The Roaring Patrol
The engine screamed like a beast in agony.
He kept the accelerator pinned to the floor without mercy, and the poor machine responded with a thunderous roar that shook the entire plain.
And it wasn’t just one car. There were ten of them.
Kim Hwang-je’s Lamborghini led the charge, with nine supercars streaking behind it in tight formation. The kingdom’s newly established highway patrol was flying down the loop road that marked the edge of the plains.
Roads created from a fusion of land magic and concrete stretched out in every direction across the vast expanse.
“Your Majesty, this is truly a magnificent machine. I am especially fond of the sound it makes.”
“Oh yeah?”
So it was the noise, not the speed. Kim Hwang-je nodded.
“Yes, Your Majesty. It reminds me of the dinosaurs I once cherished. They must all be gone by now…”
Kim Hwang-je scratched his head. He supposed the riding experience was similar to mounting a dinosaur. The ground was rather bumpy, but the cars still managed to race forward without issue. The result was thanks to the perfect collaboration between Park Jo-woon—who possessed an oddly intense devotion to craftsmanship—and Professor Rabanus, who harbored a deep grudge against the kingdom’s previous road conditions.
“Your Majesty, I can see a Shakuar grizzly scout unit approaching from ahead.”
The hunter pointed into the distance.
“Scouts? Already?”
“Yes, Your Majesty. At this rate, we will encounter them in five minutes.”
Made sense. Ten supercars racing side by side weren’t exactly quiet.
“How many?”
“More than seventy bear riders.”
“Crazy bastards… coming this far south already? It’s barely spring.”
Shakuar Land. That was the name of the monster territory stretching across the northern reaches of the Adel continent. The once-flourishing northern empire of Lotia, which had thrived on Brikia Island, had long since sunk beneath the hooves of monsters. Now the region was nothing but dense forest and ancient ruins. Of the three Demon Kings who ruled those lands, the one closest to Adel was the master of Shakuar Land—the Grizzly Goblins.
“Faster than Professor Rabanus predicted. He said the hibernation would end but that a scout unit wouldn’t descend this quickly.”
“Your Majesty has been rather busy lately, has he not? Destroying the western fortress and all…”
The hunter wrinkled his nose. An odor he simply could not get used to filled the air. Manure. In the distance, he could still see Nax grumbling as she spread the fertilizer. What looked like black snow was actually fertilizer. The dragon pulled massive sacks from the A-frame carrier on her back, ripped them open, and flew around scattering the black powder like fish food.
The hunter stared at the sight before speaking again.
“…And now you have created such an enormous wetland. From their perspective, it must be utterly horrifying. They wake from hibernation only to find themselves choking on the stench of fertilizer!”
“When you put it that way, I guess I’d be pissed too.”
Kim Hwang-je accepted the logic. The monsters of Shakuar Land hibernated through winter. When they woke, they were starving and their noses were extremely sensitive. Not only had the entire plain been turned into farmland covered in fertilizer, but the wind was blowing northward. The smell had to be overwhelming the Amoa Mountain Range that bordered Shakuar Land. Of course they would come down to investigate. They would even be justified in coming to protest.
But Kim Hwang-je had no intention of listening to any complaints from monsters.
“Can you shoot while we’re moving like this?”
“It is no problem, Your Majesty.”
“Not you. I’m asking the soldier.”
Instead of the hunter who had answered enthusiastically, Kim Hwang-je glanced at the soldier standing in the back seat through the rearview mirror. Naturally, the soldier didn’t dare sit while the Emperor himself was driving. He stood ramrod straight.
“Yeshur Majeshty! Phhh! Hrrrsss!”
The wind was hitting the soldier’s helmet so violently that his words were completely mangled. Still, the meaning was clear enough.
Kim Hwang-je glanced at the speedometer. The red Lamborghini was currently tearing down the road at 200 kilometers per hour. He had refrained from pushing it harder—not because of the road surface, but because he was worried about the soldier’s neck. Even so, if the soldier had been an ordinary Earth human, his neck would have snapped by now.
Huh. Am I abusing my power right now?
