Chapter 21
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Translator: Ebonarch
Chapter: 21
Chapter Title: Mom's Agony - As a Mom, As an Actress, and As a Woman
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The room felt unusually vast and empty after Sun-hu left.
The warmth I'd felt just moments ago seemed like an illusion.
"Sun-hu..."
Unable to bear the loneliness squeezing my chest, I called out his name.
But there was no reply.
I was the one who'd forced him to leave, so why was regret crashing over me like this?
"Ahh..."
I'd sworn countless times to end this for good, yet here I was, swept up in desire once again.
Being with Sun-hu felt like a dream, pure bliss.
But once it was over, guilt came flooding in like the tide.
"I'm sorry, Sun-hu..."
I'm not even worthy of being called a mom.
I buried my face in the clothes he'd left behind and wept endlessly.
The first time I saw Sun-hu was on the TV news.
A child abused by his biological parents. His face was mosaicked, only a silhouette visible on screen.
At first, my feelings were just anger toward the parents who'd abused their son and pity for the poor boy.
But those emotions didn't fade after a week, or even a month.
It was like someone had forcibly etched that news into my mind— no matter what I was doing or where I was, it haunted me.
When it started interfering with my daily life, I decided to look into the boy more deeply.
Surprisingly, he was close by. I was able to meet him in person at a children's protection shelter not far from home.
The moment I laid eyes on the real Sun-hu, tears poured out uncontrollably.
Just seeing him sitting quietly on the bed, staring out the window—it stirred a heartbreaking pity I couldn't put into words. It wasn't mere emotional fluctuation; it shook my soul.
Right then, I started searching for how to adopt him.
Naturally, my husband opposed it. He was a film director fourteen years my senior, and we already had two daughters. He had a point about not having the capacity to raise someone else's child.
But I pushed forward with the adoption, and unable to sway my resolve, he reluctantly agreed.
And Sun-hu's adoption became the decisive factor in our divorce.
Sun-hu, scarred deeply in his heart, was always unstable and afraid of everything. To care for him, I had to pour all my time into him.
Thankfully, my two daughters understood, but my husband did not. Our already sparse marital relations vanished completely, and considering Sun-hu's mental state, family outings dwindled too.
Maybe he couldn't stand the household revolving around Sun-hu. He grew increasingly irritable, always taking it out on Sun-hu.
"You little bastard! Everything's gone to hell since you showed up!"
My drunken husband yelling at Sun-hu. Traumatized from his biological father's beatings, Sun-hu huddled in the corner, trembling.
I fought my husband to protect Sun-hu, even getting slapped in the face during it.
Seeing that, my eldest daughter So-young grabbed a golf club, raging that she'd kill her dad—I barely stopped her. Even little Mi-so, who'd always adored her dad, started ignoring him completely from then on.
In the end, that incident isolated my husband from the family. The head of the household became an outsider overnight.
And perhaps because of it, he started cheating. Scandals between the film director and young actresses were red meat for the press. Newspapers and news ran his affairs nonstop.
In a way, it was a stroke of luck for me. I got favorable terms on custody, property division—everything.
He seemed reluctant to let go of the family until the end, but I had no lingering feelings, nor did the girls. We divorced after receiving substantial alimony.
After the divorce from my husband.
I thought everything would fall into place, but I was wrong.
Even with the hefty alimony, raising three special kids drained it fast.
Sun-hu needed ongoing psychiatric care, not to mention the costs for my eldest dreaming of pro golf and my youngest chasing idol stardom.
In the end, I returned to the screen to earn money.
By middle school, Sun-hu had stabilized mentally, even embarrassed if I hovered too much—no more worries there.
The problem was my acting skills.
My early popularity stemmed largely from youth and beauty. Sure, my acting was decent compared to newbie actresses my age back then, but it fell short for a mid-career actress.
My comeback flopped at the box office, and I was devastated.
Could I keep raising the kids like this? What if I kept failing...?
Anxiety about the future shook me to my core.
"Mom, you okay?"
"Sun-hu..."
Sun-hu, seeing my gloom, approached me first.
The boy who'd once trembled in fear now called me Mom and worried about me. Something hot welled up in my chest.
I hugged him tight, tears streaming. He patted my hand gently, comforting his crying mom.
For Sun-hu's sake, I couldn't be weak. I had to succeed, no matter what.
With that fierce resolve, but follow-up roles didn't come easily. The flop had tanked expectations for me.
"Shin-hye, ever thought about playing a villain?"
"A villain?"
One day, my agency made that offer.
"You've barely done antagonists, right? I think it'd suit you surprisingly well. Your looks, I mean—no bad connotation."
"Just give me something, anything."
They handed over the script; I checked the role.
The wife of a corporate tycoon and mother to the male lead.
The classic villain mother-in-law sabotaging her chaebol heir son's romance with the girl from the neighborhood bakery. A staple in trashy dramas.
My first real antagonist role. Nail it, and new doors open. Flop again, and I'd plummet to third-rate actress status. It was a gamble of a lifetime.
"...Sounds fun. Hook me up. I really want to try it."
I played it cool, but pressure crushed my chest.
Even at home, I dove into script readings. No failing this time. I rehearsed relentlessly, over and over.
"Mom, anything I can do to help?"
Sun-hu, worried about me practicing alone in my room.
