Ignorance is Bliss
“Oh? Just a little work around the eyes and you look like you’re back in your twenties? Try fat repositioning under the eyes and eyelid lift surgery to turn back time! Minimal incision, no visible scars……”
Today was January 22nd on the Ailene calendar, a Monday. Two days had passed since Minsia, the grand matriarch of the Hoblood Clan, had visited the Beauty Tower.
The Cash Shop was packed with customers buying esthetic products and potions, just like any other Monday—as if nothing had happened. Though Minsia had smashed up the conference room, the damage was minor compared to her power. If she’d used even half—no, a quarter of her strength, the Cash Shop wouldn’t have been the only casualty. The entire Beauty Tower would’ve been reduced to rubble.
“Hmmm……”
“……”
While Cache on the first floor captivated patients with her precise diction, sucking in their attention like a vacuum cleaner, a heavy sigh filled the director’s office on the eleventh floor.
“So…you’re telling me, the ruler of the North, to go to the South Continent? With that woman who tricked me…no, that old geezer?”
Three people were gathered in the director’s office: me, Walter, and Tolstoy Lancaster, the Northern Duke, who hadn’t eaten or drunk a thing for two days.
Two days ago, the day Minsia had attacked me, Tolstoy had overheard our secret conversation and promptly passed out.
I nodded lightly at Tolstoy, whose pale, haggard face flickered with eyes darting like winter snakes.
“No need to overthink it. I’m saying Your Grace should go to the South Continent with the Hoblood Clan’s grand matriarch, whom Your Grace believed to be Siamin—”
“Call her the old geezer. She’s nothing but a con artist.”
“Yes, that old bastard is a total thug, no doubt. If she hadn’t hidden her identity, there wouldn’t have been any issues, but Your Grace’s sincere feelings toward h—”
“Not toward that old geezer—toward Siamin, who doesn’t even exist!”
Whoosh—
“Here……”
“Kkh, thanks.”
Tolstoy, still nursing deep emotional wounds, showed none of his usual icy demeanor. His eyes reddened with emotional swings as I handed him a tissue.
“Your Grace, that’s exactly why I’m saying this. Have you ever seen Min Soso, the granddaughter of Grand Matriarch Minsia, who was supposedly kidnapped by the black mages?”
“Hah, I caught a glimpse of that damned old geezer’s granddaughter once. This refined young lady is really her granddaughter?”
“Yes, Your Grace.”
Before Tolstoy could finish, I projected the photo of Min Soso that Minsia had given me through the crystal orb.
As expected, color returned to Tolstoy’s deathly pale face.
“Hoo…she’s definitely different from that old geezer. Elegant yet soft, with a spirited air—she’s truly refined……”
Of course her feminine qualities would stand out more. Unlike Minsia, who’d lived her whole life as a man despite her female shell, Min Soso was a woman inside and out.
“The grand matriarch said her martial prowess is exceptional too. One of the finest warriors in Hoblood Clan history.”
“Mm…impressive. Very impressive. And all those rumors about the Hoblood Clan and the old geezer were nonsense. Couldn’t even rescue his own granddaughter properly.”
Tolstoy clicked his tongue, but his winter-snake-covered face—captured in micro-expressions—wasn’t grim. It was smiling brightly.
It was pitiful that such a vast land as the North Continent was ruled by this simpleton, but if the Northerners loved him, I didn’t need to worry about them. My own nose was barely above water.
“That’s the context for suggesting you go to the South Continent with the grand matriarch. There’s a saying: forget a woman as a woman.”
“She’s not! That bastard’s a man!”
“You idiot! That’s not what the Director meant. Falling for a man and still not getting your head straight?”
“Friend or not, I won’t tolerate overstepping. Watch your tongue.”
As Tolstoy began emitting a sharp blue aura at Walter’s tongue-clicking, I spread my arms in a mediating gesture.
“Now, now, enough. That’s not what’s important right now! Your Grace, do you really not get what I’m saying?”
“Huh? That—”
“Don’t just use your helmet hook for hanging things—think! The woman Your Grace wants is alive and well. A woman with powerful martial arts and looks that perfectly suit Your Grace! But she’s been kidnapped. How do you make her like you?”
“Well……”
“Exactly! Go rescue her yourself.”
“No, I haven’t said anything y—”
“As expected of Your Grace! Bold action! Communication! Those two are the keys to winning a woman’s heart!”
Honestly, setting all that aside, with Tolstoy’s status, wealth, and looks (pre-tattoo), any woman would fall easily. But his face now was, bluntly put, a doodle pad. No matter his status or wealth, no one could endure looking at it.
“Expression and communication… Grk, those are exactly what I suck at.”
Tolstoy grimaced at my barked words, but that expression confirmed my words were sinking into his brain. Time to wrap it up.