Of course, he had never ordered the man to stand in the back seat of a speeding Lamborghini. But when the soldier had burst into tears, begging to be killed rather than force His Majesty to act as a mere coachman, what was he supposed to do? Still, no matter how he looked at it, the situation was ridiculous. Kim Hwang-je scratched the back of his head.
Hmm…
But that wasn’t the important thing right now.
“Won’t the arrows just fly backward?”
“Ehehe, Your Majesty. Puhihihit.”
The hunter suddenly started snickering. This guy was laughing? Kim Hwang-je looked at him in surprise, but the hunter mistook it for anger and slammed his head into the airbag.
THUD!
“Please kill me!”
“…I’m not mad. You can laugh. But why are you laughing?”
“Your Majesty, if you shoot an arrow from a moving vehicle, the arrow will fly even faster.”
Oh. Right. Kim Hwang-je felt his face grow hot. He should have paid more attention in high school physics class!
He cleared his throat and spoke.
“Soldier.”
“Yes! Phhh!”
“You heard that?”
“Yes!”
“Kill them all.”
“Yes! Phhh!”
The moment the order was given, every soldier standing in the back seats of the supercars—both ahead and behind—drew their bowstrings.
Shweeeek!
Shweek!
Arrows sliced through the swirling currents around the supercars and shot into the sky. Kim Hwang-je held his breath at the incredible sight and stared at the horizon. The arrows flew swiftly and vanished from view. The soldiers kept firing without pause.
“It’d be nice if we had radar. I can’t see a thing.”
“Do not worry, Your Majesty. One, two, three, four—they are hitting their marks.”
“Are they dying cleanly?”
“Yes, Your Majesty. Very clean. However, the rest are fleeing like mad. You should be able to see them soon.”
A moment later, on the far side of the plain, Kim Hwang-je spotted a group of bears with plump backsides shaking as they ran for their lives.
“Gwoooooargh!”
“It’s scary! So scary!”
“That growling thing is chasing us!”
“It’s red! It’s fast!”
Hobgoblins screamed as they whipped the rumps of their grizzly bears. They were so terrified they didn’t even dare look back. From their perspective, the rumbling engine noise truly sounded like an ancient monster they had never encountered in their lives. After all, on Earth, that sound was specifically designed to awaken a man’s pride.
Before long, the Lamborghini Kim Hwang-je was driving pulled alongside the grizzly bear carrying what appeared to be the enemy leader.
Kim Hwang-je looked at the bear, then at the speedometer. He couldn’t believe it.
“Whoa, insane. What kind of bear wakes up from hibernation and runs at 120 kilometers per hour?”
“Gwoar! You’re human?!”
The hobgoblin on the bear’s back thrust its spear at Kim Hwang-je. Seeing the sharp point stabbing toward him, Kim Hwang-je panicked.
“Whoa, that startled me!”
He was so startled that he completely ignored the hunter, who was gracefully preparing to draw a weapon. The price was brutal. Following the steering wheel Kim Hwang-je had jerked, the Lamborghini slammed directly into the bear’s flank.
“Gwek!”
The bear let out an oddly cute scream as it was sent flying sideways. The Lamborghini screeched to a halt. All the supercars following behind stopped as well. Even then, the soldiers continued firing arrows without pause. The result was a scout unit turned into corpses that looked like giant porcupines.
“Aw man… I wanted to talk to them a little.”
Kim Hwang-je stepped out of the car. The Lamborghini’s front bumper was horribly crumpled, and the hood had caved in. The bear’s body must have been quite sturdy. Still, the car would probably still run.
“Can’t be helped. Jeong Han-taek will fix this.”
Kim Hwang-je spoke confidently, as if it were only natural that the armor artisan Jeong Han-taek would be with them.
Your Majesty,
Have you perhaps dropped your conscience somewhere?
“What are you talking about, you eunuch?”
Kim Hwang-je swiped the notification away. Fortunately the Lamborghini kept its engine in the rear. He waved off the hunter, who had been preparing to hand over a vial of Hangma Oil from his waist.
“Hmm. So this is the end of my kingdom.”
