49. Say "I'm sorry for seducing you with this lewd body!"
"Ahh... e... what the hell... my vision's... all dark like this..."
All I can see in front of me is pitch-black darkness like wet clay. Every breath I take stabs my nose with some weird, lewd smell. And then there's this huge, soft thing crushing me in a tight hug. My face feels buried in some squishy mass—I can't even move. No idea how tightly it's bound me, but my arms and legs won't budge, and my whole body throbs like it's been beaten to a pulp. My waist hurts, my thighs hurt, my chest hurts... everything hurts. Especially my mini Tyranno. It hurts so, so much... it's all slick and the skin's pulling tight...
"Ow... what happened..."
First things first, assess the situation. They say even if you're dragged into a tiger's den, as long as you've got some mugwort and garlic, you can marry a bear boy. Dark place. Me tied up tight. My body in agony like I've been pummeled. Combine those three keywords with my genius brain, and... kidnapping! Some evil villain beat me senseless and dumped me in a dark warehouse, tied up tight. No wonder the air reeks of damp, sleazy stench. Gotta be the smell of the kidnappers' single-mom hag.
"Hic... snif..."
Kidnapped, huh. Sure, this Tyranno-nim is beautiful, pretty, cool, cute, lovable, and super infuriating—that's a fact. But kidnapping this Tyranno-nim? This is a global—no, universal-scale tragedy and theft. By now, every news outlet in the world is probably plastered with "Shocking Tyranno Kidnapping Scandal."
"Sob... save meee, Lion..."
I remember from movies that yelling or resisting rashly when kidnapped can backfire. So I hold my breath and rack my brain for what happened yesterday. Okay, so... Lion finally said she'd buy me a phone, right? But the store was kinda far, so we decided to walk around, hit some spots. Watched a movie, ate some food... and at some restaurant, we tried booze for the first time... After that, it's like some thieving bastard sliced my memories clean—nothing comes up. I definitely remember drinking the booze Lion gave me. Right, Lion. I was with Lion. What happened to her? If it's a psycho who could beat up cute, adorable this Tyranno-nim like crazy, who knows what filthy things they'd do to Lion. I gotta break free and find her. The kidnappers might do something nasty, but... Lion first...
"Ugh... this... grrr... what's tying me so damn tight."
I twist and squirm to loosen the bonds, but no dice. It's not rough rope—it's like some thick, soft thing is hugging my arms and legs, refusing to let go.
"Guh... let... go, you loser rope... how long you gonna keep this Tyranno-nim tied up...!"
If you've got any brains, you'd untie before making this Tyranno-nim suffer like this. Even a loser inanimate object should have that much sense! Maybe I hit some weird device while wriggling. The rope that wouldn't let go groans strangely.
"Nngh... there... feels good..."
"You loser rope, shut your loser nonsense and untie this loser binding already. Unghhh♥"
Wh-what the... my mini Tyrannooo... where's it sticking out... something wet... my little guy's getting slurped... feels so weird... ohhh... cumming... who's... sucking my little guy... feels... so weird... head's... all sticky... gonna blow... something... gonna come out... if I keep... feeling this good here...?
"Guhhh... gyaaah... eek...!"
No... nooo...! Lion... gotta find... gotta save Lion...!
I bite my tongue hard to snap out of it. My cute, dainty tongue stings like I ate super-spicy tteokbokki, but for Lion, I can take it.
"Hng... come on... ungh... just... a bit... more..."
Heh... every twist grazes it... but I gotta hold out... Finally, I wrench my body free, rescuing my little guy from that good, familiar spot. Now if I can just slip out of these bonds...
"Mmm... mnyaong, mnyaong... ow, my head's splitting."
Light floods my vision as Lion's voice rings out. Too dazed to notice before—the "evil rope" binding me was just human arms and legs hugging me tight. And the darkness? My face buried in massive tits! All my genius deductions were total bullshit! Not my smart brain's fault. Blame the loser mini Tyranno in my head for the dumb guesses.
"E... Lion...?"
I look up, and the naked body hugging me is none other than Lion. Huh? What? Ehhh? Lion? Wait, wasn't I kidnapped? But my genius brain couldn't be wrong. Got it—Lion kidnapped me!
"Take this, Lion! Hya—! Tyranno Punch! Tyranno Death Beam!"
"Gah—!"
