Nothing Ever Goes Right
"Is there nothing that goes right?"
"Sang-woo, it's lunchtime—take a breather. You'll get indigestion at this rate."
My neighbor senior spoke up with a look of concern. Instead of answering, I shoved a mouthful of cold pork stir-fry into my mouth. The only sound echoing through the office was the clack of my chopsticks against the plastic lunchbox.
"Today... no matter what... I'm clocking out at exactly 6 p.m."
I muttered the vow through a rough swallow of rice grains. There was no more room in my life for overtime. Everything—for the sake of Friday's on-time escape.
But as always, the world had other plans.
Boom—! A deafening explosion ripped through the distance, shaking the office windows like it was trying to tear my eardrums apart. My brows furrowed deep over eyes that had been chewing cold rice just moments ago.
"Hear that? Sounds like your early exit just went poof."
The senior's joke grated on my nerves, but I didn't bite. Instead, I scrolled the mouse wheel. A real-time briefing popped up on my monitor.
Monster sighting. In our jurisdiction. In other words: overtime booked.
"Ah, come on..."
I clasped my hands and rubbed my dry face. On the screen, a girl in a frilly dress blending mint green and chocolate brown kicked the monster square in the jaw.
"Magical Girl Choco Mint, making a refreshingly cool entrance☆~"
The girl winked at the camera and swung her staff. A burst of mint-green powder like toothpaste foam exploded from the tip, blinding the monster's eyes.
"To all you heathens mocking the toothpaste taste—I'll purify you with mint's fresh kick, sweet and bittersweet! Mint Choco Flash—!!"
A flash. A green shockwave. The aftermath scooped out streetlights and sidewalk blocks like ice cream from a scoop, leaving perfect rounds.
I tossed my empty lunchbox in the trash and grumbled.
"Can't she fight without trashing everything? I thought the Association just advised toning down the destruction this time. Who's cleaning all that up?"
The senior shrugged sympathetically.
"Can't be helped. They get stronger on love and attention. Gotta put on a show, right?"
"That 'love' sure costs a fortune."
I muttered while grabbing my coat.
"No magical girl runs on the joy of on-time clock-outs? I'd cheer her on hotter than anyone."
The senior let out a ridiculous chuckle.
"In your dreams."
The wreckage reeked of toothpaste. Groaning, I ducked under the yellow police tape.
"Seriously, ease up on the smashing..."
At the epicenter, atop the ruins of a shattered fountain, sat Magical Girl Choco Mint in her dust-caked frilly dress. Her staff drooped limply, her fingertips trembling. She'd poured her magic into the spectacle, no doubt. The thought of her dragging that heavy body home made my shoulders ache instead.
I approached with a blank expression, pulled out my notepad, and spoke in my most official civil servant tone.
"Disaster Response Office Investigator Lee Sang-woo. Post-magical girl activity physical stability check. Do you consent to the procedure?"
"...Huh? Is that a thing?"
"You can skip if you don't want."
"No! I'll do it. I consent!"
Consent. With that confirmed, I naturally took her wrist. It looked like a routine pulse check, but inwardly, I prepped my ability.
Recommended Effects
Fatigue Recovery62% Fit
Nervous System Calm47% Fit
...Can't change the name, huh.
'Fatigue recovery it is.'
A current-like sensation spread from my fingertips, enveloping Choco Mint's nerves. It must've felt like chugging a glass of ice water, refreshing her whole body.
"Wha...?"
Choco Mint's eyes cleared in an instant. She flexed her hand, staring up at me in confusion.
"Um, Investigator? Do investigators usually check pulses? Wow, though—total game-changer. I felt like collapsing a second ago, but the fatigue's gone!"
"Just your imagination. Tension easing up, probably."
I detached my hand deadpan and jotted a note. The ability to grant drug-like effects via touch—with consent. If this sudden power ever leaked, I knew exactly how twisted my fate would get: locked in a government lab, force-feeding magical girls meds all day. No thanks, not even a speck.
Helping on the sly under investigation pretense, seeing her bounce home cheerful—that was enough.
"Pulse normal. We'll handle cleanup, so head home."
