The Magical Girl Surrenders to the Mushroom (1)
“Ugh, sob, uuuuughhh……”
There are many kinds of tears people shed. While tears from sadness are the most common, there are also tears shed when one cannot contain their anger, or tears used as a weapon to sway someone’s emotions by throwing a tantrum. Some cry from overwhelming joy, and others from sheer emotion. The reason I’m crying right now is definitely the latter. The surge of emotion is so intense that I can’t help but sob. That’s how moving the latest episode of Witch Girl Rubii—Season 7, Episode 13—was.
“Uuuuugh… Rubii… she’s a gift from the gods… How could this be……”
Rubii is the protagonist of Witch Girl Rubii R, a magical girl with striking red hair. Though she still carries a girlish appearance, she ruthlessly punishes her enemies—emptying their bank accounts, burning down their houses, or shoving dildos up their asses—making her the very image of a crimson demon. Yet when it comes to her friends, she’s so tender-hearted that she’d even offer up her virginity to save them, appearing like a pure white angel. But once you glimpse the delicate psyche hidden beneath that bold duality… no one can escape her charm. Truly, Rubii must be a character crafted by the gods… How could something this perfect exist in this world… Ahh, I want to share this joy…
“The community… the community… I have to post before this feeling fades…!”
I hurriedly logged into the Witch Girl Rubii community I’d recently discovered. Reviews filled with this kind of emotion are what enrich people’s hearts. Besides, joy and emotion are meant to be shared—they multiply when divided.
“What a pathetic NEET you are, nyang……”
Cookie, who had come over after a long absence, muttered weakly, but I ignored it. I’m not a NEET. I’m a respectable member of society with the solemn duty of being a magical girl. Nothing to feel guilty about! Yeah!
“Let’s see… ‘Season 7 is still the best. Rubii really is an angel.’ …What should I write next……”
“Just write whatever, nyang?”
“Are you seriously saying that?! The way I word this will determine how I’m remembered for the rest of my life regarding Season 7, Episode 13! What if, every time I try to recall that moving moment, all I can think of is my half-assed review and it wilts away?! And what if some newbie trying to get into Witch Girl Rubii reads my terrible post and goes, ‘Yeah, never mind…’ and drops it? Are you gonna take responsibility for that, huh?!”
“S-sorry, nyang… So stop making that terrifying face. Even monsters haven’t seen you look that scary, nyang……”
I kept my expression stern as I finished writing the post. Hmm… It still feels inadequate, but it can’t be helped. I lament my own lack of writing skill. I did major in science at university, after all…
“If I could make a Wish, maybe I should ask for ‘talent in writing’……”
“Nyang? You wanna become a famous author, nyang?”
“Not really. As long as I can convey how amazing Witch Girl Rubii is, that’s enough.”
“If you say so……”
Cookie muttered, sounding drained. Come to think of it, there was a character in Witch Girl Rubii who became a magical girl just to wish to become a novelist.
“……By the way, Cookie, how exactly do you guys grant wishes?”
“Nyang?”
“In Witch Girl Rubii, the more you work, the more you accumulate these god-given magic stamps… and then you can grant any wish.”
But simply collecting points to grant wishes—I don’t really get the mechanism. You can earn those points by defeating monsters, by getting violated, or by helping other magical girls… I don’t know the criteria, or how they accumulate into a wish. There’s so much I don’t understand.
“Well… I could explain it, nyang.”
“But?”
“Would an idiot like you even understand, nyang?”
“You really look down on people, don’t you…?”
It didn’t seem like Cookie wanted to explain, and I didn’t feel like pushing, so I dropped it.
“You shouldn’t bother with that stuff, nyang.”
“Huh?”
“You don’t even have a proper wish to begin with, nyang. Rather than relying on something like the Wish in the Point Shop, just live your life with your own strength, nyang. That thing isn’t even legitimate, nyang.”
“No, but I still want to quit being a magical girl and turn back into a guy as soon as possible.”
“And the moment you do, you’ll just become a NEET again. That’s fine with you, nyang?”
