Chapter 119
Chapter 119
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Translator: MadScientist
Chapter: 119
Chapter Title: Suspicious Promise
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That wasn't a lie.
I really didn't want to leave the house if I could help it.
For someone like me, forming relationships with others had become utterly terrifying.
And yet, the contradiction of seeking people out because of loneliness.
Craving connections with others but always needing a protector because of the fear.
Even now, I sometimes worry.
Whether someone who gets to know me might try to hurt me.
If even someone like me can't claim to have social anxiety, isn't the bar set way too high?
"If you're my fan, you should cheer me on to overcome it. What if you think it's betrayal?"
💬 Stream Chat — Viewer No, why are you answering that seriously? — Viewer Was this mutual? — Viewer Jeonseol-a, don't cry ㅠㅠㅠ — Viewer Darkened protagonist and obsessive streamer's insane collab — Viewer What is this, some trashy morning drama? (pulls out popcorn) — Viewer First time seeing someone freak out over collabing with a guy lol — Viewer Once fam, what are you doing? Fix this quick lololol — Viewer Darkened Seol-a feeling like the boyfriend who fights after telling her not to hang with guy friends, total fave lol Hormones clearly urge men and women to mate and reproduce.
But isn't someone who can only see the world through that lens still not free from their beastly instincts?
Humans are animals, beasts in the end, sure—but can't we think beyond that frame just a little?
Whether you lie and say you like women, or tell the truth that you have no intention of dating men, that suspicious glare never fades.
I'm getting dizzy.
Not figuratively—I'm actually lightheaded.
It's hard to stay upright, and I slump sideways.
"Urgh..."
💬 Stream Chat — Viewer Mental battle ON — Viewer Sudden outburst — Viewer Uh, what if you lean there? — Viewer Aaah Jeonseol-a my horns hurt — Viewer Snap. (sound of unicorn horn breaking) The person I leaned on was Victory.
I shouldn't lean on him, of all people.
Despite my thoughts, my body wouldn't cooperate.
Straightening my back was no easy task.
"Hng..."
A trait of timid people is that they rarely show anger on the spot.
So they let minor conflicts fester until they explode all at once.
Then the other person says something like:
Why are you suddenly like this?
From the timid person's view, it's just the buildup bursting out—but to the other, it seems abrupt.
That person has always voiced minor grievances immediately and fixed them right away.
They can't grasp the idea of bottling it up until it blows.
That guy was the same.
He never expressed dissatisfaction to others well.
And after piling it up and up, boom—not figuratively, but literally, with actual gunpowder exploding.
Bullets piercing flesh, the stench of blood.
The thought that I might die.
"Calm down."
Wild was trying to soothe me.
The guy who got shot back then was pretty big too.
Muscles don't matter against a gun—one shot for you, one for me.
"Should we go to the hospital?"
I barely snapped out of it.
I almost fell into another flashback.
On an unfamiliar bed—probably Victory's bedroom?
No good place to lay me down, so they brought me here.
"What about the stream?"
"Who cares about that right now? You okay? Hospital?"
Of course, hospitals aren't miracle cures.
They can't erase memories, change genders, or bring back the dead.
Even psych meds don't work for everyone—you suffer through trial and error until one fits.
"I'm fine."
Going there wouldn't fix much anyway.
I phrased it a bit softer.
He looked like he had a ton of questions but held back out of consideration.
The others watched me worriedly from behind.
This setup feels way too familiar.
I hate always being the one who's sick and collapsing.
"That kid never meant to shoot me, from start to finish. I was just... scary to him."
A story known only to family, the perpetrator, and the victims.
"I treated him well, and he liked me. The others too. So they hated him. Because I favored him especially."
I don't know how much blame falls on me for the motive.
The incident might have happened even without me.
Just ordinary bullying turning into a revenge shooting spree.
Spree? No, not quite a spree.
Right—better call it a targeted shooting.
He precisely aimed at specific targets' legs, hitting one by one.
Impressive marksmanship.
I hear pistols are tough to aim.
He might've made a great competitive shooter.
"Don't keep dwelling on it."
"If I'd been a guy, none of this would be an issue."
Everyone's stares pitied me, full of sympathy.
"Slip of the tongue. I'm no feminist—forget it."
Just the literal meaning.
If I'd stayed the boy I was born as, we could've been great friends for sure.
◇◇◇◆◇◇◇ How far should you meddle in a friend's life?
Not siblings, spouses, or parents—so maybe you think you can't touch the deepest parts.
Is measuring that deeply too calculating, too mercenary?
Lee Jun spoke.
Weighing his words carefully.
"If anything scares you or makes you anxious, tell me anytime. I'll help however I can."
Not empty words.
Said with resolve for the hardships that might come.
He'd thought it the moment they met.
She's unfairly captivating.
Like a rain-soaked puppy you can't ignore—fragile, precarious, like it'd die if left alone.
But her actions are worse.
A puppy at least shows pain honestly; she pretends to be strong and fine, confusing everyone.
In the end, she's seeking someone to dive into the swamp with her, not knowing its depth.
Like a Venus flytrap, or the will-o'-the-wisp luring fishermen.
Flickering light that enchants people.
"If you've fallen for me, give it up. I can't date anyone."
"Love the overflowing confidence. But I prefer tall, curvy bombshells?"
"Gotcha, you bastard! You were after Seol-yun after all!"
He flinched.
Innocent young folks often show it plainly when caught off guard.
Those jaded by experience don't crack from this.
"Your reaction says it's true?"
Too spot-on to lie now.
Lee Jun confessed honestly to Seol-a.
"Liking her looks is one thing—wanting to seriously date is another."
He did feel attracted to her appearance.
But serious dating? Totally separate.
"What if Seol-yun wants to date you?"
"Thank you."
A joke.
Even if by some miracle, Lee Jun had sworn to focus on tournaments.
And today, he set a higher priority.
If a friend asks for help, he'll give it full throttle.
"To date my sister, you gotta beat me first!"
"That easy?"
"Violence doesn't count, of course!"
Seol-a shrank back even from the joke.
As if a physical fight could happen.
Lee Jun could pin her in under a second.
Thinking that, he vaguely got her fear?
Only vaguely, though.
How could he truly know without being Seol-a?
"Anyway, you get I don't see you as dating material, right?"
"Not even your girlfriend, and you'll come whenever I call?"
"Not just anytime—when you're anxious, scared, or worried."
"What if it's too often?"
"Can't be helped. I already promised."
It might be too much to handle.
But leaving someone totally alone in distress? Too heartbreaking.
If that's what "just friends" means, how can you refuse?
Lee Jun promised with half resignation, half resolve.
Watching him, Seol-a asked, half suspicious, half shocked.
"You're a pretty weird guy, huh?"
Never seen anyone go that far for a friend.
Those bonds always turned romantic eventually.
See rom-coms, morning dramas, etc.
If even I don't believe it, who will?
Singing about wanting that kind of pure friendship, then doubting when offered? Total contradiction.
Do Koreans just have romance genes?
"Think what you want."
Seol-a widened her eyes in warning.
"If you're lying, you'll pay a terrifying price."
"What are you, a witch?"
Woo-seung and Tae-hoon watched their exchange, thoughts racing.
This is a story you won't find anywhere else.