We Spent the Whole Day Together

…I'll be honest with you.

The last time I'd touched a woman's hand — outside of that kindergarten exercise where the teacher told us to "hold your neighbor's hand tight" — was, well, never. I'd have to go back to being a tiny kid for that.

Family was about the same. The last time I held my mom's hand was back in elementary school, and as for my younger sister's? Why would I grab Seoyeon's hand? That crazy woman.

So maybe it was because it had been over a decade since I'd touched a woman's hand my own age — but I could still feel the texture of her hand vividly, as if it were happening right now.

My senior's hand had been as soft as a baby's skin. It was incredibly cute — just a bit larger than half the size of mine, with fingers that seemed long yet small all at once. And it was so warm, so cozy. If I'd been caught off guard, I might have just held on without thinking.

I wanted to grab it right then and there, but I had no intention of doing something perverted like touching someone's hand without permission.

More importantly, there was something else I needed to worry about right now.

—Glance… glance…

Because of that accidental incident earlier, my senior was watching me. She'd look my way, then turn her face away. Her eyes would meet mine, then pull back.

I felt nothing but guilt.

Here we were, right before afternoon classes, and I'd created this uncomfortable situation. On top of that, didn't she have a boyfriend?

This was clearly my fault. I'd gotten distracted watching her eat her french fries, lost my focus, and my hand had bumped into hers. That was undeniably on me.

As I sat there wondering how to apologize this time, her voice suddenly came from beside me.

"Um… junior…"

"Ah, yes…"

I tensed up, wondering what she was about to say — but what came out was slightly different from what I'd expected.

"Um… I'm sorry…"

"S-sorry…?"

Could the word "sorry" actually come out of my senior's mouth?

What exactly had she done wrong that she needed to apologize to me?

"Earlier, at the… fountain… my hand… touched yours… um… I'm sorry…"

As it turned out, my senior had been thinking the same thing as me.

So I quickly apologized to her as well.

"Senior, I'm the one who's more sorry…"

"No, no… I'm more…"

"No, really… what happened earlier was my…"

And so my senior and I kept going with our ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠"I'm sorry" relay.

By the time the people around us were giving us looks like "what's going on with those two," I was the first to snap out of it and propose a compromise.

"Senior."

"Yes…?"

"If we both think we're the one who did wrong, then let's just cleanly apologize to each other, forgive each other, and call it done."

"But still…"

"Senior, I'm sorry."

I struck first before she could even object.

Her stubbornness crumbled under that decisive, clean-cut attitude.

"Haa… alright. I'm sorry too."

"…Understood."

I thought that would finally end the apology relay, but…

Unfortunately, our stubborn senior had no intention of letting it end there.

"But, I do have something to say."

"Yes?"

"If we just end it like ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠this, I'll feel too bad about it… so later, I'll help you study."

"Study…?"

"Yes. I have past exam papers, and I know how the professors structure their tests and everything… I'd like to help you out in some way like this. Is that okay?"

I was caught off guard at first, but my brain quickly started calculating.

The days I could see Yeonjae senior were limited. Just one day a week — only Mondays.

But if I could use studying as an excuse to meet her on weekends or days off… wouldn't that be a win?

The moment I decided it was in my best interest to get closer to her, I nodded without thinking and replied.

"I'd be grateful for that. Please do help me."

"Hehe, then just contact me whenever you need it, okay? Got it?"

"Yes."

Her smile, looking at me with that "aww, he's so cute" energy, was slightly embarrassing but so pretty that I found myself spacing out for a moment.

Then, about ten minutes later, we arrived at the lecture hall and headed to a corner seat by the window to get ready for class.

The boring lecture dragged on.

It was a communications class within the Media Communications department — fittingly, it had nothing to do with media. The professor was talking about philosophers, the flow of conversation, and all sorts of abstract stuff.

He was explaining things with real passion, but it just wasn't landing in my ears.

All I could do was record it with a transcription app on my phone. I'd study from this later, I told myself.

Meanwhile, my senior sitting next to me was nodding off.

