The Return

Years had passed. The hellish war had finally come to an end. The damned empire lay in ruins, yet victory belonged to the empire. But inside me, every triumphant report crumbled away like sand. I had survived that hell. That was all.

His body was a living map of scars. Every inch of him had been sliced by blades, scorched by magic, and torn by nameless shrapnel. The wounds healed only to tear open again, etching themselves into his skin like grotesque tattoos. Yet his soul bore even deeper marks. Memories of slaughter stained with madness and blood swirled endlessly through his mind.

He was no longer the frail young master of a ducal house. He had hidden like a coward, abandoned his comrades, and when cornered, rampaged like a beast, trampling his enemies. He had committed every ugly act necessary to survive. The face staring back at him from the mirror was no longer his own.

When news of the armistice arrived, he stopped fighting. He issued no more orders. He simply stood in silence amid the rubble. Captain Cleon had looked at him strangely, but no one dared speak to him anymore. While soldiers cheered and bid farewell to their comrades, he maintained the coldest silence of all. His expression was an empty wasteland, stripped of every emotion.

The only thing that bound him now was a single goal.

The carriage ride back was nothing like the journey that had taken him away. It did not march with the army. I traveled with only a single knight, wrapped in what felt like eternal silence, heading toward the capital. The road that had once been stained with blood and death now stretched endlessly through barren fields where only dust rose in pale clouds. Scattered along the wayside were broken fragments of weapons, the skeletal remains of carriages, and skulls of unknown owners that seemed to mock me with their hollow grins. The scars of war were carved painfully and permanently into this land—just like my own.

I looked out the window. These were the same landscapes I had once analyzed from maps in my study before the war. Now they were ruined villages, burned forests, and shattered bridges. Everything was far more wretched than I had imagined. I saw people living among the ruins—starving and exhausted, yet their eyes held a strange determination. They were truly resilient. Perhaps the strongest people I had ever seen were not the soldiers clutching bloodied swords, but those who clawed out a desperate existence amid the wreckage.

What made me any different from them? I was nothing but a beast that had thrashed wildly just to stay alive. A beast wearing the skin of a human.

As we drew closer to the capital, a strange tension gripped me. It was an emotion I had never experienced in my life. My heart began to beat unsteadily. My lungs tightened as if I had forgotten how to breathe. I could hardly believe I was returning to the ducal estate. Could I really sit in that study again, facing the cold walls, and find breath in that silence? More importantly—could I see Yua again?

Yua. The girl I had treated so cruelly. The girl I had wanted to make hate me. Was she still alive? Was she safe? Or did she despise me now?

If she hated me… if the person she saw when she looked at me was that kind of monster… I hoped she would spit at me, that she would show her contempt with her entire being. That was the only proof I wanted from enduring this hell. Proof that she was alive. The only way to confirm that her feelings toward me were still alive.

Please. Hate me. Even hatred is fine. Anger is fine. Even pain is fine. Any living emotion at all. Please…

If the reflection of me in her eyes was nothing more than an irredeemable, ugly monster… that pain would be thicker than the stench of blood on the battlefield.

That’s something I won’t be able to bear. Will I even be able to endure it? The moment all my survival becomes meaningless.

The carriage stopped. It was the familiar, grand gate of the Heavenfield ducal estate. The very place where, years ago, he had told her “We won’t have any reason to see each other anymore” before leaving. The gate was firmly closed.

Standing before those massive doors, he drew in a breath. Could someone soaked in the smell of blood and dust truly step into that quiet, pristine mansion?

The gate slowly opened. The coachman’s voice rang out, followed by a short, startled scream from a maid that split the air. The inner courtyard of the estate appeared peaceful on the surface, yet a strange stillness and tension lingered within. As if time itself had stopped.

I stepped down from the carriage slowly, carefully. My feet were no longer weak. They were calloused, covered in scars. The sound of my military boots striking the marble floor echoed like a drumbeat, announcing my presence throughout the entire mansion.

His gaze instinctively turned toward the direction of the study and the maid’s quarters where Yua had stayed. It was where his soul led him.

What… has become of her?

An unreadable emotion flickered across Leo’s face. A painful kind of anticipation.

Then a shadow brushed across my vision. Through the narrow gap of the closed doors at the inner entrance. A familiar movement. Slender shoulders. My heart pounded violently.

