The Holy Sword and the Bath
Kim Hwang-je watched as Gemini forged the holy sword.
Her sky-blue hair whipped about as she unleashed a storm of lightning from her fingertips, and the furnace erupted in response with a burst of pure white flame.
The white fire and lightning intertwined, flowing along the runes etched into the blade.
The mages surrounding her chanted strange incantations while the priests extended their hands, infusing the weapon with holy power.
The alchemists then hammered those concentrated masses of energy with multiple mallets.
This was, quite literally, an otherworldly method of forging.
It was a weapon-crafting technique unlike anything seen on Earth.
After countless hours of refinement, Gemini finally took a short break.
Kim Hwang-je pressed down on her and purchased the spell.
The Castle Becomes Me (Lv.4)
Gemini
Teleport
Price: 240,000,000 won
He had already spent eighty million won inside Seoul just to save Park Jo-woon. Two hundred and forty million to get from the East Sea back to Seoul was a bargain.
After everything he had been through, he felt like spending three hundred million would have been worth it.
Kim Hwang-je pressed the purchase button.
After a single blink, he found himself standing in front of Gaya Hotel.
He took the direct elevator up to the suite and immediately leaped into the bathtub.
“Hehe~ Hehehe~ La-la, la-la-la~”
It was not Kim Hwang-je humming. It was Poyu’s cheerful little song.
The baby fairy dragon had placed a rubber duck in the tub and was floating around on the water. Then, quite suddenly, she fell silent.
“Huh?”
She had fallen asleep already.
It seemed Poyu was just as exhausted as Kim Hwang-je.
Soft snoring and tiny bubbles emerged from her nose.
“Heh…”
Kim Hwang-je could not take his eyes off the fluffy pink belly drifting on the water.
Who knew a belly could be this cute even without a navel?
He glanced down at his own stomach.
A tiny tuft of hair had appeared beside his navel.
Could it be… them?
Kim Hwang-je activated World Observation and looked at the Forest of Evil Spirit-Infused Trees.
The pitch-black forest, its leaves rustling like steel, had risen on the plains outside the castle walls.
He issued a movement command.
The tuft of hair on his stomach shifted slightly to the right.
“If I raise enough monsters, I won’t have to worry about hair loss…”
A very masculine reaction.
He felt a twinge of fear at the thought of what might appear if he raised something like a Greater Dinosaur King on his stomach, but that was a problem for later.
He sank deeper into the tub, and the fatigue began to melt away.
Kim Hwang-je propped both legs up on the edge of the bubble-filled tub and turned the bubble generator to maximum.
“Hnn…”
The bubbles massaged his back, drawing a deep sigh from him.
He needed to get properly clean before heading to the auction.
Through the floor-to-ceiling windows, the beautiful Seoul cityscape stretched out before him.
The bathtub sat atop an absurdly luxurious staircase.
And that was not all.
The early morning sunlight streaming in illuminated his precious “George,” which had received the Ogre’s Virility.
Ogres left behind their virility even in death.
“I will protect you no matter what, George.”
No matter what happened.
George nodded solemnly in the sunlight.
The fellow looked rather majestic.
Kim Hwang-je used World Observation to survey the castle.
Even while eating or bathing, he could not take his eyes off his people.
While observing various places, he also checked Dave’s office.
Dave was staring at documents as if they were carved in stone.
Every so often he would glance up from the papers, gazing blankly at the glowing steelworks, wondering when Gemini would finish forging the holy sword.
“He’s a good man,”
but he was terrible at politics.
That was the limit of a war-specialized monarch.
Internal Affairs: 12/100 — Warning: Rebellion Risk!
The status window even displayed a rebellion alert.
People tended to unite when times were hard.
But once someone helped them and the tension eased, there were always fools who started making noise.
The upgraded The Castle Becomes Me (Lv.4) provided an Advanced Report from the Ministers, which assessed the situation as follows.
The main author was, of course, the eunuch.
Internal Affairs: 12/100 — Warning: Rebellion Risk
Your Majesty!
Just look at this mess.
This is just between us, but—
Dave is honest and kind.
