28. Hey. Get it up.
Hey. Get it up.
I watch the loser cat warp through the dimensional gate, then fire up my own. Just before I'm fully sucked in, I catch a glimpse of the control panel. The coordinates aren't set for Gwanghwamun Square—it's some completely different spot.
Hmm. Kinda feel bad for lying to the loser cat for no reason. We've lived together since we were kids, and we've hardly ever lied to each other. Maybe that's why it feels so gross, even if it's for a good cause.
There's this old British Eskimo folktale like that. It says there's a circle inside every person's heart. The first lie just rolls it around harmlessly, but the more you lie, the more it turns square until it hurts like hell. "Wait, was it a circle? Or a star? Pentagon maybe?"
Whatever shape it was, this was necessary—even if it squares off my heart-circle. Lion's plan had me teleporting straight into crowded Gwanghwamun Square to cause a huge ruckus. But thanks to Arcade tipping me off about some big festival there today, I avoided turning that into a total disaster.
I mean, sure, I'm an evil, wicked, no-good villain incarnate, but I don't get off on ruining other people's hard work and rehearsals.
Of course, I lied to the loser cat 'cause she might not approve the plan change. But hey, just grab Chae Sua without any fuss, right?
"So... where the hell is this?"
Outside the gate is a place I've never seen before. Your standard apartment complex you could find in any city. A few cars parked along the road, stray cats wandering below—totally ordinary residential street. White concrete buildings; nothing special to describe.
"Huh. But it looks familiar?"
I spot a sign with the address, and it rings a bell. Seoul, Gangnam-gu, Samsung 1-dong, Teheran-ro 513, K-Mansion. I rack my brain trying to place it... Ah, right there.
"The handkerchief. That handkerchief."
The address scribbled on the one she gave me that day in the filthy alley, after I ate her out. Thinking back still makes my hands and feet tremble with humiliation, but hey, it uncovered one of Chae Sua's secret hideouts.
So this rundown dump is one of her lairs, huh?
"As expected of a loser magical girl, living in a total loser shack♥ Looks like it's haunted any second now♥ Come out, you loser ghost♥ Crash and crumble already, you wobbly mansion♥"
I kick the wall a few times—thud thud.
"Hmm, so now what? Call Chae Sua here on her phone? Or just barge right in? Yeah, that sounds good."
If this is one of her bases, and she straight-up invited me over anytime, she's probably inside. If not, phone it is. Then threaten to trash the place unless she behaves?
I run a mental sim. Sneak in wearing a black mask, catch her off guard, and say:
"Don't move! I'm not Tyranno—I'm a burglar!"
"Eek! I don't know who you are, but please spare me!"
"Stay still and don't do a thing! Like a writer grinding out Christmas Eve fic and the reader chilling at home watching!"
"I don't care!" Then Lion swipes the whip, and we bail. See? Simple. A world where only Chae Sua gets wrecked.
"Perfect plan! Something a loser cat could never dream up♥"
I put it into action immediately. She might be outside, so I activate combat mode on the Tyrannosaurus Suit Mark Two. The hood fangs sharpen, weapons charge with energy. Hypno-beam that makes you blink-aware—activated. Pepper-spray-tear-gas hybrid chem-rounds—activated. Laser that keeps that sinus-burn feeling forever—activated. And a bunch more.
Good. Loaded with all this gear, I feel like Iron Man from the movies.
I climb the stairs warily, alert for enemies.
"Why doesn't this loser mansion have an escalator?"
Finally, at Chae Sua's door: Seoul, Gangnam-gu, Samsung 1-dong, Teheran-ro 513, K-Mansion 222. I knock carefully.
Knock knock knock.
"Who is it?"
Jackpot. She's home. No need to call.
"Delivery!"
Delivery it is—except it's the fearsome villain Tyranno delivering payback!
"Coming."
Footsteps approach. I prime the knockout gas in my sleeve, aim at head height for instant strike. Heh heh heh, just open the door. Straight to the afterlife, regretting you ever messed with Tyranno—crying your way across the River Styx.
Door lock clicks, swings open.
"Hyah! Take this, Chae Sua!"
Pssshhh! Potent anesthetic gas blasts from my sleeve! Test subjects conked out within 24 hours on average!
"Knew you'd pull something."
"Huh?"
Wait, what? I aimed perfectly at head level. Flawless ambush no one could've spotted.
Yet Chae Sua doesn't just dodge—she grabs my arm as the door opens, like she knew, and twists it aside!
