Don't Call Me Master
"Oppa? Master? What should I call you?"
The girl with the twin tails introduced herself in a smooth, effortless stream of words, not even twitching an eyebrow. "Hello. My name is Vanessa Valentine. Please just call me Vanessa. I received orders from His Excellency the Guardian Duke and have come to serve as Master's personal attendant..."
"Wait."
"Is something the matter, Master?"
"...First of all, can we do something about that title? Master? What the hell is that? Just call me normally."
"Hmm... then," Vanessa said, resting her chin on her index finger as she pondered carefully before delivering the absolute worst possible answer. "Werther Oppa?"
"........."
"Since you're older than me, Werther Oppa seems more appropriate. Allow me to greet you properly this time. I am Werther Oppa's personal attendant..."
"Wait. Just hold on a second."
Suddenly I was struck by a serious dilemma: which would my sister hate more, "Master" or "Oppa"?
It happened by pure accident. I really, truly hadn't meant to. I'd been watching an anime that featured a maid character when my sister caught me. The mistake was that I had headphones on and didn't notice her standing right behind me in her pajamas.
"Heh... so this is the kind of girl Oppa likes."
"Huk! Weren't you supposed to be asleep after taking your sleeping pills?"
"I didn't take any today."
Liar. I literally put them in your mouth. ...Did she just pretend to swallow and spit them out?
"You seemed really eager to put me to bed early today, so I came to see what you were up to. But... I see how it is. You drug your sister to sleep so you can be the Master of the maids."
"Wait... aren't you phrasing that in a really weird way? The doctor prescribed those pills. I was just faithfully following his instructions to take them every night."
"Hmm~ Did the doctor also instruct you to watch dirty anime while your sister was asleep?"
"It's not dirty! It's appropriate for ages fifteen and up! Besides, I didn't even want to watch it. I just accidentally clicked on it and..."
"Oh, I see. So Oppa didn't want to watch it but was forced to anyway?"
"O-of course."
"Then you can turn it off now, right?"
"Uh... turning it off right now."
"And unsubscribe from that site. You might accidentally click on something weird again."
"Of course. I was going to do that anyway."
The look in my sister's eyes that night as she pretended to be half-asleep has never left me. The next day she ordered a maid outfit from somewhere and spent weeks calling me "Master" just to mess with me. I eventually had to get on my knees and apologize before she finally forgave me.
There was another incident too. I'd gotten close to a female junior from one of my part-time jobs. She started making me lunch, and one day she came all the way to our house.
"Oppa, you forgot your lunch today so I brought it for you~"
"Oh, thanks. Appreciate it."
"You're so clumsy... I heard you're working five different part-time jobs lately? Shouldn't you cut back? You'll ruin your health at this rate."
I had no idea that brief encounter, light as a spring breeze, would turn into a full-blown storm. She stayed less than a minute, but my sister ended up bedridden for three whole days. She refused her medicine and wouldn't touch any food.
"If I disappear, Oppa can quit some of those jobs, right? You already have a new sister now, don't you?"
In the end, I had to delete the junior's number right in front of my sister before she finally picked up her spoon again.
"Hello~~? Vanessa is still waiting here. What should I call you?"
"............"
My sister would hate both options, but if I absolutely had to pick a temporary title to use until she was resurrected... Yeah. This one was better.
"...Werther Oppa. That's what I'd prefer."
"Understood, Werther Oppa. You're going to project your dead sister onto Vanessa and use me as a substitute to satisfy those twisted desires of yours, right? Vanessa will faithfully accommodate that warped longing."
"It's not like that! I just think it's cringey as hell when someone calls me Master! 'Oppa' is a normal thing to call an older guy, even if we're not actually siblings!"
"Vanessa will pretend not to notice while Werther Oppa keeps making those excuses for himself."
This damn girl just kept nodding to herself with those sleepy eyes, completely lost in her own delusions. Realizing that talking to her any further would be pointless, I shot Zero a glare.
"Hey, Zero! What the hell is this girl? Are you sure she's actually going to be useful?"
