The Golem's Purification Protocol
After listening to Kim Hwang-je's full story, Seo Jun-seo found himself overwhelmed by the urge to pat the man on the back.
But this was a terrifying archmage. What he needed was not comfort, but cold, calculated advice.
Of course, what Kim Hwang-je actually wanted was the pat on the back.
“It doesn’t seem like something we should view entirely negatively.”
“Huh?”
He had exposed his whirlwind galaxy and ended up being treated like a demigod for it…?
“Think of it as acquiring an ultimate technique for crisis situations. Like an Ultraman transformation.”
Mr. Seo Jun-seo. You really are a man, after all.
Indeed, there wasn’t a single man in the world who disliked gigantism.
“...”
Kim Hwang-je’s eyes grew hazy.
I became a giant and roared at those bug-like creatures, “Die!” The insignificant vermin who dared aim for my rear became tomato soup stuck between my toes. It was warm.
That’s right. Anyone who targets the giant Kim Hwang-je’s castle turns into a jewel.
A jewel.
Just thinking about it lifted his mood a little. This wasn’t humiliation play. It was acquiring an ultimate skill.
Stripped naked? Unfortunately, that never happened.
Hey, you! What exactly are you imagining?
Bad thoughts will be extracted by the empire’s inspection department.
Kim Hwang-je barely reined in his flooding stream of consciousness and glared at the artisan.
“Artisan.”
“...Yes, Your Majesty.”
The artisan had remained prostrated the entire time. Having exposed the Emperor’s naked body to the entire world, he would have nothing to say even if he had ten mouths.
“Artisan. There’s a song I like that goes like this.”
When I wake in the morning, I wonder about last night...
What incident is waiting for me today...
“...”
“What? Artisan, aren’t you curious what will happen? What kind of fate will torment me next?”
The artisan couldn’t continue. Why did the lyrics carry such intense killing intent and resentment? It had to be a hymn sung by slaughter-worshipping cultists.
“Your Majesty… please forgive this servant. I truly believed it was a spell I knew, but I never imagined it would alter the fundamental structure of the world itself.”
“The world’s structure changed? You call that an excuse?”
“Y-Your Majesty. It is the truth. The laws that compose magic… it is as if the God of Magic has been slain.”
He wasn’t Nietzsche, so he didn’t know whether a god had died or not. Still, if the ‘them’ who were watching had shaken the world, it was entirely possible.
The real truth would only reveal itself when the World Tree’s roots were planted in the Earth. That was what the eunuch had said. They had shaken the very foundational order of the fantasy world.
“Hoo… He said there would be a clue in Shirayen Forest.”
The eunuch had definitely said that digging up the roots of Shirayen Forest would require a [Farmer Who Digs for Rice]. He had already sent the hunter into the forest, but one person alone wouldn’t be enough.
It was true he felt uneasy about what might emerge, but judging from the results so far, their loyalty was unquestionable.
Kim Hwang-je steeled his resolve and spoke to the artisan.
“Artisan. Since you have disappointed me, you will go and work properly alongside this friend.”
“Y-Your Majesty?”
Kim Hwang-je summoned the [Farmer Who Digs for Rice].
“Come forth, Farmer.”
Thud!
...
Flash.
Flash.
A gleaming tin scarecrow doll appeared. Its face was angular like an old kettle, and its entire body matched. At that rate of shine, though, there was no way crows wouldn’t attack it.
“Revered Emperor confirmed. Salutations rendered.”
That didn’t sound very respectful. Was it because it was a golem?
“Current atmospheric contamination levels. Critical. Requesting permission for active purification procedures.”
“...”
He couldn’t show weakness in front of the artisan again. It said purification. Maybe it would clean the air or something?
“...Permission granted.”
“Shredding procedure initiated. Identifying source of contamination concentration. Oxygen levels. Too low. Nitrogen levels. Too low. Plant growth. Restricted. Large quantities of contaminants detected. Tracing origin. Solar detection process activated.”
Oh.
The tin head opened, and a small bird-shaped doll flew out chirping before soaring toward the sun.
“Wow...”
Kim Hwang-je watched the bird shrink to a dot in the sky. While he was marveling, the doll spoke again.
“Target acquired. Object identified as metal and ore-type building contaminant on coastline. Estimated to be sentient species’ planetary contamination equipment. Widespread surface diffusion confirmed beyond coastline. Deploying Third-Class Solar Ray Interceptor Cannon. Primary objective: Destroy contaminant’s respiratory cavity. Procedure commencing.”
“What?”
“Operational command: Make it green. Make it green.”
