.
I hadn't planned to say anything. Honestly, it was an embarrassing story — that my laptop had broken, that the freelance work had piled up because of it, and that I'd bawled my eyes out over the whole thing. It was frustrating, yes, and infuriating, but it wasn't something worth crying over the way I had. So I only told him the smallest part: that holding it together alone had been hard.
And then he said, in the warmest voice—
Those words became a small comfort. You've held on well. You've endured well. That was what they meant. And embarrassingly, the tears started again. I'd cried so hard earlier that I tried to keep my breathing quiet, but I ended up sobbing all over again.
I couldn't help it. He had said the words I'd wanted to hear more than anything — that I'd done well holding on by myself. That I'd really been through a lot. And as he said it, he was smiling at me so warmly.
...He doesn't know everything. It's only been a week. I've only known him for a week. But he is completely different from anyone else I've ever met. He didn't approach me because of my looks. He never pressured me, never forced anything on me. He's never looked at me with those kinds of eyes, never tried to put his hands on me. And at the same time, he has always been kind. Always considerate.
He is a strange person, and a wonderful one, and a comfortable one. I hadn't wanted him to see me like this — and yet, paradoxically, showing him this side of myself and receiving this comfort... I think I got lucky.
But I couldn't sit here crying forever.
"Um... I should get going now."
"Where to?"
"To an internet cafe, to finish my freelance work."
I'd have liked to borrow a school computer, but unfortunately you have to reserve those two weeks in advance. So I had no choice but to finish the work at a cafe. I'd have to stop by home first to grab my drawing tablet, of course.
He thought for a moment, then said, "...Sunbae. This might come off the wrong way, but... would you listen to something I have to say?"
When people start like that, there's always something unpleasant coming after. ...But it's him, so I'll hear him out.
I nodded, and he said something that really could have been unpleasant.
......At least, it wasn't unpleasant to me at all.
What I told her was simple. I had a laptop I barely used, and I wanted to know if she'd be willing to borrow it.
Technically I did use it, but only for watching Netflux. I'd originally brought it from home as a practice machine, but the school's equipment was so good, and my place was only a fifteen-minute jog from campus, so I just ended up not carrying it around. I never had anything urgent to do on it, and if I did, I could handle it on my phone.
When she heard me out, she fidgeted and said, "I can't... I can't impose on you that much..."
I'd figured she'd say that, so I had a plan ready.
"If you don't take this, I'm going to troll our group project. That work for you?"
Threatening a straight-A student with her grades — a method that would make even Satan do a double take — but I figured it would take at least this much to get her to accept.
She ended up asking how much she should pay, and when she'd need to return the laptop. I thought about it, then gave her a very simple answer. Buy me a burger once a month. And give the laptop back whenever she got a new one.
It was a laptop I didn't even need. Better that someone actually use it. It hadn't cost me anything to acquire, and I didn't even know what it was worth. That's how little I cared about the thing. Looked at that way, it was the perfect item to give her. The laptop would probably be grateful, too — finally escaping the hands of a guy who treated a machine of its caliber like garbage.
After some hesitation, she bowed her head deeply and thanked me, and I walked with her toward my place.
...Of course, before handing it over, I should wipe down the exterior. And delete the files she definitely shouldn't see.
Wipe, wipe. Wipe, wipe.
"...Done."
I glanced at the clock. Ten-thirty at night. I'd managed to finish the work before the day was over.
I looked at the laptop he'd given me. It gleamed. It was incredibly well-maintained, and the exterior was gorgeous besides — the kind of machine that looked like it was announcing, I'm extremely high-end!
He'd told me not to feel burdened. He'd even said that for lending me a laptop like this, all he wanted was a burger once a month. And the loan period was "until you buy a new one"... Wasn't this being considerate to the point of excess?
It was so embarrassing, but he'd even used that cute little threat to press the laptop into my hands, and I had no choice but to accept his kindness with gratitude. He is such a good, kind person. Kind enough that I'll have to spend all night thinking about how to repay this debt.
No — the fastest way to repay it is to buy a laptop quickly and give his back. Thinking that, I sent off the finished commission, then started looking up prices for a machine of my own...
......If I just never returned this laptop, wouldn't that mean I could legally see him once a month?
The thought popped into my head. I shook it off immediately, of course. I couldn't become the kind of girl who repays a kindness with a knife in the back.
I kept scrolling, and then I saw a laptop made by the same company as the one he'd given me.
And the price was...
......Two thousand dollars?
I was so startled by the enormous sum that I quickly checked the model of his laptop and searched it up. It was a machine released about three years ago...
...And at launch, it had cost five thousand dollars.
............I need to return this. Fast. For real.
At the same time, I realized that the kindness I'd received was far beyond anything I could have imagined.
How am I supposed to repay this kindness...?