Salvation (2)
When I woke up in bed, the man who'd been beside me was already gone. Memories of last night slowly replayed in my mind, heating my face.
My first love. I rolled the name of that man—whose name I hadn't even known—around on my tongue.
Han Siwoo… Han Siwoo.
From beyond the door came the sizzle of oil in a pan.
Siwoo must have gotten up first. Guess I should wash up.
The apartment had the same layout as mine, so I headed familiarly into the shower attached to the room.
Haha… Never thought the day would come when I'd shower in a guy's place.
I rinsed off quickly in the somehow empty-feeling shower and stepped out. As I left the room,
there was Siwoo, who'd prepared breakfast. Come to think of it, I can't eat food, can I?
Seeing the table he'd so carefully set for me, it was hard to refuse. No, how could I refuse?
I could have refused. But I was more afraid of him hating me than refusing.
I was so scared of being hated by this neighbor whose name I'd only just learned.
So I'd agonized over it for so long—what to do.
If I refuse here… even if I have a good reason, won't he get hurt? Won't that hurt turn into hatred for me?
I told myself there was no way, but I didn't want to hurt him even a little, or be hated even a little.
I knew it was foolish.
Yeah. I'll just close my eyes and swallow it.
It wouldn't be easy, but if I scooped up big spoonfuls and swallowed about four times, I could finish it.
With that resolve, I steeled myself.
And when I put it in my mouth…
It was different from usual.
It was like…
A memory I'd long forgotten resurfaced. The rice touching my tongue. The sweet, savory scent of soy sauce. The faint spice that was just a bit spicy.
Those sensations came flooding back, little by little.
Familiar, nostalgic sensations I'd forgotten for so long.
Sensations I'd thought I'd never experience again. I'd figured I'd never properly eat rice in my life, let alone drink anything.
Yet here I was, tasting food. My brain wasn't flipping out; it registered the flavor just fine.
How? Why…? Am I getting better?
This felt like hope thrown to the me who'd been giving up on everyday life bit by bit. Like it was saying I could go back.
That I could be normal again.
"Ah…"
Tears flowed. Tears of gratitude?
I didn't know. Overwhelming emotions surged beyond my control.
It was just that this reality felt like a dream. That hope could be this sweet—I was learning it for the first time.
I didn't want to let go of that hope.
To the bewildered gaze of the man watching me, I barely managed an explanation. Then his expression darkened rapidly.
And the words he spoke with a serious face were shocking.
That he was the one who'd healed me. Words that would upend my entire life.
He explained a status window-like thing called the System, which described my condition perfectly. Those words convinced me there was no lie or exaggeration.
And after all that explanation, the final words from Siwoo were…
"I want to give you back your everyday life. And if possible, if you want it…"
Those words were enough to crumble my heart. I'd been losing hope one piece at a time, abandoning any longing for normalcy.
To someone like me, who had to give up even a normal life, this was salvation reaching out. And the words that finally left his mouth resurrected a dream I'd forever abandoned, placing it right before my eyes.
"I want to help you return as a Magical Girl."
A Magical Girl's return. To me, who'd dreamed of it my whole life, achieved it, made it my everything—then lost it all. He showed me that dream again.
Told me it was possible. Gave me hope.
That alone was enough. It felt more beautiful and sweet than any flowery words.
His vow to make it happen, even though it wasn't his responsibility, stripping away everything if needed. It was so hot, so gratefully overwhelming, that I broke down completely.
Emotions exceeding my limits tangled together, freezing me in place.
"So, will you trust me? Even though our past isn't clean…"
Suddenly lacking confidence, he started rambling on awkwardly. But since I'd already fallen for him, even that felt cute.
Yeah.
I've fallen for him.
Completely.
Irreversibly so.
I'd known it already.
Love at first sight.
No, it was beyond that.
I can't live without this man.
That certainty hit me.
This was conviction. Unshakable for life.
"Yes! I trust you."
It was an answer squeezed out with effort. I'd received so much.
Such a straightforward response, when I couldn't even properly repay what I'd been given.
My broken brain and body forced into motion to wring it out. If I didn't answer now, this babbling man might vanish somewhere.
