Side Effects, Just a Bit?
Ever since Columbus brought syphilis from the New World to the Old World, it infected musicians like Beethoven, Schubert, and Schumann; novelists like Oscar Wilde, Alphonse Daudet, and Maupassant; and countless other luminaries including Vincent van Gogh, Nietzsche, Lenin, Napoleon, Al Capone, Charles Baudelaire, and even Adolf Hitler. Syphilis was practically woven into Europe's history after the Middle Ages.
Pshht—
"Stella, next patient."
Plip—
"Next patient."
Plip—
"Next!"
Plip! Plip! Plip! Plip! Plip! Plip! Plip!
And right now, hoping to avoid repeating that tragic history from Earth, I was mercilessly jabbing penicillin into the endless stream of patients while shouting,
"Anyone who's ever had even one mercury treatment, head straight down to the ninth floor for care! Syphilis treatment! Mercury poisoning treatment! Free today only! Starting tomorrow, it's 10 gold!"
I love money more than anyone. So why was I, of all people, yelling about free treatment? Because syphilis, if not caught early, spreads like wildfire.
When Columbus brought it to Europe, there were no airplanes—just railroads and ships—and yet in a mere twenty years, it had spread all the way to East Asia on the opposite side of the globe.
But in this isekai world, sky carriages are commonplace. If we don't stamp it out now, the damage could be catastrophic.
'Duke Frederik has restricted movement to other territories, so it probably won't spread far beyond here... Damn it, where the hell did this even start?'
For waterborne diseases like cholera, you can prevent further infections by thoroughly managing contaminated areas. But syphilis spreads through personal contact, making the initial source hard to pinpoint.
That said, judging by the incubation period, the most likely culprit was that idiotic "conference" at the Wind Tower last month.
'But that's weird—no reports of syphilis or epidemics anywhere else.'
On my way back to the Beauty Tower, I'd contacted Mac Dollar, the Tower Master of the Tower of Truth, to check if outbreaks were happening elsewhere.
He'd been shocked, asking what kind of epidemic, and confirmed no issues in the capital where his tower was, or nearby magic towers. He'd only been surprised to learn mercury was that dangerous.
'Mercury's used widely as a whitening cosmetic among nobles not just in Helle Gar Territory but across the West Continent. I should spread the treatment for mercury poisoning too.'
In other words, whatever the cause, syphilis wasn't spreading widely—it was rampant only around the Frederik Dungeon Zone.
"Big bro!"
Just then, as questions piled on questions, Jeff burst into the exam room, his voice hoarse.
"What's up?"
Today, he and Ollie were sorting incoming patients by symptoms and directing them to the right floors. Seeing him up on the eleventh floor from the first meant bad news.
"The mercury treatment beds are full—what do we do?"
"I told you to use the ninth-floor inpatient rooms if they're short. Even those are full?"
My hands kept injecting penicillin as I asked, and Jeff nodded vigorously.
"Not just ninth! Third floor internal medicine and ENT, fourth floor orthopedics, all the inpatient floors are packed!"
Damn it.
Since returning to the Beauty Tower, I'd been focused solely on syphilis treatment. So I hadn't checked on the mercury poisoning side handled by the witches (except Stella) and the Jo family folks.
I hadn't realized the beds had filled up already.
"You know the coat racks in the staff lounge?"
"Yeah! The big one and a bunch of singles—which ones?"
"All of them! Grab 'em and set patients up in the waiting area to get their IVs. Then tell Kellogg to whip up as many IV stands as possible, even if they're crude!"
"Got it!"
Jeff thundered back out.
"Next patient!"
Mercury poisoning treatment involves oral or IV chelating agents to bind and expel the mercury. But IV is far superior—expelling four to ten times more—so I'd instructed the witches and Jo family to stick to IV only.
The catch? Even healing magic can't speed up the infusion and excretion process, so patients need to lie down for at least thirty minutes.
'Those quack magic tower bastards—wait till treatment's done.'
Thinking of the quack mage who'd been Rebecca's mentor made my blood boil; we wouldn't be this swamped without him.
At least the witches and Jo family were trained to near-medical professional levels, so no total collapse.