"Got it. Oh! Investigator!"
"Yes? Need something?"
"Here! A thank-you gift!"
With a light staff wave, a mint-chocolate chip ice cream cone materialized in midair. She beamed, shoving it under my nose.
"The pinnacle of refreshment! Mint choco ice cream. Eat up and power through!"
She's trying to kill me! I stared silently at the green blob numbing my nostrils, then shook my head.
"Pass. Not big on sweets."
Don't wanna eat toothpaste.
"Gasp! Rejecting this holy flavor? You're a heathen! Mint choco is a blessing!"
"Yeah, yeah, heathen it is. Now head home."
I added one last thing.
"Next time, go easy. This all comes out of taxes."
"Yessir! Next time, you'll get the mint choco charm☆!"
Choco Mint waved energetically as she departed. Watching her back, I let out a long sigh. All that remained: wrap the investigation, file the report.
'On-time exit's toast again today.'
Back at the office, administrative tasks flooded my monitor. Monster sighting report, public property damage estimates, magical girl performance eval. Normal focus? Forget clock-out—even the last train was iffy.
I glanced around, then subtly pressed my nape. My fingers touched skin, and the status window responded familiarly.
Recommended Effects
Awakening & Focus99% Fit
Fatigue Numbness84% Fit
'Awakening & Focus—like caffeine.'
Activating it, the effect hit fast. Brain fog lifted; my typing fingers flew. After a mad dash through the workload, as the clock ticked past 6 toward 7, I finally grabbed my bag.
Early exit failed, but not bad.
"Heading out first."
"Good work. Done already? Man, at that speed, hate to let you go on a day like this. Soju? My treat."
"Appreciate it, but nah. Been ages since an almost-on-time exit—need rest."
"C'mon, booze hits sweetest when you're beat."
The senior sidled up wistfully. Normally, free drinks? No-brainer. But post-caffeine mimic? Booze was a no-go.
"On the wagon. Next time, together."
"Whoa, Sang-woo watching his figure? Trying to impress someone~?"
He poked my arm teasingly.
"...Single as hell."
"Don't be like that~ Just one shot~"
This version of senior was a hassle. Time to bail.
"Really can't tonight. Next time, I buy proper."
"Sweet! Deal!"
I slipped out past his wistful wave. Outside, cold air stabbed my lungs refreshingly.
'Pork stir-fry for lunch, so tonkatsu for dinner.'
En route home, I snagged a discounted bento from an unmanned convenience store—3,500 won, sticker for nearing expiry. Plastic peeled back, artificial seasoning wafted.
"Good work today, self."
I sat on the parasol chair out front, gripping disposable chopsticks reverently. Careful not to ruin my sole 3,500-won comfort...
Crack—.
The chopsticks split unevenly with a crisp snap—one thick handle, the other a splintery skewer.
...Seriously, nothing goes right.
A hollow laugh escaped. Functional enough, but these petty misfortunes stung human-style. Brushing off splinters through the frustration—
Kaboom—!
A sky-tearing roar flashed overhead. Head snapping up reflexively, a blue trail plummeted unnaturally through the skyscrapers.
"What the actual fuck."
The curse flew out. The blue fireball slammed mercilessly onto the road before the store. Ground warped; asphalt chunks blasted outward. My precious bento tumbled, rice scattering.
Staring blankly at the mess, I murmured.
"My tonkatsu..."
Dust and acrid smoke blinded me instantly.
...Should've just taken the booze.
Clock out early, and this would've been someone else's shift. Night crew's problem—ignore and go. But glimpsing the massive crater left by the flames halted my steps.
That blue streak wasn't a meteor or stray spell. Through the haze, a human silhouette flickered. A figure crashed into warped asphalt, out of place amid the chaos.
"...Hey, you okay?"
My voice dispersed weakly into the air. Heart pounding. For a normie like me, answer was 119 and bolt. But was it the dead-end salary weight, or occupational reflex to unreported scenes?
My toes twitched between flee and intervene. Sigh half-formed, I turned forward anyway.
Edging into the dust cloud hesitantly revealed: shattered pavement. Broken staff. At the crater's heart lay a fallen magical girl.