Chapter 27
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Translator: penny
Chapter: 27
Chapter Title: To Me, Chaewon Is———
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To me, Chaewon is———
The resentment for not believing in me.
The guilt for failing to protect you.
All the reasons I can't love you completely.
It felt like it was egging me on.
On the day of our first shoot, of all days, I had a nightmare. And of all nightmares, it was about that day when I was nineteen.
I know.
That everything I've said and done to you up until today has been duplicitous, ambiguous, and impossible to understand...
I know that better than anyone.
I push you away even as I say I like you, but I can't shake you off. And then I have the nerve to suggest we just stay friends.
How pathetic and disgusting is that?
That's why I accepted it.
When you suggested we define our relationship with a bet, I nodded because it was the chance you gave me—the stubborn me more than anyone—to make a clear choice.
Fifteen years. Periods and commas.
Us, forced to choose one or the other.
『The blind date we talked about next Thursday』
『Location is here』
『Park Sunwoo』
Today, I was prepared to put a period at the end.
Puddles dotting the athletic field here and there, flowers and trees in the flower beds still heavy with moisture.
A sky so dazzling it was hard to believe it had rained just yesterday.
A terribly familiar summer day.
A terribly familiar scene.
I thought nothing had changed in it but me, but my alma mater had changed in many ways too.
For instance, the prison-like exterior typical of old schools had been freshly painted, giving it a clean, cute vibe.
Classrooms left empty due to fewer kids were filled with fascinating gadgets for creative activities—even I, an adult, found them intriguing. And above all, there was a new gymnasium that hadn't existed back when I was a student.
Of course, plenty of things hadn't changed.
The desks where the kids sat were still outdated.
The eerie atmosphere of the science lab that felt haunted when the lights were off hadn't changed, and the slide on the playground—I'd glanced at it before entering the building—still looked like it would give you a nasty static shock.
And—
"Yumin~."
Your smile beaming at me.
Then or now, smiling suits you best.
I stared at you, a little entranced.
Deep blue slacks and a summer knit with stripes. Round horn-rimmed glasses.
Nothing special about the styling or makeup, really.
And yet, everyone gaped in admiration.
I was no different.
Because it was you. None other than Ever's Han Chaewon.
The kind of person who could make even a snapshot moment feel special.
Truly, such a beautiful person.
You shine in a way I never could.
I'm glad I got to spend those fifteen years with you, and relieved that you were the one who taught me what love feels like, but...
I wish I never knew at all.
I couldn't help but think that if we'd never reached for each other, we wouldn't have broken like this—and the thought washed over me gently, deeply.
So let's capture all the lingering regrets in the lens and let go.
Now, at last, let's set you free.
I repeated my resolve, cleared my stray thoughts, and smiled.
"You're not gonna say you dressed like an elementary school teacher, are you?"
The sunlight pouring through the window was blindingly bright.
「Do the two of you remember your first meeting?」
I'd half-expected it, and I did remember.
As I recalled that day, I answered honestly.
Suddenly, the image of eight-year-old you clutching a zero-score test paper popped into my mind, and a faint smile slipped out before I knew it.
「...Then, could we hear your first impressions of each other?」
This one I'd expected too, but I didn't remember it.
Memories get revised over time, and with those revisions, the emotions embedded in them erode away.
Plus, back then, I was timid and cynical.
The kind of kid who, according to my childhood friend, never seemed like he'd cry.
No way someone like that had a "first impression."
Rather than lie, I figured it was better to say I didn't remember. After some deliberation, I answered honestly...
"You definitely thought I was annoying, right? Such a bothersome kid."
Pfft—.
Yeah, the me from back then totally would have.
No, hearing it now actually makes it ring true.
I remember looking at your bright self and thinking, What's with this annoying kid?
"Ha. Even when you nail it, it feels weirdly bad."
Your reaction kept the smile glued to my face.
Just reminiscing about the old days, and it's this fun?
Childhood memories bubbling up like soap suds as I revisited those times for the first time in ages.
「Do you remember when Chaewon first told you she wanted to be an idol?」
Pababat—.
Not just for you, but a major turning point in my life too. As that day came into sharp focus, all the smaller memories scattered, leaving it vivid in my mind.
It was summer then too.
The apartment complex near school.
The playground floor was cushioned with soft material instead of dirt, and it was the only one around designed to double as a water park.
That's why it had those fun water park gadgets that sprayed water and such. Kids being kids, though.
Chaewon and I always rode the swings, and when no one was around, we'd swing and talk endlessly for minutes on end.
Oh, right. Even then, you asked about me first because you wanted to talk about yourself.
It unfolded vividly, like a bold red line slashed across a blank white canvas.
I still remember that damn Ssangssangba.
You insisted it was a steal if we split one, snatching half of the one I'd bought and devouring it.
