Archmage Yang Jia (1)

Tap tap. The quick, lively typing sounds echoed through the cramped studio apartment.

A long comment filled the comment box. It had to be at least ten lines at a glance.

I stared blankly at that lengthy comment for a moment, pondered, then deleted it all.

Then I rapidly hit F5, refreshing frantically while quickly checking a few new posts.

At the same time, I moved the mouse to the side monitor and uploaded a crap post I'd saved as a draft to the community.

Views: 0. But who cares. I had over a hundred draft posts pre-saved. All written this morning, crap posts aimed at climbing the gallery posting ranking. Views don't count toward the ranking anyway, so it was fine.

Tap tap— After uploading, I switched back to the side monitor with nine broadcast windows open. There, I watched nine streams simultaneously, scattering chats everywhere.

I turned the sound on briefly for the two haughty rooms that read chats, muting the rest.

"...Hmph."

I eyed the game streams I'd left on, and the moment a game ended, I refreshed instantly. Timing it perfectly with the streamer queuing for a match, I hit queue too.

If it were a super popular game, sniping might be tough, but this was a niche game and I was top-tier, so low player count made sniping easy.

Ding!

A match popped on my screen, and two seconds later, the same on the streamer's.

Snipe successful. The big question was teammates or not...

"Oh."

Jackpot. First time in ages landing on the same team. I cranked the streamer's volume to max right away.

"Uh, um... That guy's nick is kinda wild. Read it? Nah, don't wanna..."

This was part of the plan too. The stream had cam on, showing a tiny cute girl looking flustered.

Her pointy ears twitched shyly. Face beet red. I savored the expression gleefully until loading screens hit, then donated to the streamer.

The donation alert boomed through the room. Chats ride the wave, so other viewers piled on with small donations after seeing mine.

The streamer hesitated but eventually caved.

"A-alright, stop throwing money already."

Yep, nothing money can't buy. She stared at my name, lips moving.

Do it. Now. I hit record quick.

"Uh, um... LoliElfBoobsLover... Ah, gotta report this game."

Bonus report came free with purchase. Worth the 10k.

"Heh heh heh."

Nick's changeable anyway. Hearing a loli elf say "LoliElfBoobsLover" herself stirred something hard to describe rising from my gut.

"Trolling my own kind is the best fun after all."

Main course enjoyed. I tried in the game but dropped mid-pack, score in the negatives. Wasn't expecting a win anyway. That loli elf carried half on viewer bus.

"Hmph."

I shoved a hand under my baggy oversized ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠tee, scratching my belly. Meanwhile, one-handed mouse work uploading posts fast.

To multiple boards, multiple accounts, lightning quick! My secret skill honed over years of community lurking. High-speed multi-trolling. Proud no one else can do it.

Tap— Gazed at the nine streams briefly, then switched to the RPG on another monitor. Can't slack on the RPG. It's my main income letting me do this.

Heard they call it this online lately.

"Wooo! Rice! Rice! Rice!"

Kinda pathetic but fun. I literally buy rice with that cash.

Everything solved at this PC. Survival, fun, mental health, pleasure. Ecstasy. All possible. The computer is the ultimate modern marvel, the endgame, the archmage.

Magic's got nothing on it. Computers are way greater.

Gurgle— Then my navel clock signaled mealtime. Phone on, delivery app—more magic. Food appears at the door. Magic? Pfft, nothing special. People just hype it 'cause it's new.

This modern world felt more magical to me.

"This is real magic."

I ordered the rosé mala tteokbokki from last time via the app. Then reclined the chair fully, playing RPG while quoting an anime line.

"See? Simple. The perfect world complete."

Euhaha. Laughed like an archmage. Not sure if I used to laugh like that, but whatever.

Ding dong!

Doorbell—delivery here. I tried getting up, but the over-reclined chair had other ideas.

"Wha, whoa!"

Crash. Tumble ending. I clutched my sore knee standing up.

"Ow, ugh..."

Head hurt a bit, but leaking mana auto-numbed it. Pain was brief. Scratching my head, I shuffled weakly to the door.

Delivery guy's no-show anyway. Just drop and go. Used to need card face-to-face, but not anymore.

"Hehe. Rosé mala tteokbokki."

Tteokbokki good, rosé good, mala good. Triple good fused into mega-delicious. Tried it before, fit my taste, ordering again.

Beep, click—!

Door unlocked, I nudged it open carefully. Delivery usually by the door, so grab without stepping out. Cold outside.

Creeeak— Then. Door cracked, black glimpsed in the gap.

Black? Did I do cash on delivery? Nah.

Perplexed, I cautiously raised my gaze.

"...Huh."

Gleaming black hair. Deep brown eyes. Sharp horn-rimmed glasses. Adult woman combo glaring down scary-like.

"U, uwaaaah!"

I slammed the door in panic, but it wouldn't close. She wedged her shoe in.

Super strong. Couldn't budge her leg.

"G-get out! No need to go this far! Didn't have to come find me! Eek!"

Yelled my lungs out, no budge. She stared down, then yanked the door open by force.

My scrawny bod couldn't win. Door flung wide, her clicking black heels invaded my shoe rack.

"U, ugh... Y-you! Reporting for trespassing! Just like th..."

Protested sitting on the floor, useless. She peeked at my messy room, sighed deeply.

"You'll have to come with me this time for pension pickup. And my name's not 'you', it's Baek Seol-yeon. Told you last time."

Baek Seol-yeon. Familiar face. City hall clerk. Or mobster. Barging into homes like this.

Uh, yeah. Bad bitch.

"Ugh, don't wanna go... Can't it be online..."

Grumbled complaints, got icy stare back. She eyed my state, said coldly.

"Then skip the pension. Can you live without it? Plus, no participation means citizenship revoked. Strictly, elves aren't our nationals."

"Th-that's..."

Game money I could grind, but citizenship? No choice. Blackmail! Sue! Fantasies useless. To keep this happy life, had to obey her.

"Clean this up at least. You're too half-assed."

Baek Seol-yeon picked up a can, said to me. I ignored. She continued.

"...Schedule's in four hours. Wash up and get ready by then."

She rummaged my stuff without permission. Digging junk pile, lifted a dusty item. One with my face stamped, ID proof.

Baek Seol-yeon showed the card, said quietly.

"Follow our instructions. Archmage, Yang Jia-nim."

That name again. Yang Jia. Not mine.

"Don't call me Yang Jia. Sounds like a girl's name. I'm Kenis! Kenis of Omniscience!"

Told her my real name. Yang Jia was their arbitrary label.

Fumed, but her face didn't twitch. She scanned me top to bottom, smirked.

"You are a girl though?"

"No I'm not! Grr!"

Realized raging was pointless about five minutes into the tussle.

Drained, I trudged to the bathroom. Mirror inside. Reflected: stark white but wildly messy long hair, soft chubby cheeks, short squat build, skinny stick-figure body. A girl glaring dissatisfied.

Just like she said, total girl. Identical to that stream 'loli elf'.

"...Haa, fuck."

Cursed, sighed deeply.

Ah, don't wanna go out. How to claim archmage looking like this? Say I'm Kenis of Omniscience? No one'd believe.

"Haa."

Thoughts swirled, ended in sighs. Nothing else to do.

Ah, being a commie troll sniper's way more fun than archmage crap.