The Foolishness of a Heavenly Demon
I’m such a moron.
The method for wooing a sea goddess, as taught by Poseidon. The very last resort—the so-called "guaranteed" trump card he’d whispered to me—was none other than bossam.
Yes, I doubted my own ears, but the sheer, unadulterated confidence of that hulking blue brute had actually convinced me that, yes, this really was the age of Greek mythology.
Bossam, yobai, abduction marriage... the time-honored romantic (?) strategy of Greek male gods, which involved climbing over walls and sneaking into a lady’s bedchamber, was the final tactic Poseidon had imparted.
‘Come to think of it, among the three brothers, every single "normal" marriage they had was an abduction.’
Hera, who gnashed her teeth saying I should have locked the windows that night. Amphitrite, who regretted that she should have at least left a scar on that hateful face before marrying him. Persephone, who was kidnapped by her own uncle while out picking flowers.
Good grief, looking at it this way, the three great gods are all absolute bastards in a row.
Right, I’ll correct that. The advice on love given by Poseidon—a real man’s man who occupies one of the seats among those bastards—was actually quite logical (?). The fact that I thought it would work until the very end is what makes me the real idiot, and I was about to become a fool or a bastard in the most spectacular way possible.
“It’ll be fine, right?”
Still, it would be better to see her face and talk during the day than to sneak into a bedroom at night. I hadn’t become "Greek" enough to brazenly sneak into a goddess’s bedchamber in broad daylight, so I chose to transform into a snake and slip in under the cover of shadows.
“...What a pathetic sight this is.”
For reference, thanks to Tinga’s consideration, Neri’s room was the most scenic and luxurious VIP suite on the top floor. To sneak in, I had to approach from above—the roof. If anyone saw me, whether it was the police or the guards, they’d come running. Crouched on the rooftop railing, a sudden sense of misery washed over me.
“I’m not even a kidnapper...”
Wasn’t I slowly approaching the average of these crazy Greek guys? Once that thought hit me, there was no way I couldn’t feel a sudden, crushing sense of reality.
“Sigh, I should just go.”
Regardless of all this, I was the one who had unintentionally neglected Neri, who had been so happy to see me after such a long time. According to Tinga, she had even drunk non-intoxicating wine and pretended to be tipsy just to seduce me. At this point, it was only right for me to go first and soothe her.
‘More than anything, there was the incident with Artemis...’
I didn’t feel even a shred of guilt toward that crazy filly, Artemis. But the fact that I had played around with another woman while leaving behind my long-time lover, who had waited for me alone, did prick my conscience quite a bit.
“....Tsk.”
Damn it. Why is the sky so blue at a time like this? It would be perfect if I could add a cloud of cigarette smoke to that cloudless blue sky. Unfortunately, I couldn’t find anything like tobacco, let alone drugs, in Erytheia.
“Ah, I’m craving a smoke.”
Is my mouth bitter, or is my heart bitter?
Embarrassingly, Neri was my first experience with this kind of deep relationship, just as I was hers. Perhaps that’s why, even though I doubted if this was the right way, I had no other choice but to follow Poseidon’s advice.
“I feel like a fool for the first time in ages.”
To hell with it. The sun is nice, and the sea breeze is cool. I lay spread-eagled, soaking up the sun, deciding to take a short break.
A fool, a fool... Neri was the second woman to make me feel like a fool. Although I’ve mostly cleared my heart, there is still the sage who was my advisor and strategist, stuck in a corner of my heart like an awl. The wise woman. My advisor. She filled the gaps for me, who only had brute strength and was hopeless at everything else, and quietly cheered me on. I was bewitched by her, and even knowing I wouldn’t be rewarded, I offered her my heart, my strength, everything I had. I used to grumble that I felt like a fool every time, but I think I became an even bigger fool because I loved the way she laughed softly at my complaints.
However, a relationship that was twisted from the start could not remain whole until the end, and eventually, it was a series of upheavals. It’s a past I can accept a bit more lightly now. Yet, the fact that I can’t fully shake it off—is that the trace of me still being human?
“Tsk, stop being so sentimental.”
As if I were the male lead in some tragedy. It was quite funny to be so limp and listless.
It’s not even like I’m going to see a woman with whom I had a bizarre, exploitative relationship. I’m on my way to pay respects to a beautiful goddess who has looked only at me since she was young.
“...Shall I go?”
-Snap!
As soon as I snapped my fingers, my body responded to the black Shin-ma-gi (divine demonic energy) that silently enveloped me.
‘Hmm... did it work?’
As a strange, tingling sensation swept through my entire body, a sleek tail swayed where my two legs had been stretched out. Where my two shoulders had been, now strangely light, there was only a smooth body and black scales.
“Hiss!”
‘It worked.’
A snake’s body that moved as naturally as my own. No, since I transformed, is this my body?
Anyway, after silently climbing the wall and carefully descending to the window of the bedroom where Neri was...
