Chapter 55
Chapter 55
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Translator: MadScientist
Chapter: 55
Chapter Title: Trials of Purity
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"Wait, hold on! Aei!"
"Wait a moment!"
Calm down. They say even if you enter a tiger's den, you'll live if you keep your wits about you. If Aei lost it right here, I'd be dead for sure. That elf princess with her shattered morals wouldn't take my side even if she cried MeToo. As Erina and I called out to Aei at the same time, he tilted his head.
"What's wrong?"
Karin looked at me with a puzzled expression and asked. I was doing my best to feign composure. Erina was already sweating bullets like rain. I'd thought this before, but that girl was terrible at lying. I had to smooth this over before she opened her mouth.
"Listen, Hero. Virginity is kind of a relative thing, right?"
"What are you talking about, Priest? Erina said she's never been with any man but me."
"Exactly. From the golem's standards, Princess Erina might not count as pure."
"What?"
Aei's face twisted in obvious displeasure. Anyone would get pissed hearing, "Your girlfriend might not be a virgin." I spoke carefully.
"What I mean is, the golem's super strict. It might think even holding hands or hugging counts as losing purity."
"That's..."
"Purity is judged by virginity."
A grand hum echoed as the golem spoke. Was that thing an AI? Aei glanced at the golem, then back at me. She was smiling.
"That's what it says, Erina. Come on over. It's... kind of embarrassing to admit in front of the priest, but you and I haven't... done that yet."
"W-wait, Hero. Just to be safe, though."
"What do you mean, 'just to be safe,' Priest?"
"R-right! Aei! What if I'm not a virgin?!"
What the hell was this crazy bitch saying? While Aei and I were talking, Erina cut in, sweating profusely. Both Aei and I stared at her in disbelief. Especially Aei—he looked like he'd just heard his girlfriend was pregnant before marriage.
"Erina?"
Aei's voice trembled. Erina wiped the sweat from her forehead and blabbered incoherently.
"W-well! I mean, I'm not saying I'm not a virgin... b-but I might not be! So... it could have happened without me knowing... and... standards vary, right?! So... anyway, it's risky for me! That's what I mean!"
I had to wrap this up before she yelled something stupid like last time, "I'm the representative beauty of the elf kingdom!" Life is a tragedy up close and a comedy from afar, or so they say. If I weren't involved, I'd be munching popcorn watching this. But if it went south, Aei might even draw his sword. I couldn't end up as the priest buried over a slut joke.
"Hero, let's talk over there for a sec."
I pulled the hero to a corner. I shot Erina a glare to shut up, and she nodded anxiously. Karin just stood there awkwardly, clueless.
"Women have lots of secrets, Hero. Right?"
"Yeah, I think so."
"Everyone wants to look good to the person they like most. Isn't that true?"
"Yes, it is."
"Princess Erina likes you the most. Anyone can see that."
"Yes."
"So, think rationally, Hero. Calm down. Her refusing to step up for the purity check... doesn't that mean she has some connection to another man in the past?"
"What?"
Aei's pretty face scrunched up seriously, still attractive even like that. I continued.
"Just hypothetically. Everyone has secrets they want to hide. Elves live longer than you, Hero. It's natural for Princess Erina to have met someone in all that time."
"But..."
"Would you dump Princess Erina if she's not pure? She really likes you. The past doesn't matter. Haven't you had someone you liked before, Hero?"
"Well..."
"Please be considerate of the princess who's looking only at you now and let her keep her past hidden."
"Do you know about Erina's past, Priest?"
"I don't. But I think relationships are more beautiful when you hide what needs hiding."
"I see. I was too narrow-minded."
I patted Aei's shoulder. Erina still looked anxious but was pretending to be calm. I could see her legs shaking. I clapped my hands to get everyone's attention.
"Alright, then. The pure one stepping up will be our Hero."
"Huh?"
Aei looked at me in confusion. I replied.
"A woman who's never had sex. That fits you, right? I'm married, so no. And prying into a knight's... status like this would be rude anyway."
"Got it."
