The Cave and the Idea
The Cave and the Idea
"Canaria, come in quickly, too."
Splashing about, Rosaria, who was enjoying her bath in the tub, invited Canaria to join her.
"...I'm scared."
Canaria felt her heart might burst at the sight. But she could not distinguish between fear and embarrassment. She thought this pounding in her chest was fear. No—perhaps fear was indeed correct. After all, she had once been held underwater until she was on the verge of death, unable to breathe.
Canaria's hand trembled faintly.
"...I'll stay by your side."
Seeing that, Rosaria answered kindly.
"...So don't be too scared. Come in."
Rosaria extended her hand and guided Canaria. The wounded little lamb could not bring herself to refuse that compassionate touch. Though hesitant, she walked steadily and slowly toward Rosaria.
"Well done, Canaria."
As soon as Canaria slipped into the bath, Rosaria stroked her head.
"How is it? It's warm. Isn't it pleasant?"
So saying, Rosaria embraced Canaria from behind.
"...Don't."
Canaria was unaccustomed to the sensation of something warm and soft brushing against her body. She had never been embraced before, so it felt utterly unfamiliar. The moment that warm body heat touched her, Canaria began to grow hot as well. Her cheeks flushed so red they might have been hotter than the bathwater itself.
Of course, Rosaria was unaware of that. And so Canaria, too, felt relieved that Rosaria was holding her from behind. She didn't want anyone to see this scene reflected dimly on the water's surface.
Even if it was Rosaria, she especially didn't want to show her.
"...No. I'll keep doing it until you're happy, Canaria."
Rosaria puffed out her cheeks and refused Canaria's request.
"...I am happy, so stop."
Her head spun from the heat. Canaria was so feverish she couldn't tell whether it was the heat of the bath or her own.
"That can't be. When you're happy, you smile. But you didn't smile, Canaria."
But Rosaria would not relent. Saying this, she turned Canaria's face so that she would look at her.
"...Why are you covering your face?"
Canaria had managed to cover her face in an instant. She didn't want anyone to see her like this, so she hid her face behind her small, overlapping hands as much as she could to keep Rosaria from looking.
"Don't do that. Show me your face. It's because I love looking at your beautiful golden eyes, Canaria. Won't you move your hands so that I can see them?"
Rosaria pleaded innocently. The more Canaria heard those words, the more her heart raced, as if she would go mad.
"...Or, do you dislike looking at me, Canaria?"
Rosaria's voice dropped slightly. At that reaction, Canaria flinched in surprise and pulled her hands away.
"I was joking, but you reacted so cutely."
Rosaria laughed brightly and teased Canaria. Canaria's face was now revealed to the world. Her blush had spread past her cheeks to her ears, and her expression was crumpled by the warm emotion she was feeling for the very first time.
Regardless, Rosaria held Canaria affectionately. The sensation she had felt on her back, she now felt from the front. Canaria feared the sound of her own heart would reach Rosaria.
"...If you smile, I'll stop."
Canaria felt like she would collapse if this continued any longer. So she caught Rosaria by the shoulders and pulled her away.
Then she tried to force herself to smile. But it was an expression she had never worn once in her life, so it wouldn't come easily. Every time the corners of her mouth tried to lift, they only trembled slightly, never holding the shape of a crescent moon.
"...Let me help you."
Seeing this pitifully, Rosaria touched Canaria's lips with her fingers. Then, as gently as possible, she guided them into the shape of a smile.
"You look a hundred times prettier when you smile."
Pretty. At that word, her breath caught for a moment. For the second time in her life—and the second time today—she heard that word, and Canaria felt her legs might give out.
"...Don't say things like that."
Canaria instinctively covered her face.
"...When you see something pretty, you call it pretty. If not that, what do you say?"
But Rosaria was simply being natural. And because Canaria had never encountered a person like that in her life, she was utterly weak before Rosaria, who possessed an affinity she could never hope to defeat.
"Anyway... don't."
And so, before her, Canaria could only stand there, having become utterly small.
