Drawing Lots
From childhood all the way into adulthood, I had always harbored a secret longing for transformation.
At first it was simply because it looked cool. Watching the protagonists of anime transform filled me with a vague, yearning envy. I wanted to become like that too.
Then puberty arrived, and that purehearted wish vanished. Even so, I still yearned for transformation. I could not help it. Because of a darker desire—to cast off the miserable self I was now, and be reborn into something new and radiant.
Perhaps a Transcendent had answered that desire. My new body possessed a power called Shinbi, and the ability of that Shinbi was, of all things, transformation.
The power to transform into an angel.
It was a little far from the kind of transformation I had once dreamed of… but I felt not the slightest disappointment. The mere fact that I could transform at all was more than enough to leave me overwhelmed with gratitude.
Same group.
The girl who had been steering the conversation was named Min Deulle. When she heard about my Shinbi, her eyes lit up with genuine interest and she asked,
"That's amazing! Guys with transformation Shinbi are supposed to be super rare! Can you tell us what you transform into?"
I still could not meet anyone's eyes. Answering, though, was not hard. One word would do it. Angel.
"An…"
"Hey. Don't pry that hard."
I never got the chance to finish. Seo I-eung cut in without warning, her tone blunt as she addressed Min Deulle.
"You don't know it's rude to dig into someone's ability in detail when you just met them?"
"Oh… is it? Sorry…"
Min Deulle scratched her head and apologized to both Seo I-eung and me. There was no real need for her to apologize.
"Th-then how about we take turns asking each other whatever we're curious about?"
Min Deulle seized the reins of the conversation again. She was practically overflowing with leadership potential. So that was what people meant by a social butterfly.
Becoming friends with her seemed unlikely. Leaving aside that she was a beautiful girl, her personality was the extreme opposite of mine.
She floated the idea, then immediately checked Seo I-eung's reaction. The hierarchy had already been decided, it seemed.
"I-eung, is that okay?"
"Do whatever."
"Anyone else have a problem with it?"
At Min Deulle's question, everyone nodded. I gave a small nod of my own. I did not want to, but there was no other choice. When everyone else agreed, I lacked the courage to be the sole voice of dissent.
"All right—who wants to go first? Hands up!"
"C-can I ask first?"
One of the girls raised her hand.
"Sure! Who do you want to ask?"
Please not me. Please, anyone but me.
I was praying with everything I had when her gaze swung toward me.
"I want…"
"Kang Hahwi."
Oh, for heaven's sake.
*
If falling into hell felt like anything, it was probably this.
Starting with the first girl, the rest of them took turns bombarding me with questions. Seo I-eung was the only exception.
"Kang Hahwi, what kind of hobbies do you like?"
"Games."
"Really? I love games too! We should play together sometime if our schedules line up!"
"My turn to ask. Hahwi."
"Yeah."
"Do you have a girlfriend, by any chance?"
"None."
"None? Oh—you mean none as in you don't have one…? Anyway, I was just curious, so don't get the wrong idea."
It was a hellish endurance trial. I clung to monosyllables and somehow, barely, forced my way through it.
If I had not had the trauma, this would have been the happiest moment of my life. After all, beautiful girls were paying attention to me. Of course a faint thread of happiness was there—I simply could not feel it through the sheer size of the fear.
In any case, I endured and endured again. Thirty minutes crawled by, and then—
"Oh right, we never asked Hahwi's age."
"Do we even need to? He's obviously twenty like the rest of us."
"Plenty of people enroll late."
Hell was not finished yet. Another barrage of questions poured down.
"Hahwi, how old are you?"
"Twenty."
"So you really are twenty."
"Come to think of it, we never asked what games you play. Kang Hahwi, what do you mostly play?"
"Rhea."
"Huh? I play that too! What's your ID—ah, never mind. It might make you uncomfortable, so I won't ask. Once we get closer we can play together."
I felt like I was going to throw up. Why did they keep asking me and only me? Could they not throw a few questions at Jang Mugeon beside me…?
Would Jang Mugeon feel left out? I shifted my eyes and checked his face. Judging by his expression, he did not seem to care one way or the other.
"Are you all done questioning Kang Hahwi?"
Jang Mugeon asked the group. Had he been stewing about it in silence after all?
"If the questions are finished, then I will ask Kang Hahwi a few of my own."
So he had simply been waiting his turn. More importantly—why did he want to question me in the first place? What could two guys possibly be curious about regarding each other? He was an incomprehensible guy.
Still, the change of circumstances was welcome. Being questioned by another man did not make me uncomfortable.
