Sold to the Pig (1)
“Hey, wake up, you little shit!”
Drip. Drip-drip-drip.
“Glub, glub-glub!”
Something cold poured across my face, jolting me awake. Water stung inside my nose. Tutu loomed over me, tilting a kettle.
I shook my head and took in my surroundings. Apparently I’d been sprawled out on the restaurant floor like a starfish.
...Goddamn it.
“Sober yet?”
“......Yeah.”
Still drunk, we’d kept masturbating, then gradually put on more and more extreme shows to satisfy the customers—no, the bastards.
Spread our legs and show everything for ten drinks. Squeeze our tits and spray milk for twenty. Pour booze into our cleavage and between our thighs like we’d done before. We’d performed every humiliating erotic act they demanded.
From the middle onward, my memory got hazy.
“Ugh... my thighs feel gross....”
Everything was a sticky mess of alcohol and fluids.
The customers had all left. While the innkeeper watched, the bandits hoisted the still-unconscious Danbi and carried her outside to close up. I staggered after them. Danae, who’d been out of sight, was already waiting with the other bandits.
When we reached the transport we’d arrived in, Tutu held something out to me—a stick about two knuckles long.
“Portable shower capsule. We’re leaving soon, so clean yourselves up. I’ll give you a razor too—shave every last hair... ah, right. Magical girls don’t grow any.”
“Huh? What hair?”
“Never mind.”
“Weirdo.”
“Pubic hair too... yeah. Yours are all clean, so I guess you don’t grow any? The other two are the same.”
“I don’t, at least.”
I remembered Danbi mentioning she’d gained the Bare Pussy trait. She used to grow hair normally before. Danae had bought depilatory cream from the Point Shop—once applied, it lasted a year.
Tutu gave us a strange look, waved his hand, and started to leave... then turned back.
“You remember the plan?”
“......Yeah. Go in and cause chaos, right?”
“Don’t start acting stupid the second you walk through the door. He’s a noble.”
“So what? Noble or not, who cares?”
“I mean he’s not like those half-assed invaders who just want to suck the planet dry.”
“Suck it dry? The ones invading someone else’s planet are the real scum. Why would I be scared of some fat pig hiding in his house?”
“...Some of the invaders are pretty high-ranking too. But nobles are on a completely different level. Comparing them is laughable. Got it?”
Tutu shoved his face right up to mine, beard prickling my skin. I frowned automatically.
Your breath stinks, asshole.
“I don’t know how strong that Hyperdimensional Tool makes you, but don’t get cocky. If your bullshit gets us or the city in trouble, I’ll rip your cunts apart for real.”
“......You’re overreacting.”
“Does it look like I’m overreacting?”
The sheer menace in his voice made my body shrink back on its own. Damn it. This body, trained by the hypnosis drug, was infuriating.
Just how much of a bastard was this noble that even Tutu was this wary?
Apparently satisfied I understood, Tutu snorted and walked toward the transport.
“Kei~ You okay~?”
“Yeah. Nothing happened. Let’s wash up first.”
I stepped into the caged section at the back, pressed the capsule’s switch like I’d seen before, and tossed it. Ignoring conservation of mass, it unfolded with metallic clicks and whirs, assembling a sleek shower booth in seconds.
“...This really gives off that sci-fi vibe.”
It hit me again—we really weren’t on Earth anymore.
Danae and I took turns washing. Danbi woke up soon after, swaying on her feet. Danae giggled and dragged the groggy Danbi inside, washing her with very suggestive hands. Danbi was too out of it to resist and had no choice but to let her.
While we washed, the transport rattled onward.
* * *
“Get out, merchandise!!”
“Don’t treat people like goods, you lowlifes.”
After snapping at the cheeky bandit, I climbed down from the transport. Danae and Danbi followed.
The noble’s mansion-tower.
It had looked flashy from afar, but up close the design was overwhelmingly oppressive. The neon signs and lights blazed so brightly it felt like daytime even though it was nearly midnight.
“Alright, inside. Steel yourselves. Uku-ku-ku.”
We followed Tutu toward the main entrance.
...Because they’d doubled the weight of the restraints on our wrists and ankles to keep us from rebelling, just walking was torture.
Do they really not trust us that much?
...Honestly, I wouldn’t trust us either.
“Wait. Who are you?”
Someone blocked Tutu’s path—a serious-looking alien in uniform wearing the same badge we’d seen at the restaurant.
“We’re here for a transaction. Here’s the certificate.”
Tutu answered calmly and handed something over. The guard let us through without issue.
The noble’s mansion was impressive.
The front door made mechanical noises and slid open like something out of a movie, and holographic displays flickered along the corridors while robotic maids whirred past.
But the farther we went, the more our expressions hardened.
“Hey... Danae... those statues...”
“Exactly what you’re thinking, Kei.”
Strange stone statues lined the halls.
Every one depicted a nearly naked woman—each stunningly beautiful in her own way, faces frozen in terror. Some were from completely different species, probably from other planets.
They weren’t just standing. They were posed in various ways—bent over, serving as tables or shelves—like living furniture.
So these were the statues the mansion’s owner supposedly made.
——By petrifying living women?
“......!”
My clenched fists trembled.
What the hell did he see women as? What did he see people as?
And he was collecting women from other planets just to use them as sacrifices for this sick hobby.
“...I think I’m gonna puke.”
