Chapter 172 - The Verdict [?????th Loop] <Replay from Perloché's Perspective>
How many times have I repeated this by now? I can't even remember anymore. Even I gave up counting the number of retries long ago. It wouldn't mean anything anyway. The countless failures embedded in that enormous number only bring despair.
"Gugu~! Time to eat!!"
After repeating retries so many times, I don't even need to cast hints or spells to deceive the Demon God anymore. Thanks to my soul and mental state being completely shattered, just living my daily life as usual fools even the Demon God into not noticing my true self.
Of course, at night when the Demon God's surveillance weakens, or in dark spaces, I let glimpses of my true self peek out. Partly to scheme while avoiding the Demon God's eyes, but also to protect myself through eons of time. I entrust my actions to my utterly broken mind and bury my true consciousness in the subconscious. It's like auto-progression.
If I didn't do it this way, I wouldn't have lasted. Enduring eons with a sound mind while carrying out the plan could have made me lose myself completely.
Come to think of it, Frey seems even more amazing now. I don't know who spent more time between us, but he must have felt this pain too...
I'm still far from atoning.
"Ah, ouch! Not my hand! Eat!!"
Anyway, the reason I've pulled out my consciousness briefly right now is to check the checklist. To see what I need to do at a glance and remember easily, I write everything down on paper every time I retry. And I have to periodically check if I've missed anything. Even the slightest gap means going back to the start.
1. Pray to the Sun God every day to obtain the Solar God's Blessing.
It's so important it's at the top of the list. It's essential to convince the Demon God that I'm relentlessly trying to kill Frey, and at the same time, vital to protect Frey from danger.
Yes, I've been doing this consistently. From Frey's 2nd loop perspective, from the moment he entered the academy, without missing a single day.
That way, to the Demon God—and to Frey—I look like a fool saintess blindly trying to kill him. It's the most effective method discovered through countless regressions.
2. Deceive the Demon God while helping Frey.
Obviously succeeding. During the auction house incident, even knowing it wouldn't work, I deliberately fired a fatal blow at Frey and pretended to fall for Yukarius's illusion magic.
And while doing that, I stirred up the crowd outside the auction house on purpose so Kania could find Frey's badge. Then I sent that stupid blackmail letter and deliberately threw the maid outfit.
And even snapping the neck of the fallen Frey after my strike. It was quite excessive, but necessary. Without these early acts, I couldn't completely dispel the Demon God's suspicions.
Anyway, snapping his neck there doesn't kill Frey. The 'Emergency Defense' system remnant from the original system designed to help him remains.
Thanks to that, I deal no real damage to him while nearly perfectly fooling the Demon God. And during the commoner dormitory raid, I unleashed divine power to deflect attacks so no commoners got hurt and Irina could grow suspicious...
When descending to the church underground with Frey, I deliberately led to the room with the important hint tablet...
"...Good girl, my Gugu!"
That's enough. Reviewing all this would take forever. Anyway, since the Demon God hasn't noticed so far, it's working properly.
3. Achieve DLC entry conditions (Timing control for the five realizations).
This is the most important and hardest. I don't know how many retries it took because I couldn't time this right.
After realizing through countless retries that one condition to activate the '2nd Year DLC Story' is all five of us, including me, discovering Frey's identity.
I researched endlessly how to make it happen right before 2nd year. Plus, a single coincidence is just that—a coincidence...
At the end of countless regressions when we finally realized his identity, I smiled genuinely for the first time in ages. Who knew that small, cute girl was the key.
Now I can make it inevitable with behind-the-scenes work, but back when it was truly a 'coincidence,' to find that condition...
How many regressions did it take...
"Yawn..."
Ah, I need to yawn first. Yawning is the best excuse when tears flow.
—Scribble...
The checklist still has a lot left, but I roughly folded it and shoved it into the drawer.
"Ugh..."
What now? The limit's come again. It hasn't happened in quite a while—why now?
"Uwaaa..."
Panic starts creeping in agai—
"...Huh?"
Oh my god. I've been feeding not Gugu, but a pencil this whole time. I scattered feed on the desk and was poking it with the pencil.
Has my sanity finally reached its limit? I thought I'd been holding up well until now? Here of all places?
"Hoo..."
I hurled the pencil into the corner of my dorm room and hung my head, sighing deeply.
"U, uu..."
Tears welled up in my eyes at the same time.
I couldn't help it. It was so terrifying and scary.
"My soul... my soul feels like it's shattering..."
The mind and soul I'd barely held together until now had finally hit the limit. The absolute limit— one touch and it'd crumble.
A few more retries, and it'd be irreversible. One of them—mind or soul—would shatter completely.
What would happen to me then? If my mind fully breaks, would it still be me? If my soul shatters, what would I become?
"......."
Honestly, I'm not afraid of what happens to me. I resolved myself for it. From receiving the retry ability, I knew it was a risk.
What scares me now is not being sure if I'd still hold feelings for Frey afterward.
Until now, only love and guilt for him let me endure eons. I loved him that much, and wanted to atone.
Of course, as a person before saintess, I wavered. I strayed, destroyed, grew numb. But ultimately, I returned to my path.
Because of Frey. It's the path I chose to save him—if I can't even follow his footsteps, I'm unworthy.
So I tried hard. But why won't my mind and soul keep up? I can do more. I could try ten times, a hundred times more than before.
"...Haa."
How did Frey protect his mind and soul? He looked at his limit back then too.
