Don't Laugh
For the first and second periods, every new semester began with the same time-honored ritual, as unshakable as any national law.
"Take one each, everyone~ No picking up on behalf of your friends~"
"Yeeees."
I'd have liked to peek at the Hunter class instead, but first came textbook distribution. I received no fewer than thirteen textbooks, and at our school, we were supposed to store them in the locker room inside a shared space called the home base.
Which is to say, there are no lockers in the classroom. Back in my day, my friends' lockers would ferment into little cheese factories and reek to high heaven — at least that particular horror is gone now.
"Everyone has all your textbooks~? You'll be using these all year, so please treat them with care~"
By the time the textbooks were handed out, second period was already over. And for the handful of moments when regular students had spare time at their desks — goodbye to them too.
"Eve, why are you so weak for an awakened hunter?"
"I didn't gain any strength at all…."
"That's fascinating, honestly. You can really be A-rank and still be like that?"
"Tell me about it…."
While I was off to the side straining and groaning as I stacked a few textbooks on top of each other, Cho-a swooped in, scooped up mine along with hers, and stowed them all in the locker room in one smooth motion.
"Let's hurry. Did you bring your gym uniform?"
"Oh, uh, yeah. I did."
"The changing room's over there."
At Cho-a's words, I froze for a moment.
Okay. I am an elementary school girl.
I can't say for certain, but if you asked whether this body of mine was an elementary school girl, I'd have to answer yes. But so what? Do I seriously have to use the girls' changing room with actual, born-and-raised elementary school girls?
My body is an elementary school girl's, sure — and yes, that technically means I should use the girls' changing room. But from Cho-a's perspective — someone who's been an elementary school girl since the day she was born — wouldn't it be a little weird to share a changing room with a slightly... warped specimen of one? Like me?
I'm saying "elementary school girl" so many times the word is starting to sound alien. While a storm raged inside my skull, Cho-a seized my wrist and dragged me straight to the changing room.
Th-that's fine...! If it's just Cho-a, I can turn my back, right...!!
I'm not a video game character — I can't see what's behind me. Thank goodness this isn't third-person perspective.
"HOOOOEEEK!!!"
"Why are you suddenly screaming? Honestly."
"A-ah, uhh, agh…."
Because there were at least ten other elementary school girls in the changing room.
"Oh! Lee Sejin! What class are you in?"
"Yu Cho-a! It's been forever!? I got into Class 6! We have PE third period!"
The reason the place was packed — with far more girls than just me and Cho-a — was that Class 6 had PE during third period.
"Really? Ha, I'm jealous. I want to play dodgeball too."
"You're banned from dodgeball. You hit Kim Dae-hoon with one last time and broke a bone."
"Oh, right. Well, I have to go to Hunter class now anyway."
"Who's that behind you? A hunter?"
"Oh, her? Say hi. This is Eve."
No no no...!! Don't line me up face-to-face with girls in their underwear for introductions, Yu Cho-a..!!
"Your name's Eve? Are you foreign?"
"I-I'm Korean…."
"Then why are your eyes closed? You have to look at someone's face when you talk to them."
"N-nice to meet you.... I think dust got in my eye…."
"Keeping them shut won't get it out, you know? They say you have to open them wide and cry it out."
With that, the girl called Sejin suddenly jabbed her index finger at my eyelid and flipped it up in one swift motion.
"H-hiiik..!"
"There, let's see—…."
"H-hweeehh..!! S-sorry!! Bathroom!!"
I simply could not withstand the sight of a girl in nothing but her underwear leaning right up to my face, lips pursed, puffing breath at me. Clutching my clothes tight to my chest, I made a break for the bathroom.
"Uh…."
"Huh."
Cho-a and Sejin, left behind in the changing room, blinked at each other.
"Cho-a, you can't be a hunter if you're mentally ill, right?"
"Maybe she just likes girls? The really pretty ones always turn out to be into GL."
"Ah, dang it. Would've been great if she were in my class. I'm gonna get to know her better."
"Oh my gaaaahd.... I used up all my strength…."
"You made it out?"
"HYAAT!!?!"
When I finally emerged from the bathroom, changed, Cho-a was standing squarely in front of the entrance. Did she have some kind of stealth skill or what? I hadn't noticed her at all, and her popping up from behind scared the daylights out of me.
