Chapter 11
Chapter 11
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Translator: MadScientist
Chapter: 11
Chapter Title: Members Over-Immerse in RP
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When I was little, I once saw a video.
It was about positive nihilism.
It was a long video full of all sorts of ideas, but to sum it up briefly:
The universe is so vast and huge, and humans are so tiny, so nothing matters at all.
Since nothing matters, let's just live happily—your mistakes and despair don't matter anyway!
That was the gist.
I couldn't help but feel utterly baffled.
How could the same premise lead to the complete opposite conclusion?
If the universe is so vast and humans so small that nothing in life matters...
Of course it's terrifying and sad, right?
I just couldn't wrap my head around how that turns positive.
[The universe is too vast, so even if I scream, it won't reach you]
I scribbled down my thoughts in my notebook.
It had only been two days, but this broadcasting experience had left me with so much.
The frustration of streaming to zero viewers, the thrill when people heard my song and were happy, the joy of all that attention, the emptiness after the festival ended and everyone left, the lingering aftertaste, and the burning desire to be with all those people again.
They say everyone's a bit of an exhibitionist at heart.
Almost all humans live in societies, and those who couldn't adapt got weeded out long ago.
In the end, I was full of that primal desire to be noticed by someone too.
I'd given up, thinking it was impossible, even deluded myself into believing I didn't need it.
But still, having someone look at me felt incredible.
[I'm here, are you there? Please be there]
If verse 1 announces that I'm here, verse 2 checks if you're there, and verse 3 begs you to stay?
For a catchy hook song aimed at the masses, I'd need an irresistible chorus instead of just repeating, but I knew the song I wanted wasn't that kind anyway.
What was I supposed to do now that it had come to this?
I was born for lyrical songs and addicted to Vocaloid!
[A star that shines on its own, a moon that can't shine without the sun, an idol who can't shine without fans—shouldn't an idol declare she'll become a star anyway?]
Star.
Since ancient times, people have likened the glorious position everyone envies to a star.
A star that shines on its own and shares its light with everyone.
But I still think idols are more like the moon.
Something dark without starlight, only glowing when people shine on it.
[Do I have to be the moon? What about a rechargeable star? It can't shine on its own, but if charged with enough light, it can glow...]
As I filled the notebook, a little swell of pride rose in me.
Feels like I've been possessed by an artist?
No, I am actually creating art!
Overflowing with emotion like that, I finalized the song concept and emailed it to the president.
[This is amazing! I'll get started on it right away!!! (smiling emoticon)]
And six hours later, lying in bed, I couldn't hold back and kicked the covers.
'That's straight-up chuunibyou otaku cringe! Kyaaaaah!'
Is that the kind of thought a twenty-year-old should have!?
Black history stack: +1.
◇◇◇◆◇◇◇ "Thanks to all the composition ideas Gyeon-u sent, we've made a ton of progress on the character side too!"
Another planning meeting.
We could have done it over messenger from home, but I ended up coming to the office anyway—probably because there are so many pretty people here.
It's called commuting for personal indulgence.
At home alone, there's nothing much to do, and I'd have to eat by myself.
The president, the manager, and Byeol are all so pretty.
Is it okay to have a garden this beautiful?
"Okay, take a look at these sheets. I'll explain each one."
The proposal hadn't gone to an illustrator yet; it just had a few stock images from the web attached.
"Her name is Song Princess Uta, age 17, an idol aspirant who's dead serious about singing!"
I'm practically illiterate in kanji.
My Japanese is limited to bits I've picked up.
But even so, how does a person's name turn into Song Princess Song?
"Is that really the name? Uta means song, Hime means princess, right? So Song Princess Song?"
"That's just how naming works in the Vtuber world. Even the most meaningful name is useless if it's hard to remember."
"Doesn't it sound hilarious in Japan?"
"It's fine! It's fine! Vtubers are half anime character anyway! No one cares!"
If she says so, who am I to pretend I have some brilliant idea?