A bit later, Lion and I sit facing each other on the bed. To vent my volcanic rage, I plant hands on my hips and scowl as hard as I can. Meanwhile, the no-good villain who tormented and toyed with me all last night—loser Lion—kneels before me, trembling!
"Tyranno pitching a fit to show how mad he is... too cute..."
That's it—you're not sorry enough! Lion's covered in bite marks and scratches. Red streaks everywhere like a watermelon. Punches barely dented her, so I switched to pointy, scary Tyranno bites and stinging Tyranno claw strikes. Plus a carpet-bombing of chilling, shivery mesugaki insults, curses, personality assaults, and verbal violence. I did every mean thing I could. Still not satisfied, I grabbed a marker and scrawled a huge "Loser♥" on those evil, face-smushing tits.
When I was doodling, Lion went—
"Whoa... oh... your tiny hand writing on my body is so hot... next up, doodle play..."
—or something, but probably hearing things? Doodle pool? Like a 500-won kiddie pool named doodle? Or a swimming pool called doodle? ...Maybe not the worst if the loser cat behaves. No. Focus.
"Hey, loser cat. Got nothing to say to me?"
I drop my voice low and gravelly—the scariest tone that'd make loser humans piss and faint on the spot. Last night she crushed me mercilessly... stole my virginity like crazy... did filthy things to my little guy... I begged her to stop, but she ignored me and went full violent... hngh... thinking about last night... feels lewd, gotta hold back... I shake my head to clear the dirty thoughts.
Lion, kneeling before me, quakes under the pressure and answers.
"I... uh... sorry. You looked so pretty and beautiful seducing me, I lost control. Sorry."
She bows her head deep.
"Hold up. I seduced you first? Me? A loser? No—you seduced me, loser! Wait, that's weird too. Me seducing a loser first?"
No way. This perfect Tyranno-nim—beautiful, pretty, noble, cool, cute, lovable—wouldn't seduce anyone first!
"Yeah. Don't you remember? Got smashed on booze and whined about going to a motel first. Really no memory?"
Uh... d-did I...? Was that me?
"Stripped almost naked and kept calling for Lion, where are you~? No memory of that either?"
I dig through the foggy haze of last night. Come to think of it, my legs hurt so we went into some random building... felt cold and shivery, so I went looking for warm loser cat...
"Wha... uh... uhhh?"
Right... it all comes back. Everything.
"A-ah... so embarrass..."
Me, saying that stuff to a loser cat...
"B-but, of course it wasn't your fault? First time drinking, chug that much, anyone'd get wasted and babble. My bad for letting Tyranno drink so much."
Y-yeah. Lion's right. Not my fault. It's the fault of the loser cat who got me drunk. No way I'd say stuff like that to a loser cat, right? Yeah. All... her scheme! Evil cat got me boozed up on purpose!
"Loser cat's fault! You deserve a beating! Super deserve it! More, more!"
Whap whap! I smack her head with a pillow.
"Guh, but I couldn't help it. Tyranno seducing me was the mistake. You're too pretty and lovable—that's why."
"Uh...?"
Can't argue with that... Everyone knows I'm pretty and lovable.
"So why'd cute, lovable Tyranno seduce me first? Tease me like that in a motel after booze? No way I could hold back."
Th-this makes it my fault...? Even drunk, if I hadn't suggested coming here, we wouldn't have. If I hadn't called for Lion, she wouldn't have pounced. Uhh... yeah, my bad...? But who could resist seduction from cute, adorable, lovable, beautiful, cool, pretty, noble Tyranno-nim? No one. Impossible.
Say some evil loser robber shoves a knife at you, threatens to stab unless you beat someone else. Too scary? Imagine tickling with a feather instead. If you hit someone, is it your fault or the robber's? Robber's, duh. No robber, no hitting. No hitting, no feather on your soles. So... my fault...?
"Why seduce me with that lewd body!"
Lion shoots up, arguing fiercely.
"Eek?!"
I flinch hard. Loser cat scaring me! But since it's my fault, I just mumble timidly.
"Loser jerk..."
"Apologize. Tyranno with that lewd body is at fault. For seducing me, then hitting me, making me kneel, gaslighting me into thinking it's my fault, and demanding an apology!"
"S-sorry..."
"Apologize for having a lewd body."
"Sorry for being lewd Tyranno... ah... huh?"
How'd it end up like this?
"Uh... uhhh?"
"Why actually do it? Didn't think you'd fall for it."
Wait, did she trick me? But smart me wouldn't fall for it, so... yeah, my bad. Decided.