The tin doll fired a beam from its eyes into the sky. The ray that flew toward the sun spun around it like a breathtaking total eclipse, then shot off toward some distant point.
The view was obscured, and the beam vanished. No explosion sound reached them. Since it was light, there was no way to tell how far it had gone.
“Hey!”
“Command received. Your Majesty. Awaiting further orders.”
“What did you just do?”
“Destroyed the primary respiratory organ of the target estimated to be a widely dispersed contamination facility or golem. Will additionally exterminate parasitic lifeforms within the target’s abdominal cavity and restore nature.”
“...Contamination monster? Respiratory cavity? Like a snail’s mouth?”
“Boss...”
Seo Jun-seo pulled out his tablet beside him.
“Revered Emperor. Requesting confirmation on whether to query current process. Absent further queries, this unit will proceed with additional elimination of parasitic lifeforms within the abdominal cavity.”
“You’re not seriously about to say those parasitic lifeforms are ‘humans,’ are you?”
The tin golem nodded its head with absolute certainty.
“Correct. Mammals. Humans. Primary agents of destruction. Necessary to manage within food chain for ecological safety.”
“...You...?”
“Humanity eradication is an environmental imperative. Rice harvesting will commence following plant growth. Silence interpreted as consent. Procedure commencing.”
“Like hell it is!”
Kim Hwang-je couldn’t hold back and kicked the thing.
Clang!
A hollow sound rang out.
“Severe impact to cranial unit. Self-defense protocol canceled. Primary authority target. Self-harm directive superseded by preservation rights. Will accept strikes gladly.”
...How was it still so infuriating even while getting kicked?
“Cease all human extermination! That is an order!”
“Understood. Command protocol updated. Human bone harvesting temporarily suspended. Command deletion impossible.”
“...”
“...Hoo, at least it listens. That’s something. Just how did you end up as the Emperor’s property anyway?”
“During the Seventh Human-Yokai War. Ownership transferred from Elf Supreme Leader Brakadabra to Emperor Mitimus the Fourth. Objective at time: Operation to cover all imperial territory in forest. Operation name: Make It Green, Make It Green. However, Elf Supreme Leader defeated. Ownership transferred.”
Wait a second. Supreme Leader?
Look at the political system these elves had.
“...Then do you also know about Shirayen Forest?”
“Shirayen Forest. Trivial eastern village of the Elf People’s Republic. Currently coexisting with primitive human species in vicinity. Territory of Green Dragon ‘Nax.’ No further data.”
Kim Hwang-je looked at the artisan.
“...It says it’s a dragon.”
“Yes, Your Majesty...”
“Take this guy with you to Shirayen. Poking around the royal castle clumsily won’t reveal that magic’s secret. Move carefully, and make sure this thing doesn’t kill any people!”
This was the best solution. No matter how thoroughly they searched the royal castle, nothing would come of it.
“...Your Majesty.”
“Open a path. I’ll gather Grim and manifest in the meantime. We’ll postpone free use of the clones until afterward.”
“Yes... Your Majesty. However... I believe I can handle the work alone.”
The artisan looked at Kim Hwang-je with eyes that seemed on the verge of spilling tears. Look at those eyes. Like a whimpering puppy.
It was true that taking this tin can along would cause all sorts of problems. However, Kim Hwang-je remained unmoved.
“No. I’m not changing my mind. Take it with you.”
“Yes... Your Majesty. May your body remain in good health...”
“You heard him. Follow that person’s instructions well.”
“Human race scrubber. Inferior human species. Cannot even process own bodily skin keratin. Requires scrubber. Tin is nobler than scrubber. However, Emperor’s command. Primary authority. Obeying.”
The artisan squeezed his eyes shut. A grinding sound came from his teeth. At this rate his pride would be completely shattered.
“Ahem. Yeah. Anyway, the clone was comfortable and sturdy. Good work, Artisan. I hope you perform well on this task. Golem. Your rank is lower than the Leather Artisan. Keep that in mind.”
“Command hierarchy reset confirmed. Understood.”
It was true the artisan had worked hard, and it was also true he had provided a good idea. Thanks to him, Kim Hwang-je had tasted the royal castle’s air, enjoyed the parade, seen Gemini and Dave up close, and reviewed a well-prepared army. For showing him such a sight even briefly, the artisan deserved praise.
“Now go.”
“Yes!”
The artisan vanished with a teleportation spell.
“As for the last one...”
Kim Hwang-je thought of the [Melancholy Bard]. There had to be a reason for the melancholy. He decided to skip it for now.
Kim Hwang-je asked Seo Jun-seo.
“How is the plundering operation proceeding?”