Then, after scarfing down the ice cream in a rush, you hopped off the swing to show me this dance you'd been practicing.
You sang great, but the dance was clumsy by comparison.
Still, you grinned ear to ear, delighted, and to me, you sparkled.
An idol.
The kind who enjoys the stage, drives fans wild, captivates them before they know it, and gets them cheering.
Then or now, you've always been an idol to me.
"......"
I blinked, and suddenly there you were, staring blankly.
...What did I just say?
Heat rushed to my face as embarrassment hit, and I ducked my head reflexively.
That wasn't what I meant to say.
I shouldn't say things like that.
I inwardly berated myself for spouting nonsense again, forced a casual look, and lifted my head.
Fortunately, no one pressed me on it...
「Now we'll give you a mission.」
I quickly took what the PD handed me.
...What? Where did they get these photos?
"From you and our house, obviously."
I knew that, but I asked anyway.
They could only come from your house or mine.
What I really wanted to ask was when you'd stopped by my place, why Mom never mentioned you visiting, and why you skipped meeting me even with an excuse to.
Maybe I'd lingered too long in nostalgia, or it was fallout from my earlier comment.
Or perhaps my resolve to draw a line. Whatever it was, I kept becoming hyper-aware of you.
It was filming, so.
I shoved the emotions down, focused on the photos, and as I stared, more thoughts bubbled up.
I was really small back then.
No matter the moment captured, I was always quiet, and you were always lively.
Then or now, we stuck together so well.
And.
'Who knew my face would start smiling more as grades went up.'
I quietly swallowed at this realization I'd missed, calming my heart.
I admit it.
Back then, school was my whole world, and in that world, the one by my side was none other than you.
I know those days that shaped me were all about you, that you occupy a huge part of my life...
But staring at six years of photos spread out like that, it was hard to believe.
Did I rely on you this much...?
My memories felt worn, emotions faded—no satisfying answer to that casual question.
If you don't actively recall or cherish them, memories fade into the distance.
I didn't doubt that grasping this elusive feeling was impossible.
"Minah. Let's go take pictures!"
What a hasty misjudgment.
"Make a face like you're frustrated at losing to me a bit more...!!"
"Like you're embarrassed I made you do it, but you don't totally hate the attention!!"
"Like my cheering means you have to win now... What? It's yours anyway? ...Man, that pisses me off."
Recreating the moments from the photos brought back that day's memories and feelings fresh and vivid.
Why do I remember this?
Why does even this surface?
A sweltering summer.
Outside, lush grass and boys playing soccer oblivious to the heat.
Inside the classroom, girls clustered in groups playing air games.
The AC that kicked on at set times.
The fan that spun endlessly.
The homeroom teacher who always stayed put instead of trekking to the office.
It felt awkward, so I'd head to the library every time, and you'd follow me there.
I'd sit in a sunny corner reading, and you'd plop beside me, humming and staring for a solid ten minutes.
The more I recalled, the more it felt like I was right back there that day.
Diving into a day I'd forgotten, forgetting the resolve I'd made for today.
"The Beatles' All You Need Is Love."
Before I knew it, the final stage.
This one, at least, didn't sit right.
More precisely, instinct told me I shouldn't.
Just standing on this stage brought that immature time rushing back so clearly.
I could feel it, see it, hear it... If I went through with it, I'd lose sight of why I was doing this.
But.
The moment you took my hand, my mind went blank.
No room for thought.
"Back then, what was so embarrassing and heart-fluttering?"
Your face, brushing back your hair with a smile, right in front of me.
It was saying—I like you—with—
Our clasped hands.
Our locked eyes.
The smile you drew.
Your whole being conveyed it.
How could I think of anything else?
"Minah, know the lyrics?"
I do.
I still listen sometimes.
"Whatever. Nervous?"
The person I like.
The person I have to push away.
How could I not be?
"Then, no problem."
You bumped my shoulder, and I forced a smile.
Like I was enchanted, I gripped your hand tighter, carefully.
Small. Soft. Slender.
This is your hand.
The hand I'll never hold again.
I have to let go.
I have to let go now.
Through the whole first verse, I struggled to cling to my resolve, and the moment it ended, I loosened my grip.
Kwak—.
You squeezed back just as I let go, refusing to release.
I glanced at you unwittingly.
My eyes met yours without thinking.
It was love.
The emotion in those eyes was love, I swear.
Emotions well up.
I recognize the surging emotions.
The recognized emotions spread.
"Love is all you need."
The resentment for not believing in me.
The guilt for failing to protect you.
I believed no color could paint over the reasons I couldn't love you fully.
I like you.
You'd said you liked me, and I'd liked you all that time ago.
That's why I tried to give up.
This shoot was to capture that surrender.
「What was Han Chaewon to Yumin back then?」
But I—
"To me, Chaewon is———."
Me.