He is so kind that one cannot hate him, yet… you know how it is.
Nobles everywhere are colluding with underworld bosses.
Some are even stealing the Emperor’s bestowed gifts and selling them at high prices.
Administration is paralyzed, and more people are losing faith in a king who only knows how to fight!
Yet this gentle fool Dave believes that if he personally leads an expedition and defeats the enemy, everyone will swear loyalty.
Your ruthless Majesty must intervene at once.
Weed out the arrogant nobles.
Pick one from the group and make an example of him!
Show them the Emperor’s majesty and make them tremble!
The eunuch was right for once.
This was not Somalia. How could they steal the gifts he had given?
Yet Gemini was also difficult to trust. Great mages often lacked common sense.
Still, Kim Hwang-je needed them. They were precious to him.
When they said they would personally lead an expedition to protect his precious “George”…
That level of loyalty would have earned them entire provinces in the old days.
Since he was the Emperor, who would complain if he granted them a few more countries?
Kim Hwang-je stepped out of the tub and let the powerful shower water hit him as he thought.
‘Ah, I need someone like Hwang Hui.’
They might know less than modern people, but he still needed to win over the nobles—an educated class from another world with political and leadership skills.
Someone decent who would not turn Dave into a puppet.
‘If not, should I just send Seo Jun-seo?’
He shook his head.
Politics in another world required people from that world.
There was no time to clumsily introduce democracy while being battered by waves.
The Industrial Revolution could simply be sent over as entire factories.
Kim Hwang-je brushed his teeth.
The mint scent stung his nose.
Poyu, awakened by the mint smell, flew over and tried to eat the toothpaste…
“Aack, Poyu! Spit it out, spit it out!”
“Ahjussi, eat too! Your mouth is full of bubbles. Why only me eat!”
Poyu wore an aggrieved expression.
It was a universal truth that dragons after the Dragon Lord loved mint.
Kim Hwang-je lamented his own incompetence for not realizing this fact sooner.
“Ah, this is not for eating. It is for brushing teeth.”
“Brush? Why~?”
“Well, if you leave teeth alone, they rot.”
“Rot? Why~? Do I brush teeth too?”
“Uh… When did you grow up so much?”
Poyu’s father and mother.
This unworthy man is sorry for teaching Poyu. She is already asking “why.”
But do dragons brush their teeth?
He truly did not know.
Did one need to brush teeth that could crush diamonds?
Who should he ask?
It would be nice if someone answered for him.
Suddenly, Kim Hwang-je felt a chill of fear.
Living with a child meant loving them like a parent.
Yet Kim Hwang-je, who had lost his family at a young age, had never received such abundant love.
…Dragon teeth must also be cleaned properly… It is for health, you see…
Ah, the Holy Knight instructor!
It was Benedict, who had been asleep in the necklace.
Clean teeth… are where a dragon’s dignity resides…
Elder, the teeth are not the problem right now.
If he did not do something about that trembling voice, the listener might die of shock.
“Can you speak? Do you perhaps know anything about the Rifts of Darkness?”
The seal… must be lifted and my power restored… before I can tell you…
So there was even a seal.
He would need holy relics at the auction.
Kim Hwang-je squeezed toothpaste onto his toothbrush. Poyu’s eyes sparkled.
“Come on, Poyu. You heard him. Let’s brush our teeth.”
“Ung, thank you, Holy Knight Ahjussi~!”
Kim Hwang-je opened Poyu’s mouth, tore open a new toothbrush, loaded it with plenty of toothpaste, and began brushing.
Poyu kept moving her tongue to taste the mint and giggled.
“Ah, you must not eat it.”
Benedict fell silent once more.
If things got urgent, he would probably help again like this.
Kim Hwang-je held Poyu’s belly and brushed her teeth while checking the status window on the right.
The fortunate thing was that loyalty was high. A solid 85/100.
People naturally followed the one who fed them.
But at this rate, a few rich nobles might use bankruptcy as an excuse to install a new puppet king and try to negotiate with Kim Hwang-je.
This popularity belonged entirely to Kim Hwang-je.
