40. A Fool Tastes Best When Fleeced
Rumble. Rumble.
In the center of the expedition force, surrounded by the Murim Alliance's elite troops forming an ironclad escort, the air inside the massive carriage draped in the finest silk was so oppressively heavy and bizarre that even breathing felt like a chore.
Haah... this is gonna make me puke, for real.
I leaned back against the plush headrest of the carriage's top seat, eyes gently closed as if deep in meditation, but inside, cold sweat was beading on my skin.
Across from me sat an unwelcome guest, half-perched on the edge of the farthest corner seat, glaring daggers like she wanted to chew me up and spit me out. It was Jegal Cheom—nephew of Cheoni-gak leader Jegalmugeom and blood of the Jegal family, one of the Five Great Families.
Shit, I totally stepped in it.
I cracked my eyes open and gave Jegal Cheom a quick once-over, clicking my tongue inwardly. Jegal Cheom, the golden boy who'd fallen hard for Hwangbo Suyeon—a textbook 'pathetic young master'. In a standard wuxia novel, a guy like that would pick a fight with the protagonist on the road, get a martial beatdown, lose all his pocket money, and slink offstage.
He's not an assassin gunning for my life anyway... so how do I wriggle out of this mess?
I racked my brains. Then, a deeply satisfying smile crept across my lips.
After all, a mark tastes best when you bleed him dry.
On the first night of the journey, as the expedition settled into a large roadside inn on the way to Haebuk, my worst fears came true.
"Suyeon!"
A shrill, brash voice overflowing with cocky confidence boomed through the inn's first-floor dining hall.
"Don't worry about a single coin—order whatever you want!"
Jegal Cheom plopped down right in front of Hwangbo Suyeon, striking a pose full of bravado.
"For you, big brother here will buy out every dish in this inn! Hahaha!"
His fake hearty laugh nearly made me spit out my tea.
Ugh, what an idiot.
I shook my head inwardly. Trying to win her over with food and some shallow money flex? He didn't even know the first letter of "romance." Amateur hour, the kind of idea only a kid with no real-world experience could have.
Jegal Cheom had no clue about the bizarre, abnormal ecosystem of this party—especially the true nature of the Hwangbo Suyeon he was so smitten with.
Before she was the lofty pearl of the Hwangbo family, she was a raving 'fanatic' who treated my junk-food dopamine novel like holy scripture.
And he had no idea what it meant to interrupt mealtime with her object of worship.
"Young Master Jegal."
Hwangbo Suyeon's voice was utterly emotionless, cold and mechanical. She slowly turned her head toward him. I could clearly see disgust and killing intent bubbling up in her flawless, wide eyes.
"Master is quietly dining right now."
Her voice dropped even lower, pressing down on the inn's air like a weight.
"If you dare disturb Master's noble peace with that frivolous mouth of yours..."
Shing!
Before her icy warning could finish, Seol Muyeong—who'd been sitting like a statue beside me—moved. She viciously drew her cherished eternal snow sword Seola halfway from its sheath.
The brief scrape of blade on scabbard sent the inn's first floor plummeting into subzero chill. Frigid aura poured from Seol Muyeong, frosting the nearby tables white.
"I'll cut you."
Her voice was ice-cold. Before that overwhelming threat of violence, Jegal Cheom's greasy face drained white in shock.
And I knew.
Now's the moment.
The perfect timing for 'mark hunting'.
Ahem.
I cleared my throat with a deliberate cough, shattering the suffocating tension. I set my teacup down on the table with leisurely elegance, then dabbed my lips with my sleeve, prepping my flawless performance.
With an arrogant, smug smile, I slowly turned to Jegal Cheom.
"Suyeon, Muyeong. Put your weapons away."
At my low, weighty command, Hwangbo Suyeon and Seol Muyeong retracted their killing intent like obedient hounds, lowering their stances.
Confirming their absolute obedience, I fixed my gaze back on Jegal Cheom.
"It seems our noble Young Master Jegal is offering pure goodwill—treating us to the finest with the Murim Alliance's generous budget."
I dragged out the end of my sentence, slyly prodding his pride.
"No need to bare your fangs at such a valued guest, is there?"
I rose slowly from my seat.
"On second thought, you're absolutely right, Young Master."
I placed a light hand on his shoulder and whispered in a voice both affectionate and chilling.
"We can't have the Hwangbo family's precious pearl—our Suyeon—sleeping in some flea-infested, stinking cheap inn room, now can we?"
I stared deep into his eyes, driving the nail home.
"Young Master Jegal. Didn't you just boldly declare with your own mouth that money's no object?"
"Th-that's true, but... I meant for Suyeon..."
Jegal Cheom stammered, backing away slyly. But the trap I'd set had already snared his ankle tight.
"Magnificent! I'm truly impressed!"