“……”
“Did you really think you’d find a job this free and well-paying so easily, nyang? Did you think you’d be allowed to keep obsessing over Witch Girl Rubii like this, nyang? Have you considered the possibility of becoming a zombie who works overtime every day with no time for hobbies, nyang? How many jobs out there respect your lifestyle and don’t force overtime, nyang?”
“……”
“Even if you had some capital and free time to study in between, did you think you could get hired by the company you want, nyang? And magical girls are treated as civil servants, so companies recognize that experience, nyang. The longer you do it, the brighter your future looks—why throw that away, nyang?”
“Uh……”
“Which is more important—Witch Girl Rubii or some lousy job, nyang.”
Faced with this ultimate dilemma, my head started spinning. Getting a job is important. If you don’t secure proper employment, you’ll ruin your life. But… Witch Girl Rubii is life. It is life itself. I can’t… possibly give it up!
“No answer, nyang. You just go out on occasional missions to beat up monsters, and if you slip up once in a while and offer your body a few times, voilà—money comes rolling in, nyang.”
“Yeah… that’s… wait, hold on. That’s exactly what I don’t want!”
“There are jobs like that, nyang. Instead of being grateful that even a useless piece of trash like you gets to do something meaningful, you’re complaining.”
“You’ve got some kind of grudge against me, don’t you?! Why are you so harsh when judging me?!”
“No matter how hard you try, the world calls those who produce no results trash, nyang.”
“Apologize! Apologize to every single person out there who’s working hard, you psycho fairy!”
I shouted in frustration, but Cookie casually grabbed some snacks from the shelf and started munching away. Don’t just eat other people’s snacks without asking…
“Hm? You got a comment.”
I checked to see if there was anything wrong with my review, and sure enough, a comment had appeared—posted almost immediately after mine.
Witch Girl Rubii R is rated for adults only—19 and up. Naturally, the community is used exclusively by adults. And right now, it’s just past lunchtime on a weekday. Most people are probably at work, so whoever posted this must be some idle rich kid or a NEET. Or maybe a university student with no classes.
“What…… the hell is thiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiis?!”
After reading the comment, I slammed the table in rage.
“Wh-what, nyang?!”
“Th-this rotten… How can someone like this even exist?!”
The comment was a direct attack on everything I’d said. If it had been an objective critique, I wouldn’t have gotten angry. Only narrow-minded people get upset over that sort of thing—I’m generous enough to respect any opinion and use it as fertilizer for a better tomorrow. However……
The comment was filled with incomprehensible nonsense like that, all of it tearing Rubii down. My beloved Rubii! Unforgivable!
“Cookie! Can you use that Wish thing to find this guy’s address too?!”
“Uh……”
“I’m definitely going to catch him! I’ll grab him and preach until he changes his mind! I’ll earn points just to find this bastard’s address!”
As Cookie let out a weary sigh, I burned with righteous fury like a raging inferno.
It was ten minutes later that I got a call from Yura.
* * *
After answering Yura’s call, I nervously bit my nails. This is bad… This is really bad!
[Unni, why aren’t you here yet? Today’s “that day,” you know.]
Only then did I remember. Today was the release date for the limited-edition character merchandise of Witch Girl Rubii R!
“My mistake…! How could I have forgotten something so important…! How could this happen…!”
I’d been so busy binge-watching Season 7 all night that I’d completely lost track of the date changing.
[Aigoo, I was sure you’d come too, Unni. I thought it was weird when you didn’t show up.]
The photo she sent showed Yura with messy hair and glasses, hugging an armful of Witch Girl Rubii merchandise. She was even wearing a Witch Girl Rubii illustration T-shirt. When I asked if she had no classes on a weekday, she replied:
[Are you kidding? It’s Witch Girl Rubii! How could I possibly sit through class?!]
This was the result of my diligent missionary work since we met at the mine. Yura had already become a devoted Witch Girl Rubii fan—she could never escape its clutches now.
……I felt a twinge of guilt for dragging another soul into the abyss, but… well. It’s fine. This is more my style anyway!
[Anyway, this branch is almost sold out. Even if you come now, you probably won’t be able to buy anything.]