Even Danbi sounded shaken this time.
I nodded. I felt the same. Surprisingly, even Tutu seemed uncomfortable; he was visibly trying to look away. Maybe he wasn’t completely rotten.
Finally, we stood before the noble.
“Ooooh~ ooooh~~~! Tutu, leader of the Tutu Bandits~! I’ve been wai~ting~ for you~.”
A drawling voice. An even more drawling gut.
From head to toe he was bloated, the kind of pig-like alien who’d roll away if you kicked him. No—a pig-like being.
“Greetings, Lord Kual, one of the Thirteen Nobles. This lowly bandit is honored to stand before you.”
“Yes~ indeed~. A savage bandit like you~ has no right to look upon me~ and yet~ and yet~ you insist on showing me something~ so I suppose it can’t be helped~. You claim to have these famous~ magical girls~.”
Tutu didn’t even twitch at the insulting tone. Instead he smiled obsequiously and pushed us forward.
Kual’s buried eyes widened in delight.
“Oh, ohohoho...! These... these girls... are magical girls...!”
“Yes, sir. These are the very magical girls who were going to be auctioned off because every one of the Thirteen Nobles wanted them.”
“Impossible... but this mana I feel... they’re real~. The readings are weaker than expected, but if it’s because of the different land, that’s understandable~. Once I take them to the spot... ah, right~. Where did you find these women~?”
“I’m afraid I can’t say.”
“Of course. You have to make a living off that... Very well~. This noble body~ will graciously overlook it~ out of consideration for my underlings~.”
The pig stuck out an absurdly long tongue and licked his lips.
“High-quality magical girls~ are very hard to come by~. Even the occasional trash-tier~ ones are treated as precious~.”
“Your power grows with the number of magical girls you collect, doesn’t it?”
“That’s right~. But in this situation, I’m the only one without any~, so I’m ranked dead last at thirteenth~. Having you around is a real blessing~.”
‘So that’s how it is.’
I see.
I roughly understood the situation. There were thirteen nobles, and they ranked themselves by how many magical girls they owned.
So magical girls really were rare collectibles.
“Hehe, I saw your faces in the auction pamphlet~. Heard you turned my subordinates into minced meat too~. Wonderful~. Absolutely wonderful~.”
“Shut the hell up, you slug-looking pig bastard.”
“?!”
Tutu’s face went rigid.
Danbi had stepped forward, unable to hold back.
“What did you~ just say~?”
“Stop dragging out your words, pig. Go oink or something. Want me to rip your mouth open and tear out your vocal cords? Whether it’s a gimmick or not, your speech pattern is fucking disgusting.”
“.......”
Silence fell.
Tutu had gone pale. The noble Kual’s face trembled as he stared at Danbi.
Oh no, Danbi! Don’t do that!
I scrambled to salvage the situation.
“D-Danbi! You can’t say that! Bad! If you talk like that he’ll get angry! It’s because you’re treating him like a person that you’re getting mad! Think of him as a pig that just happens to walk on two legs and speak—he’s not worth getting angry over! Honestly, oinking would suit him way better!”
“Oh my~ So we’re allowed to tease him? I was holding back and got scolded for nothing~. Honestly, this pig stinks. Can I plug my nose? I can, right? Wow~ I thought he only bathed once a month. What is that smell? Does he actually roll around in shit like a real pig? It’s seriously gross~.”
“.......”
“L-Lord Kual...!”
Tutu dropped to his knees, face shaking.
Nice. Serves you right.
If he got mad enough to kill Tutu too, that would be perfect.
While I was thinking that, Kual suddenly burst into booming laughter.
“......His brain’s probably packed with fat and he’s gone insane.”
“No, there’s so much fat the blood can’t reach his brain, that damn pig.”
“Oh dear, oh dear. Maybe there’s so much fat around his neck he can’t even speak~.”
Even as we whispered, Kual kept laughing uproariously before abruptly stopping.
“Buy them.”
“Excuse me?”
“I said I’ll buy them right now, Tutu. How much was the original offer? ■■■■tella? I’ll pay double.”
“Uh... what?! Double?”
“No, no... I’m in such a good mood. Make it triple.”
“Triple... Good heavens...!”
Tella was apparently this planet’s currency.
But what the hell was wrong with this pig? Why was his speech suddenly so fluent? He wasn’t dragging out his words anymore.
The sudden shift in atmosphere was jarring.
The deal with Tutu was settled in an instant. Particles gathered in the air to form a sheet of paper. After a few finger taps, text appeared.
It looked like magic, but it was apparently a product of science.
“O-oh... So the contract is made? No take-backs?”
“Hurry up!”
“Yessir!”
Tutu signed energetically, projected a hologram, scanned the document, and received an identical copy in his hands.
After giving a few final explanations and handing over the remote that controlled our restraints, Tutu left.
The moment he was gone—
“Heh, hehehe!”
Clang! Clatter!
“Ugh...!”
“Kgh...!”
“Hik......!”
The collars around our necks yanked us forward by thick chains. We all pitched face-first onto the floor, unable to brace ourselves because of the heavy limb restraints.
Kual stomped on each of our heads in turn, cheeks jiggling as he laughed.
“From now on~... I’m your master~. Heh, hehehe~ This’ll be fun~. I’ll train you thoroughly~ until you’re fit for my interior~ Heh, hehehehe~.”