It was genuinely impressive how she managed to write down everything the professor was saying while half-asleep.

Since the professor's explanations weren't getting through to me anyway, I decided to do something more productive.

Observing my senior as she dozed while diligently trying to take notes.

Every time her head dipped, her soft cheeks wobbled.

And right on cue, her note-taking would pause for a moment.

How could someone look so cute even while falling asleep?

Her adorableness was so overwhelming that a smile tried to escape my lips.

But I couldn't laugh. If I did, this enjoyable moment might end.

Unfortunately, my observation time ended not because of my own laughter, but for another reason entirely.

—Nod…

Her head had dropped so far that she couldn't lift it back up.

—Thump!

Her whole body collapsed onto the desk.

Truly, the heaviest thing in the world is eyelids. They can knock a person over in one fell swoop.

—Snore… snore…

And in the ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠middle of it all, she was making tiny, adorable snores.

I could wake her up, but… I don't know, I just felt like letting her sleep.

Thinking back, she'd seemed a little sleepy in the morning too. Considering that, she'd been fighting off drowsiness remarkably well all this time.

If she needed it later, I could just share the lecture recording from my phone with her.

With that thought, I started observing her as she slept.

Long eyelashes, pretty brown hair, cute eyes, nose, and lips.

Her sleeping face was like a painting, and even though I knew I shouldn't, my heart started racing.

Is it okay to feel this way about someone who has a boyfriend? Is it okay to fall for her like this?

While I tried to draw a line in my heart, my actions went in the complete opposite direction.

I took off my department varsity jacket and draped it over her shoulders.

She'd hung her coat on the rack behind her, so she'd definitely be cold.

…And also, I just wanted to see her wearing my clothes.

My oversized jacket completely engulfed her, yet she didn't wake up.

She must've been really deep in sleep.

As I thought that and kept watching her face-down on the desk…

I saw something through the gap between her head and her arm.

My senior's two mounds — hills that "explosive" was an understatement for.

Overwhelmed by a sudden wave of embarrassment and guilt, I turned my head away.

What kind of thoughts was I having while looking at a sleeping person? Was I harboring some kind of frustration?

I think I'll need to take some time to relieve myself after gaming tonight.

And so I spent the rest of the lecture time wavering between my sleeping senior and my own desires.

After class ended, my senior returned my jacket to me with her head bowed.

"Junior… um… thank you for the jacket…"

"You're welcome…"

I put the varsity jacket back on as soon as she handed it back.

It carried a sweet fragrance.

A sweet scent that could never come from my own body — one that made my head feel slightly dizzy.

There was no point wondering why it smelled like that.

The moment I started thinking about it, I felt like I'd cross the line I'd drawn for myself.

Anyway, after leaving the lecture hall with my senior, I checked my phone.

There was an announcement in the department's KakaoTalk group chat.

To break up the awkward atmosphere, I asked my senior a question.

"Senior."

"Yes…?"

"Um… are you planning to go to the opening assembly?"

"The assembly… oh, the opening assembly…? No, I don't think I'll go… I'm not really into that kind of thing…"

"I see."

"What about you, junior?"

"I'm not really into that kind of thing either…"

For reference, I hadn't even gone to the department orientation.

That thought struck me, so I asked her about it too.

"Did you go to the department orientation, senior?"

"The orientation? Not really… What about you?"

"Well… yeah, I didn't either… Just the thought of going makes me lose my energy…"

"Right… And it's kind of awkward too…"

I'd sensed it from the moment we first met — my senior was an I. An extreme I, at that.

And I could tell I was an I too. We were total kindred spirits.

Of course, there were differences.

I'd rather spend that time gaming, while she'd rather spend it with her lover.

My side ached. It ached so much.

Just as I was feeling that bitterness, the elevator arrived, and my senior and I stepped inside.

As soon as we reached the first floor, we exchanged goodbyes and headed back to our respective homes.

Ironically, my senior's promise to show me around the campus buildings never came to fruition.

Even though we'd spent almost the entire day together.