Don't You Want Flowing Hair Once More?
'What the hell...'
I was riding in a carriage with Thomas, a man whose resolve seemed unbreakable even if you jabbed a needle in his eye. We were heading to the Ling Office. It would've been nice if Cache had come along too, but the hospital was swamped with patients—probably the opening rush—so in the end, it was just me and Res heading there.
"We're here. Go inside, grab a number ticket, and a staff member will handle it right away."
"Got it."
The carriage stopped in front of a Gothic-style building that reminded me of a small cathedral. But that wasn't what caught my eye.
Is that... a magic tower?
Near the Ling Office stood a bizarre tower that evoked images of Sauron's tower. Up close, it looked less like a tower and more like a massive skyscraper, built from dull gray bricks that filled me with a sense of gloom just looking at it. I'd spotted that towering structure from the 11th floor of my hospital and guessed it was the magic tower, but seeing it in person, the sheer intimidation was overwhelming.
But I wasn't just shocked by the magic tower.
And that... is the dungeon?
About a kilometer in front of the gray magic tower loomed a massive cave—no, not a cave, more like a giant dome stadium or concert hall. That was the dungeon.
"What are you doing standing there instead of going in?"
Lost in the overwhelming sight even from afar, a cold voice pierced my eardrums from behind as I stared at the dungeon.
"Ah, I'll head in now."
Following the stern Ling Office worker's guidance, I stepped inside. The interior felt like a larger-than-average neighborhood office.
"Um, where do I get the number ticket...?"
Whether Thomas hadn't heard me or was deliberately ignoring me, he just strode straight into the back of the counter. As I scanned around for where the tickets might be,
"Big bro!"
"Miner bro!"
I didn't even need to turn around—the deep, cavernous voices calling my name belonged to Ollie and Jeff.
"What brings you guys here?"
"Ollie and I are renewing our adventurer badges. Gotta do it when you change residence areas, but we forgot. What about you, bro?"
"I..."
You assholes didn't give me the full info, so now I have to pay a fine!
The words nearly burst out of my throat. But Jeff and Ollie were among the few friendly faces in this world. I swallowed my frustration and got straight to the point.
"They told me to pay a fine. Do you know where to get the number ticket?"
"A fine? Did you kill someone?"
"Where's the number ticket?"
"Ah, go to the number ticket snail over there."
"Number ticket snail?"
"Yeah, this way."
Jeff and Ollie marched toward a pillar inside the Ling Office, and I followed. What Jeff pointed at with his thick, burly index finger made me pause in confusion.
"This is... the number ticket snail?"
"Yeah, get your ticket here."
Back in my orphanage days, one of the older boys had brought in an African giant snail as a gift. It was a disgustingly huge 15 cm thing. And now, before my eyes, was a monstrous snail at least 30 cm long. I had no idea what to do with this monster-like creature.
"Ah, first time, huh, bro? Like this."
Thwack!
Grweeeek— Grweeeek— Grweeeek—
"Pound the shell hard, and the ticket comes out."
"......"
Ollie curled his meaty fist and slammed it down like he was trying to crush the snail's shell. A slimy number ticket emerged from the snail's mouth with grotesque sounds.
"You two!! I warned you earlier. You can tap the number ticket snail gently. Do that again, and it'll break. Next time, you'll pay a fine."
Thomas, whom I'd thought had vanished, popped out to warn us before disappearing again. We shuffled back to the waiting area with awkward expressions.
"Bro, your number's coming up soon. Let's head out together! We finished our adventurer badge renewals."
"Let's grab a drink after."
"Next time. Ollie's still recovering—"
"Ah, bro!!"
"......?"
Ollie's sudden roar sent chills down my spine. Had I said something wrong?
"Don't be so cold! At least say let's grab a meal together!"
"......Ollie, Jeff. Then let's eat together after."
"Hahaha! Awesome!"
"Let's eat something tasty!"
As Jeff and Ollie let out their booming laughs, the staff at counter 3 raised a sign with the number from my ticket.
"I'll be back."
"Yeah, we'll wait."
"See you, bro!"
Leaving Jeff and Ollie behind, I approached counter 3. Thomas, who had guided me here, was stern enough, but the woman at the counter with the nameplate Rachel had an expression so icy it made my limbs go numb just meeting her eyes.
Rachel asked me with a mechanical face devoid of any emotion.
"What brings you here?"
"I started a business at the entrance to the Dungeon Zone..."
I explained in detail, including my conversation with Thomas and how I'd been forcibly transported from my original world.
The woman named Rachel took some documents from Thomas inside the counter, then started slashing red underlines everywhere without hesitation. With a calculator-like device, she pounded away furiously before scribbling a number on a small paper and handing it to me.
"Total amount due: 53,928 gold, 1 silver, 7 copper."
"Pardon?"
"Sigh... 53,928 gold, 1 silver, 7 copper."
I never forget what I hear when I focus. So when I asked Rachel again, it was because 53,928 gold, 1 silver, 7 copper equated to about 5,392,817,000 won—an absurd amount.