"What are you so startled about? Come on, let's go."
—Beeb!
"Y-yes, ma'am…."
Thanks to my frantic escape to the distant bathroom, quite a lot of time had already passed. The wall clock showed only two minutes of break remaining, and Daengdaengi — whom I'd abandoned in my panic — was currently cradled in Cho-a's arms.
And once I got outside, I realized something else: the gym uniform was deeply unreasonable. Where in the world do they sell shorts this short these days? A cold breeze kept sweeping past with every step, and it felt really strange down there.
"We're late, by the way. Eve, you're a slow runner, aren't you?"
"Uh, uhhm..?"
"Hop on. We need to get to the auditorium fast."
"W-wait a sec—?!"
And so, at twenty-seven years of age, I received a princess carry from an elementary school girl and was ferried straight to the auditorium. Daengdaengi, perched on my stomach, was wiggling her little butt like crazy — apparently something was hilariously fun about this.
Cho-a cleared staircases like cliff drops, leaping twelve steps at a bound, and I found myself thinking, yep, this must be what awakened hunter physical stats are supposed to look like.
—Screeeech.
"Fifty-nine minutes! Not late!"
"Hah, haahh…."
The price of punctuality was that something inside me had been thoroughly pulverized. A princess carry is only acceptable from big sisters, honestly.
"Bru-ya's here."
"Welcome."
"Byeong-ho sunbae...? Gyeong-won sunbae...? Why are you doing push-up position again...?"
And yet before class had even started, the two sunbaes were already holding the plank position. Apart from mealtimes, it felt like punishment was all I ever saw of these two.
"He says my face offends him."
"I told him to be more like Byeong-ho."
"Oh... uh... good luck, I guess."
"There, see? Thanks."
"Hurry along now."
Leaving behind the two sunbaes being disciplined for what seemed like highly controversial reasons, I joined the gathering spot where Class A students were assembling. Today was one of the days Class G also used the auditorium, so the wide hall had been split down the middle.
"Don't dawdle on your way in. Slacking from the very first week of the semester, hm?"
"The bell hasn't rung yet, sir~"
"Tsk. A lost cause, this one. When your teacher scolds you, the answer is 'yes, sir.'"
Today, once again, it was Daramong... I mean, Mr. Baek Sang-joon, picking fights with his students for no reason.
"Hmm…."
"Something to say? Go sit down."
"Yes, sir…."
Even when I stared at him straight on, he showed no particular reaction. He really is Daramong, right..? The vibe is completely different from the gallery.
"Cho-a, Eve's here?"
"Oh, unnie. Hello."
"Hello there…."
"Mm, come sit."
And so we all huddled together atop the glossy green gym mattresses. Mr. Baek Sang-joon, tapping his conductor's baton lightly against his palm, swept a glance across the students, gave a nod, and began.
"Now, from today onward, you will do exactly as I say. Otherwise, you'll end up like those two over there — staring at the floor from third period until it's time to go home. Only on days I teach, of course."
"Yeees~"
"Nothing grand today. Each of you will come forward, state your class and rank, and then we'll form raid teams. Understood?"
Saying this, the teacher turned his gaze toward Na Byeong-ho and An Gyeong-won, still holding their plank. At that very moment, the two of them—
"Hey, Gyeong-won, check this out."
"Ugh, what is this idiot up to now."
Byeong-ho, completely oblivious to the teacher watching them, was trying to show Gyeong-won something. He abruptly flipped his plank-position body upside down — belly toward the sky — then planted hands and feet on the ground and began scuttling around on all fours.
"Sseupsaradas."
"Ma, I'm comin' too-iss."
"Knock yourselves out."
And just as the two sunbaes, brawling on all fours and kicking at each other, made direct eye contact with the teacher—
"Gyeong-won, I think we're screwed."
"What—oh."
"Two Dragoons, come here."
"Yes, sir."
"As you are."
"Aw, sir."
Fooling around together is one thing, but doing it in front of an audience is against the sacred rules of schoolboy pride. In the end, crawling on all fours at Mr. Baek Sang-joon's command, the two sunbaes were launched across the room by a single kick from the teacher, slammed into the wall, and crawled right back.
"Now, as hard as it may be to believe, these two will be serving as your raid leaders."
"Seriously, sir?"