"Next patient! Take this seat... Huh?"
"...Hello. I'm here for dungeon disease treatment."
Seeing her here instead of the territory office felt oddly fresh.
'Took you long enough.'
Though I'd been waiting for this visit, I masked it with wide-eyed surprise.
"Rachel? What brings you here? We've got great mercury treatment."
"I... didn't know it had side effects. Just do your job, doctor."
Look at her—shameless as ever, acting like she did nothing wrong even now.
"So you didn't use the mercury? If you did, you'd need extra treatment."
"Wind Tower mages took it back before I could. Said the product had a little side effect."
A little side effect? Packaging poison as cute verbiage—dropping a nuke and calling it a smoke bomb.
Of course Rachel hadn't bought it. That's why she'd swallowed her pride and come at dusk.
"Dodged a bullet not using it, then. Anyway, arm out."
I swabbed her offered arm and jabbed the penicillin.
"All done. Pay at the desk outside, then head down for another blood test. Next patient!"
"...Pardon? Wait! Isn't dungeon disease—er, syphilis—free?"
Her eyebrows twitched above her glasses frames.
"Oh, that was free? Should've taken it when offered."
My heart, meanwhile, glowed warm as Res's healing magic on her—soft and cozy.
"Th-that's outrageous! Discrimination? We're all Frederik territory folk."
"Not here."
"...What?"
"This is Gold Territory. Strictly speaking, my territory. So treating out-of-territory folks for free? Discrimination?"
After throwing baseless sexual harassment claims at a good doctor trying to help, now she expects free care? Absurd.
"Hah, really..."
Her face hardened at my icy tone, no doubt recalling her nonsense at the office visit today—our relationship was never warm.
"Fine. How much?"
"Cashier outside—Cache will help. Hundred gold."
"A hundred gold? That's insane! I'm no noble—where would I get that?!"
Amusing. Her begging-for-life vibe reminded me of my first days here—that natural disaster of a day demanding I repay 53,928 gold, 1 silver, 7 copper over thirty years.
"Well, there's one way."
"...How? Installments...?"
Installments? I smirked, locking eyes.
"Second floor—Cache Capital. Stable territory office income means good rates. Next patient!"
"Wh-what—!"
"Beauty Tower only accepts full upfront payment. I'll escort you to Cache Capital."
Rachel protested, but Cache strode in and dragged her out.
Watching her go filled me with satisfaction.
'But that's far enough.'
Time to end the prank. Money's always better in heaps, but what I wanted from Rachel wasn't cash.
I wanted more.
"Cache, hold up. Don't charge that patient. Need to talk privately."
"Yes, Director."
"...?"
Rachel, slumping and rummaging for gold, looked baffled.
I set the syringe down and smiled warmly.
"Let's chat. Stella, cover for me."
"Yes, Director!"
Time for a constructive talk worth over a hundred gold.
* * *
The next morning, early, the Wind Tower buzzed unusually with visitors.
"Truth-finding conference? It was an accident—what truth?"
Elvin scowled at dozens of territory office staff storming in midday.
He'd always assumed cozy ties between the Frederik Dungeon Zone office and Wind Tower.
He didn't know what a "truth-finding conference" was, but their unannounced horde screamed trouble.
'Damn, and Tower Master absent!'
Servius was away, leaving Elvin in charge. Facing office staff, he fell back on his easiest fix.
"Haha, first time? This truth-finding led by Rachel, I presume?"
"Correct. Regarding the epidemic in Frederik Dungeon Zone, gather all Wind Tower mages on the first floor."
Elvin slipped a small pouch from his subspace pocket.
"Sorry, things have been hectic lately—I haven't kept up. This humble token for you and your colleagues' meal..."
"10 gold?"
Rachel weighed the pouch like a digital scale.
"Haha, modest, but for working together..."
Thud! Clink!
"Ah, no... why?"
Unlike before, the pouch hit the floor instead of her pocket. Elvin panicked.
"Guys, tie up this mage first. Bribery charge."
"Gasp!"
"Gasp!"
As two burly staffers bound his arms, Elvin realized something was very wrong—unlike usual.