No way… it can’t be…!

I caught sight of a familiar back. A small silhouette descending the stairs in a neat black maid uniform. Every thought in my head came to a halt. Only one being filled my eyes.

The name that had sustained me on the brink of death for so long.

I began to run like a madman. All rational thought shattered in an instant. My dust-covered military boots pounded roughly against the marble. The wound in my thigh throbbed, but I felt no pain. Only her. The instinctive urge to reach her was all that drove me.

Her. Finally. I can see her again.

My lips moved on their own, calling her name.

“Yua!”

But my voice had long since been buried beneath the roar of war. Only ragged breathing burst from within me.

I reached out to place my hand on her shoulder.

Everything stopped.

She slowly turned her head.

It was Yua.

“...”

She was staring straight at me. My heart felt as if it had plummeted to my feet. All breath caught in my throat. My lungs burned. In her eyes, there was no longer any trace of the innocent fear or warm sadness I once knew. Only a cold, black abyss—empty yet somehow containing everything. The warm eyes that had cried and laughed for me my entire life had vanished long ago. They had sunk coldly, far too coldly.

Yua’s cheeks were slightly gaunt, and her face held a strange, sharp dignity that had never been there before. In her hands she held the familiar wooden board and pen. Her silence—or something even more terrifying—caused an unknowable turmoil and despair to flash across my face for a moment.

Was she the monster I had created? Or had I simply turned away from her true nature?

It was hard even to breathe.

She walked toward me. One step. Then another. Her footsteps were so neat and quiet they felt almost like a swan gliding across water.

“Yua…?”

My lips barely moved in a faint whisper. My cracked voice rang out pathetically. It was both a question and a call, searching for the Yua of the past.

I called her name and begged inwardly.

Come back. Please, my Yua. My everything… please…

But she said nothing. That silence was colder than any winter.

Yua stopped right in front of me. The distance felt impossibly vast. I didn’t think I could reach out and touch her. No—I didn’t want to. She felt far too unfamiliar.

Then she lifted the wooden board she was holding. Her hands didn’t tremble in the slightest. Familiar handwriting slowly but firmly unfolded before me.

In that short sentence, I could feel no emotion at all.

I had wanted her to hate me. I had wanted her to despise me. I had hoped she would remember me, resent me, and at least smile through her hatred. And… though it was shameless, I had hoped there might be a chance for forgiveness when I returned.

But what lay in her eyes was resignation, a chilling coldness, and a depth of waiting I could not fathom. Nowhere in them was the ‘hatred’ I had longed for. Her gaze held no anger, no sorrow, no hatred—none of the traces of any living emotion. Instead, there was only a cold, tomb-like silence.

It was the moment all my sacrifices became meaningless.

She was not Yua. My Yua had disappeared, and something else had taken her place. Even though I knew my ugly plan had succeeded, I could only fall into despair. The Yua I had pictured was nowhere to be found.

My war was only just beginning.

I opened the door and stepped out. The mansion was quiet. Even though it was daytime, the silence was so deep that footsteps echoed. There was no laughter from the servants, no lively noise from the kitchen. It was as if the mansion itself had held its breath for the many years I had been gone.

I walked down the corridor as if in a trance. It was a familiar space, yet everything felt foreign. The air had changed. The heart of this mansion had changed.

At the end of the corridor, I heard voices coming from the small meeting room where the maids gathered. The door was open. I glanced inside without thinking.

Several young maids were discussing removing the paintings on the walls and rearranging the furniture. They were all gathered around Yua. She was holding her wooden board. She wrote something briefly and held it out to another maid. The maid nodded and immediately carried out the instruction. The next maid explained something to Yua, who shook her head shortly and wrote again on the board.

“Head Maid, this direction would be better…”

“Be quiet! Do it exactly as the Head Maid instructed!”

An older maid beside them scolded the younger one.

I froze at the sight.

Head Maid?Yua? It was impossible. When I left, she had been little more than a child just entering puberty. She had barely been able to clean her own room. And now… she was the Head Maid? The one overseeing the entire operation of the ducal mansion?

What on earth had happened while I was gone?

Her eyes were cold, and her gestures when giving orders were decisive. Without a single word, without a single change in expression, she perfectly commanded the servants.

