The Heaven and Earth Inspection Bureau

The eunuchs stared in a daze, as if their ears had simply refused to accept what they had just heard. Imperial Commissioner-what? Governor-General-who?

One, two, three... hang on... eleven, twelve!

They had no idea what it ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠meant — but first of all, look at how many characters it had. The sheer number of characters! It sounded enormous. Terrifying, even. A title perfectly tailored to the eunuch temperament, which had always favored winning by volume.

Of course they're stunned. I brought it with me from my previous life.

Jin Myeong found it privately hilarious. They were making such ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠a fuss over a title they would have coined themselves, given enough time. How could he not find that funny?

Before the regression, it was a title Zheng He had extracted as the price for pulling a civil official out of prison. As if a pack of castrated men with no gift for letters could ever have invented such a name on their own. Not a chance in hell.

"Imperial Commissioner! Governor-General! Now that is truly terrifying. Wouldn't you say so, Grand Director?"

"Oh-hong-hong! I was thinking along the same lines myself — and he beat me to it."

"I beg your pardon? You were, Grand Eunuch?"

"Grand Eunuch Wang, that look in your eye is rather impure. I am the Grand Director, I'll have you know. You think I couldn't manage a thing like that?"

"Yes, yes. Of course."

Wang Guitong's entire face lit up with mischievous delight as he answered Zheng He. Color bloomed across every Grand Eunuch's features.

The title did not hang together with perfect elegance, but the heart of it was Imperial Commissioner and Governor-General. An Imperial Commissioner was a minister dispatched by the Emperor's own hand. A Governor-General had, from ancient times, been the title of a supreme minister of state who commanded both civil administration and military affairs without distinction.

In other words, the title used Imperial Commissioner to drive home that the Superintendent of the Eastern Depot derived his majesty from the Emperor himself — and Governor-General to imply that his authority knew no field and no limit. Reduced to its essence: the Emperor's own limbs, a man who stood beneath one and above ten thousand. It was a perfect fit. A title that sat exactly — exactly — on the stature of the Eastern Depot's master. One might even call it a kind of merciless perfection.

"I'd only ever heard the stories, but where in the world did a freak of a eunuch like that even come from? His mind and his frame both seem to belong to an entirely different species from the rest of us."

Hai Shou, encountering Jin Myeong's true caliber for the first time, spoke with unconcealed excitement. He had heard the talk, yes. But the looks, the martial arts, the wit and resourcefulness, and now even the gift for letters — was this not a eunuch-demon in human skin?

"Is he not the foremost inner court official under heaven? The foremost! There is a reason a man of his years seized the title of the greatest eunuch in the realm. This official knew it from the start. Even the eunuch of an age is appointed by Heaven itself."

"Supervisor Jang, this official is sincerely in awe. Continue as you have. The expectations of this official and of every Grand Eunuch here rest heavily upon you."

Unlike Zheng He, Yi Gwak, and Yun Bong, who saw Jin Myeong often, Wang Guitong and Hai Shou had rarely laid eyes on him — and they were now thoroughly converted. The merits Jin Myeong had already piled up were formidable enough, but to witness him in the flesh? He was everything the reputation had promised, and more. How did the boy put his hand to a problem and have it solved, just like that?

"How could I do otherwise, Gonggong? Leave it to this humble official."

Jin Myeong clasped his hands and offered modest bows to Wang Guitong, Hai Shou, and the other Grand Eunuchs.

Just don't actually leave it to me. My capital is going to run out very quickly...

This time he had merely pulled the future forward. The moment they asked him something he did not already know, or the moment he ran into a problem he had never lived through, he would be just as clueless as the rest of them.

"Superintendent of the Eastern Depot is an excellent name as well. Indeed — it is we Grand Eunuchs who ought to educate and supervise the officials. There are those among them whose very posture in serving His Majesty is already wrong. Is that not so?"

Superintendent had, from of old, been the title of an office that encouraged education and oversaw the conduct of officials. Eunuchs, educating and supervising the entire realm? It carried a dignity that felt almost prime ministerial.

Zheng He glanced toward Wang Guitong as if seeking agreement, and the Grand Eunuchs nodded as one, declaring him entirely correct.

"Aye, aye!"