"No way."
"Real talk."
By the teacher's decree, the two sunbaes — who clown around plenty but are reliable when it counts — would take command as raid leaders and pick teams in turn. A raid is twelve members, so with twenty-four students split between them, it divided perfectly into two teams of twelve.
Suddenly switching into serious mode, the two sunbaes shooed the students lounging at the center of the mattresses to either side, plopped down in the middle themselves, and presided over Class A's round of self-introductions.
"Some faces I remember from last year."
"All familiar ones here too."
The students were spread fairly evenly across grades — one to three per year. Why mix all the grades together instead of pairing by year? Because the curriculum is identical anyway.
And that's just the nature of being a hunter. Raids aren't built from hunters with identical experience levels — everyone's career path differs in length and depth.
The juniors listen to their seniors, identify their own weaknesses, and learn just how crucial it is to follow the raid leader's — or any senior's — commands during an actual raid.
The seniors, meanwhile, take the juniors who can't quite keep up and work out how to squeeze the best possible result from them anyway. Guiding juniors down the right path is Aegis Academy's founding philosophy, or something like that.
"So, I'm a first-year in high school, and I'm a tanker with a Barrier skill. Rank is B-rank, and—"
"Second-year middle school, C-rank healer. My specialty is wide-area healing—"
"Third-year middle school division, mage. Think earth wizard and you've got it—"
Each introduction was short and simple — a rough outline of your strengths and weaknesses, and that was it. Then, near the very end, came Yeonwoo unnie's turn.
"Hmm, I'm a second-year in high school.... Ah, I really don't want to get old. My main skill is A-rank single-target cursing."
Yeonwoo unnie's ability was completely new to me. "Curse" has an ominous ring to it, but I figured it worked like debuffs — or like long-range targeted bleed damage.
Next up, Cho-a.
"I'm in fourth grade. My main skills are B-rank self-healing and B-rank physical enhancement."
"Whoa, she has two skills?"
"A promising one. I'm taking her."
"Gyeong-won hyung's a better pick than Byeong-ho hyung, though."
"You hear that, Byeong-ho?"
"The world is so unfair."
From everything I'd heard so far, everyone was talking about their skill ranks rather than their overall hunter rank. Probably because none of us had actually been issued hunter licenses yet, but still….
What am I supposed to do..? Should I say EX-rank..?
Honestly, if I told the truth they'd just go, "What is she on about?" and write me off as a weird kid. I'll just say A-rank like everyone else.
"I, um... I'm an A-rank golemancer. The golems do the fighting for me, so I'm not very good at it myself…."
"Eve, you'd better make a ton of money."
"Are those golems? Is the little one in your arms the only one?"
"N-no! I have a few more…."
"Really? Can't you show us?"
"Probably didn't bring them from home."
"I-I can summon them right now, actually…."
What was I supposed to do about this? Could I summon one on the spot? Ophelia had said Suri was fine to bring out, but come to think of it, she'd grown enormous yesterday — no telling if it'd be okay.
"U-um, sir..?"
"What is it."
"Am I allowed to summon a golem right now..?"
When I asked the teacher, Gyeong-won sunbae piped up.
"You mean summon a golem? Not build one on the spot?"
"Ah, well.... I have a skill..? That brings over ones I've already made…?"
"Convenient. Nothing wrong with showing us, right."
"Do as you like. I won't force you."
"O-okay then. Just a moment…."
I turned around for a second and spoke to Daengdaengi, still tucked in my arms.
"Daengdae, can you reach Suri right now..?"
—Beeb?
"Ask her to shrink herself down fast, please…."
—Beeb!
A little "message sent" icon popped up on Daengdaengi's monitor screen. The round spinner whirled around for a moment, and then Daengdaengi nodded her head: transmission complete.
"I-I'll show you!"
"Ooooh, so cool, Eve~"
"Can't wait~"
I squeezed my eyes shut, stretched both hands out in front of me, took one deep breath, and opened my mouth.
"S-Suri..! Answer the princess's calling!"
"Pfft."
"Hey, Gyeong-won. Don't... don't laugh.... Pfft…."
And before long — flash-! Suri appeared right before my eyes.
—Chirp, chirp….
"N-no... there was really no need to go this small..?"
Suri had been summoned — in sparrow form.