"Hehe, I'm fine, Sun-hu. Actually, if you're okay, wanna help Mom out?"
"Yeah! Is there something I can do?"
It hit me in a flash.
Rehearsing together might help him too. He looked thrilled at the idea of being useful to me.
Sun-hu as the male lead son, me as the wicked mother-in-law. We dove in.
"Mom, I love Ji-yeon. Can't you just let us be?"
"Love? After all I've done raising you, you wanna marry some no-name bitch?! Over my dead body!!"
What was happening? Had the acting gods descended?
My voice came out terrifying—even I was shocked.
"Uh, Mom..."
Sun-hu, matching my intense lines, was trembling too.
"Oh dear, sorry, Sun-hu. It's just acting."
I hugged and soothed my shaking boy. So cute.
No, that wasn't the point.
If I could deliver that performance on set, success was guaranteed.
The grim future cleared; hope dawned.
"Sun-hu, sorry, but can you help a bit more?"
"Y-yeah!"
We resumed with renewed energy. Practice stretched late into the night.
I figured out why my acting changed. It was worlds apart from solo practice versus with Sun-hu as my son.
Having a son—Sun-hu—and that vixen heroine trying to steal him. Just that setup transformed my performance 180 degrees.
Such a simple truth. Immersed in the role, my acting burst with intensity. I'd been blind to it all these years—embarrassing.
"Thank you, Sun-hu. You gave Mom her confidence back."
My beloved son.
Overwhelmed, I hugged him tight.
"You got this, Mom!"
He patted my back.
Yeah. I have Sun-hu. Nothing scared me anymore.
And so the drama shoot began.
As I'd sensed beforehand, it changed my life.
In one show, I became the nation's mother-in-law, the nation's villainess.
That year, I won Best Supporting Actress.
Years passed.
Eldest daughter So-young debuted as a pro golfer, making her name worldwide.
Little Mi-so overcame obscurity, thriving as an idol.
And Sun-hu became a college student.
An ordinary one, but a huge step for us.
I was happier than when So-young pro-debuted or Mi-so topped the charts first time.
"My son. Thank you for growing up so wonderfully."
Sun-hu had changed too.
He'd shy away, embarrassed, if I tried hugging him like when he was little.
Loneliness from no more hugs mixed with pride at how grown he was.
He's all big now—unavoidable. That's what I thought then.
It was the night I came home drunk after wrapping the drama's final shoot.
Not blackout drunk, but I pretended to be wasted. That way, I could cling to Sun-hu legally.
"Mom..."
He carried me to bed. Ah, pure bliss.
But it didn't end there.
Pretending to sleep, I felt his hand on my breast. Brief, but unmistakable.
The world flipped. Scold him? Lecture? Pretend nothing happened?
My mind reeled. No clue what was right.
I decided to play ignorant.
He'd improved, but Sun-hu was still fragile. Mess up, and it could be irreversible.
But... did Sun-hu see his mom as a woman too?
My youthful charms were long gone...
A few days of agonizing later, I witnessed another shock.
Sun-hu sneaking a woman's panties into his room.
Boys have urges—natural.
But stealing family panties? Wrong. If So-young or Mi-so found out, disaster.
I crept to his door. Sounds from inside, but indistinct.
After agonizing, I unlocked and entered. He'd be startled, but correcting him was my duty as mom.
"Sun-hu, you asleep?"
"N-no, Mom. Why?"
I called out casually, opening the door. His panic radiated through.
Stepping in, my imagined scene unfolded for real.
Sun-hu, naked, masturbating with the panties.
"...Jin Sun-hu. Where'd you get those panties?"
"M-Mom..."
I feigned anger.
He trembled pitifully. But I had to probe—for his sake.
Eyeing the panties in his hand—not my brand.
"So-young's?"
Why the disappointment? Deep down, I'd secretly hoped he saw me as a woman.
But he chose big sis So-young.
Objectively, So-young was healthy and alluring. Natural for Sun-hu to fancy his sister over mom.
But I hated it. An inexplicable, murky jealousy bloomed in my chest.
Gazing at trembling Sun-hu. His manhood peeked between his legs.
He tried hiding it with both hands, but its length let the pink tip protrude. So adorably lovable, my heart clenched.
The womanly feelings I'd forgotten reignited. And the target? Sun-hu, whom I'd raised as my son.
...That day marked the start of our twisted relationship.
I continued under the guise of relieving his urges, helping with masturbation. Intensity escalated—now blowjobs and bare-chested groping felt routine.
Where does this depravity end? Euphoria like burning alive mingled with dark anxiety clouds.
I knew from the start it was wrong.
That it'd end in catastrophe someday. Leaving deep scars on both of us.
For Sun-hu's sake, I had to stop. Really stop now. Even resolving to end it, our bond only deepened.
"Sun-hu♡ Ahh, Sun-hu♡"
I experienced an orgasm fiercer than any before. From Sun-hu's hands and tongue.
We were no longer mom and son. Just a man and woman lost in lust.
I never knew such a thing existed. Now that I did, abandoning Sun-hu was impossible.
"Sun-hu... what should Mom do...?"
If the ruin to come was mine alone, fine—I'd accept it.
But not Sun-hu. As his mom, I had to protect him. I couldn't drag him into this knowingly.
That night, clutching his left-behind clothes, I stayed awake till dawn.