"Let Imperial Commissioner-Governor of the Eastern Depot, Grand Eunuch of Official Instruction and Adjudication be affixed with the official seal and used on stamps and command tokens. In ordinary speech, we shall continue to use Superintendent of the Eastern Depot."

"We shall do as Grand Eunuch Wang says. What say you all?"

The Grand Eunuchs agreed unanimously. A short while later, the discussion proceeded in good order. Today's session was scheduled to conclude once the central organization of those serving in the Imperial Palace and the Eastern Depot had been settled.

Jin Myeong named nearly every title himself — exactly as he had before the regression. Zheng He, Yi Gwak, Yun Bong, and several of the other Grand Eunuchs already knew he had a gift for letters, so there was no difficulty on that score.

As aides to the Superintendent of the Eastern Depot, they would install one Left Interrogator — a Chiliarch of Severe Punishment — and one Right Interrogator — a Centurion of Secondary Punishment — both to be held by Brush-Holding Grand Eunuchs. Beneath them, some forty Directors, Commanders, and Secretaries would be drawn from Attendant Grand Eunuchs and those of lower rank, forming the command staff.

The central posts would primarily watch the officials and Imperial Guards of the palace, the capital, and the central government. The provincial posts would watch the princely establishments, the Five Military Commissions, local officials, and the regional commercial world. The motto, in any event, was simple: preside over everything, and inspect everything. An all-encompassing surveillance organ that would, if it came to it, investigate the price of vegetables at the neighborhood corner stall. The Eastern Depot, whose ranks would one day swell to as many as a hundred and fifty thousand, was being born.

"As our final item, I propose we establish an organ under the Superintendent of the Eastern Depot with authority over the martial world. For a name, I have drafted something in the vein of Heaven and Earth Inspection Bureau — meaning an office that inspects heaven and earth. What are your thoughts?"

Yun Bong, who had gotten through the discussion with relative ease thanks to Jin Myeong, asked the question with a considerably more comfortable air.

They're doing that already...? Strange. The timing has only moved up — the result is the same...?

Jin Myeong, listening, felt an odd sensation. Before the regression, the man who had established the Heaven and Earth Inspection Bureau under the Eastern Depot — the Inspection Bureau, for short — had been none other than Yun Bong, after he had risen to Grand Director.

"Of course we should! There was that Hainan business last time, and then those rotten creatures of the Suchengye. Is that not so, Grand Eunuchs?"

"Aye, aye!"

Wang Guitong supplied the answer, and the rest of the Grand Eunuchs fell in behind him. They had set the Brocade Guard on Yi Yugyeong and Nam Woo-jeong's trail — and lost them somewhere short of Hefei. In the days since, Zheng He and Jin Myeong had shared with the Grand Eunuchs the intelligence obtained from Yong Hui-yeon, so the Grand Eunuchs were already aware of the Suchengye's existence.

"Suchengye. The name means, in effect, to follow Heaven. Between their appearance in the capital and their attempt to join hands with Hainan after it turned its back on the Imperial House — I do not like the smell of it."

Yi Gwak, who had been listening in silence all this while, spoke up. Once the Chief Attendant Grand Eunuch, Yi Gwak had become the junior-most Brush-Holding Grand Eunuch to fill the vacancy left by Huang Yan. As he said, the fact that Yi Yugyeong and Nam Woo-jeong had joined hands with a Hainan that had turned against the Imperial House and attempted to kill Jin Myeong was an unambiguous act of hostility toward the throne. That such people should happen to call themselves Suchengye — Followers of Heaven — was no ordinary matter.

"Brush-Holder Yi is correct. They are almost certainly a cabal harboring treasonous intent. We now know their capabilities are far from ordinary, so we must prepare accordingly. Is that not so, Attendant Hai?"

"It is. We must find out what heaven they follow, who their people are — how many stoves they keep and how many chopsticks they own. In this bright age of the Great Ming, how dare some wild outsider presume to speak of Heaven?"

Even Wang Guitong and Hai Shou, whose faces were ordinarily so generous, wore hard expressions now.