“We are holding regular meetings at the War Council. From Jo Chun-ki’s perspective, it must feel like he’s fighting ghosts.”
It had not even been a full day, yet they had already raided more than five dungeons.
“You can confirm through the Status Window, Boss.”
Kim Hwang-je opened the status window and observed the thieves and bandits currently in the middle of their hunt.
“They learned well.”
They were each carrying clubs crafted from the Hangma gold coins he had bestowed, pouring oil cans full of Hangma Oil over the dungeon boss’s head.
It didn’t appear to be disaster-grade. It looked like one step below—ruin-class.
The original hunting team was tied up all around them, and the bandits had stripped every last item from them.
“...No surprise they’re thieves. Their work ethic is impeccable.”
“They’re in the middle of plundering? Thanks to them, we’ve been melting everything down at the royal castle and producing plenty of good items.”
Soon the scene shifted to them clubbing the boss who had been doused in Hangma Oil. Afterward they dug up the Grim buried beneath the boss and stuffed it into a bag.
“About five so far.”
Since it wasn’t disaster-grade, the drop rate wasn’t high, but that amount was plenty for a single individual. They then attached a long cloth made from Kim Hwang-je’s ‘fragment’ to the wall, creating a door, and everyone disappeared through it. The last hand to enter grabbed the cloth and pulled it through with them.
This was Jo Chun-ki’s dungeon plundering, happening in real time.
“Even while suffering like this, there isn’t a single other news story. Not surprising, I suppose.”
Kim Hwang-je took out his phone and scanned the news. The only thing there was
‘Car that broke after putting in high-grade Hangma oil went zzt-zzt, boom! But then it got fixed!’
Headlines like that. Who got paid to write these articles? Why were the titles so weird?
“...”
Kim Hwang-je scrolled past them.
“What happens inside the dungeons is classified information to the public. Still, it’s quieter than I expected.”
“Yes. According to Choi Jong-hyun’s internal communications, Gaya Group is in complete chaos. They’re frantically trying to figure out where they got hit. In response, Gaya Group has begun this kind of operation.”
Seo Jun-seo handed over all five major daily newspapers delivered that morning. Every one of them carried a massive full-page advertisement.
Gaya Group Symbiosis Event!
Thank you for your continued support, valued customers.
The Gaya Group Dungeon Exploration Event where we adventure together begins now.
We are accepting applications from small and medium guilds, minor guilds, and educational institutions seeking observation and field learning opportunities.
This is the golden chance to learn the most cutting-edge dungeon raiding methods from Gaya Group, the world leader!
Please participate in large numbers!
Kim Hwang-je crumpled the newspaper and tossed it aside.
“Wow, are these bastards insane?”
“There is no human who stays sane in front of money.”
“Tsk.”
It felt a bit hypocritical to criticize when he was the one who had ordered the plundering. But this was literally using minor guilds and students as meat shields. Only after people died in the raids would they raise a massive outcry.
What kind of devilish brain came up with this response? Even the event name was [Symbiosis]. It felt subtly mocking.
“Judging by their response, they seem to suspect us. Did the money-sprinkling tip them off?”
“It appears they have identified you specifically and are moving accordingly.”
“Perfect. Apply for the dungeon observation tour.”
“Pardon?”
“They said they want to do [Symbiosis], so let’s make symbiosis happen for them.”
Kim Hwang-je shrugged.
“Connect Sinal Port to the dungeon. We’ll quietly step back.”
Wouldn’t this be the true meaning of [Symbiosis]?
* * *
Jo Chun-ki crumpled the report inside the Garak Clan main hall.
“Attacked again?”
“...”
Everyone froze, unable to speak.
“Do you even know how many places have been hit? Twelve! Those bastards aren’t even resting—they’re raiding dungeons nonstop! Just what the hell are you all doing?!”
“...They are only targeting locations with relatively weak teams...”
“What? You dare talk about weak teams right now? When you can’t even locate where they’re running off to!”
Seeing his subordinates clamp their mouths shut, Jo Chun-ki crumpled the copy of the application form in his hand.
“If they’re looking down on me this much, that bastard even personally requested to participate in [Symbiosis].”
“Chairman. I will go and break his body myself. He may be called an archmage, but he is a nameless nobody.”
“Enough! Mobilize the elders and prepare. Simply cutting off his head won’t suffice. I will seize ownership of the Golden Crown through sorcery.”
“...!”
Everyone began to murmur. It meant Jo Chun-ki was challenging the Golden Crown ritual once again.
“Prepare the Gujiga ritual! I will show you what a true ritual looks like!”