I knew there was no way, but the anxiety gripped me. I knew I couldn't accept a reality like that.
I understood now: a life without this man was hell.
So I wrung my brain dry and dragged my body along to finally give my answer.
Thank goodness.
It must have been a satisfying response.
He started rambling again.
"Wanna make a bucket list later? Things you want to do once you're better…"
"Any idea how much better you are now?"
"Ah, take your time if it's hard to talk."
He went on like that. But my broken body couldn't keep up with the conversation.
Soon, Siwoo cleared his throat with a cough. The kitchen fell quiet again.
"Was I getting too excited alone?"
"No."
I didn't want to embarrass him. I was happy too.
But the emotions were too intense… My body, unable to handle them, had short-circuited.
I had to force my frozen body to respond. I needed to calm down.
It wasn't easy.
Hoo… hoo…
Magical Girls undergo special training for this. To not get swept away by swirling emotions.
If emotions explode beyond a certain level, the body locks up in self-defense. It's a necessary safeguard for Magical Girls, with our far richer emotions and nerves than ordinary people.
But I'd never resented it as much as today.
Hoo… hoo…
Thankfully, it didn't take long to calm. A few deep breaths, and I succeeded.
"The food must be cold now. Eat up. God, I caused such a scene mid-meal."
Seeing him scratch his head and pick up his spoon, I vowed: no matter what, I'd make this man happy.
"No, I've received more warmth from you than I deserve."
My mind was working normally bit by bit, words coming out too.
"I'll spend my life repaying this grace you've bestowed on me."
I pushed back the table, stood, and bowed deeply. It felt like the most fitting way to express my heart.
"No, no, no, please don't. You're my idol. So first, just eat comfortably with me."
"Yes. Then at least let me give my thanks."
I realized my heart had run too far ahead. How big a presence he was to me—big didn't even cover it.
He was becoming my entire world. But if he knew, he'd feel burdened—I could see it plainly.
So I had to hide these feelings. Realizing they were still too precious, too unconfessable, left a pang of regret.
I wanted to tell him everything…
Yeah. There's plenty of time.
For now, convey a little of my heart. I smiled brightly, bowed my head lightly, and expressed my gratitude.
"Thank you for saving me."
Siwoo, oblivious to my heart and just feeling burdened, was a tiny bit resentful. Very tiny.
No, no. What a full belly I am, thinking that?
I laughed at myself for such a gluttonous thought. Just moments ago, I'd been barely surviving like a plant, unable even to dream of normalcy…
Now that I'd reclaimed even my dreams, sulking because I couldn't claim Siwoo's heart too?
Haha…
Human greed really has no end. Terrifyingly so.
Seeing my ugly nature in that fragment of greed brought a wave of shame.
I pulled myself together and continued the meal. The sensation felt like ancient history.
My sense of taste exploded in my head. I closed my eyes and savored it slowly.
The umami soy sauce scent tickled my tongue. The crispy batter crumbled in my mouth. Chewing the fluffy rice brought waves of sweetness.
When it got rich, I'd grab a bite of kimchi. This precious breakfast Siwoo had prepared.
It was delicious. So delicious.
"Ha… fuck."
The Heresy Inquisition in utter chaos. And Myohwa Seorin, left abandoned right there.
This was a first.
"Hahaha… ahahahaha!"
Dare to ignore me? Lumia Star.
She was never a match to begin with. She was a 1st Class Magical Girl.
There was no way for me, stuck at 2nd Class, to win. No matter how I twisted it, a fresh 1st Class was my limit.
Lumia Star was a veteran among 1st Class. The gap in power, combat sense—it was on another level.
But…
That human man wasn't. Heh heh.
Lumia Star clearly thought especially highly of this Han Siwoo guy. But what could she do?
Their relationship was done for. And for the death of a corrupted human, no one would hold her accountable.
Kidnap the man right in front of Lumia Star. Kill him in the end?
Just imagining it sent thrills through my whole body.
Rape Han Siwoo right before Lumia's eyes. Then kill him.
It would be the ultimate revenge. The ultimate masturbation.
That ecstasy.
Ha… haaah.
Thinking about it alone was enough to make me wet.