The moment her cold gaze turned toward me, I flinched. She had noticed my stare. It was as if she had known all along that I would be standing there. After finishing her instructions to the maids, she turned her head and looked straight at me. Her gaze was like a sharp shard of ice.

She walked toward me slowly, without the slightest hesitation. Her footsteps did not disturb the mansion’s tranquility; they approached me in perfect silence. When she stopped in front of me, she lifted her wooden board.

Her handwriting was perfectly neat. Not a single tremor. I unconsciously clenched my fist. There was none of the warmth or obedient attitude I once knew in those words. Only a businesslike question. Or perhaps, cynicism directed at me.

If I had known she would change like this… if I could turn back all of it… The guilt pierced me deeply.

“Yua.”

I called her name with difficulty. My voice was hoarse.

“You’ve… become the Head Maid?”

She gave a short nod. No emotion could be read from her expression.

It was concise and businesslike. ‘Gaps.’ The vacancy I had left behind. She referred to it as a gap. It was as if she were clearly stating that she had replaced me the moment I disappeared. This was the result I had created. The consequence I had brought upon myself. The fact that she had become this ruthless was entirely my fault.

“I see. The management of the ducal estate… is running perfectly under your hand, I hear.”

I avoided her eyes. Guilt and regret tightened around my heart.

“Yua… you’ve really become incredible. You’ve changed… so much.”

My words elicited no reaction from her face. Yua set the wooden board she was holding down on the floor. Then she took one more step toward me. She stared straight into my eyes without avoiding them. She reached out her arm. Her fingers moved slowly toward my eyes, brushing past my bloodless cheek, then coldly ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠sweeping beneath the eye where I had inflicted an indelible wound on her—as if confirming the pain.

My body froze solid. It was as if she were simply looking at the scar I had created. That cold touch left me paralyzed.

She lifted the wooden board in front of my eyes once more.

There will be no reason for us to see each other anymore.

It was one of the cruelest things I had said to her when I left. She remembered every wound I had given her.

That evening, Leonardo Heavenfield sat at the dinner table for the first time in a long while. Though Ricardo the Duke was the host, every preparation and arrangement had been carried out under the direction of Yua, the Head Maid. The table was lavish, yet arranged so perfectly it felt almost like an exhibit. The servants moved in hushed silence, and Leo sat in his designated seat. His gaze passed over the servants attending him and remained fixed on Yua the entire time. She continued to oversee everything with an expressionless face.

Leo tried to force a stiff smile. His face twitched awkwardly, hardened by years on the battlefield.

“Yua.”

I called her while receiving a glass of water. I tried to make my voice as gentle as possible, but after returning from war, it came out dry and rough. She showed no reaction. As if she hadn’t even noticed I had called her, she continued gesturing instructions to another servant.

I felt displeased. It seemed as if she were ignoring me. But soon guilt covered over that displeasure. Compared to the humiliation I had shown her, this was nothing. I cleared my throat. I called her again, more clearly this time.

“Head Maid. Yua.”

Only then did her gaze reach me. It was cold. As if I were something with dust on it. Without hesitation, she lifted her wooden board.

Her writing was perfectly businesslike. It was as if the name ‘Yua’ did not exist. I forced a smile. The muscles in my face creaked as if they had forgotten how to move.

“No, it’s nothing… It’s just that after so long, the mansion’s food tastes truly… wonderful. Especially this soup—it’s just like before. You must have made it, right? That skill of yours…”

I lifted my spoon and tasted the soup. It was a familiar flavor. The same one she had prepared with such care. A faint smile spread across my lips. I hoped it was sincere.

Yua wrote briefly on her board.

She did not accept my compliment emotionally. She simply cut it off with the businesslike assessment of ‘standard flavor.’ ‘The head chef prepared it according to my instructions.’ She did not even claim my praise as her own merit, explaining everything strictly within the scope of her duties. To me, everything had felt special, but…

“Ah, I see. Standard, huh… Well, after eating nothing but garbage on the battlefield, everything here feels different…”

I deliberately brought up the war. I hoped she might show even a little sympathy or pity toward me. I placed my scar-covered hand on the table. The countless scars seemed to testify to my miserable survival.

