The Warm-Up (2)
It was a noise that felt like it would tear my eardrums apart. A pillar of blinding white light completely swallowed the world, the stars and the full moon plummeted to the earth, and the sky shattered, crumbling away like broken glass.
"Ugh!"
As I regained consciousness, I reflexively sat up, only to realize something was wrapping around my lower body. A brief touch was enough to tell me it was the bedsheets and a duvet. I could even feel the soft pillow where I had been lying just moments ago.
"Phew..."
Only then did Shirai feel a sense of relief, realizing it had all been a dream, and wiped the cold sweat from her forehead. A refreshing morning, after all, wouldn't be complete without a good stretch. But instinctively, she realized something was different from usual.
"Hmm?"
Until just a moment ago, she had been too preoccupied with grasping the situation to think clearly. The dream had been so vivid compared to reality that she had truly thought she was dead. But now, she knew. No, she had no choice but to know.
'I can't see...?'
Her condition felt much better, and her body felt energetic. It was as if she had been rejuvenated to her childhood years. Her skin felt firmer, and vitality overflowed from within. She felt like she could easily walk around the cabin ten times over. But why? Why, of all things, was she unable to see?
With a racing heart, she held her breath and blinked her eyes dozens, hundreds of times. Shirai did not want to accept this reality. The sunlight that greeted her every morning, the familiar ceiling of her small bedroom, the thick Bible—she would never be able to see them again.
"Are the Heavens angry with me...?"
Now she understood. The Heavens had unleashed their wrath and cursed her for her foolishness in misidentifying her benefactor and bestowing her affection upon the wrong person. Regret and sorrow welled up, making her chest feel heavy. It wasn't the loss of her sight that was so agonizing. It was the realization that she would never see his face again that truly crushed her. Not only had she lost her chance to confess to the one she loved, only to have him taken by another woman, but now, due to her own error, she had lost her sight once more. Everything Mate Daylight had done for her had vanished into thin air in a single day.
"Ugh..."
Shirai crossed her arms and gripped her shoulders, trying to stop her body from trembling. Perhaps because she was forcibly holding back her sobs, a deep groan escaped her lips. The weight of her regret and sorrow was far too great for her two arms to contain the tremors of her entire body.
People sometimes unconsciously recall moments they regret.
- Yuren, thank you so much. Thank you for helping me fulfill my long-held wish.
- You have an appointment with Mate? Can't you just go out with me instead? I can make things much more fun for you.
- I love you. You’re the only one for me. I’m the best for you too, right, Yuren?
Everything had gone terribly wrong. Mate should have been in that place instead. Shirai, who had been trying her best to hold back her tears, finally gave in, and they poured down like a waterfall. She remained unaware that she had returned to the distant past—a fact she would have noticed instantly had she possessed her sight.
The Espera Denomination. It was a religious organization that wielded immense political influence within the Empire. The reason was simple: the Saintess belonged to the Espera Denomination. Since ancient times, every Saintess had been affiliated with this order. It was the oldest denomination with the longest history, boasting the largest number of followers among all religious groups. Yet, despite its massive scale, it suffered from a fatal flaw: an excessive reliance on the Saintess. Simply put, if the Saintess was incompetent, the Espera Denomination could not exert any power. For centuries, the history of the denomination’s political influence being dictated by the capability of the Saintess had repeated itself.
Whenever the denomination tried to exert influence without the Saintess, the Imperial Court would intervene. At one point, the denomination even tried providing the Saintess with a manual. But it was all in vain. Even with a manual, the Saintess would either buckle under the pressure of other factions and give up, or lose arguments, resulting in the denomination losing even more power. The Espera Denomination had been suffering from this headache for quite some time.
The previous generation’s Saintess was the epitome of incompetence. It was said that the life of Clive, the then-Pontiff of the Espera Denomination, had been a daily struggle due to the relentless political pressure from all sides. However, the current Pontiff, Claudio Espera—son of Clive—had reached a point where he had no worries at all, the exact opposite of his father. It was because Saintess Shirai was simply too capable.
She was a genius who understood ten things when taught one, and a hundred when taught ten. Despite being at a young age, not even having entered the Academy yet, she grasped the flow of all political factions perfectly, and just recently, she had secretly contacted the Second Princess and signed a contract that would benefit the denomination. Her competence was such that one couldn't help but wonder if she was merely pretending to be blind. She was truly a remarkable child.
Knock, knock.
"Saintess, it is time for breakfast."
Yihua Cloudrain, the veteran aide. She was one of the named swordswomen who had graduated second in her class from Lumeris Academy five years ago. Her reputation had soared even higher by serving the blind Saintess Shirai for five years without a single incident. But what Yihua was truly proud of was not her career or her fame. It was the fact that she was the lead aide to Saintess Shirai, who was hailed as a genius everywhere. She was not only satisfied with the reality of serving the Saintess, but she also took great pride in it. The fact that she had been working alongside such a remarkable figure—a genius recognized as the greatest Saintess in history—for five years was the driving force behind Yihua’s life.
However.
"Saintess?"
The center of the corridor on the top floor of the Espera Denomination, where the Saintess’s room was located. Shirai, who always woke up early and answered her calls immediately, gave no response. Yihua realized something was wrong and shouted loudly.
"Saintess!! Are you alright!!!"
Thud, thud!!
It wasn't the sound of Yihua knocking on the door. The moment Yihua pressed her ear against the door, she heard a chilling sound of the wall vibrating. Yihua was a veteran aide. Prepared for such situations, she always carried a master key in her chest pocket. Yihua hurriedly pulled out the master key, inserted it into the lock, and opened the door.
Thud! Thud!!
"Sa, Saintess...?"