*
As soon as the bath ended, Rosaria dried Canaria off. Then she combed out and untangled Canaria's severely knotted hair. Canaria began to grow languid from the refreshing feeling she was experiencing for the first time in her life.
'...So a bath... was this warm.'
What had it been like back there? They had simply scooped water into a bowl however they felt like it, shoved her in, told her to deal with it herself, and just left her. In summer, it was barely bearable, but in winter, the water was so cold she was even scared to get in.
But here, it was different. They cleaned the filthy Canaria with warm water, soft soap, and meticulous hands.
And so, for the first time in her life, she was in a clean state, free of grime. It was only natural that her body grew languid from that pleasant warmth.
"...She must have been very tired."
Canaria dozed off, nodding her head as her hair was being combed.
'...She's like a kitten.'
That was Rosaria's brief assessment. Even so, Canaria could barely resist the wave of drowsiness that had crashed over her. So, after nodding off repeatedly, she eventually fell asleep, breathing softly.
Canaria leaned against Rosaria just like that. So that Canaria could sleep comfortably, Rosaria laid her down on her own lap.
The bruises were all the more clearly visible because she had been washed clean. Traces of beatings and abuse, which should never have been inflicted on a girl who had just turned seven, remained all over Canaria's body.
"...You have to be happy here, Canaria."
Saying this, Rosaria stroked the sleeping Canaria's head. Even in sleep, Canaria responded to the gentle stroking. Before she knew it, she was sleeping with a smile she had learned from Rosaria.
It was an endlessly bright smile on Canaria's face.
It was while Rosaria was putting Canaria to sleep like this.
"Oh! Rosaria detection successful!"
Like a water dowser, a brown-haired girl carrying an oddly shaped pendulum, with two younger siblings who looked just like her trailing behind holding dowsing rods, spotted Rosaria and greeted her.
"...Isabella."
Rosaria brought her finger to her nose as a sign to be quiet. Only then did Isabella and her younger siblings discover Canaria sleeping soundly, and they began signaling each other with hand gestures.
"Ian, Ivan, you heard the Saintess's orders, right?"
Isabella whispered to her siblings with a giggle.
"The Order of Holy Knights follows the Saintess's commands."
Saying this, Isabella took her siblings and moved elsewhere so she could continue playing Order of Holy Knights with them, and so they wouldn't disturb Rosaria.
"...I've told her several times I'm not the Saintess, but she keeps doing that."
They were incorrigible siblings. But Rosaria didn't particularly dislike Isabella's behavior. After all, Rosaria and Isabella were quite close friends.
Besides, Isabella was due to leave the orphanage soon anyway. It was likely her effort to play with her young siblings as much as possible until the end, to remember this moment. How could she dislike such an effort from a friend?
"...Rosaria?"
Just then, Canaria woke up, frowning.
"...I'm sorry. Were we loud?"
Canaria was unfamiliar with the apology she was hearing for the first time. She just stared back at Rosaria with bright, shining eyes.
"...It's alright. I've slept enough."
Canaria was used to not sleeping well. She was a wild Canaria who had always taken frequent, light naps to prepare for the pain that could fly at her from anywhere at any time. So much so that she declared herself refreshed after less than five minutes of deep sleep.
"Since you say so, that's a relief."
Saying this, Rosaria helped Canaria sit up.
"......Just let me stay like this a little longer."
But Canaria didn't want to get up right then. She wanted to feel the warmth and softness of Rosaria's touch on her hair a little longer. For the second time in her life, she began to act petulant.
The first time she had acted petulant was when Canaria was three years old, when she threw a tantrum because she didn't want to eat vegetables. Of course, the price for that tantrum had been three days of fasting, so she never acted that way again.
Somehow, right now, she wanted to be stubborn. Even though she might never get to enjoy this moment again. For the brief happiness of this moment, Canaria thought she could dedicate her entire life.
"If you wish, I could do this for you every day. So, please get up now."
And Rosaria, having read Canaria's twisted feelings, smiled bitterly and stroked the head of Canaria, who was resting on her lap.
"......Then promise me. If Rosaria promises, I'll get up."