Yua’s gaze touched my hand. Then she wrote on her board.

A cold assessment. To her, both my scars and my transformation were nothing more than ‘the results of war.’ Her emotionless gaze. My pain, my sacrifice—they were all trapped inside the single word ‘change.’ Even as she looked at my scars, her eyes did not waver.

I knew I would not receive a warm answer from her, but I could not give up.

“While I was gone… was everything all right at the mansion?”

I spoke as if trying to praise her achievements. I wondered if she understood how much I wanted to acknowledge her existence.

Yua lifted her board.

Her writing was monotonous. Perfect order. While I was gone, she had maintained that order.

“While I was gone… you must have worked so hard.”

“I’m… truly… sorry. For leaving you like that…”

I squeezed out the words, almost begging, conveying my apology. I hoped my sincerity would reach her. My voice trembled slightly.

Her board rose again. This time the letters were written a little more slowly than usual.

My heart sank once more with a heavy thud.

Yua. Yua, please. Give me something. Tell me this is all my fault, curse me. Please. Show me any emotion at all. Any living emotion… please…

The conversation continued in that manner until the meal ended. No matter how warmly I tried to approach her, she cut me off with businesslike answers as sharp as blades. The Yua I had known was gone. She had become the most perfect, coldest being I had created.

When the door closed, all sound from the mansion was shut out. The silence of night filled the room. My room was exactly the same as the day I had left for war. Not a single speck of dust marred its perfect order. It was Yua’s trace. She must have managed this room every day for the many years I was gone. She had protected all the things I should have abandoned.

That cleanliness felt like it was binding me instead. My selfishness in leaving traces of myself behind in this room after abandoning her—it must have been a burden to her as well.

I sat down on the edge of the bed. It felt hard. No different from the dirt floor of the battlefield. For years, my bed had been filled with the smell of dirt, corpses, and blood. No matter how soft this bed was, I could feel no comfort.

My head throbbed. My body ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠had returned, but my mind still lingered in that hell.

I stood up and paced the room. Beyond the firmly closed windows lay only darkness. I had to apologize to her. I wouldn’t be able to sleep without saying those words. It was the bare minimum responsibility I owed for having shattered her soul.

I quietly opened the door and stepped into the corridor. The hallway was deathly silent. All the servants’ rooms were dark, and the corridor lamps burned dimly. My heart beat dully and irregularly. I walked toward Yua’s room. My steps were cautious; I planted my feet carefully so my military boots would not make a sound. Like a criminal who must not be discovered.

‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠

In front of Yua’s door. A faint light leaked through the crack. She must not have gone to sleep yet. I stood there for a moment. I drew in a breath. The tension felt as if it were squeezing my lungs. After a brief hesitation, I knocked softly on the door. Even the moment my fingers touched the wood, they trembled.

There was no sound from inside. Had I knocked too quietly? I knocked again, this time a little more clearly. But still not loudly. Just like my voice—cautious.

A moment later, the door slowly opened inward. It was Yua. She stood in the doorway wearing her nightclothes. Her hair hung long and loose, and her expression was as blank as always. Even in her nightclothes, she showed no disarray. As if everything had to be perfectly arranged even before going to bed.

Cold sweat ran down my back. Her eyes met mine. That gaze seemed to pierce straight through me. I took a step back from her. I tried to meet her eyes directly without avoiding them.

“It’s late… but I came because there’s something I need to say.”

My voice rang low and dry. Without a word, she lifted her wooden board. The sound of the pen moving was brief.

Businesslike and cold handwriting. There wasn’t even the slightest question about why I had come. She seemed to perceive it only as ‘work.’

I looked into her eyes and opened my mouth with difficulty.

“No. There’s something I must say… right now.”

She stopped writing and simply stared at me. Her expressionless eyes seemed to see through all my intentions. Those quiet eyes… were truly deep.

“Yua.”

I called her name slowly and clearly. Her face did not move in the slightest. I hoped the name still held some meaning for her. That my desperation would reach her.

“I… am a much worse person than you think. Far more… cowardly and cruel.”

The words I spoke seemed to vanish before they even reached the corridor. Her eyes remained calm. My ugly, wretched appearance was reflected perfectly in her pupils.