Aei nodded as if convinced and stepped forward to the golem. Erina was already tapping my arm in panic.
"What do we do... what do we do... if I were a virgin..."
"Princess, please shut up."
Blue light filled the golem's eyes again. It scanned Aei's body up and down with beams like lasers. After thoroughly checking him, the golem spoke.
"You are qualified to open the door."
With that, the golem shifted its massive body aside and closed its eyes. In its place stood a large door. We rushed to Aei without a word.
"Hero! Are you okay?"
"Y-yeah. Yeah, I'm fine."
Aei brushed off our concern and cautiously opened the door. It swung open easily without resistance. Stone fragments clinging to it crumbled away. Below the door lay another staircase, flanked by blazing torches on both sides.
"Who set these up?"
Judging by the skeletons, no one had been here in ages, yet the torches burned as if freshly lit. We exchanged glances and decided to head down another level.
As we descended the long, long staircase, conversation flowed easily. I heard Aei and Erina talking behind Karin and me.
"Sorry, Erina."
"W-what are you saying, Aei? What do you have to apologize for? If anything, I should be sorry for not stepping into that dangerous trap..."
"I was assuming things about you on my own."
"Wh-what?"
"I won't ask about your past. Whatever it was... you're my other half now."
"Ah... aaaah..."
Erina was on the verge of tears. She wouldn't confess to having sex with me in some dramatic absolution, would she? My heart started pounding for no reason. Even if Aei forgave her past, that was before they met. If she admitted to fooling around with another guy while he was away, even a saint like him would draw his sword. My legs started to shake a bit.
"Priest, you don't look well."
Karin said. I jumped and replied.
"Oh, does it seem that way? Nah, it's just the torchlight making me look paler than usual."
"If you're not feeling good, I brought some emergency meds."
Nothing funnier than offering medicine to a priest, but that earnestness was Karin's charm in the game. Even with the world's strongest hero in the party, she'd gladly take the front line. The stoic knight had big tits and that appeal.
"There should be some here somewhere... oh."
While rummaging, Karin dropped a few items from her pouch. A small object wrapped in cloth hit the ground and revealed itself.
"Potato peeler?"
It was a potato peeler—the kind for peeling potatoes in the kitchen. Karin shook her head and picked it up.
"It's not a potato peeler."
"It's not?"
"It's a tool for torturing criminals. You peel off their skin layer by layer with it."
"Fuck..."
Crazy bitch. Crazy bitch. I barely held back the curse. It reminded me of that raw meat lump in the basement. Why the hell did she bring that here?
"Why'd you bring that? This is just a dungeon crawl."
"There might be grave robbers."
"...You're gonna skin them alive? Isn't grave robbing just jail time if caught red-handed?"
"I have a duty to check if they've committed other crimes besides grave robbing."
I decided not to talk to Karin anymore. She rummaged through her leather pouch, made a regretful face, and said.
"Sorry. Looks like I forgot the medicine."
She remembered the peeler but not the meds. I shook my head. Commit a crime in front of her, and I'd go from blond elf to red mess. Our chat carried us to the second underground level. Another identical golem stood there.
The differences: fewer corpses piled nearby, and the golem looked cleaner. Specs seemed the same as before. Virginity again? As we stepped forward, its eyes glowed, and it spoke.
"Let the one whose heart is pure and kind step forward and open the door."
Aei and Karin looked at me simultaneously. Erina smirked, lifting the corner of her mouth. Easy excuse for this one. I nudged Aei lightly.
"The Hero seems perfect for this."
"Me? But I..."
"You've always had an upright heart, devoted to one woman, and led the charge against the Demon King with the most righteous spirit. I think you should go, Hero."
I shoved her forward before she could argue.
Blue light filled the golem's eyes again. It scanned Aei's body up and down with beams like lasers. After thoroughly checking her, the robot spoke.
"You are qualified to open the door."
With that, the golem shifted its massive body aside and closed its eyes. In its place stood a large door—much cleaner and sturdier than the last.
Erina glared at me. I shrugged. Man, if it was just Aei and me, this would've been a breeze.