"A cool beauty with a calm vibe, basic black hair hiding a secret purple inside! Flashy dress like something for the stage. How's that sound?"
It reminded me of what the president said at our first meeting days ago.
About creating distance between yourself and the character to protect your mental health if you don't want to get hurt by people.
I'd told her I was fine, so it could be vaguely like me.
"Do I really come off like that?"
It was pretty.
My expressions don't change much; I'm pretty stoic.
But seeing it character-ized like this, the disconnect was no joke.
"Yeah, and there's something I've always wanted to try—mind if I do it?"
"What is it?"
"Can I touch your face for a sec? I won't hurt you."
"Uh, sure?"
Why the face, though?
I didn't get it, but I allowed it anyway.
I was curious what she was going to do.
Then the president placed her index fingers at the corners of my mouth and poked, forcibly lifting my lips into a smile.
"Wish granted! I've always wanted to force a smile on a stone-faced beauty!"
What kind of endlessly otaku wish is that?
And I'm a stone-faced beauty!?
True, but hearing it from someone else feels weirdly embarrassing!
'The universe is too vast, so even if you scream, I won't hear you.'
Humans are all nothing.
I still can't understand how that connects to positivity.
Maybe it's my innate personality, or my upbringing.
But still, I think I want to be noticed and loved by someone.
Having someone right here in front of me, liking me—it's incredibly joyful.
"Eung? Hate it that much?"
"No, I like it."
"Huh!? You like it that much?"
"No, not like that."
"We should add crybaby to the character traits. Cool beauty who's a crybaby—the gap is killer."
The president pulled some tissues from the desk and wiped my tears.
At the time, I had no idea she was dead serious.
I never imagined the model would end up with five kinds of crying faces.
Current facial recognition tech struggles with detailed tears or blushing.
So Vtuber models pack in expressions like contempt, anger, embarrassment, tears, etc., and switch via hotkeys.
Some even say mastering those expressions is what makes a Vtuber pro.
But President, how serious were you to add five crying faces!?
That all costs money too!
◇◇◇◆◇◇◇ And two months later, the Vtuber model was complete.
The others had finished ages ago; mine, outsourced last, was finally done.
Now all members had their models.
Of course, I hadn't just twiddled my thumbs waiting.
Getting paid, steadily prepping for debut in various ways.
Including heading to the studio for vocal practice.
"Hmm, my score for you: 10 out of 10!"
We members gathered now and then.
The president insisted we bond fast—can't fake chemistry on stream if we're awkward.
From what I'd learned, Evangelion was super bright, bold, and impulsive—the total opposite of me.
I still couldn't forget that first yandere incident she pulled.
"Your breathing's steady, and your max phonation time's way up. You've been working hard."
We'd all agreed to drop formalities.
With the kid claiming to be 0 years old, the concept-immersion girl insisting on 12,000, and Evangelion just laughing off age questions.
They didn't seem the same age, and honorifics on stream would look weird.
So, casual from the start!
Byeol honestly looks like an elementary kid no matter how you slice it, but she doesn't go to school and can't be a minor.
Assuming none are minors, it's hard to imagine anyone's younger than me.
The only adults younger than me are 19-year-olds.
Yeah, just entered my second year as an adult.
'Still, Evangelion seems older.'
The 0 and 12,000 claims felt totally unserious, but Evangelion got oddly prickly about age.
Maybe she's actually pretty old?
Her exotic, mixed-race look makes it hard to guess.
She doesn't look old at all, but that reaction makes her seem around thirty, maybe?
But asking straight-up if she's really around thirty would be asking for a fight—never ask a woman's age, taboo.
So I decided to let it go. Bury the suspicions. Knowing too much gets you killed early.
"Today we're doing a broadcast rehearsal. The other members will join as viewers and chat too! It's reaction training!"
President-led stream practice began.
Password-protected secret room, practice started.
And Evangelion's chat:
— Evangelion -Uta-chan, what color are your panties today? Manager, ban that person please.