The Skin Tunnel
“So one more bastard’s latching on, huh?”
If he had to fight two-to-one, Kim Hwang-je figured it was better to be the two.
Kim Hwang-je asked quietly.
“There must be a reason Izkaya hasn’t attacked Adel all this time. Did Lavanus tell you why?”
“Yes, Your Majesty. Lavanus said he was too busy consolidating the south. Now that the conquest is finished, he’ll march north.”
Tch. Worst-case scenario.
At this rate, divide-and-conquer wasn’t even an option.
“Then he’ll come by ship?”
“Yes, most likely.”
No helping it.
This operation was port space defense.
“Seo Jun-seo.”
“Yes, sir.”
Seo Jun-seo had regained his color and stood beside Kim Hwang-je—after downing three gulps of the corporate mental-fortitude potion (purple, handle sold separately, thirty thousand won per sip, not covered by insurance).
“We need to reinforce Sinal in a hurry. You placed the orders, right?”
“Yes. A large-scale construction project is scheduled. Shall I raise a concealment barrier here for show and divert everything to the port instead?”
“Do that. We can probably hold the capital wave, so pour about eighty percent into Sinal.”
“Understood. I’ll be spending roughly nine hundred billion won.”
“And with what’s left, make sure ships can dock, lay roads…”
Once the sea route was connected, Kim Hwang-je could monopolize trade between Korea and the kingdom.
But how the hell were they supposed to move trucks and the like?
If Kim Hwang-je had to ferry everything himself every time, it would be a nightmare.
“Hmm. The coastline’s narrower than I thought.”
Kim Hwang-je studied the kingdom’s map in silence.
A large island spread out beneath the kingdom, surprisingly close.
“Your Majesty, it’s as close as Spain and Morocco.”
“Yeah. At that distance, if we just blanket the place with mines, ships won’t be able to pass.”
“Most likely, Your Majesty.”
Baekju answered.
The most heavily mined place in the world was the DMZ.
Following that old habit, after the monster outbreak the Ministry of National Defense had covered the entire Han River estuary with mines.
Typical firepower maniacs.
“Maybe I should get some mines.”
Kim Hwang-je dialed the supporter still waiting alone at the fake dungeon entrance.
The guy didn’t even have a name in his contacts—just “Gaya Guild Supporter 1.”
A little awkward, but there was no time to feel bad. The phone rang once before it was answered.
“Yeah, it’s me.”
“Y-yes… sir!”
“Can you get your hands on mines or anything like that?”
“Yes! We can acquire the specialized mines used in certain sea-type dungeons!”
The trembling voice sounded like an audition contestant who’d just gotten a call from the judges.
Maybe that was why things were going smoother than expected.
“What about guns? Cannons? Missiles?”
“Ah… a-ah! I’m sorry! The government refuses to compromise on firearms under any circumstances…! If you insist, I can try to arrange a black-market deal with pirates or the mafia…!”
Apparently the coroner was terrifying.
Listening to the violently shaking voice, Kim Hwang-je clicked his tongue.
At this rate, who could even tell who the Demon King was.
“No, forget it. If I pay villains, they’ll just do worse things. Fine. Then how many mines can you legally buy?”
“We can purchase three thousand!”
“What’s the absolute maximum?”
“Seven thousand… no… I can somehow manage ten thousand…!”
“Can you customize the payload?”
“Yes, yes! Whatever formulation you want—as long as it stays within government-approved hunter-grade chemicals!”
“Hold on. Chemicals?”
“Yes, the explosives regulations are extremely strict…”
Kim Hwang-je held the phone and spoke to Baekju.
“He says so. What race is that Izkaya guy? A demon, like we thought? What works best against him?”
“We would need a sample to determine that…”
“A sample?”
Kim Hwang-je pulled a hundred pieces of [Demon Dandruff × 8000] from the trade window and handed them over.
The basket was full of flaky dandruff.
Kim Hwang-je could barely bring himself to look at it.
Demon dandruff?
