Chapter 33
Chapter 33
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Translator: Ace
Chapter: 33
Chapter Title: The Orphanage Barbecue
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Resting when others are resting is just a constant.
In other words, it's the kind of happiness that vanishes if you differentiate it with respect to time—nothing special at all.
So what about resting when everyone else is working?
That bliss rivals an exponential function.
Even after differentiation, it stays massive.
I lay sprawled on my dorm bed, soaking in the weekday midday sun.
I'm skipping the lab today.
In professional terms, playing hooky.
With neither Sir Valerius nor Senior Giuseppe at the Magic Tower right now, no one could stop me.
"Bored... Maybe I should swing by the orphanage?"
Time to teach Anna too—might as well drop in.
Of course, I wasn't planning to show up empty-handed.
First, out of the Magic Tower to the market.
There, I declared to the butcher shop owner.
"I'll take some beef."
"Which cut, and how much?"
"The whole thing. Every part."
"...Pardon?"
Whole-roast barbecue doesn't have to be pork, right?
Beef is the trend.
"Hero! Hero!"
"Waaah!"
"Meat!"
"Party!"
Is this what a triumphant general feels like?
The cheers were deafening.
The moment I opened the door, the kids swarmed me like bees, clinging to my legs.
Pretty heavy.
I floated half-butchered beef right in the middle of the orphanage yard.
Meat! Meat!
The kids chanted "meat" like they were possessed, those two words over and over.
The nuns stared at the cow hovering in midair, utterly dumbfounded.
It must look pretty grotesque to them.
But not to the kids.
Having lived as orphans and seen their share of harsh sights, this was nothing to them.
Tough little ones.
I could barely stomach looking at the cow myself.
I stood before the kids and said.
"Besides lamb, pork, and chicken, any other meat you know?"
"No way... beef...?"
"That's right. Beef."
Crazy!
Kyaaaak!
Great reaction.
Whets the appetite to fire up the barbecue.
Q = mcΔT
q = hA(T_s - T_∞)
I evenly applied heat around the suspended cow.
Flavor comes from the Maillard reaction or something... Not a chemistry guy, so details escape me.
Just focused on even heating.
Expensive beef—should turn out delicious.
Sizzle—!
The aroma of dripping fat and sweet meat filled the air.
"Whoa! Insane! Smell that!"
"You can't 'see' smells, though?"
"...Bro, seriously?"
"Ahem."
I set the fully cooked barbecue down in front of the kids.
"Wow!"
"Outta the way!"
Dozens of kids set to butchering the roasted cow.
Of course, I didn't hand them knives.
"Bro, cut this part!"
"Got it."
Slice.
After stuffing the kids to their hearts' content...
"In this world, there's no big bro but Isaac, and Anna is his little sister!"
"Little sister!"
They'd even come up with some bizarre chant among themselves.
Anna Uphills was rubbing her temples amid the kids.
Clearly not the first time.
After the meal, I sat across from Anna and started her tutoring session.
Anna spoke up.
"That weird chant... Can't you do something to stop it?"
Rookie investigator Jonathan at the Bureau of Magical Investigations was in a foul mood again today.
"Come on, people getting hurt in thesis defenses—isn't that a daily occurrence?"
Someone from the Winterheart family had gotten thoroughly thrashed by "Isaac Uphills," apparently.
So they filed an investigation request.
With nobles making the ask, he had to at least pretend to look into it...
But seriously, investigating this?
Mages grow through combat, after all.
Jonathan had a broken nose back in his undergrad days.
And then came a suspicious directive from above.
From the Princess's direct secretariat, no less.
'Do not touch Isaac Uphills under any circumstances.'
So investigate or not?
"Damn it..."
His senior cackled at the sight of Jonathan clutching his head.
"You laughing right now, senior?"
"Don't tell me this is your first time dealing with this crap?"
"Yes! What do I do? I figure I should side with the Princess, but..."
That'd make enemies of the Winterhearts. Kinda scary.
His senior replied.
"That's the world for you. Speaking of which, it's about time you picked a side."
"Sigh, my luck... Thanks for the advice, senior."
Grumbling, Jonathan headed to the Magic Tower's affiliated hospital.
"Just half-ass it."
But the instant he opened the hospital room door, Jonathan knew he'd been wrong.
"..."
"..."
The state of Kaien Winterheart on the bed wasn't "a little hurt."
Near-total paralysis.
"...Excuse me. Bureau of Magical Investigations, Investigator Jonathan. Can you cooperate with the investigation?"
"..."
No response from Kaien.
Gurgle. Grrk.
Instead, a phlegmy rattle from his throat.
Looked like he wanted to say something.
But with muscles unresponsive except for his lungs and heart, no proper words came out.
A horrific sight.
What the hell had happened?
This case seemed worth digging into properly.
The only part of Kaien that moved was his eyelids.