"H-how'd you spot my perfect ambush?!"
Chae Sua sighs deeply.
"Who delivers packages in person these days? They just leave 'em at the door."
"Oh, really? Like that?"
Darkness doesn't have delivery, so I had no clue. Who steals them if you just leave 'em? Ugh, all the delivery company's fault! My plan was flawless!
"Checked the peephole cam when 'delivery' rang unannounced. There you were, grinning like an idiot prepping your sneak attack. Total loser move."
"Me? A loser? How dare you say that!"
I lash out with an angry kick! Barely fazes her...
"Just say you're coming next time. Didn't even prep condoms."
Condoms? Huh?
"Can't get enough of my pussy, huh? Gonna carve it into your body today."
She grabs my wrist, drags me inside. Wh-what?!
"Wait! Hold up, you loser!"
Snapping out of it right before the bedroom, I finally shake her off.
"Stop right there! Don't come closer, you sex criminal! One more step, and I blow this place sky-high! Don't wanna be a homeless loser? Stay put♥"
The suit's back twitches like a cartoon, robot arm pops out—ending in a massive missile. Total Casshern Sins vibe.
"Guh... Who gave a kid something this dangerous? That bitch Lion?"
Even mighty Chae Sua doesn't want her house exploding, so she halts. Yes! One-on-one standoff, just like I wanted. Or standoff, anyway. Hold this till Lion nabs the whip.
#1 Magical Girl in Korea, held hostage by her own home—can't do shit.
"What's with the sudden attitude? Got some grudge against me?"
"Grudge? You think I don't have one? Of course I do, you loser!"
Chae Sua and I twisted into a pretzel from the first meet. She stole my whip right off the bat—that's why I've been suffering ever since. And it wasn't just the whip? Every time I try reclaiming it, she torments me! Even jumped me in that motel!
In that cheap-ass motel! Sucking my cum like a vacuum—I legit thought I was dying!
"You thought I'd like you? For real? Pfft! What a joke♥ Delusional much♥ Probably named our grandkids already♥"
The more I think, the madder I get. Forced me down, made me eat her out in an alley, and now tries sliding straight into sex? Thinks I like her?
But against my expectations, Chae Sua stays cool.
"Yeah, didn't expect you to like me just from one fuck."
"Pfft! Lame excuse now♥ Go spin cobwebs forever♥"
"Honestly, up till now, I've just followed my urges. That first motel pounce? Pure impulse."
"Whaaat? You actually like me♥ Hilarious♥ As if I'd fall for a breeding-fail loser beta-male♥"
"Nah. You'll end up liking me."
Chae Sua smiles. That smile—the one from the alley, when she tossed the white handkerchief. Thick, sticky temptation. Devil's grin.
"They say bodies close, hearts follow. Once you can't live without this body, you'll love me automatic."
"What the—"
Gold Sun! Chae Sua's true colors—a guy just a jerk-off toy!
She advances.
"Don't come closer."
She keeps coming.
"I said stay back!"
Chae Sua doesn't stop. Shit. Actually fire? I figured light threats would suffice; didn't plan for her pushing like this.
It's midday, but apartments. Families everywhere—maybe NEETs binging Nobelpia or old folks home all day. Fire this missile, and they get hurt?
She won't stop. Really shoot?
Chae Sua reads my turmoil.
"Tyranno. Fire that, and who's protecting you after?"
"Ah..."
Her eyes are dead serious! That bitch's eyes mean business!
"Back off!"
I rev the missile engine demonstratively. Exhaust vents heat up. Primed to launch any second. She knows—she's a magical girl! Fighting for justice! Innocent bystanders at risk! Her own house blowing up! Why not stop?!
She advances. Closer!
"Three seconds! Back off! One! Two! Three!"
"You can't shoot, Tyranno."
"I will! For real! Stay back! Get lost!"
Ugh! Firing! Doing it! For real!
"Dieeee!"
Missile ignites. Same instant, Chae Sua lunges. Thoughts flash wildly.
And—
"You're too nice to shoot."
She's straddling my fallen body.
"Guh..."
I couldn't. Wouldn't. Even as she charged, I held back the button—worried about hurting others.
"Wouldn't have mattered anyway. This mansion's an old magical girl dorm—built to withstand villain raids. Room-safe even if a missile blows inside."
"Huh?"
What? I look like an idiot now? If it's blast-proof, how do I hold her here? And my safety?
As if answering, Chae Sua yanks off the Tyrannosaurus Suit Mark Two in a blur.
"Hey. Get it up.