“Yes, Your Majesty. Thank you. I’ll analyze it!”
Yet the stuff sparkled like metal powder.
Baekju plunged his hand into the pretty powder he’d never seen before and sifted through it.
Ugh…
“My appraisal skill says it’s mostly silicon.”
“Mostly?”
“Yes. The smaller particles will need further appraisal.”
“Versatile stuff…”
Kim Hwang-je was impressed.
So Baekju was far more useful than muscle-head Sirius.
Stealth, sniping, and now appraisal too.
“…Your Majesty, I have my own strengths as well.”
Sirius puffed out his cheeks.
Unable to ignore him, Kim Hwang-je asked.
“What are you good at?”
“I… I’m good at farming. I used to farm in Russia when I was young.”
“What?”
Kim Hwang-je’s eyes widened.
A white muscle-head skinhead delinquent battle maniac who used to be a Russian farmer—yeah, that checked out for a Siberian big brother.
Looking again, he did have the build for growing wheat.
“Hey. You’re the Minister of Agriculture now.”
“Excuse me?!”
“It’s decided. Keep that in mind. I’ll explain later.”
“Hehehehe…”
If he had a tail, it would be wagging furiously.
The giant Siberian Husky lookalike Sirius grinned in the corner.
Was this really the same ferocious guy who used to scream about being split in half?
“Ahem.”
Supervisor lady, what exactly did you do to him?
Kim Hwang-je looked away, pretending not to notice.
Anyway, silicon, huh.
What even was silicon?
Seo Jun-seo answered the puzzled emperor.
“Silicon is the raw material for making silicone. It’s used in semiconductors and ceramics.”
“The stuff they put in during plastic surgery?”
“…Yes, though slightly different, that’s also made from silicon. With the recent expansion of semiconductor complexes, silicon production is under strain. If we could mine it straight from monster bodies and sell it, it would be quite profitable.”
…
Profitable.
Whoever was buying demon dandruff deserved a moment of silence.
Kim Hwang-je spoke to the supporter still trembling on the other end of the line.
“Supporter. They’re silicon lifeforms, so buy mines that work against them and store them. I’ll come pick them up soon.”
“Yes, sir!”
Kim Hwang-je hung up.
Seo Jun-seo nodded beside him.
“Simple enough. It feels like watching a hairworm control a mantis.”
“That’s a compliment, right?”
“Of course, sir. At this rate, we might even find a way to control that mantis named Jo Chun-ki.”
What would happen if Kim Hwang-je absorbed all the networks Jo Chun-ki had built in Korea?
Kim Hwang-je considered the possibility, then turned back to Sirius.
For now, focus on what was right in front of him.
“Sirius. I’ve got a lot of brown rice stockpiled.”
Kim Hwang-je took out the hundred sacks of brown rice he’d received from Jung Jin-woo.
One hundred eighty-kilogram sacks stacked high was an imposing sight.
“Heh. Jung Jin-woo might be annoying, but at least he’s good at supplying goods.”
Kim Hwang-je felt a surge of satisfaction at the sight of the rice.
How wonderful it would be to grow rice in the vast fields they were clearing every day!
This rice was different from the ordinary rice in the capital.
It had been meticulously improved through countless generations of selective breeding.
The harvest would surely be bountiful.
“You know how to grow rice too, right?”
“Your Majesty! I’ll succeed even if I have to study!”
Sirius prostrated himself and shouted.
“Your Majesty~”
Suddenly a door appeared in the wall and the hunter slipped through.
What was with this guy just waltzing in?
“You?”
“I was thinking I wanted to see you, and a door just appeared!”
The hunter rubbed the eyepatch.
“Aaah, the rice has formed a mountain! Magnificent!”
“Yeah, yeah. But how did you show up without me summoning you?”
“The moment I thought about reporting, a door appeared right in front of me.”
Maybe it was like guild members being able to come and go freely?
So this was what the [Command Facility] meant.
“If I go through that door, do I enter another world? Where does it lead?”