Yihua, who witnessed the source of the sound with her own eyes, could not hide her shock. The reason she couldn't move her feet despite knowing she should act immediately:
"Saintess Shirai! You mustn't!!"
Shirai was slumped on the bed, banging her head against the wall. Blood was pouring from her torn forehead, staining everything.
I couldn't see, so I couldn't see her face, but recognizing someone by their voice was still as easy as pie. A female swordswoman with brown ponytail hair and blue eyes. Yihua Cloudrain. There was no way I could forget the voice of a partner who had spent a long life with me.
"Why... are you here? I heard you became Princess Nipia’s aide..."
Yihua, dumbfounded by Shirai’s nonsensical words, blurted out the truth that came to mind without hesitation.
"We are completely screwed."
With a deep sigh, she slapped her forehead with her hand. "Do you even know that this is the Espera Denomination?"
"The Espera Denomination? What are you talking about so suddenly..."
"Shh. Don't push yourself and lie down; there won't be a next time. If you try to get up, I will knock you out immediately."
After a long debate, Shirai reached a successful agreement with Yihua: to walk around the room once and return to bed. In exchange, she would have Yihua’s support. Once back in bed as promised, Shirai finished assessing the situation in an instant. The bedroom in that small cabin wasn't this spacious. Judging by the room's structure, it was indeed the top floor of the Espera Denomination, the Saintess’s living quarters. Thicker hair, firmer skin, eyes closed again, Yihua and Shirai herself back in the denomination. With this much information, even an elementary school student would notice. That for some reason, time had been turned back. Seeing that people outside, including Yihua, were quiet, she could infer that only a very few, or perhaps only she herself, knew this fact.
Losing her sight was still inconvenient and frightening. She felt a sense of regret thinking she would never see that beautiful night sky again. But she steeled her resolve. If she could return to the past, she could give up her sight. Because she wanted to see Mate Daylight not as Shirai Stardust, but as Shirai.
"I don't understand. Why did you commit self-harm?"
Her torn forehead had been given first aid with gauze and bandages. Seeing that the denomination wasn't in an uproar, it seemed Yihua hadn't told anyone else about this.
"I'm sorry. I must have been under too much stress lately."
"Do you think that alone is a sufficient excuse? You even said something ridiculous about me being Princess Nipia’s aide..."
In reality, Yihua would eventually rise to the position of aide to the Third Princess, Nipia Solaris, in the distant future. She had unintentionally spoiled her own life. 'Just saying this once... it won't affect the future, right?' Like most people, Shirai was a harmless creature when it came to time loops. In a situation where she didn't know what kind of situation her words might cause, it was only natural for her to be cautious about talking about the future.
"Yihua, how much time was left until my Academy entrance?"
"36 days."
I had returned to a much more distant past than I thought. That meant I hadn't even met Mate yet.
"Wait!"
"Why, why are you doing this?"
"Don't we have an inspection schedule starting tomorrow?"
"Yes, didn't you say so yourself, Saintess? That it was necessary to investigate medium-sized or larger religious organizations before preparing for Academy entrance."
Shirai couldn't control her heartbeat. Even though she remembered the names of all the churches scheduled for inspection, she asked Yihua again just to be sure.
"Tomorrow, there is the Luteran Church, Trix Church, and Arcana Church. The day after, the Ercelli Church, Scarlet Church, and Eric Church. Three days from now, there is the Catalina Church, Tulans Church, and Daylight Church."
In truth, she just wanted to hear the name 'Daylight Church' from someone else's lips, not her own. She wanted to feel the fact that she had returned to the past through someone else.
"This isn't a hidden camera show or something, is it?"
"What on earth are you talking about since a while ago?"
Yihua was bad at lying. She had a habit of her voice trembling whenever she lied. That bold attitude was definitely not a lie. In other words, the moment it was confirmed that she had returned to the past.
"Prepare the carriage immediately."
Since the inspection schedule started tomorrow anyway, she could just leave for the Daylight Church right now. Shirai judged that there was no need to hesitate any longer.
"Wha, what are you talking about? No! Absolutely not! Besides, you have a schedule in just one hour."
"That's the group prayer schedule, isn't it? Can't you just proceed without me?"
"What meaning does a prayer have if the Saintess is absent? You know better than anyone that all the other church members rely solely on Saintess Shirai."
"But there is a place I must go..."
"Saintess Shirai..."
Shirai, who conveyed her desperation while tightly gripping her hands. Seeing her always trying to focus with eyes that couldn't even see made Yihua feel as if her heart were being torn apart. Having watched Shirai’s life as a blind person more closely than anyone else, Yihua couldn't help but agonize over the situation, even knowing that Shirai’s state was abnormal.
"This is the first time I've ever asked you for something like this. Please, can't you just do it once?"
Yihua pressed her temples and weighed the options in her head repeatedly. If she let Shirai go out without permission from above, she might get her salary docked. If she were even fired...? She might never be able to see Saintess Shirai again. It was a dizzying situation just to imagine her pride, built up diligently over five years, crumbling. The risk was too great to put her only joy in life on the scale. However, sometimes human affection overcomes reason.
"I understand."
"Re, really! Thank you, thank you so much!"
"Instead, it cannot be right now. Let's agree on you accompanying me at 9 PM. I cannot concede any more than this, no matter how much you ask."
Seeing Shirai clasp her hands and shake them up and down in excitement, Yihua found herself smiling warmly without realizing it. Even though it was truly sorry to think this in her heart:
'I'm glad you can't see right now.'
If she had shown her smiling face, she would surely have been teased.
"..."
I can meet you soon. Not as Shirai Stardust, but as Shirai. Not Mate Moondust, but Mate Daylight.
Resentment and pleasure. Two emotions that could never be a pair coexisted in Shirai’s eyes.