“So Your Grace must go to the South Continent! Even if you’re bad at expressing yourself or communicating, if you go with the grand matriarch and rescue that woman, her heart—Grand Matriarch Minsia’s granddaughter, Min Soso—will heat up for you!”
“Heat…up?”
“Yes. Blazing hot, like lava!”
I stared at the hesitating Tolstoy with eyes burning like magma.
“Ever heard of the suspension bridge effect?”
“First time? Suspension bridge effect?”
I shook my head with a light sigh at his question.
“It’s a theory verified back in my world. Simply put, it means the attraction to someone you meet on a shaky bridge is stronger than on a stable one.”
“Does that even make sense? Just because you met on a shaky bridge—”
“That difference creates massive change! Your Grace doesn’t know it, so you’re still single past thirty!”
“Hey, Director. That’s a bit harsh, isn’t it?”
Tolstoy furrowed his brow at my raised voice, but I pressed on relentlessly.
“Harsh is Your Grace’s love life! Not knowing the suspension bridge effect—what kind of romance is that? Tsk!”
“No, so what is it?”
I sighed again at his repeated question.
“To explain it Your Grace’s way: doesn’t your heart race entering a battlefield with thousands of monsters?”
“Of course.”
“The suspension bridge effect is the same. Walking a shaky bridge over a thousand-foot chasm makes your heart pound. In fearful or chilling experiences, a hormone called adrenaline is released.”
“Hormone?”
As always, isekai folk didn’t grasp terms like hormones instantly—it was annoying. Like I’d explained to Minsia before, I compared it to aura and ki. Tolstoy nodded in understanding, so I continued.
“In short, the adrenaline surging from crossing that bridge gets mistaken for strong affection or love toward the other person. So if Your Grace rescues Min Soso, no matter your looks, she’ll feel major attraction.”
“Oho, there’s such a trick! Ahaha! Excellent, very excellent!”
The suspension bridge effect works regardless of gender. Psychologists call it misattribution of arousal. With that doodle on his face, but rescuing her from mortal danger? It might actually work.
“Mm… But wait, did that old geezer, the grand matriarch, approve me meeting Min Soso? Thinking back, all her actions when she came to the Lancaster Duchy for magic stones seemed pretty hostile.”
He always seemed flighty and thoughtless, but as a duchy’s ruler, Tolstoy had some perceptiveness.
“Your Grace, think about it. Her granddaughter might be struggling for life against vile black mages, and you blurt out, ‘I adore Min Soso, so give me your granddaughter!’ She’d think you’re insane.”
“Hmmm… True. Gotta be careful.”
“Careful? Don’t show even a hint of your dark desires for Min Soso until you rescue her.”
“Not dark desires—admiration.”
Admiration or lust, Tolstoy mustn’t breathe a word before leaving for the South Continent. Minsia would think he was going just to erase his tattoo as payment. Once Min Soso was rescued, the rest would sort itself out. The effect wasn’t foolproof, but what more could I do?
“Then before heading to the South Continent, let’s do the tattoo removal first.”
“…What? Hold on. Remove the tattoo? What do you mean?”
I flashed a bright smile at the startled Tolstoy. The rice was cooked; just let it steam. Now to rein him in properly.
“The numbers and grandfather’s name tattooed on Your Grace’s arms—what would Min Soso think? Gonna shatter that suspension bridge goodwill in one go?”
“Kkh……”
Knowing whose name it was and still not planning to remove it? Was this guy sane?
“It was ugly truth, but it’s a piece of my life, so I keep it on my bod—”
“Ah, whatever. Women don’t care about that stuff. Especially not thinking you got it for your grandfather—”
“Uwaaak! Stop! Don’t say it! I’ll remove it!”
Yes, that’s right. Obviously.
Sending these two cancer-like pains in my ass to the South Continent—where they might not return—already warmed my heart.
“But wait, what about the chest tattoo?”
“Do that after you return. It’s pictorial, harder to remove, and if you rescue Min Soso well, she’ll be family, right? Tattooing grandpa’s name is…weird, but family crest? Might even see it positively.”
“Oho, you’re right!”
“Exactly, haha. Now lie on the prepared bed. Tattoo removal commencing.”
“Alright, let’s do it. Daughter or son?”
“I’ll tell you once prep’s done.”
His chest tattoo was large with heavy shading, taking longer than lettering, but we had to leave it and the face one to avoid Minsia’s suspicion. She’d think Tolstoy was forced to accompany her to the South due to my threat of no tattoo removal until her granddaughter was found.
And only by fooling both sides can I survive. Sometimes, ignorance is bliss.
“Hmm… For a son’s name—”
Tzztztztztzt!
“Kaaaaak!”
“Yes, a little sting.”
Northern Duke Tolstoy Lancaster and Hoblood Clan’s Grand Matriarch Minsia. I wanted them out of my life as fast as possible—like that tattoo burning off Tolstoy’s skin.