“Ghh…… How could this be!”
Then the only option left is to knock out the people who already bought them from behind and steal their stuff!
[Robbery is not allowed……]
“Ghh…… They’re fellow believers of Rubii, so… I guess it can’t be helped……”
[Has it become a religion now?]
While I was agonizing over what to do, I found new information on the community. The specialty mall in B City had an event time an hour later than everywhere else! People who missed the timing could just buy from there.
‘But it takes over an hour by subway to get to B City…! And transfers can make it even longer. So a taxi……’
“What are you thinking about, nyang? Why are you staring at me all of a sudden.”
Ah. Right. Now that I think about it, I have a much faster mode of transportation than public transit.
“Costume Change!”
“Nyang……?”
I transformed in a hurry and leapt out the window at full speed. Alright. Time to show the same level of seriousness I never even showed when fighting monsters!
* * *
The distance that would’ve taken thirty-seven minutes by taxi, I covered in just seven. If I hadn’t misread the map, I would’ve arrived even faster.
“Huff, aerial stepping, nyang……?”
“Huh? It worked when I tried it.”
When I focused on moving quickly, I could kick off the air and do double jumps without any trouble. Really, being a magical girl lets you do anything. Anyway, I plummeted like a comet in front of the anime specialty mall and immediately rushed inside.
The costume I was wearing was the School Look Costume—basically a school uniform. But calling it a uniform was embarrassing; the skirt was so short it was practically a miniskirt, barely covering my panties, and the sheer shirt was cropped so high my navel was completely exposed. Running around in broad daylight on a weekday wearing this lewd school uniform costume as an adult woman, desperately chasing after limited-edition character goods… Even I thought it was a pitiful sight, but it couldn’t be helped. I had to accept it as a necessary sacrifice for Witch Girl Rubii……
Honestly, I wanted to cancel the transformation the moment I arrived, but a voice announced: <It has not been long since the costume was equipped. Deactivation is not possible.> I still didn’t fully understand this costume system, but it seemed I couldn’t take it off right now. Mortifying as it was, I had no choice. Besides, transformations come with that “perception interference” effect, so…… It’s fine… Yeah……
“There it is!”
I ignored the strange looks from passersby and hurried inside, where I finally spotted the Rubii merchandise I’d been longing for. There was even a “Tatara Dog” plush—the dog-like fairy who transforms Rubii into a magical girl. I scooped up every limited-edition Rubii item in sight at lightning speed, and just as I reached for the Tatara Dog plush—
“What……”
My hand overlapped with someone else’s on top of the plush. It was a beautiful hand with pale, delicate fingers.
“……Excuse me, I grabbed it first.”
I forced a smile as I spoke.
“No, no. I had my eye on it first. You’re the one trying to snatch it away.”
What kind of nonsense was that?! I couldn’t believe the audacity of this intruder spouting such ridiculous logic. Furious, I looked up—and lost my words.
“Huh……”
A flawless beauty stood before me. She was slightly shorter than me, with fluffy blonde hair, striking golden eyes, and alluring crimson lips. I’d been quite confident in my own appearance after becoming a woman, but even I had to admit she was on another level. Yet that wasn’t the only reason I was shocked. She seemed just as surprised, probably for the same reason. Just like I was wearing a school uniform costume, she was dressed in some strange outfit with odd frills—like a dress. There was no doubt about it. This woman was definitely——
““A magical girl?!””
Our voices overlapped in shock.
* * *
“Let’s see…… What should I do with this, nyang.”
After Kei had rushed out, Cookie stared at the massive magic stone tucked away in the corner of the house, deep in thought. Kei had brought it back from the mine hideout last time, worried it couldn’t be left there. Handing it over to mediocre people would be risky, but leaving it alone felt like a waste. Besides, if there were other cheaters like Kei or similar magical girls out there, the Mekrak side would need a trump card too.
“……Maybe I should send it to the ‘Doctor,’ nyang.”
Cookie opened a gate in midair and sent the magic stone somewhere. In its place, an identical replica was left behind. With that, the perfect crime was complete.