15. Cell Phone
Last night's motel fiasco was entirely my fault. No matter how strong-minded a magical girl might be, a loser is still a loser. I never imagined showing off my stunning beauty to one in a motel room could be that dangerous. Well, this is 100% on me. Beauty comes with responsibilities to match. I didn't consider how my cuteness and allure—equivalent to a nuclear bomb—might affect others. Blaming Chae Sua for this is like scolding a bank teller for handing money to a robber. It was an act of God. A natural disaster. Beyond human control. Still, there was no real need to squeeze her dry mercilessly... Guess I'll let it slide with my generous heart. Just think of it as getting bitten by a loser. Anyway, the initial goal of getting a phone was achieved. And above all, this body belongs to the ever-forgiving Tyranno! Phew, really. Living beautifully is so exhausting.
"I can't believe this actually worked. Teaching an arrogant little shit a lesson for just one phone? How does this even happen? A miracle? Jackpot?"
"Hehe, loser talking to yourself is so creepy♥ Chills♥ Just like a total loner from school with zero friends muttering nonstop♥"
Chae Sua raised her hand for a knuckle flick, but when I flinched back a step in fear, she lowered it again.
"Hoo, fine. I'll hold back."
Hmph, the arrogant little shit can't even land a single knuckle flick on me, loser♥ Me and loser Chae Sua left the motel and headed into the city. My babyface beauty nearly got the motel owner calling 112, but Chae Sua smoothed it over somehow. Who knew things would work out this well? Sure, there was that mid-plan disaster of getting jumped by Chae Sua, but I turned crisis into opportunity by not reporting her to the cops in exchange for a phone. Mmm. Trailing her all the way to the motel was a brilliant strategy, if I do say so. Where did it go wrong?
"A perfect tail that even the great Chae Sua didn't notice."
Was it the sunglasses at night? Trying to hide my sun-like beauty with loser shades. What an idiot move—like blocking blinding sunlight with sunglasses. Those loser shades blew my flawless disguise. Yeah, definitely the sunglasses. As if I could fail♥
Plus, though I've forgiven Chae Sua with my Pacific Ocean-sized heart, I hear that in human society, forcing 12 hours of arrogant-little-shit education without mutual consent is illegal. My brilliant brain didn't miss that fact. Blackmailing her got me exactly what I wanted. A cell phone! A loser buying me a phone!
"But seriously, loser. You're really buying it, right? Yeah? You're not gonna say this and then bolt? Do it and I'll ruin your life, so watch yourself♥"
I asked the loser one more time, tacking on a terrifying threat just in case it was fake.
"Don't worry. I said I'd buy it. Phone, plan, data—I'll hook you up with the best one, all expenses covered. How many times do I have to say it?"
But the terms are too good—can a loser like her really pull it off? If she's saying it this firmly, she must mean it. Right?
"Loserloser~ King of losers~ Total loser~♥"
Feeling great, so a little hum bubbles up. I'd begged Lion and the Doctor for a phone before. Tried being good, threats, hunger strikes skipping meals, even promised to do homework daily and eat bell peppers. Their replies? Always "No" or "We'll get you one when you're older." Older? I'm an adult now! Smart, responsible, mature enough to handle my own path—why not?
But a loser buying me a phone. Right on plan.
"...Wait, no. Ngh, my plan was something else, right? A phone's nice, but there was something more important..."
There was definitely something more precious than a phone. I came to Earth behind Lion and Doctor's backs not for a phone, but for that.
"Hmm... Well, if I can't remember, it must not be a big deal. If my genius brain forgot it, it's gotta be nothing."
"Huh? Yeah! Exactly. No biggie for sure. If this genius head can't recall it, it's trivial."
Chae Sua stroked my head instead of answering.
"Hmph, super arrogant loser move, but I'll let it slide♥ I'm in an ultra good mood right now♥ Hurry up and buy the phone already, loser♥"
"Alright. Lucky—there's a shop run by someone I know right there. Let's go."