"Well said, all of you. An excellent thought, Yun Bong. Constitute the Heaven and Earth Inspection Bureau as a matter of first priority. A Brush-Holder shall serve as Bureau Chief at the outset; later, one of the Attendants can take the post. As for the practical work — to what level do you intend to assign it?"

Zheng He, his own face equally grim, nodded as he asked. Tap. Tap. Tap. The habit that surfaced whenever he sank into thought: the tip of a fingernail rapping the table.

"The first Bureau Chief this humble official has in mind is Brush-Holding Grand Eunuch Yi Gwak. As for the practical work..."

For ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠a fleeting instant, Yun Bong agonized.

If I take it, I die of overwork nine times out of ten. Hand it to Junior Director Wu? No, that's not it either... Then again, I can hardly look after a fellow Junior Director.

The Heaven and Earth Inspection Bureau. A name that promised a man would have to race about the outside world with a cold draft between his legs, and more than occasionally sleep rough on the open road. The Bureau's practical work was going to be exhausting in the extreme. He had devised it himself, but it was a department practically purpose-built for dying on the road or working oneself into the grave. And besides — a eunuch knew the Imperial Palace well enough. The jianghu? The martial world? Until now, the eunuchs' general attitude toward the martial world had been this: what do we care? So long as they don't touch us, that's enough.

That said, I can hardly hand it to some random nobody.

If a man took the Inspection Bureau's practical work and did it well, he would strike a fortune that guaranteed him the Superintendent's seat itself one day. But how many years would it take to catch a Suchengye of which only the name and the purpose were known? One way or another, sitting tight inside the Imperial Palace was the winning ticket for all eternity. He had already risen to Junior Director; a Grand Eunuch's seat would come automatically if he simply waited. Why go looking for hardship?

So it's one of the left or right Supervisors after all...? Jang Jinmyeong is too young... Zhong Shan is the answer.

In the end, Yun Bong decided to crush the matter with seniority. If you told a eunuch to drop his trousers, he dropped them; if you told him to take a job, he took it. What other choice was there? Jin Myeong had ability and rank enough, but he was only just approaching twenty. Out in the world, experience would often tell against him. Left Supervisor Zhong Shan, in his mid-thirties, was the answer.

Meanwhile.

Yeah, that's not it. I'm not doing it. I said I'm not doing it.

At that very moment, Jin Myeong was doing his utmost to avoid Yun Bong's gaze.

Don't look this way. Don't look at me, Yun Bong.

The Heaven and Earth Inspection Bureau? Not a chance in hell. Why would he take on that kind of miserable slog for no reason, when there was a well-fed, warm-backed Imperial Palace right here?

I'll die before I take it!

Left Supervisor Zhong Shan's inner thoughts were identical to Jin Myeong's. A truly hair-raising game of evasion unfolded between the two of them.

And then.

"Will Supervisor Jang take it on? The left and right Junior Directors already have more than enough work. It seems more appropriate for one of the Supervisors to assume it. What do you say?"

Yi Gwak turned to Jin Myeong and dropped a bolt from the blue. Yi Gwak trusted Jin Myeong without limit. He had trusted him from the very moment, years ago, when Jin Myeong had answered his interrogation about the boy's reasons for entering the palace by saying he had left the mundane world to become a ghost of the Imperial Palace — that he was already no longer a person. Young and inexperienced he might still be, but was he not an inner court official whose eunuch spirit was more thorough than anyone's? Yi Gwak would be Bureau Chief himself; he meant, if he could help it, to put his favored Jin Myeong to the practical work.

"I beg your pardon? Ah... this humble official would of course—! But I am presently registered at Yeongan Palace. Would it even be possible?"

You old Gonggong—! This personnel decision is really—!

Jin Myeong's heart began to hammer at the sudden thunderbolt. He felt heat climbing the back of his skull.

No, no. I can hardly leave the Crown Princess's palace empty.

Then he thought of Crown Princess Zhang. The household of Zhu Gaochi was the only corner he could truly rely on. He was a personal attendant eunuch of the Crown Princess — surely they could not pack him off to wander the outside world so easily...

"You have Adjutant Jeong Go, do you not? It isn't as though you would be out in the field continuously. You need only go out when there is a major case and then return. Your affiliation can sit with both the Eastern Depot's Inspection Bureau and Yeongan Palace."