In other words, as long as he gave permission, he could replace the king whenever he wanted.
If a villain took the throne, he might one day receive a message like this:
‘Your Majesty, will you open the gates, or will you listen to me?’
And they would bring a battering ram to the gates.
They would never dare use Emperor’s Iron Fist, because they would threaten to destroy the gates if he died.
The mere thought of his precious “George” being stabbed made him do Kegel exercises involuntarily.
‘There really is no local king who would protect my precious “George” and its unknown rear gate as well as Dave.’
He needed to give Dave more power.
With internal affairs this weak, Dave was leaving his post?
If this were a novel, the author would never let such an event pass.
If something went wrong, the roles would reverse and he would become a slave to the castle.
A chill ran down Kim Hwang-je’s spine.
‘Whether we live or die, Dave, Gemini, and I are in this together.’
Kim Hwang-je put on a robe inside the bathroom.
Through World Observation, he saw that Dave had just received the holy sword from Gemini.
When had he run all the way over there while brushing teeth? Had he jumped out the window and sprinted in a straight line?
Dave immediately gathered the soldiers and left the castle like the wind.
“Huh?”
Did they not usually hold some kind of departure ceremony?
It was absurd to see him take only about five hundred men and run off, skipping everything.
Kim Hwang-je hurriedly opened the communication window.
“Park Jo-woon, sir!”
“Aigoo, you startled me! I really need to set up an alarm for this.”
“Sir, Dave just took troops and headed for the port! Send four Celestial Heavy Equipment units. Three bulldozers and one excavator!”
“Of course, boss. Just trust the Heavy Equipment Knight Order.”
Only ten Celestial Heavy Equipment units remained after the Wraiths had ascended.
Park Jo-woon banged on the bulldozers beside him, which trembled and emitted a golden glow.
These bulldozers had originally been 105-ton open-pit mining models, but after receiving the Celestial radiance, they had more than doubled in size.
Where had the law of conservation of mass gone?
Anyway, it was impossible to even guess how many tons they weighed now.
Park Jo-woon had gone even further and wrapped steel plates around the bulldozers, turning them into ancient war chariots—or moving fortresses.
Four spearmen and four archers stood on top, thrusting spears, shooting arrows, and breaking through enemy lines.
In a word, pure romance.
“Kuh, I’m finally going to taste the heavy equipment buff.”
“Please!”
“Got it. Alright! Soldiers, follow the king!”
Not satisfied with that, Kim Hwang-je urgently dispatched all the Lesser Evil Spirit-Infused Trees.
“Kirieeeek!”
The speechless beasts tore their roots from the ground and began to move.
“Uh…”
The small tuft of hair on his stomach melted into his body.
The sensation was strange.
Poyu, who had been marching alone with her mouth, flew up with a flutter.
“Ahjussi~ I’m sleepy~”
Poyu flew to the refrigerator prepared in the bathroom and took out some milk.
She gulped it down and fluttered off to her room.
“Uwek… It tastes weird~”
“Poyu! You must not eat after brushing your teeth!”
“Hing… I knowww~”
Then she fluttered up the stairs and disappeared.
The little one, despite being a dragon, had already claimed a large room as her lair.
She had piled up the gold and gems Kim Hwang-je gave her there, along with the items Gemini had given as consultation fees, neatly organized.
“Sleep well, Poyu. Want to go shopping together in the evening?”
“Yeah!”
Poyu shouted from the second floor.
Kim Hwang-je put on his robe properly and summoned the Hunter.
Time was of the essence.
Among the many residents, the only one he could somewhat communicate with was the Hunter wearing an eyepatch.
“For ten thousand years…”
“Stay loyal.”
“Ayy, Your Majesty. Of course. As you commanded, the gold has all been gathered by the bulldogs.”
“Good work.”
The Hunter held out a pouch of gold coins.
Kim Hwang-je opened the pouch and gave him a handful.
“Buy some chicken on the way.”
“What is chicken?”
“You worked hard, so feed the kids some chicken.”
“Aigoo, Your Majesty…”
“Stop!”
