The Stat Vending Machine

After another round of thoroughly ruined sex, Arian stayed plastered to me and would not come unstuck.

I didn't think the hypnosis would take this hard.

Hypnosis isn't anything so special, either. All I had done was give her a little push so she would cling to me a bit more, and even that had gone too far. Thanks to it, Hypnosis had climbed to level 2.

"Leon, I'm so hungry."

"You don't ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠have to speak so formally, Arian."

Arian had already lost her heart to me completely. The only question left was how fast she would take my color. She was a woman who had spent a year as a slave, dyed through even by Kyle, who was nothing more than the protagonist. Her capture difficulty was absurdly low.

"But I want to speak formally. Can't I?"

"Well, if that's what you're comfortable with, I suppose I can't stop you."

I had meant to demand it of her even if she never asked. Anyone can spit out a word, but words carry tremendous power. They can turn a nobody into a king, or into a beggar.

"Leon, you shook me so hard just now that I'm starving. When are we eating?"

Come to think of it, I was a little hungry myself.

"True. It's already evening. We should go get dinner."

For the record, the academy provides three meals a day. I had absolutely no intention of eating them. To put it nicely, academy cafeteria food is garbage. To put it honestly, it is dogshit. Whether the headmaster is on bad terms with the cooks, or the Demon King's minions are the ones in the kitchen, the stuff tastes like absolute ass.

"Want to buy something at the shop and cook it ourselves?"

"I'd like that, Leon."

Arian rubbed her face against me, delighted.

While we're out, I should pick up food for tomorrow too. The fridge is empty anyway.

The moment we stepped outside together, my eyes met those of a woman walking the hall.

"What do you two think you're doing!"

A green armband circled her left wrist, and a whip filled her right hand. Pink hair, pink eyes, and hair so long it wrapped the whole of her back—and an E-cup so large it arrived well ahead of the rest of her. She was Serina, the second-year directly above us, and the Discipline Committee Head.

She did not carry that whip for show. She was a sadist who felt pleasure every time she tormented someone. A personality like that was never going to tangle with the protagonist. Kyle may enjoy hitting people, but he hates being hit more than anything in the world.

"Did you not hear me? What exactly are the two of you doing!"

Serina cracked the whip at us as she closed in. It was only a casual flick, so it didn't hurt much. For the record, dating is permitted. This may be an academy, but everyone here is a twenty-year-old adult, and Avalon's philosophy holds that if you forbid it, people will only do it somewhere more hidden. Whether some profound principle really lay behind that, or whether Avalon simply couldn't be bothered with the academy, I couldn't say.

"If you're jealous, say you're jealous. Why are you swinging a whip?"

Arian flared up and stepped forward. She was giddy at being on a date alone with me, and even ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠a senior would not be forgiven for stealing that happiness from her.

"Jealous? Who said anyone was jealous!"

"If you're not jealous, why are you getting in our way? Don't tell me you've got an eye on my boyfriend!"

She was glaring, trying to fence Serina off, so I stepped in and stopped her. Our opponent was the Discipline Committee Head. Arian was a freshman and might not know it, but that office held tremendous power. You did not cross it lightly.

"I'll apologize for Arian losing her temper. Still, I was under the impression that dating is permitted."

"Th-that may be true, but this is a breach of public morals! Permission to date does not mean you're allowed to carry on this obscenely in the hallway!"

"We're barely even arm in arm. Isn't this an overreaction? You aren't actually jealous, are you?"

We hadn't done anything worth objecting to. If she was reacting this hard, I couldn't help suspecting she really was jealous. Men are scarce at the academy, and this world was built so that a woman's sex drive runs more than five times a man's.

"I-I'm not! So get off each other, now!"

Even as she denied it, Serina's face burned ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠hot, and she flailed the whip in her hand. In the end we had no choice but to separate. Arian let out a wistful little ah, thick with regret, but with Serina coming at us like that, what were we supposed to do? Naturally, every bit of that resentment turned on the one who had caused it.

"Nnngh— Senior, you've never even had a boyfriend, have you!"

"What? What did you say? I absolutely have!"

"Ha. You've got I'm a virgin written plain across your face. What are you talking about?"

"I-I am not!"

Serina swung the whip at Arian again, and Arian was forced back. I seized that opening and looked Serina in the eye.

"No. You're going to take an interest in me, Senior."

"Haaah♡"

I left Serina staring at me like a girl who had fallen in love, took Arian, and headed for the shop.

"Whoa, Leon, there's so much food in here!"

Arian, who had been so deep in her delinquent act that she only ever grabbed bread, looked around the inside in open shock. For a campus shop it was enormous, and it sold all kinds of things.

"Yeah. With this much, we can actually make a proper meal."

In truth, the shop inside Avalon was a shop in name only. Calling it a small market would not have been wrong. Perhaps because the headmaster knew the academy food tasted terrible, she had stocked an absurd quantity of groceries. Thanks to that, we could load up on every kind of sauce, along with fresh meat, vegetables, and more.

At this rate I won't have to come back for at least a week.

The prices were cheap enough that it hardly mattered.

"This should do it, Arian."

"We don't have to buy any more?"

"This ought to be plenty to fill you up. Why, do you want to eat more?"

"No. ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠Not that. I want something else.♡"

The moment we started getting filthy about it in the middle of the shop, the clerk looked deeply uncomfortable. Arian did not care in the slightest. For the record, Arian paid. By his setting, Leon is a fallen viscount and has no money, while Arian comes from a rather well-known count's house. Hadn't she said her mother was from the Magic Tower? Anyway, compared to me, she had a great deal of money.

We finished a delicious meal, and then I had Arian herself once for dessert. After that the two of us fell asleep in the big bed, wrapped around each other.

"Did you hear? They say Arian and Leon are going out."

The next day, word of our relationship was already spreading fast enough to make a joke of the effort we had put into arriving early, and at deliberately different times. There was nothing like a community board, but then again, there was nothing else to do besides manufacturing gossip like this. A student's duty was to study, of course, but the interests of students in the full flush of their twenties are the same everywhere.

"Heh. Acted like he didn't care about a thing, and then he snatched the one I wanted."

"I mean, how are you supposed to beat those vulgar tits? Guy or not, he never stood a chance."

"Tch. I wanted to fuck her first, and somebody else scored. No—wait. Even if there's a goalkeeper, you can still put the ball in as long as the goal is there."

"What the hell are you saying, you slut."

Most of the students were running their mouths about the two of us. Arian, as always, had her face planted on her desk, as if other people's business meant nothing to her.

"Ghhh..."

The one actually trembling, though, was not either of the people involved. It was Kyle.

"Hey. You reek of sweat. Did you train yesterday and go to bed without washing properly?"

I wasn't needling him. He really did stink. Was this bastard doing it on purpose?

"Nn. I just collapsed the second I got back. But you smell a little like sweat too. Been training hard?"

"Well, it wasn't exactly that kind of training, but I did thrash my hips around plenty."

"H-hips? What are you talking about?"

"Do I really have to spell it out? Then again, maybe you wouldn't get it. Not something you need to go out of your way to understand."

"R-right. I see."

Kyle said he understood and turned his face straight ahead.

Damn. He drops stats even when I just sit here? This guy's a straight-up stat vending machine.

Heh heh heh.

I kept it behind my teeth. Not a sound of it left my mouth. How was I supposed to scrap a machine that kept spitting out stats while pretending nothing was wrong? The closer we grew as friends, the more Kyle would suffer. He was still far too useful.

So don't break. Stay right here beside me, Kyle. Every day I'll make you grieve, and I'll make you burn with it, and in the end I'll take everything you have.