“It connects to a tavern where a bunch of old-timers sit around smoking pipes, chugging beer, and playing cards.”
Somehow that image was way too vivid.
“I can’t go in?”
“No. If Your Majesty enters, the ancient magic will tangle and the capital will collapse. Inside and outside would flip.”
Probably some powerful demon somewhere had cast a skin-flipping spell.
Kim Hwang-je shuddered.
“Anyway, Hunter, good timing. We’re about to start proper farming in the capital. Do you know what the [Bone-Harvesting Farmer] does?”
“Hehe, Your Majesty. Rather than that fellow, I’m the one who’s better at farming.”
He really had to ask and summon everything.
“…Is it like how the Leather Artisan can’t make armor out of leather?”
“Your Majesty, if I may be so bold, this humble artisan can craft the most exquisite, supreme, and perfect skin coat for Your Majesty.”
A beautiful voice.
The Leather Artisan had appeared as well.
“Wait, how are you all showing up without being summoned?”
“Your Majesty!! I’ve brought the mussel foot-thread soup I promised last time!!”
“Ah, you came too…”
The fisherman appeared with a booming voice.
The mussel foot-thread soup bubbled away…
Red thread-like things boiled inside, looking like someone was cooking fabric.
“Your Majesty~ We came to play too~”
“The stronghold is super nice!”
A crowd of male and female bandits poured in.
“Let’s see. Earl Grey would be good.”
Seo Jun-seo, either used to it or thanks to the potion, was already sitting down and pulling out a black-tea set with forty cups.
“Sir, will you need more?”
Seeing how quickly he’d adapted, Kim Hwang-je felt dizzy.
“No, it’s fine… Making that stuff is tiring, so just have them smell the rice instead.”
“Sniff sniff! Is that rice!?”
The thief appeared.
Kim Hwang-je slammed the desk.
“You, get out.”
“Excuse me?”
“You’re banned until you go wash up.”
“Hngh…”
The thief sniffled and lingered.
Kim Hwang-je shouted.
“No—everyone with nothing to do, get out! Right now! Do you think this is your living room? Go share that weird soup and find work in the capital!”
“Hngh…”
“Hwaaang…”
“Hoehh…”
The fisherman, thief, and bandits all left.
Only the hunter and the artisan remained.
Kim Hwang-je finally looked at the [Leather Artisan].
“You’re not in work clothes?”
He wore a sleek black robe embroidered with gold thread.
Just from the outfit, he looked every inch a noble.
“Yes, Your Majesty. The work clothes are underneath. As an artisan who has served the imperial family for generations, I cannot wander about carelessly.”
He casually parted the front of his robe, revealing leopard-print underwear peeking out.
“Close it.”
“Yes, Your Majesty.”
There were sad memories attached to that front flap.
At the icy voice, the artisan bowed at the waist and covered himself.
“Damn it, other emperors get to play with palace ladies in gardens of meat and wine, so why am I stuck suffering surrounded by smelly males…”
‘Just report already.’
“Sir, the quotation marks are in the wrong order.”
Seo Jun-seo whispered.
“Ah. That wasn’t directed at you, Seo Jun-seo. You know that, right?”
His inner thoughts had slipped out.
Kim Hwang-je gulped down the black tea for no reason.
“Whew. Report one by one.”
Kim Hwang-je sat down.
The hunter spoke first.
“Your Majesty. Dave has won a splendid victory. He captured a thousand orc prisoners and is bringing them now.”
“Good news in the middle of bad. The slime harvesting should go well.”
“Yes. Separately, together with Archmage Gemini, he has formed a special detachment and begun eliminating large monsters around Sinal Port.”
“There are big ones there?”
“They intend to cut off the sprouts of creatures the Demon King’s army might try to tame. They will likely bring the byproducts to present to Your Majesty soon.”
Right. Gemini would handle that well.
She might even fix Catiyu’s body while she was at it, using a few byproducts as an excuse.
“Yeah, they’ll take care of that themselves. Keep checking on things and reporting, and make sure the counterintelligence and intelligence organizations are being built properly too.”