“Every word I said to you… every action…”

My throat tightened and I paused for a moment. My breathing grew rapid, as if my lungs were being squeezed. She waited without any urging. That silence crushed me. My sins felt so heavy they overwhelmed me within the silence.

“About all of that… I’m truly sorry, Yua. I apologize with all my heart. I’m so sorry.”

The words ‘I’m sorry’ that left my mouth felt impossibly small and insignificant. Admitting my sins and apologizing before her right now was far more difficult than all the pain I had endured in that hellish war.

She lowered her head. It was a very slight movement. Then she lifted her board again.

I shook my head. My body moved reflexively.

“No. I… I abandoned you. And I hurled insulting words at you that I should never have said. It was because of my… my selfishness. Because of my cowardice. I tried to rationalize it by telling myself I was hurting you to protect you… but that was only an excuse. I ruined you.”

I felt my face twist with regret and guilt, but her eyes remained unchanged. No—perhaps she wasn’t even looking at my face. She was simply listening to the sound of my words.

She paused for a moment. The hand holding the pen did not move at all. As if she did not understand my words, or as if there was no need to. Soon her hand moved again. Slowly, but decisively.

I could say nothing more. My apology had nowhere to land. I simply nodded. I no longer had the strength to stand before her any longer.

“Sleep… well, Yua.”

I managed a greeting with difficulty and turned away.

Thud. The door closed.

Leo young master closed my door and turned away. His footsteps faded into the distance. Aah, night has finally come! The night when Leo secretly came to see only me!

I stood quietly in front of the door. Leo’s warm hand had touched my forehead. Those fingers that brushed my bloodless cheek! And his voice!

“I’m sorry. I’m truly sorry, Yua.”

Leo said he was sorry to me! Aah, Leo. That kind heart of yours! In the end, you couldn’t hide your feelings for me and came to see me.

Did you think I would be sad or angry? A pretty child like me shouldn’t suffer from such emotions!

“…There is no reason for you to apologize to me, young master.”

“…All of that was your judgment for the benefit of the ducal house, young master, and I simply fulfilled my duty as a maid accordingly. All of my actions were for the benefit of the Heavenfield estate. Personal feelings… do not exist.”

My answer. Hehe. Wasn’t it perfect? Leo must have been so surprised! Because I’ve become this amazing.

My lovely Leo. You thought I was still the weak child from before, didn’t you? That I had erased my emotions? Don’t misunderstand! Emotions are complicated, after all. But my feelings for Leo have grown even bigger and more beautiful!

I saw you despairing, too. I simply confirmed how deep the place for me is inside your heart.

Everything in this room, every trace of Leo—they are all my treasures. I sat on the bed. The spot where Leo had been standing just moments ago. The Leo who had whispered “I’m sorry” to me lingers before my eyes.

Leo, Leo. You thought you had changed me perfectly, didn’t you? No! On the contrary, because you made me this way, we will be able to stay together forever!

I opened the drawer. The small pocket watch Leo had left behind before he departed. His pretty initials are engraved on it. The cruel words Leo had once thrown at me! Thank you, Leo. Those painful words made me this strong. They transformed me into someone perfectly suited for you!

Now Leo can’t live without me! Never! Because without me, Leo is nothing! There’s no way you could leave after making me like this!

I looked out the window. The faint moonlight beautifully illuminated the mansion’s garden. The night air is cold, but my heart burns hot thinking of Leo. All the pain I endured until now is worth it if I can be with Leo again. Becoming the Head Maid, taking the entire Heavenfield estate into my hands—everything was a gift I prepared so that when Leo returned, he would never be able to run away.

I love you, Leo. I love you I love you I love you. My prince! I love you so, so much. Even your weak and selfish side—I love every single part of you! I will beautifully wrap up all your sins and heal all your painful heart! So… you must stay by my side forever now. Forever! You cannot take even a single step away from me! Until the day my breath stops—no, even longer than that!

I reached out and grasped the darkness outside the window. Inside my hand. Inside my pretty heart. Leo is mine forever. Leo is mine now. No one can take Leo away from me. Not even Leo himself!

My hell will now become a hell just for Leo! My Leo! My everything! You can no longer run away from me! Never!

Her eyes already sparkled even in the darkness. I am so happy! Because I get to have Leo! Forever!