Chapter 3
Chapter 3
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Translator: penny
Chapter: 3
Chapter Title: What's With the Voice?
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What’s with the voice?
Clatter, clatter...
“Ah, no one’s coming, right...? You have to keep a good lookout, okay...?”
Beep!
I stepped outside with Mecha-Doggo. It was already the dead of night, the sky long since dark. In this hillside slum, the flickering streetlights barely illuminated the path.
The roads were so steep you didn't need to climb a mountain, and the walls were littered with all sorts of offensive graffiti. If the Korean government ever found this place, they'd slap it with a harmful content block for sure.
So, what was I doing here right now?
“I’m a princess... Why do I have to dig through trash...?”
I was here to collect a bunch of aluminum cans I had already thrown away. Just a few days ago, I had a mountain of cocktail cans piled up in a corner of my house. Why did I have to throw them out just yesterday? My brain is truly beyond comprehension.
What kind of princess digs through garbage bags at two in the morning? This is definitely because I was running away from that cockroach. Yes, that's it. Besides, it was a metal cockroach. You can't just catch something like that...
Clatter...
To think I’d be rummaging through trash with the hood of my baggy black zip-up pulled low, with Mecha-Doggo standing guard. Even after Awakening, nothing has changed at all.
Actually, I didn't dig through trash bags before...
Beep!
“Eek?! Wh-what is it all of a sudden?!”
Startled by Mecha-Doggo’s warning beep, I jumped away from the utility pole where the trash bags had been illegally dumped.
Since any pants I wear just slide right off, I was relying on the baggy zip-up hoodie to cover my lower half.
In other words, I wasn't wearing pants. Not even underwear... A chilly breeze swept in, sending a shiver through my entire body. If anyone saw me like this, my life would be over. For real.
Vrooom...
The sound of a car engine echoed from the adjacent alley, its headlights vaguely illuminating one side of the street.
“A-A car...! I told you to warn me if people were coming...!”
Beep...
Startled for no reason, my firm resolve crumbled. All I held in my hands were about ten crushed aluminum cans—ones I had painstakingly stomped flat with my tiny feet. My hands were too small and my arms too short.
My body was so light they barely even flattened, and since my slippers didn't fit, my heels were killing me. Not to mention the desolate feeling of the cold wind brushing against my bare lower body every time I lifted my leg to crush a can.
“Sigh... Let’s just go back.”
Beep!
I dumped the aluminum cans I’d been clutching onto the sink, which hadn't been used in years. It seemed a little less disgusting to at least wash them first.
Not that I had any room to talk, having just hugged them to my chest, but a golem that smelled like beer would be a bit much, wouldn't it?
Thankfully, the water from the sink ran just fine. After giving the aluminum beer cans a good rinse, I shook them dry and stacked the ten crushed cans on the floor.
Skitter...
“Ugh...!! I hate it so much...!!!”
Our Golem No. 2, the aluminum beer cockroach, was crawling around uselessly nearby. The creaking metallic sounds, combined with that realistic cockroach-like skittering, were really getting to me.
How is it that the golems meant to serve a princess either show me my bank balance and call me a beggar or are shaped like the very thing the princess hates most...?
“Ugh, ughh...”
No way, right? It's not like I’m going to create a golem and end up with a giant cockroach the size of ten aluminum cans, is it? If that happens, I'm leaving this house immediately.
Seriously.
“Please... Golem Creation...!!”
I squeezed my eyes shut, extended my hand toward the ten beer cans in front of me, and shouted. The sound of aluminum cans being crushed was all I could hear.
Crunch, crunch...
Thud.
A moment later, I heard something quite heavy fall to the floor. When I opened my eyes, what I saw before me was...
“W-Wow...”
It was one of those things. Like a knock-off plastic model you’d find in an old corner store, made of angular, poorly finished rubber. It had no facial features but had a square head. It had no fingers, but it had slightly angular, square hands.
Should I say it felt like a stone golem from a video game? Except this one was aluminum.
Creek!
The aluminum golem raised both arms with a clash of metal, celebrating its own birth. Looking at it like this, it was kind of cute...
As for its size... it was a little taller than Mecha-Doggo. Though much thinner.
For some reason, Mecha-Doggo is bulkier than the original smartphone. I’d say it’s about the size of a brand-new, unused roll of toilet paper.
But the aluminum golem was exactly the size you’d expect from melting down aluminum cans. What was the difference between them?
“Ah, maybe ‘value’ means...”
Functionally, Mecha-Doggo inherited some of the smartphone's features. So maybe the value of the materials used has an effect?
If you only use materials, you just get the material itself, but if there's some additional value, it turns into something like Mecha-Doggo.
“Then if it says ‘possessions’...”
It probably means money. Could I make a better golem by spending money to create it? I wasn't sure. Besides, you're not supposed to damage banknotes, right? Same with coins.
Most importantly, I have no money. I'm a beggar.
“Doggo, bank balance!”
Beep!
“Yeah, not happening...”
I don't even have enough money to buy myself a meal right now. What a poor princess.
“Huh...? What’s this...?”
After creating the aluminum golem, a notification popped up in my status window. An additional function for Golem Creation? Does that mean I can do something other than just creating them?
“This is...”
“Golem Synthesis...?”
It sounds like I can combine the golems I have. Which means...
“S-Synthesis!! That cockroach!! And this golem!!”
Vwoooom...!!