Whenever he gave even a simple gift, the man would burst into tears of gratitude, making it impossible to do anything nice.
Kim Hwang-je first placed the remaining gold coins into the trade window.
“Sniff, Your Majesty. Is there a problem?”
Perhaps it was because tension was written all over his face.
Kim Hwang-je forced his facial muscles to relax and spoke.
“Can I ask you for a favor?”
“A favor? Command me anything, my lord.”
“Just a moment. The two of you will need to work together.”
This time, Kim Hwang-je summoned the Filthy Thief.
Unlike the bandits, who had no connections because they could not enter the castle, the Filthy Thief had ties to the underworld.
“You called, Your Majesty!”
The burly thief bowed so deeply that the magnificent bathroom shook.
The moment he appeared, Kim Hwang-je felt dizzy from the thief’s body odor mixing with the body shampoo.
“First… take off your clothes.”
“Eeeeeh?”
The thief screamed and covered himself.
A vein popped on Kim Hwang-je’s forehead.
“Thief.”
“Your Majesty… This one has a woman he likes…”
“What are you saying! Wash yourself properly! Scrub every corner and come to the living room. This is an important mission, so if you only rinse with water, I will not let it slide.”
Kim Hwang-je pointed at the body wash and scrubbing brush.
“You can use the whole bottle. Lather up with that white foam and scrub hard. Make sure there is foam. When you are done, we will plan the operation.”
Kim Hwang-je threw the bath brush and body wash to the Hunter.
“Hunter, take responsibility and make sure this guy does not smell. By the way, if a thief smells, does that not mean he will get caught stealing?”
“Your Majesty… If you do not get caught, it is not stealing…”
If you killed everyone, it was assassination, so it was not wrong.
But it was enough to make one press their temples.
“Yes, Your Majesty.”
The Hunter glanced at Kim Hwang-je and pressed the thief’s head down.
“I will ask you to do this.”
Kim Hwang-je left.
Once he was gone, the Hunter took out a toilet brush and the cleaning detergent from the bathtub shelf.
“I cannot allow your stench to touch His Majesty’s brush and toiletries. Strip at once.”
“Ugh… Mother…”
The Hunter was strict. The thief shed tears as he entrusted his body to the Hunter’s hands (?).
A short while later, the thief and the Hunter emerged looking refreshed.
Or rather, their skin was red from how hard they had scrubbed.
Kim Hwang-je offered a silent prayer of apology to the hotel staff who would clean the bathroom.
The thief had styled his hair into a mohawk with pig fat, but after washing, he turned out to be quite handsome.
The Hunter looked a bit gloomy because of the eyepatch, but the thief was a ruggedly handsome man that nurses would like.
But good looks were not the issue right now.
“When you return, the two of you will establish an underground organization.”
“Eeeh?”
“Of course!”
The Hunter tilted his head, but the thief was confident.
Now that he was washed, his bold way of speaking made him seem somewhat reliable.
“I heard there are people stealing the items I gave. Thanks to them, the castle is on the verge of bankruptcy. We need to stop that.”
“Aigoo, of course. I will begin immediately.”
“Do not show mercy to anyone. And report and act only after getting permission. Thief, are you listening?”
“Understood!”
“Good. Go.”
They disappeared.
When Kim Hwang-je sat back down, the status window appeared.
Your Majesty!
Congratulations!
You have summoned all Lv.1 residents and built good relationships with them.
Giving them pocket money and even washing them!
You are truly the father of the people!
Your relationship score has exceeded a certain threshold and your level has increased.
Please continue to be their father!
New outstanding individuals have joined under Emperor’s conscription order.
▷ Yamanok Fisherman
▷ Rice-Digging Farmer
▷ Leather Artisan
▷ Emaciated Undertaker
▷ Gloomy Bard
“Ah, what kind of weirdos are coming out this time.”
Kim Hwang-je pressed down on his trembling lower eyelids.
It was not because of magnesium deficiency.
Kim Hwang-je got dressed and stepped out the door.
The auction house…
He had to go to the auction house…!
He needed the conveniences of the modern world to purify his weary mind and body.