A New Beginning

The way home.

Unlike the storm of a moment ago, silence hung between us, awkward and heavy.

"...Hey, though."

"Yeah?"

"Did you learn martial arts?"

"Ah, that. As a hobby for about five years? I stopped once senior year of high school hit."

Five years plus one year off. Exactly six years ago.

Had I decided I needed to learn because of the stalkers ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠who showed up at the house?

Somehow the thought made me feel guilty, and my shoulders sagged.

"...Oppa."

"Yeah."

"It's been like that for a long time. Back when you were still in school."

"What has?"

"My friends, your friends, the girls around you—they all had their eyes on you. From behind, you really did look good."

"......"

"You probably never noticed."

Irritation and pity tangled together in my little sister's voice.

"Even living a normal life they clung like that. And now internet streaming?"

She closed her mouth, then let out a short sigh.

"Sometimes I think I should've stopped you. Streaming is honestly the worst. There are so many weird people. Yeah—I should've just cut the internet cable back then."

"That's a bit much—"

"Look at the state you're in, Oppa. Hmph!"

I had nothing to say to that.

Home wasn't far; we soon passed through the apartment complex gate.

"...Oppa. Besides A-il. Yeong-il is you too, right?"

How did she know?

"It was never realistic to hide it from family. I had my suspicions from the start, but after yesterday's stream I was sure."

My sister shrugged, then let out a short laugh.

"I got annoyed thinking you were heading down that road again, but at the same time I was glad you could work with your face covered."

"......"

It was hard to answer any of her words. Her sincerity landed so clearly that the feeling left behind was strangely complicated.

At the front door she kicked off her shoes and muttered under her breath, just loud enough to hear.

"It would've been better if you'd just gotten uglier over those six years. Ugh."

"What?"

"Nothing. Gross. You don't need to know."

If you're going to say it, at least make it audible.

"Go rest, Oppa. You had a rough time."

"Yeah. Thanks. You too."

"Hmph! It was nothing. And—"

"......?"

"Lately you've been looking better, though."

She had already started toward her room, then turned back.

"The weirdos are the problem. You didn't do anything wrong. You know that, right?"

"...Yeah."

"Good. I'm going. Ugh."

Speaking so seriously must have embarrassed her; she gave a quick nod and fled into her room as if escaping.

This cringey, damp atmosphere was entirely my fault in the end.

The room with the lights still off was pitch dark.

I went straight to the bed.

I pulled the blanket all the way over my head.

At my age, I couldn't let my little sister see me shaking like a leaf.

Only once I was alone in the room did my body start to tremble.

Everything I had been holding back came loose all at once.

As I slowly found my calm again—

Bzzzt—

Only then did I feel the vibration of the smartphone in my pocket.

Missed calls and messages piled up from Yu Nari.

Ah. She's going to be worried.

I snatched up the phone at once.

Yu Nari's voice poured out.

"...Yeah. I'm fine."

"Nuna's more shaken than I am."

"...I'm fine. Just a little."

"..."

Because I feel so pathetic.

The words stuck in my throat.

I couldn't pretend everything was fine and say I was okay—not when I'd just been curled up under the blanket feeling sorry for myself.

"Yeah."

"..."

Come to think of it, Yu Nari had never once dug into my past.

These past few months she had quietly helped me step outside again.

My sister, Yu Nari—and not just them. Everyone at the company was clearly looking out for me.

I'm sorry...

To all of them, and to myself as well.

For the first time, I opened my mouth.

"Nuna."

I told her the story I had never spoken to anyone.

"Do you know how I ended up locking myself in my room?"

With the blanket pulled up to my shoulders, I poured my years into the mic on my wired earphones.

From the time years ago when I was growing my internet stream, to the strange emails and gifts, to people showing up at school—and finally, to them finding the house.

Yu Nari listened until the end, then exploded.

"I reported them, but this was before the anti-stalking laws even existed. They were minors themselves, so at least they got fined."

Watching Yu Nari rage so freely gave me a kind of vicarious satisfaction—but more than that, it hurt that she was seeing me so pathetic.

Maybe I hadn't wanted to show this side of myself to the person who always told me I was cool, that she was grateful, that I was the best.