The aluminum cockroach that had been scuttling around a corner of the room was suddenly drawn by magical energy and merged with the aluminum golem.
Flash!
“Whoa!”
The result was a great success.
“Y-You...!! You have fingers!”
Three fingers that looked to have very limited functionality! They were thick and didn't seem very useful, but it had fingers!!
“This is amazing! It’s an upgrade, isn't it?!”
I picked up the golem with its new fingers and rubbed my cheek against it. The coldness of the metal was jarring, but as I felt it reach out its arms to embrace my face, my mood lifted. It seemed a tiny bit taller, too?
“Sniff... You are my Soldier No. 1!”
It was lighter than a one-pound dumbbell and barely bigger than my hand, but what mattered was that I made it.
Beep!!
“Ah, Doggo. You’re not a soldier, you’re a pet.”
Beep?
“No, wait... you’re not an animal, are you...? A pet golem...? A pet machine? Whatever, that's what you are!”
You should be happy. Being the princess’s pet is a very high-ranking position.
“Hehehe... I’ll make a ton of these and rebuild the golem kingdom!”
Wait, if that's the case...
“Okay. I give up. There’s no way I’m digging through more trash bags.”
But I was still happy. I didn't know much, but I had Awakened my abilities? And they had a lot of interesting features. Of course, compared to real Hunters, I was still far behind, but that was largely due to my lack of resources.
Come to think of it, I think Do-shyung-jwak said they'd give me something.
- Life Is Ruined: Just kidding. You got anything expensive? I need it for my skill;
- Do-shyung-jwak: Is your class Beggar instead of Princess? The nerve to ask for money lol;
- Life Is Ruined: The stars of the meadow reside within my soul...
- Do-shyung-jwak: You get magic powers from eating a burger or something? lol
- Do-shyung-jwak: Is it the Burger-Burger Fruit??
- Do-shyung-jwak: Bro?? Where’d you go again
- Do-shyung-jwak: Is it really the Burger-Burger Fruit? Are you trying to summon a burger into my head right now??
- Do-shyung-jwak: Pls spare me for real
Since I hadn’t replied for a while, they must have been lost in some weird delusion. What the heck is a Burger-Burger Fruit?
- Life Is Ruined: No; it's not like that ㅡㅡ I'm trying out my skill
- Do-shyung-jwak: So you really did Awaken, congrats
- Life Is Ruined: I told you it was real, why didn't you believe me;
- Do-shyung-jwak: How many people do you think actually Awaken while browsing the Awakening Gallery in real time lol
- Life Is Ruined: Well, you have a point there;
- Do-shyung-jwak: So what's the skill? And what's this about being a princess?
- Life Is Ruined: I dunno... I made a golem out of aluminum cans; want me to show you a video?
- Do-shyung-jwak: LOLOLOLOLOL welcome, new shittiest class~!
- Life Is Ruined: Just watch it first;;
I reached for my phone to record a video to send to Do-shyung-jwak...
“Doggo...! Give me back my phone...!!”
Beep!
“I need to record a video...”
Beep-beep!!
As if understanding my earnest plea, a camera lens popped out from the top center of Mecha-Doggo’s screen-face.
“Gasp!!! Doggo can even record videos!!!”
A moment later, my dirty, messy studio apartment appeared on the tiny screen. It was definitely recording a video through the camera.
“Oh, is that me...? Hehe... Peace...?”
Beep.
“No, no, don't film me... Can you film No. 2 over there...?”
Following my command, Mecha-Doggo turned its camera toward the aluminum golem.
And then the recording sound began.
Ding!
As if the aluminum golem understood the concept of being filmed, it raised two of its three fingers on one hand to make a V-sign.
“G-Golem! Dance, dance!”
Creek!
Suddenly, with a metallic screech, it started moving its joints and busted out a moonwalk. This is going to be huge. This is 100 million YouTube views material.
“Good job, good job! Doggo! Stop recording now!”
Beep!
I captured something incredible. That American tycoon who wanted to build human-like androids—but wanted to go to Mars even more—would surely pay billions of dollars if he saw this video.
“Doggo! Can you, like, transfer that? I want to move the video to this computer...”
Beep!
Mecha-Doggo stared at where my finger was pointing, then waddled over to the desktop tower.
A moment later, it extended a USB-shaped tail and suddenly plugged it right into the tower.
“Oh, ooh...!”
A notification window popped up saying an unnamed USB device was connected, and the video I had just filmed was downloaded to the computer.
“Thanks! You did great!”
Beep-beep-beep!!
“Hehehe, let’s see Do-shyung-jwak’s reaction.”
I clicked on the video I had recorded, then dragged and dropped it into my chat with Do-shyung-jwak.
- Life Is Ruined: Watch the video, it's real
- Life Is Ruined: I told you, it's a golem made from 11 aluminum cans
- Life Is Ruined: (video)
The ‘1’ indicating an unread message disappeared, but Do-shyung-jwak was silent for a while. They must have been speechless with amazement after watching my video!
I expected a flood of at least 500 messages filled with praise, applause, compliments, adoration, worship, respect... well, something good anyway.
- Life Is Ruined: So what do you think? heh
- Do-shyung-jwak: Yo lol
But the reply that came back was completely different from what I expected.
- Do-shyung-jwak: What’s with the voice? You a girl?
- Do-shyung-jwak: And why is your shadow naked? lol
“Ah.”