“Hehehe. This is pretty! This too!”
I saw the back of a small head, looking happily through the gifts I had given her, which were neatly arranged by the bedside.
‘She said she wouldn’t take them even if she died... kick!’
Outwardly, she was a beautiful maiden who had long since passed her coming-of-age ceremony, but inside, she was still the young fairy of Paphos herself.
Relieved by that sight, I quietly climbed down to the window, stood up, and dispelled the transformation. But Neri was still so preoccupied with the gifts that she didn’t even know I had arrived.
‘Honestly.’
She was still the same; once she was hooked on one thing, she couldn’t see anything else. Just in case I drew unwanted attention, I stepped aside and quietly closed the window.
“Eek!?”
At that sound, Neri, who had been turned away, saw me and froze in shock. Her wide, blue eyes were trembling as if an earthquake had hit, and golden blood was already beading and flowing from the lips she habitually bit when startled.
‘Why is she so surprised?’
My reason, which slowly reviewed the situation, answered my question.
‘Because of you, you idiot.’
Old habits die hard. It was a habit from back when I worked as the leader of an assassination squad due to the sect leader’s political maneuvering—whenever I snuck into a place, I would hide in the shade or shadows to kill my presence. On top of that, I was born with jet-black hair and jet-black eyes, so when I hid in the shadows, I was truly no different from a ghost. From Neri’s perspective, it was no wonder she was startled that some intruder had closed the window and broken into her room.
“Wh-wh-who, who, who....”
“Neri, calm down.”
Thinking I might give the poor girl a heart attack if I stayed like this, I slowly raised my hands and took a cautious step forward, but....
“Aaaah!”
“Huh?”
Contrary to her shrill, terrified scream, her snow-white hands lunged at me like a great white shark discovering a piece of meat, and my arms were helplessly seized.
“W-wait?!”
-Whoosh!
I couldn’t hide my astonishment at the instantly shifting field of vision and the dizzying sense of balance being flipped upside down.
‘Oh, right.’
The days on Paphos Island, which now felt like the distant past. When I was training my basic skills with the Geum-ra-geom (Golden Silk Sword), Neri had once pestered me to teach her something because she was bored. I hadn’t taught her advanced martial arts because I was shocked by her divine ability to absorb sangseung-gigong (ascending energy) just by watching my breathing. But I had taught her a few geumna-su (seizing techniques) and self-defense moves, thinking she should at least be able to protect herself in this brutal, brutal Greece.
It looked like I was about to experience the results of that training with my own body.
“The student surpasses the mast...”
-CRASH!
Before I could even finish the exclamation that had slipped out because I was pleased she had perfectly mastered the geumna-su, the stone floor slammed into my head.
“P-p-p-pervert! Thief! Y-you... huh?”
“Ughhhhh...”
Powerful martial prowess always cancels out fear. Seeing me writhing on the floor after being thrown, Neri, who had been stuttering and cursing, seemed to realize the identity of the intruder.
“Di...a?”
“Ugh, y-you’ve been practicing a lot, haven’t you....?”
Well done. My girl.
* * *
A little while later.
“Lower your hips!”
“Yes...”
Why do people from the sea love military-style discipline so much?
Sitting on the edge of the bed at my head, legs crossed, tapping her foot, my first girlfriend was barking orders with the authority of a judge. It seemed the bloodline didn’t go anywhere; behind that stern young goddess, I could almost see Amphitrite rolling her eyes and the Sea King Poseidon, who would breathe fire for making Neri cry, looming over us.
‘Damn it!’
That’s what I get. I’m the idiot for following the advice of a philandering pirate king who hasn’t shared a bed with his wife in hundreds of years.
Neri, who had been so startled she was even teary-eyed and fuming. After I barely managed to stop her from running off to her father, claiming she didn’t even want to see my face once she realized who the intruder was, I was currently receiving military-style discipline at the command of the noble sea goddess.
‘So this is why they say you shouldn’t learn love from books!’
No, honestly, looking back, I feel like an idiot for sneaking over a wall because my lover was angry and wouldn’t see me...
“Hey, Neri... I’m sorr...”
“Sorry?”
“I’m so sorry...”
Well, no matter how fluid her geumna-su was, my head wasn’t going to burst or break from one head-butt against the bare floor. But because I had taken my own weight and been thrown headfirst, it wasn’t without its impact.
Who can I blame? I’m the sinner.
If I were to defend myself, Poseidon and others would say this is the average for Greek men, but to me, that "Greek" average was synonymous with being a beast. I knew, even as a novice in love, that it was better to just keep my mouth shut and play along until she felt better.
“Sorry, you say... with just empty words?”
As Neri, with whom I’d spent almost my entire childhood, I could catch the hint of laughter budding within her angry voice.
“Wh-what is it that you desire... O, Goddess!”
“Hehehe... 𝅘𝅥𝅮”
However, I hadn’t realized what that nasal hum at the end of her words meant.