Bocchi Bocchi

"W-wait. Our mid laner is True? No way, right? You guys are just messing with me, aren't you? Right?"

I'd gotten matched with True as a teammate from the very first game.

I double-checked just in case, but judging by the chat, it was the real deal.

It wasn't the first time we'd run into each other. If anything, being in the same celestial elo, we'd been thrown onto the same team and opposite sides plenty of times. So why did the matchmaker have to pull this now?

Is this fucking matchmaking rigged? MatthewShot, you crazy bastard...!

"Noooo... stop with the fake play-by-play! There's no way True would say that!"

"Ugh."

Meanwhile the chat was going full "we've been waiting for this, you're so cooked~" and roasting me with fake commentary. My head was spinning.

"Ahem... ahem!"

I cleared my throat for no reason, trying to reset the mood. Anyway, I was going to have to play this one clean. You don't get to act like a clown in front of the Lel GOAT.

And maybe it was because we'd filmed that Lel collab last time, but I wanted even less to look pathetic in front of him. Granted, that had been idol Jimin, and right now I was Bocchi — but it still bothered me just the same.

I am so, so, so, so embarrassed right now!

"Since we matched with True this game, I'm gonna sweat—"

I was going to say I'd play seriously. Yeah. That was the plan. And then—

"I-it's not that I'm embarrassed."

I froze, staring at the donation and the chat. They... kind of had a point. I'd been having the time of my life with this completely unhinged bit, and now I was going to shrink back into my shell just because True landed on my team?

That's so cheap.

And what was I even maintaining this embarrassing persona for in the first place? So I could secretly worship Jimin on stream... I mean, no. So I could keep having fun with the Bocchi Corps on stream for a long, long time. Right?

"Hah..."

I made up my mind. I was going to keep going and not give a damn about True.

True, don't you fucking start!

"Bocchi~ Bocchi~ I'm gonna sweat this game."

"Don't wanna? I'm doing it on stream AND in-game. You guys are so dead~bocchi."

I said it loud and proud, then locked in Irelia first pick and immediately typed in team chat.

"Mmhuhuhuup... the jungler played along? Did this person get infected too?"

"I did not pay them. Please do not slander me. Alright, game start~"

Time to actually focus. One way or another, if you got True on your team, you wanted to play well. That much was universal.

And I had the confidence. Who was streamer Bocchi, exactly? Some fan had once taken my entire KDA history and calculated my solo-kill rate. The number that came back was over sixty percent.

Living up to that deranged murder-machine reputation, I started cooking the enemy top laner with practiced ease.

The blood was pumping today too.

"Bocchi~ Bocchi~"

I was in a good mood, so I threw in a little of the template voice. Then I typed it in game chat too.

"Mmhmmhmmhp... this person is really playing along."

The jungler had been rolling with it this whole time. There was just one tiny thing that needed fixing.

After a round of speech coaching, I snatched another solo kill in top with that deranged mechanical skill, then waited with a pleased little expression for the jungler's reaction.

"Ahahahaha! Isn't everyone so cute? Heh."

The in-game chat had turned into a full-blown comedy mountain. A scene this cheerful in a celestial-elo game? Everyone usually just sweat-lorded in silence, so you almost never saw this. And yet here I was, creating this atmosphere all by myself. I was the Rift's official vibe-maker.

"Wait, is it true that True smiled?"

"That's actually a pretty good feeling. Bocchi~ Bocchi~"

Not that it was all that moving, considering I'd already made him laugh in person last time. And that time I'd done it with skill, thank you very much. Anyway, I was sitting there getting all puffed up about it when—

"Ah, I messed up."

I'd tried to 1v2 dribble in top, mistimed it, and donated a kill. Then I teleported back — only for the enemy jungler, who'd been camping instead of going home, to pop out and hit me with the classic die-tele-die. Two deaths in a row, just like that. On top of that, bot was getting absolutely demolished, and the game as a whole was starting to look ugly.

Hmm. Sudden mood killer.

"Read the room... bocchi..."

The game as a whole had gotten pretty rough. But who was our mid laner?

The GOAT of professional gamers in all of esports history. A living legend with eight Worlds titles to his name. The one and only, the great, the magnificent True.

The man who had been silently playing out his lane finally moved.

Without typing a single word, he started puppeteering the entire team with pings alone.

In the Baron fight, Clockwork Girl's ultimate landed on all five members of the enemy team and flipped a game that had been slipping away.

This was True. Every time I ran into him, ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠it was awe-inspiring.

Not that I'd just been sitting on the bus the whole time either.

"Bocchi Bocchi! In an awakened tone."

If True had been the game-changer, the closer was mine. I pulled off a 1v3 dribble on the side lane, took two of them with me as I went down, and naturally created a numbers advantage.

The rest of our team, minus me, executed their roles beautifully and cleaned up every remaining enemy champion. Now all that was left was to smash an undefended nexus. The game was ours, for all intents and purposes.

...I have to do "that" here, right?

"Hah..."

I drew in a little breath, curled the corners of my mouth into a grin, and whispered it playfully.

Just as the game was wrapping up on that warm little note—

"What, fifty dollars?"

A dad joke for fifty dollars? I couldn't not. I executed immediately.

"Heh."

I set the bait, then followed up.

"Hahahaha, I did it knowing he wouldn't respond anyway."

True was famous for never typing in game. Even now, after all that chaos in chat, he hadn't said a single word. The man himself had the energy of a stone Buddha.

"Anyway, I did it, so hurry up and send the fifty dollars, go go~"

"You little shit~"

You dare lie ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠to me? You're actually done.

I was digging through the donation history to ban the guy when—

A message popped up. And not just any message — a cute little chat from the Lel GOAT himself.

"Huh...?"

"He actually... shouted me out... mmhmmhmmhp."

He played along. That was actually kind of an honor.

Bocchi Bocchi... heh.