No, don't compare to him. He devoted himself to the world until the end. My fault for lacking ability, failing DLC even after so many loops.
All my fault...
"...Ugh."
I'm scared. Scared of not loving you anymore. Scared of forgetting you. Scared of forgetting our memories, the bonds from past loops, the wrongs I did to you.
The flow of time, now too vast to bear, terrifies me. If the Sun God's small help and fake persona fail to hold it back, I don't want to imagine what happens.
Save me. I was wrong. I want to stop. I want to give up. I can't anymore. Please...
—Slap!!
Right before my mind crumbled, I slapped my cheek with all my might. I can't break yet. I can't end everything here.
"From the start... you're not the only one suffering, right?"
Thanks to endless loops—though from my perspective—lately, it's not just me, the regressor; others' souls are affected too.
Ordinary people and 'sub-heroines' with little connection to Frey are less affected, but...
Kania, Irina, Clana, Serena... and for some reason, Professor Isolet too.
These five are especially deeply imprinted on their souls.
Kania realized Frey's identity earlier than anyone recently. Having realized it most in countless loops and served him with deepest emotional bonds.
Her loyalty to Frey, desire to serve him above all, engraved deeply into her soul.
Originally, even after realizing, she'd suspect and test him for a long time—but now, within days, she loves him as deeply as Serena.
Same for Irina and Clana. Irina's first love for Frey, Clana's guilt toward him, engraved in their souls.
Serena... from when DLC applied and 'main heroines' from Frey's 2nd loop regained memories. She'd suspected his identity and cast absolute obedience magic on herself.
Her betraying Frey? Across all loops, only the one where he manipulated her feelings—the loop I got retry.
Anyway, these circumstances let me bear less burden lately. Though my guilt only grew.
Trying to shoulder everything alone, yet affecting others' souls. Feeling relief from their help...
"...Hoo."
No. No time for guilt. Stop wasting emotions on useless things—proceed with the plan.
"Yaaawn..."
I stretched and rose from my sea—
—Kugugugugu!!
"Eek!"
What? This roar? Wait, what time is it now? How far have I progressed?
—Kugung... Kugugugung...!
"Ah! The sun...!"
Looking out the window while thinking, the sun shook wildly.
What? Did the Demon God notice my identity? No, can't be... Retrying now, who knows what—!
"...Ah."
Wait, no. I remember. What time point I'm at.
"Fi, finally...!"
Current time: 1st year, 2nd semester, July 15th. The shaking sun means Clana realized Frey's identity.
Through his self-sacrifice. The routes where Clana becomes Canary, or Kania/Irina lose half their lifespans, all crushed.
Also means Kania's blackmailing the Demon God. And if the sun stops shaking and sets...
—Kugugugu...
While thinking, the sun stopped. It stopped! And moon and stars are rising!
Finally, succeeded in all conditions!!
First time since last slave market liberation when Serena discovered me and I retried!!
"What? What's happening?"
So joyful and moved, but I forced a dumb expression, gazing at the sky.
"No idea! Time for my diary!"
And hurriedly opened my diary.
[I'll think about this later. What to write next.]
And frantically wrote on yesterday's blank page.
To remember this situation even in my dumb state, I had to leave it in the diary.
[Because... I've only reached this point with these conditions once.]
Finishing the diary hastily, I carefully put it in the drawer.
"Finally... finally...!"
Tears flowed unknowingly.
"Finally, I can give Frey his happy ending...! And..."
Reaching here means success. No dumb mistakes like last time, and I can intervene in the third trial.
And there, finally...
"...Finally receive judgment."
Finally, meet that loop's Frey and receive judgment. And this loop's too.
Why judgment? Doesn't matter. The end is near.
"Ugh..."
Too excited, mind and soul shook, but it's fine. My role's essentially done.
After judgment from Frey, I'll vanish. And as the innocent fool saintess...
Stay by his side. He wouldn't want a useless, sin-laden monster like me from regressions beside him anymore.
Of course, a bit regrettable... but if he gets his happy ending, I'm satisfied.
Still... at the end, I want to convey this one thing.
What is it? It's...
......
I love you forever, Frey.
"I love you forever, Frey."
[Replay from when Perloché received retry ability to current loop concluded.]
The screen from Perloché's viewpoint ended with her unwittingly voicing her true heart, displaying the end message.
"F, Frey... I... I....."
Then, Perloché, fidgeting anxiously in the judgment chamber, cautiously addressed Frey—who hadn't taken his eyes off the screen since the summary video started.
"N, now the judgment..."
"...Start the judgment."
But Frey cut her off, declaring calmly while gazing at the central scale.
—Kugung...!Kung...!
The next moment, the massive scale began to shake.
"Y, you're disappointed...? Of course you are..."
As judgment began, Perloché quietly bowed her head, murmuring.
"You never wavered through retries... While I, a saintess, shook so many times... E, even did some bad things..."
"...Perloché."
Frey interrupted her.
"You've worked hard... all this time."
His expression softened into a gentle smile as he whispered.
"Huh?"
Perloché stared at him blankly.
—Kung!
A roar echoed from the side as the scale's verdict emerged.
"Ah........."
Her mouth gaped wide, frozen.
".............!"
The four girls behind her were the same.
"And..."
Frey, looking at them.
"Thank you, everyone."
Beamed brightly, declaring.
"For loving me again."
The scale beside him.
—Kiiik... Kiik...
Stood perfectly level.