South of the road lay rice paddies, while to the north stretched barren wasteland. The smell of manure mixed with the metallic scent of blood. Kim Hwang-je kicked over the corpse of a nearby hobgoblin. The dead bear’s torn-open belly revealed the mountain range beyond. If he told people on Earth that arrows had done this, they probably wouldn’t believe him.
“Do scout units come often?”
“Your Majesty, around this time of year, hobgoblin scout units of one hundred fifty to three hundred usually come down and kidnap people.”
“They’ll probably do the same this time?”
“It pains me to report this, Your Majesty, but yes, they will.”
Thanks to the destruction of the fortress, the Izukaya army would advance more cautiously. But whether from the south or the north, enemies were coming from both directions. Only Adel, stuck in the middle, was going to suffer.
“Still, the highway patrol seems pretty effective. I feel pretty good about this.”
Kim Hwang-je looked at the dead goblins and grinned. If left alone, these bastards would have plundered the kingdom. Now they were nothing more than a protein supply for the local bugs.
“If we keep doing this, we should be able to stop any number of them. Right?”
“Yes, Your Majesty! Following the example you have shown us, we shall add ‘ram and charge’ tactics to the combat manual!”
“Uh… talk to Jeong Han-taek about that later…”
“Yes, Your Majesty!”
“And if he says no, don’t add it.”
“Yes, Your Majesty!”
Kim Hwang-je scratched the back of his head in embarrassment and looked at the hunter. The man had been staring blankly toward the south for a while.
“What are you looking at? Is there something in the sky again?”
“Yes, Your Majesty. A dragon scattering poop crumbs is approaching.”
The hunter bared his fangs and growled. Perhaps because he had been half-killed by her breath last time, he still couldn’t treat Nax casually. Still, he wasn’t exactly wrong. Though it wasn’t poop—it was fertilizer.
If there was a dragon scattering that stuff, there was only one possibility. It was Nax, carrying around sacks of manure.
“Kraaaaaaar!”
Sure enough, a dragon’s roar echoed from afar, and Nax descended. She carried an A-frame pack the size of a house on her back. It was stuffed full of fertilizer sacks so large that several people would struggle to carry even one. The soldiers grew tense as the wind carried the scent toward them. They still weren’t used to interacting with a dragon. And with Nax’s expression looking terrifyingly dark, it was understandable they were afraid.
The dragon shrank into her elf form and strode forward.
“Emperor! We finally meet! When exactly is my rest time supposed to be?!”
“Huh?”
“It has already been seventeen hours!”
“Wait, it’s already been that long?”
“Damn it… damn it… You gave me work and then completely forgot about it?! You wicked Earthling! You evil emperor!”
Nax shouted in a rage. Kim Hwang-je retraced his memories. Before going to meet the Gujiga spirit, he had told her to spread fertilizer on the fields and give them a blessing. After that, he had met the Gujiga spirit, cleaned up Jo Chun-ki’s mansion, eaten with Seo Jun-seo, handled work, rescued Jeong Han-taek… and then spent a long time joyriding in the Lamborghini. He had even driven along the Gangwon-do roads before testing the car on the royal highway.
To be honest… when would he ever get to drive such an expensive car again? It had been a genuinely fun day.
“Uh… sorry.”
“Ugh…”
Nax looked like she no longer had the energy to stay angry. Seeing her pitiful state, Kim Hwang-je nodded.
“From now on, work eight hours and then rest. Here—this is a gift!”
He grabbed a handful of gold coins from his pocket and handed them over. Would gold even work on her? Nax frowned deeply, but the corners of her mouth kept twitching upward. She spun around to hide her face and muttered.
“Ugh… giving me a disease and then the medicine! Emperor. If you have so much money that you don’t know what to do with it, why don’t you make some gold bars and give me those? Not that I need them or anything…! Anyway! I’m leaving!”
Having said her piece, Nax vanished with a teleportation spell. Kim Hwang-je looked toward the Ruby Salon being built in the distance and muttered.
“Now that I think about it, if seventeen hours have passed, the Gujiga dance party must be over by now.”
Maybe he should head over to Hannam-dong and make it rain. Kim Hwang-je scratched his head again.