Tricky to investigate, but Jonathan knew the method.
He'd dealt with similar situations while interrogating suspects caught red-handed.
"Alright, Kaien Winterheart. If you can hear me, blink once."
He held up a board with the alphabet, going letter by letter to prompt blinks.
The interrogation dragged on for a full six hours.
Back at the bureau, Jonathan let out a deep sigh.
Phew...
"Gonna cave the floor at this rate. What happened?"
To his senior's question, Jonathan answered.
"I dug into this case 'cause it felt fishy."
"You trying to pick a fight with the Princess? Crazy bastard... I'm out!"
"Hear me out to the end!"
"..."
His senior scratched his head awkwardly.
"Anyway, I looked into it thinking there might be something, and..."
Jonathan handed over the report. He continued.
"Total moron. He threw a top-tier catalyst first and charged in, got shattered, and blew himself up."
"Oh."
"Injury cause: rebound. Completely innocent."
"Still looks like there's more to uncover."
Jonathan tilted his head at his senior's words.
"Hm? Like what?"
"You think you'd lose a straight-up fight even using a catalyst worth a few mansions in the capital?"
"Ah."
"Keep a close eye on that 'Isaac Uphills.' There's something there."
At the Winterheart family castle in the north.
"Arrrgh!"
Alcad Winterheart, head of the Winterheart Viscountcy, shredded the letter from the capital to pieces.
"No guilt?! No guilt?!"
Bureau of Magical Investigations' result: no charges.
Not even a not guilty verdict.
Isaac Uphills had no crime at all.
"Then what about my son! You filthy bureau dogs!"
Normally, you'd hit the family to make them submit.
But not this time.
"What damn orphanage brat! To my son!!"
Opponent was an orphan. No family to hit.
"No one to take hostage at all?!!"
"We... found about three."
"Who."
"Lady Gwendolyn Everglow of the Everglow family, Sir Giuseppe under Professor Dolloren, Archmage Sir Valerius... that sort."
"Son of a..."
Speechless.
Every name from his retainers was an untouchable bomb.
"Anything else?"
"...An orphan named 'Anna' registered as a test subject in Sir Giuseppe's research."
"That's just some convenient orphan bought for experiments! You think I don't know that?!!"
"..."
"Son... my son..."
On the verge of rage-induced illness.
Grind.
The family head gnashed his teeth.
"...Contact the underworld. Hire someone useful."
"M-My lord! Please reconsider! Sending an assassin to the Magic Tower is the worst possible move!"
One retainer knelt and pleaded.
But the Winterheart head's resolve was firm.
"Reconsider? That punk left my son half-dead?"
"Sir Kaien's injury was from rebound..."
"Shut your mouth!"
"..."
Alcad roared.
But he knew too. His retainer was right.
This incident was clearly Kaien's fault.
Sending an assassin in a fit of anger would bring disaster on the whole house.
If the Princess found out first: title stripped.
If the Dean found out first: annihilation.
Revenge risk too great.
A moment later, he said.
"...Don't kill him. Just a warning as an example. Cut off a finger, and that orphan brat will wise up."
"But my lord...!"
"Do it! You think the Empire will disown me over one finger from some commoner trash?!!"
No better chance than now.
With his supposed mentor Valerius away from the Tower, everything had to be settled.
Tutoring Anna was as fruitful as ever today.
By the time I returned to the Magic Tower, it was already late evening.
Liam was in my dorm room, as expected.
But his face looked seriously anxious.
What was up?
"Isaac! Where have you been! This is urgent!"
Liam was on the verge of panic.
"What happened?"
"The Winterheart family! Word's spreading all over the Tower!"
"Oh, that?"
Looks like my "light" hazing of Kaien Winterheart had leaked.
Perfect effect.
If I drop a thesis next year too, gotta step on him again.
Heh heh heh.
I casually shrugged off my overcoat and said.
"Just let it be."
"...You're not scared of the Winterhearts? They're a pretty big family."
I knew that.
Gwendolyn had told me.
The Winterhearts were a prestigious viscountcy in the north.
But no need to worry.
I replied to Liam.
"The Princess has my back."
Saved it for a time like this.
In this status-obsessed society, imperial blood was the ultimate yardstick.
All kneel before noble lineage.
"Oh... You're closer to the Princess than I thought."
"Heh."
"So that's why you're so relaxed. You had it all planned."
"Heh heh heh."
Any political attacks against me were meaningless before the Princess.
But then a thought struck me.
What if the Winterhearts skip politics?
And go insane with a physical attack...?
'Gotta prepare for that.'
Of course, sending an assassin after a Tower mage was madness.
If that happened, the Dean wouldn't sit idle.
Still, it made me uneasy.
Call me a coward, I don't care.
I dislike this side of myself sometimes too...
'For now, should I tip off the guards and Hans?'
Good excuse to see their faces too.