I clapped dramatically, feigning deep emotion.
"As expected of Cheoni-gak leader Jegalmugeom's nephew—such tremendous magnanimity!"
I blocked his escape by invoking his family and status, ensuring he couldn't slip away.
"Your spending is on another level from a poor scholar like me! That's the true grace of a prestigious house!"
Beaming with satisfaction, I bellowed at the innkeeper, who'd been peeking from the kitchen.
"Innkeeper! Didn't you hear? Get over here!"
"Y-yes, sir! Great hero! You called?"
The innkeeper rushed over, bowing low.
"This fine, wealthy Young Master Jegal here will cover every single expense at this inn tonight!"
"P-pardon? For real?"
"Of course! First, clear out the three largest, most luxurious suites—spotless!"
I savored Jegal Cheom's face turning earth-pale as I piled on.
"The best rooms for our group are a given! And unlimited top-shelf liquor and meat for every Murim Alliance guard out there eating dust!"
"Un-unlimited, sir?"
"You think I'm joking? Doubting Young Master Jegal's generosity?"
"No, sir! Right away, great hero!"
The innkeeper's face lit up like he'd won the world.
But my ultimate receipt terrorism was just getting started.
"Oh, one more thing, innkeeper. Mind if I make a special request?"
At my polite "request," he bowed so deep his head nearly hit the floor.
"Anything! I'd pull the pillars out of this place if you asked!"
"By tomorrow morning, before we depart—scour Nakyang if you must and bring dozens of the finest silk cushions!"
"S-silk cushions?"
"Yes. Long road ahead—we want the carriage interiors padded plush, no gaps."
I thumbed back at the dazed Jegal Cheom.
"Bill it all to that flashy 'young master of the Jegal family' over there!"
"Got it! I'll bang on every silk shop door if needed!"
As the innkeeper bolted to the kitchen, Jegal Cheom finally snapped to, veins bulging with injustice.
"H-hey! Why should I pay for your guards' booze and meat? And silk cushions for the carriage? That's blatant budget waste and abuse!"
His frantic outburst was exactly as predicted—right on script.
I shrugged leisurely, dropping my voice to a pitiful tone.
"Hmm... you have a point, Young Master."
I gave him a look of deepest sympathy and sighed.
"Guess the Murim Alliance's funds aren't as flush as I thought. And we must consider your personal pockets. I overstepped."
I turned to Hwangbo Suyeon, feigning loneliness.
"Suyeon, why don't you go enjoy some fine dishes with Young Master Jegal? Seems he'll spare no expense for you."
"Master...?"
"I'll just eat cold noodles with leftover alliance water here and turn in early."
I struck a perfectly wretched pose.
"Oh, and sorry—tomorrow's long carriage ride means your delicate hips grinding against hard wooden floors. Can't be helped."
My pitch-perfect pathetic act ended.
"No, Master!"
Hwangbo Suyeon shot up, fury like world-ending apocalypse, her killing glare stabbing Jegal Cheom's heart.
"I will never leave Master's side, not for a moment!"
Then, confidently:
"And bumpy floors on a long trip? My inner energy can block it perfectly—please don't worry, Master!"
Her desperate, blind loyalty. And her blatant loathing, like he was a bug.
Faced with that brutal reality, the pride-swollen, bravado-living pathetic young master Jegal Cheom had one path left.
"Urgh...!"
In the end, he grudgingly shoved a trembling hand into his bosom.
With his crush Hwangbo Suyeon glaring wide-eyed, he couldn't bear to look cheap over a few coins—the world's most pathetic man.
"F-f-fine! I'll pay! It's just money!"
Tears of blood in his eyes, he flung a fortune in silver onto the table.
A perfect mark born—blinded by love, or rather, strangled by his own shallow bluff.
Thanks to our walking wallet Jegal Cheom, the group splurged like water the whole long road to Haebuk.
After that day, in the jolting carriage on rough mountain paths, no shocks reached my butt or back.
The innkeeper's town-wide hunt had yielded plush, smooth top-grade silk cushions cradling me like clouds.
Ah, the taste of capitalism. No—the sweetness of murim luxury on someone else's dime.
I barely suppressed a leaking grin, keeping up the meditation act.
In the corner, Jegal Cheom fiddled with his empty money pouch, staring blankly into space.
Thus, burning Jegal Cheom's blood money, our luxury carriage finally slowed.
"Great hero, we've arrived."
The driver's cautious call, and the heavy wheels ground to a halt.
I slowly opened my eyes and lifted the curtain over the sealed carriage window.
First in my view: a massive gate looming like a mountain fortress.
And the grand plaque atop it.
Haebuk Paenga.
One of the Five Great Families, unrivaled in dao mastery—a den of brutish human weapons.
At last, we'd reached our true destination.