"No, isn't that too much? Why such a huge—"
Shwick—
Before I could finish, Rachel shoved the stack of papers she'd been marking with red pen at me.
"Business unregistered fine and registration fee, resident registration fee, resident tax, land tax, stamp duty, surtax, etc.—it's all listed there. Take a close look."
With trembling pupils, I skimmed the text quickly, my gaze landing on the red line on one page. The biggest chunk of the cost was land purchase fee. I'd already paid it off in Korea, and now they wanted more?
"I told you I didn't build on that land voluntarily—I was forcibly transported. Isn't there any way around this? This is like a natural disaster!"
Despite my desperate plea, Rachel stared at me without blinking.
"There is a method for that situation."
"Phew... That's a relief. What is it?"
"Pay 53,928 gold, 1 silver, 7 copper."
A hot surge rose from my gut at the Ling Office worker's robotic repetition.
"No, I'm asking if there's another way besides paying that now!"
"There is one other method."
"Yes! What is it?!"
"Demolish it. Demolition company contacts are available at the back. Using a demolition company incurs additional fees—do you need guidance?"
"......"
The hellish bureaucrat's attitude left me speechless. But Rachel adjusted her slipping glasses with an indifferent expression and continued.
"Think positively. Dungeon Zone land isn't normally traded under the Dungeon Zone Special Law, except in exceptional cases like yours. Even at the entrance, be proud you own your own land."
Proud? My river view was gone, replaced by this shitty field view, and now I was being forced to buy it for over 5 billion won?
I suppressed my skyrocketing blood pressure by reciting the Heart Sutra, took several deep breaths, and asked the Ling Office worker again.
"What if I can't pay right now?"
"No issue."
"Oh, really? Then—"
"You'll get 30 years of labor reeducation."
"......"
No answer. Utterly no answer. I desperately needed another solution.
"You know I can't pay that lump sum, right? Installments! Can't I pay in parts?"
At my impassioned words, Rachel let out a faint sigh and looked up at me again.
"Installments are possible. But you need at least two guarantors. With guarantees from two or more Frederik Dungeon Zone residents or adventurer badge holders, 30-year term installments are allowed."
30 years labor reeducation vs. 30-year installments. The choice was obvious. The moment I heard the Ling Office worker, I turned toward the waiting area.
"Ahem..."
"Ugh, seems like it'll take too long. Should we head out first, boss?"
"Hmm... Yeah, probably."
These meatheads, who two days ago called me their lifesaver, were now showing cold shoulders.
"Jeff, Ollie. Please!"
I couldn't let them slip away, so I hurried over like using a shrinking spell.
"You know you're the only ones I can ask here!"
"Ah... Well, Mom said not to guarantee lightly..."
"Ollie's right. Guarantees aren't even for family usually. Sorry as we are for you, Miner, we can't..."
Miner? Now it's Miner? Where'd 'bro' go, you bastards!
An endless wave of rage crashed over me at their words. But I couldn't furrow my brow now. I was the desperate one, not them.
Even if Cache guarantees, I still need one more. No choice but to ask these guys now.
With resolute eyes full of determination, I grabbed Jeff and Ollie's meaty hands.
"Jeff, Ollie. You're adventurers for the long haul, right? From now on, any injuries, I'll treat you all first priority."
"But if we don't get hurt—"
"How do you know you won't! Chickens get cut too!"
At my emotional appeal, they seemed to waver. But soon Jeff shook his head again.
"Sorry, Miner. Even so, guaranteeing..."
The honorific was fixed as Miner now. If this continued, high-end life in isekai would vanish, and I'd get 30 years labor.
Jean Valjean did 19 years—30? Is this North Korea?!
To persuade the meatheads, I scanned Jeff and Ollie with micro-expressions in full gear. My gaze settled on Jeff's head.
"How about this? No matter how badly you two get hurt from now on, free treatment until I pay off the debt. And I'll fix Jeff's baldness. For Ollie, one plastic surgery of your choice later."
Jeff, 21 and young, had hair loss from forehead to crown comprehensively. Like how hair loss cures win Nobels, light sparked in his eyes at my words. But he didn't show it outright.
"What're you saying, bro? No potion regrows hair, right? And I'm not b-bald!"
"I know why you don't cut your hair and let it grow long. Your shiny crown."
"Sh-shiny, even..."
Back to 'bro'—he was swayed. Time to drive it home.
"You said you're single, Jeff."
"Yeah, but why...?"
"Know what women in their prime check first?"
"Money? Height? Weight? Family?"
Jeff stroked his jaw cautiously. I sighed deeply and shook my head.
"Wrong, totally wrong! What women notice most? Hair volume! And the biggest turn-off? Bald guys like you! No money? Tolerable. Short? Okay. Light or heavy? Fine. But bald? No way!"
"Wh-why not?!"
"Because bald sucks!"
"Urk... Ah, it hurts..."
"Bo-boss..."
Jeff clutched his chest at my sincerity. Now, the finisher. I stared at him with a resolute expression.
"Don't you want flowing hair once more?"