"I'm weak..."

Yu Nari snapped.

"......"

Looking at myself locked up again the way I used to be, I had nothing to say.

Yu Nari's voice grew gentler; she wasn't forcing any challenge on me.

"......"

Her voice carried a smile that sounded completely sincere—then shifted.

The sheer seriousness in her voice made my fingers tighten on the edge of the blanket.

The world beyond the window still terrified me.

I had finally gathered the courage to take those first baby steps, only to be swept up in a vicious storm.

But the good people around me far outnumbered the rest.

A small ember of not wanting it to end like this flickered up from deep in my chest.

"What should I do?"

I didn't know the method.

My arm was still shaking; I couldn't just pretend none of it had happened.

Yu Nari answered without a second of hesitation.

"...Start over?"

I had no idea what she was thinking, but the other end of the line went quiet for a moment.

A few seconds later.

Ding—!

A Discord message arrived on my phone.

Wait, this is—

The post the old Lunari had accidentally uploaded to the MIDI community I used to lurk in.

The only difference from back then was that it now had a password.

I pressed it.

"Whoa."

The moment the viewer count flipped from 0 to 1—

A voice from the empty black screen greeted me.

Back then her delivery had still been awkward.

Now the greeting sounded completely natural.

While I was still lost in the memory—

—Screeeeeeech— Beeeeeeeep—

"Augh—!"

I yanked the earphones out of my ears.

What in the world is this horrifying noise.

Awkward panic leaked through the screen.

"Haha..."

Did she really need to reenact even this part?

Where exactly was she planning to start from?

It was so absurd that hollow laughter just kept spilling out.

I carefully moved my fingers.

It was painfully obvious she had deliberately wrecked the settings; even though she barely touched anything, it snapped back to a clean, noise-free mix.

Next she would ask me to listen to a song, tell her the tone was charming, and I would offer to arrange something for her.

The flow from back then rose vividly in my mind.

While I hesitated over the chat, the black screen vanished and even the old, shabby Lunari avatar appeared.

She still had that one, huh.

I had thought the old stories were nothing but painful memories. The ones we had built more recently were surprisingly warm.

The connection I had continued while trembling back then had led all the way here.

It was funny that Lunari was putting on this ridiculous play for my sake, and at the same ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠time it made me a little sad.

I'll hold onto this feeling.

Yu Nari was still waiting for my next line, but I had already received more than enough strength from her.

The realization that there were many hands supporting me from behind, too many to just collapse, settled in my chest.

I wanted to pour that feeling into a song—one for people who needed courage the way I did.

For everyone who was tired and falling.

Back in the days when I used to carry Lunari's logs, she spoke out loud and I answered in chat.

We bantered lightly the same way, then circled back to today's incident.

I was the one who resolved to change first.

More proactive. New Neo Do-yoon Version 2.

Once I held onto that confidence, the gloom seemed to lift a little.

We kept up small talk after that, finding the rhythm of ordinary life again, when Yu Nari suddenly shifted her tone with awkward care.

Nuna cleared her throat a few times.

......?

Look at the state of my mental health. As if I would.

I couldn't tell whether she had been curious about someone else's love life or mine.

The bright lift at the end of her voice faintly recalled the state Yu Nari had been in the night before the MAMA stage.

I didn't have the energy left to dig any deeper, so I let it slide.

We chatted a few more minutes before it got late enough that I decided to end the past-regression event.

I had to call Han So-yeong before it got any later; there was no choice.

Yu Nari said she had somewhere to go as well, left a cheerful goodbye, and vanished.

......Where at this hour?

I had expected her to suggest drinking to celebrate the MAMA stage, but she just coolly promised, "Next time we definitely drink together!" and left it for later.

And when I called Han So-yeong......

I got scolded.

"That was because I only take taxis back and forth from home, and it would be awkward for both of us..."

The long-suffering sigh made me shrink.

Maybe I shouldn't have said anything.

"I think the threat was handled pretty well..."

"Uh... yes, ma'am."

So there hadn't been a choice after all.

The studio is nice, though...

I did have a song I wanted to make, so maybe this worked out.

Before that, I should tell my sister, and also explain things to our parents.