"...I-is that so?"

There it was. There it was, all right. Of all people, Zheng He had stepped in and tidied the matter up — far too simply, far too easily.

That simple? Ha...

Wang Guitong and the remaining Grand Eunuchs sank into thought over Jin Myeong.

"Hrmm...! Entrusting the Inspection Bureau's practical work to Supervisor Jang..."

"Hrmm..."

As if to prove the old saying that all eunuchs are one body, they clutched their chins with their right hands in perfect unison and stared at the center of the table, a sight so synchronized it was almost comical.

Come on, this isn't right. Think about it. He'll have to go up against men pushing eighty. Even with an official's authority behind him, is it not a little strange for a boy who's only just of age to be throwing his weight around?

Jin Myeong saw a thread of hope in the Grand Eunuchs' manner. The hope that it might still be ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠overturned. He swallowed a dry throatful and watched their mouths.

Jin Myeong nearly lost consciousness on the spot. These damned eunuchs, honestly.

"Indeed! Supervisor Jang is more than sufficient. Congratulations, Supervisor Jang. I find myself eager to see what clever scheme you will use this time to weed out those Suchengye vermin. Is that not so, Attendant Hai?"

Wang Guitong, the look of torment from a moment before wiped clean away, slapped his knee.

"If an old eunuch goes outside, he'll just reek of piss — what good impression is that going to make? They'll only talk behind his back. And this may sound a little strange, but if we have a choice, is it not better to send a eunuch who still looks like a person?"

"There is reason in that. There will be times when disguise is required, after all. You can smell an old eunuch from half a li away. A young eunuch is better in every respect."

Freshly castrated eunuchs soaked their bedding for some time afterward. The symptom generally improved as they acquired technique and as some of the severed musculature recovered — but not always, and as the years accumulated the muscles weakened again and incontinence returned. The phrase "a piss-stinking old eunuch" came from precisely that.

"Besides, Supervisor Jang has already been granted an imperial sword. If the Grand Director would petition His Majesty to confer upon him the authority of summary execution over rebellious subjects, the Supervisor's work will become considerably easier."

In the end, Wang Guitong and Hai Shou wrapped the matter up cleanly. It was not an argument without logic.

"Let it be so. Then we shall appoint Supervisor Jang Jinmyeong as Commander of the Inspection Bureau. Supervisor Jang, consult with Yi Gwak and Yun Bong and draw up the Bureau's organization. You have all worked hard. We will end here for today."

Zheng He spoke with a look of satisfaction.

"Aye, aye!"

With the Grand Eunuchs' voices joined as one, Jin Myeong's newest office was decided.

Several days later, a week before New Year's Day, Zhu Zhanji — eldest son of Crown Prince Zhu Gaochi — and Zhu Zhanhe — eldest son of the Prince of Han, Zhu Gaoxu — were at their martial practice. Zhu Zhanhe, Heir of the Prince of Han, had come to the capital to attend the New Year's ceremonies.

The New Year's ceremonies consisted of two things: the ancestral rites, and a hunting contest. Every winter the Yongle Emperor led the imperial clan and the great and lesser officials out to a hunting competition — an arena in which the imperial clan vied among themselves, and the officials among themselves.

They were of an age, but the air between them was as cold as a sheet of thin ice. The look on each face was no different. All of it because the two of them were rivals — and not ordinary rivals. One was the Imperial Grandson. The other was a princely heir who coveted that very seat.

Because Crown Prince Zhu Gaochi had lost both his martial arts and his health, Zhu Zhanji's role had become all the more vital. For Zhu Zhanji, maintaining an overwhelming presence among his brothers was the only path that would protect both his father's position and his own. He could not lose to Zhu Zhanhe. He must not lose.

A hiss of air — then a heavy, splitting crack. The iron arrows Zhu Zhanhe loosed flew true and buried themselves in the target ten times out of ten.

A hiss of air — then a dull thud. Zhu Zhanji's often fell short of the mark, or veered wide into the earth.

"Your Highness seems to miss with every shot. Archery, as a rule, must be backed by strength."

Zhu Zhanhe, a towering youth of a frame well over six chi, sneered. It was mockery slipped across as if in passing — and an unmistakable laugh in the face.