"U-um. She is a bit eccentric, I'll admit, but she's a true professional with exceptional loyalty. Most importantly, her lips are sealed tight."
"...Is this seriously the best card you could pull, Guardian Duke?"
"Stealing talent from right under the Emperor's nose isn't exactly easy. Ahem. Forgive me."
At least he seemed to know he'd screwed up.
"Werther Oppa. Isn't Vanessa talented? From now on, my lord isn't the Guardian Duke but Werther Oppa, so I'll only listen to what Oppa says, okay? You're not going to throw Vanessa away, are you?"
"............"
If I took a picture of Vanessa's expression right now and showed it to my sister, I could already imagine the response.
"She's one hundred percent a rabid bitch with rabies! If you get close, even Oppa's body will rot! Run away, Oppa!"
But don't worry, my dear sister. Thanks to the Rune of Immortality, even if I catch rabies I won't die. This is all for your sake...
"Now, now. As a celebration of you two getting along so well."
When exactly did we get along?
"I'll explain the operation outline."
Zero cleared away the spicy fish stew bowls and spread a map of Lydorphia across the wooden stump we used as a table. The circled area at the far western edge was the village of Yohannes, where we currently were. The spot marked with an X was the border, believed to be where the Rune of Resurrection was located. It was also where the Hero Party and the Demon King's army would clash.
"You two will please walk along this route to the border. The Hero Party is already moving along a different path. There's no need for you to encounter them before reaching the destination, is there?"
That was true enough.
"I'll follow along my own way. I need to make it look like I'm kidnapping Princess Cynthia to calm His Majesty's wrath."
"What do we do once we reach the destination?"
"War is like a living thing. It's impossible to predict. The Eight Protection Army has already been halved by the Hero Party and only four remain. I'd like to assign just one to you two. If you kill a single one, your mission will be considered a success. Leave the rest to the Hero Party or myself."
"And the Rune of Resurrection?"
"Whether before, during, or after the battle, I will fully cooperate in the search for the Rune of Resurrection. Whoever finds it, I will make sure it is delivered to you."
"That's not a bad deal."
I didn't ask how he planned to deal with the remaining three members of the Eight Protection Army. It wasn't my problem. To be completely honest, I was planning to slack off even on the single one I was assigned if I could get away with it. My only goal was the Rune of Resurrection. Once my sister was brought back to life, I couldn't care less what happened to the Eight Protection Army or Lydorphia.
"Now that we've shared the operation details, let's finish with a proper departure ceremony."
"Ha? What are you talking about? We don't need that."
"No. Before fighting the Demon King's army, the Goddess's blessing is absolutely necessary. This is a thousand-year-old tradition with actual magical significance. Every expedition that left without it has failed."
"Give me a break..."
In Korea, they set up a pig's head and perform a ritual before starting a movie shoot. Does that make the film a hit? Who knows. But they still do it. Because it's tradition. From the outside, customs can look completely ridiculous. To those inside, they're an indispensable, complex necessity.
"The Goddess Vanessa knows about too. You're talking about the princess who saved humanity a thousand years ago, right?"
"Yes. After her death she was deified and is now worshipped by the church. There's a statue of Princess Irene in the imperial palace. It's the work of the world-renowned sculptor Raphael Buonarroti."
"So you're saying we have to go all the way to the imperial palace? Do you want to die?"
"Of course not, you fool."
If he'd suggested that, I would have labeled him an imperial spy and challenged him to a duel on the spot.
"Fortunately, there's a statue of the princess right here in Yohannes. We'll hold the ceremony there."
I'd only ever come down to the market to buy red pepper powder. Even though I'd lived in the area for half a year, I had no idea there was a statue of the nationally revered princess here.
In the center of the plaza, the only bustling area in this rural village, stood a massive statue that commanded the space with dignity. Though it was only stone, the clear features suggested that the princess had been quite beautiful in life.
"O legendary Princess Irene, please bless the departure of this new party. We pray that they will destroy a portion of the Eight Protection Army and contribute to the safety of humanity."
And just like that, we officially became a party.
Right at that exact moment, my SSS-rank skill activated.
Along with the awakening of a new ability.