* * *
Jang Mugeon turned out to have quite a few things he wanted to know about me. I had expected him to be the silent type; instead he was surprisingly talkative.
"How tall are you?"
"Height? I've never measured, so I wouldn't know."
"Do you eat a lot?"
"What's the standard for 'a lot'?"
"You need to be able to put away fifty hamburgers without breaking a sweat before you can go around bragging that you're a big eater."
"…Then I guess I'm a light eater."
"A pity."
"Kang Hahwi, have you ever entered a dungeon?"
"Never. Today was also the first time I've seen a monster."
"Today was the first? Where?"
"Our professor is a monster too, you know."
"Ah. Right."
Unlike when the girls asked questions, I answered every one of Jang Mugeon's thoroughly—while still doing my best to maintain the taciturn persona. The girls blinked at me as if I had grown a second head.
"Hahwi talks more than I expected…"
"…Yeah. Guess he just didn't feel like talking to us."
"He doesn't hate us, does he?"
"Maybe he does? Even herbivore-types don't usually put up walls this thick. Most people at least try to get a feel for your personality first instead of shutting you out on day one."
"We only met today—what reason would he have to hate us? He's probably just not that interested in girls."
The girls whispered among themselves. A small misunderstanding seemed to have formed. Nothing I could do about it for now. Once I overcame the trauma and got closer to them, I would clear things up.
After finishing his string of minor questions, Jang Mugeon ended by saying he hoped we could get along from now on. I was more than happy to. Whether our personalities would mesh perfectly was another matter, but at least we did not seem to be natural enemies. Despite his appearance, he struck me as surprisingly gentle underneath.
At any rate, that brought the Q&A session to a close. Seo I-eung never asked anyone a single question the entire time. She simply did not seem very interested in other people.
Our group exchanged phone numbers. Min Deulle was the one who suggested it first—true to form for a social butterfly of her caliber.
"He's giving out his number…"
"So he doesn't hate us? I seriously can't figure him out."
"I told you. He's just not that interested. Or maybe he's still awkward and shy around new people."
Apparently my easy willingness to hand over my number had caught them off guard; the girls started whispering among themselves again.
Once the numbers had been swapped,
"Carrot! You've all talked enough, I trust? Then we'll be heading out of the classroom shortly!"
Professor Santoto raised her voice and explained the reason as well. We were going to take a leisurely tour of the academy facilities.
The whole class moving together? Or just by groups? I was still wondering when—
"Before we leave!"
Thump!
Professor Santoto set a square box down on the lectern. Where had that even come from? It certainly had not been there a moment ago.
"From this point on we'll be moving in pairs of two, so first we will decide partners! Carrot!"
A bolt from the blue. My head grew dizzier by the second. Pairs of two, out of nowhere? Just thinking about having to act alone with a girl already made my breath catch in my throat. Judging by that ominous box, the pairing would obviously be random.
"Carrot! Inside this box are slips of paper numbered from one to thirty—two of each! In other words, whoever draws the same number becomes your partner!"
Just as I had feared: a lottery. In that moment I wanted nothing more than to confiscate that damned rabbit's carrots.
"All right! Come up one by one and draw!"
The odds of pairing with a guy were abysmally low. There were only three men in the class total. Excluding me, that left two. I might as well call the chance nonexistent.
…No choice, then.
If you cannot avoid it, you might as well enjoy it. I could not spend the rest of my life running from women, could I? Telling myself this was the first step toward overcoming my trauma, I forced my nerves under control.
Ah. Still—please not her.
Girls were all uncomfortable, but there was one who was especially so.
"Seo I-eung! Come draw!"
"Yes. Drew. Number two."
Seo I-eung. The girl who looked every inch the perfect delinquent. Just standing next to her would have my hands and feet shaking for sure. Of course, the odds were catastrophic—same as with the other guys. The chance of ending up paired with Seo I-eung was almost zero. Not unless she were my fated partner.
Even so, the unease refused to leave me. For some reason, I had a bad feeling.
"Next! Kang Hahwi, come draw a slip!"
Before I knew it, my turn had arrived. I walked up to the lectern and slipped my hand into the box, praying desperately inside.
Please, anyone but Seo I-eung… She drew number two, so just don't let it be two……
No. Thinking like that always ends with you getting stuck with the last person you want. I had to reverse the wish.
Cancel that last wish. Please just let me pair with Seo I-eung. Number two, please!
There. That should do it. Now there was no way I would end up with her.
I finished drawing and unfolded the folded slip of paper.
Number 2