“Yes. I heard Baekju explaining the concept of ‘police’ to Teacher Lavanus.”
“He didn’t go on about secret police or nationwide surveillance, did he?”
“Pardon?”
The hunter looked confused.
Good.
At least he hadn’t started talking about secret police.
Relieved, Kim Hwang-je turned to the artisan.
The artisan spoke.
“Your Majesty. Were you satisfied with the demon fragment and leather I presented last time? If you wish, I would like to craft a ‘skin coat’ from them.”
A skin coat?
Goosebumps rose all over Kim Hwang-je’s body.
What the hell kind of coat was made from dandruff?
Looking at the guy properly—the masseur…
Seductive gaze, smooth voice, excellent social skills, a way of thinking different from ordinary people, attachment to cruel acts (?).
This guy might actually be a psychopath.
Issuing a mental “caution” notice, Kim Hwang-je cleared his throat.
“That ‘skin’ you mentioned—don’t tell me you’re planning to make something out of dandruff?”
“Of course that is correct, Your Majesty. I can create all manner of things from ‘fragments.’ In particular, I can also utilize the power possessed by the fragment’s owner. For example, if Your Majesty wishes to easily place items inside the capital, please entrust your body to me.”
“Without the metaphor.”
“Yes, Your Majesty. If you give me Your Majesty’s ‘noble fragment,’ I shall create a door from it.”
“Without the metaphor.”
“Yes, Your Majesty. If you grant me the honor of bathing you, I shall weave a skin cloth from Your Majesty’s dandruff that connects to the capital.”
Kim Hwang-je’s hands trembled violently.
“…I’m not going to die, right?”
“Of course not, Your Majesty. I shall make you as healthy and vigorous as Teacher Lavanus!”
“I wanna do it! I wanna do it!”
Poyu flew up from above his head.
“My dad used to give me a cool scrubbing as a present too! The king always loved it~!”
Reasonable.
It was reasonable.
The screws were loose, but it was reasonable.
But Poyu, you’re a furry dragon—how exactly do you scrub dandruff…?
The artisan caught the look in Poyu’s eyes and smiled happily.
“Yes, Your Majesty. Only I can do it. There is no other artisan like me. I have also prepared a perfect scrubbing course for noble fairy dragons.”
“U-uhm… How about we think about it after building a bathhouse…”
The artisan pointed at the wall.
A hinoki-wood door stood there, damp and glistening.
Damn it, he hadn’t seen it because it was behind him.
“I have already prepared [Imperium Barneis] for Your Majesty. There, I can also forge armor and weapons from the ‘noble fragment.’”
“Ooh, that is truly a special place for the Emperor…”
The hunter exclaimed in admiration.
Beyond that door was surely a massive bathhouse.
No—looking again, [Imperial Bathhouse] was written right on it.
But even so, asking him to gift dandruff armor…
That would literally mean receiving the emperor’s grace upon one’s body.
“Then we can automatically extract crude oil and make a road wide enough for trucks, as long as there’s enough dandruff…”
He knew what to do to make hair grow faster.
What should he eat to produce more dandruff?
“Of course, Your Majesty. Also, please consider the armor I will make. The name of the ‘skin coat’ I create is ‘Triple Cat’—an item that grants three extra lives, like a cat.”
Kim Hwang-je gave up thinking.
“Anyway, forget the armor. How much dandruff would you need to make a cloth big enough for a large concrete mixer truck to pass through?”
“I would have to measure it myself with a towel.”
So he was saying to hand over his body.
Knowing he couldn’t escape this flow, Kim Hwang-je stood up.
If he had to do it anyway, better to do it in a good mood.
“Fine, let’s go. It’s not like a person’s going to die just from making a tunnel out of dandruff!”
Even if the demon dies, I am the Emperor!
Kim Hwang-je spoke to Seo Jun-seo.
“Round up all the construction vehicles! I’ll open the door wide.”
“…Yes, sir.”