Upon hearing that, Canaria slowly held out her little finger. Canaria's face was already flush with a deep blush. She was feeling far more embarrassment today than she had felt in all seven years of her life. She was a young child unaccustomed to being swayed by emotion and acting on pure stubbornness.
"...Alright, I promise."
Rosaria played along with Canaria's stubbornness. It was the second promise made between Rosaria and Canaria at this relatively early hour.
*
Rosaria neatly tidied Canaria up and then brought her to the orphanage's medical facility for treatment. The priest who served as the doctor sighed the moment he saw Canaria.
It was because her body was so wrecked that she couldn't be considered a child. Cursing those who had raised this child under his breath, he asked Canaria in a kind voice.
"It's going to hurt a lot. Can you endure it?"
Restoring twisted bones to their proper place came with immense pain. To put it simply, it would feel like the bones were moving back to their original shape. It would be a sensation akin to an artificial fracture.
But Canaria had, to exaggerate a little, bones warped all over her body. While her face was relatively less injured, the bones from her upper body to her lower body were so severely damaged that there was hardly a healthy spot.
"...Can you endure it?"
Because she was a young child, using anesthesia was a tricky matter. So the doctor asked her with genuine worry. But instead of answering, Canaria simply nodded. Because, still, adults were terrifying to her. The doctor looked at Canaria with even more pity and began to treat her.
Holy power bloomed and began to heal Canaria.
The main god's blessing erased the wounds created during those cursed childhood days, kindly wiping away the stigma left on the child's body. The bruises faded and then vanished. Unhealed scars, deep scars, and even the twisted bones—it healed them all.
"Hn... ngh..."
Every time a bone was twisted, Canaria's body trembled. It was a pain that made even adults groan, a pain where children couldn't hold back their tears. But Canaria only let out small groans.
Because it was a pain she had always felt. Canaria had grown accustomed to something she should never have grown accustomed to. Sweating cold, Canaria endured the waves of pain and continued to receive treatment.
"...If it's too hard, you can cry, Canaria."
Rosaria, who had been watching from the side, held Canaria's hand. 'You can cry.' She wondered why anyone would say that. Everyone told her it was irreverent, that they didn't want to hear it, and forbade her even from crying.
"...No, I'm fine."
She was such a different person. Like someone who had lived in a cave and come out into the Idea for the first time. Canaria had difficulty even opening her eyes to the light she was feeling for the first time in her life.
That was when hot tears began to stream down Canaria's cheeks.
"...I'm really fine."
She had lived her entire life thinking only of death. Canaria had always viewed herself pessimistically, accepted that cursed fate as it was, and kept herself locked inside the darkness.
And inside, she had cursed herself. She lived cursing herself as an existence that should never have been born. And those around her had also appraised Canaria in the same way.
There was no one to hold her kindly. No one to look after her with benevolence, no one to whisper love and tickle her with happiness. Not even parents to lead that life in the right direction.
There was no one by Canaria's side.
She had lived like that all along.
And she thought she would continue to live like that.
Because she was a cursed child. Because she was a demon reborn, and an ill omen who had killed her parents and come into this world.
"...Here, even if you cry, no one will say anything."
But strangely, standing before Rosaria seemed to change everything. Even though she knew it was an illusion, Canaria, still a young child, could not shake off the desire to live inside this sweet illusion.
Even though this curse could hurt her. This curse that had killed the parents who might have loved her, and killed the relatives who took her in, might even turn toward the angel before her eyes.
"...Really?"
Strangely, she didn't want to draw that line with Rosaria, of all people. As she thought that, Canaria's heart began to pound. And at the same time, it began to ache as if it would tear apart.
"...Yes. Really."
Canaria realized that this was her heart.
The first pounding she felt was love. And the second pain, like a wedge driven into her, was sorrow for the past. Having thus come to understand her heart, Canaria began to cry for the first time.
The lump of lead that had settled in her heart melted and flowed down through her eyes. The cursed child began, for the first time, to cry with emotion just as ordinary children do.
And truly, just as Rosaria had said, no one said anything.
Because it was only natural for an ordinary child, and not a demon, to cry.