Spotting a phone store with a striking red sign ahead.
"Whatever, just buy it quick and hand it over, loser♥"
The first phone store I entered was a wonderland—sleek design, phones lined up like Lego people.
"This plan's just 1 Bitcoin."
"1 Bitcoin? That's like 80 million won! Even yearly, 30 million's too steep. 50's pushing it for kids' phones. 10,000 won? That'd be fine."
While Chae Sua haggled, I wandered the store, smudging fingerprints all over the spotless cases, fogging them up with breath, and signing "Tyranno was here♥" on the mist. Poor losers cleaning later♥
"So many phones, though."
Cases full, lined up like Lego blocks. Doctor and Lion made them sound rare, but they're everywhere. Should've whined more if I'd known. And these AirPods? White bean sprouts you pay for? Idiots.
"Cordless earbuds? What a buncha loser morons♥ Why not lick my toes instead♥"
Easy money in phones. Maybe I'll sell 'em later—stick my pic on each, million won apiece. 7 billion people worldwide? 700 billion total. Sweet dreams.
As I plotted world domination via phones, Chae Sua returned.
"Here. Your phone."
"Hmph, not bad for a loser♥"
Yes! Phone time! Ripped open the box, shoved extras aside.
"Ooh... So this is a smartphone."
Sleek black rectangle, mirror-clean surface reflecting my gorgeous face, impossibly smooth.
"Wow..."
Power button—colorful lines zipped around, main screen lit up. Touch-responsive magic. Swipe right, screen whooshes right. Left, shwoop left.
"Amazing..."
Poking more: new windows pop up. Music, my pretty pics, videos, even internet.
"Unlimited data, so use it freely. Kid-safe mode—no funny business."
"Uh-huh."
Side button adjusts volume?
"Safe lock on internet—no weird sites."
"Uh-huh. Lock. Yeah, got it. Like a rock?"
Power button captures screenshots too?
"You listening? Sigh, whatever—all kids do this. Oh right, saved my number."
The muttering loser snatched my phone.
"Hey, loser! Give it back! You gave it then took it? I'm calling the cops! Yeah?!"
"Shh! Quiet! Shh! People misunderstand!"
Passersby stare. One dialing on their phone♥
"Misunderstand what, loser? Wanna end your life?"
"No! Misunderstanding! We're fine! The arrogant little shit's joking!"
Wait, did she just agree? Why?
"Fine, fine. Here. Saved my number."
Loser handed it back—Chae Sua's number there.
"Hehe, first guy's number you've ever given out♥"
But why's the name "Chae Sua Mistress♥"?
"Loser, change this?"
"Huh? Oh, uh, can't. Permanent once saved. Sorry, my bad."
Hmm. She's sweating bullets, avoiding my eyes.
"Why 'Mistress'? For a loser."
Tch. Wanted "Loser Magical Girl".
"Anyway, you have my number? Darkness calls might not go through, but contact me on Earth."
"Hehe♥ Obsessed with your first guy number, loser♥ Go sip kimchi stew♥ Total mood-killer♥"
"No. Think—if you come to Earth with no one to welcome you, how lonely? So call or text me, I'll pick you up."
True.
"Hehe, loser saying something useful♥ Kinda handy♥"
Yeah, been weird. Me, national treasure Tyranno, descending to Earth—no red carpet, fanfare, party? Unacceptable.
"Deal. I'll call if I'm Earth-bound. Be honored as my Earth secretary, loser♥"
Poked her belly to drive the honor home.
"Yeah, yeah. Call later. Got stuff to do—heading home. See ya."
"Bye, loser♥ Hope bird shit hits you♥"
Waved as she crossed the street. Receiving my send-off—peak loser life moment?
Now home time for me too. But why this nagging itch? Like peeling a cone and the top chocolate sticks to the wrapper—can't eat, can't toss. Something important starting with "Ch"...
"Ch... Ch... Chae... Chae Sua? Nah, loser Chae Sua couldn't be important."
Eh, probably nothing!