Ia Ris Noona (6): I'm Totally Screwed!
Oh shit...!
I'd only been thinking about how to lighten the awkward atmosphere somehow. Then, out of nowhere, Ia Ris noona mentioned she hadn't had sex yet, and on pure reflex, I blurted out the absolute worst thing you could say before sex: "Actually, I'm a sex god! Just trust in Paster!" What a fucking moron I am, Paster the ultimate loser virgin.
It reminded me of that internet post I'd seen once: "True nerd: Gets suddenly hyped and brain-farts when their niche interest comes up." Nothing described me better right now.
"You did it tonight, right? With Ska Rate. Yeah? Is that lingering mana from Ska Rate inside you because you two fucked? Wait... does that mean... you did it with Lapis Julie after Ska Rate too? Wow, Paster. You're something else, huh?"
"......"
Ia Ris noona was still nestled in my arms, glaring at me with those dead brown eyes, switching to casual speech. I was the one holding her, but somehow it felt like I was the one trapped. My mouth went dry, and I swallowed hard.
One stupid brag about being good in bed, and everything was out in the open. What now? How do I fix her mood? If it were Ska Rate instead of Ia Ris noona, I wouldn't even be stressing. If she got mad about me being good at sex, who cares? I could Rabbit Hole out of there or hit her with a cold "What's it to you if I fuck? We're not even dating." She'd be speechless, and even if it hurt her feelings, that's not my problem. I don't want to become like Ska Rate, but until she apologizes to me, her pain isn't my concern.
But with Ia Ris noona? Totally different. She's my benefactor. Hell, exaggerating a bit, she was the reason I survived in Liar's Trap before getting that fake hypnosis app. She saw me as Paster—not some F-rank parachuted in on the Rate family connections. If my words hurt her, I'd be a total piece of shit.
Earlier, I'd thought about finding another healer because I hadn't gauged how much she liked me. If I'd known she was this into me, I never would've. Ia Ris noona's the only one who kept me from breaking. Ruining that over one slip of the tongue? That'd make me human garbage.
So yeah, I was groveling. I had to fix her mood fast. Cracks in relationships only widen over time—you gotta patch 'em ASAP. Whether she turned into a ticking time bomb didn't matter right now. I just didn't want her hurt. That's why.
Okay, think, Paster. How do I calm down a furious Ia Ris noona? First, figure out why she's this pissed. She flipped after I called myself a sex pro. Kinda weird, but she likes me a ton, so finding out I'm no virgin could sting. Ia Ris noona's actually a virgin hunter... wait, no, I'm a guy. So... yeah, she had a brother complex. We're not even official lovers, and I've only been calling her noona for days, but I asked her to teach me love first, then dropped "I'm a sex machine!" Total my fault.
Head says yeah, it's my bad, but heart's not buying it. Let's reverse roles. Say I really like Ia Ris noona, and we just started flirting like noona-little bro. She comes back hurt, I heal her and tuck her in bed. We're cuddling, and she confesses, "Wanna have sex with me? I wanna know love." I'm thrilled, about to say yes—then it hits me. I'm a virgin, zero experience. Blushing hard, I admit, "Noona, I'm actually a total newbie... might not satisfy you."
Then Ia Ris noona smirks, thumbs her massive tits proudly, and boasts, "Ha! Paster, just follow my lead. Why? 'Cause I'm Hypo City's legendary sex queen, Heaven's Door!"
"Urk."
Just imagining it made me dry-heave. If my lunch from the Nedori fight hadn't digested, I'd have puked. Fucking disgusting.
...Holy shit. Yeah, my bad. Undeniable, no-counterargument, get-500-knee-kicks-if-you-try fault.
Unicorn this, unicorn that—didn't matter. I'd done something utterly repulsive. Seeing it from her side hit hard. No room for denial now; I could apologize sincerely. Real apologies only work when you're 100% owning your fuck-up. Accepting it fully, I'd do anything for Ia Ris noona.
Alright. Apologize first. Then offer whatever I can.
As I opened my mouth, fully blackened Ia Ris noona—while I'd been monologuing—spoke in a cynical tone dripping with sticky despair.
"Paster, after fucking two grand S-rank awakeners from noble families, why bother coming to me for more? Oh, I get it. Trying to bag every S-rank in Liar's Trap? Love was bullshit—just wanted to stick it in me once, right?"
Her tone, words, eyes—all pitch black, no light. Beyond anger, almost corrupted. I froze, but silence equals agreement here, so I shook my head frantically.
"N-no! Absolutely not! I really wanna learn love from you, noona!"
"By fucking me?"
"Y-yeah. By fucking... you, noona."
Saying it out loud embarrassed me; my voice trailed off. But Ia Ris noona was too pissed for shame, spitting out "sex for love" in a cold, cynical, sharp voice.
"Ha, right. Then why didn't you feel love fucking Ska Rate and Lapis Julie? Weird. You wanna learn love through sex, but those weren't sex? Just dick and pussy rubbing?"
She snorted derisively. I could see how hurt she was—not just offended, but wounded deep by me fucking other women. Her heart was freezing over to avoid more pain. Only raw honesty could reach her now.
Hoo. Fine. Let's do it. Who cares about later blanket-kicks. Ditch the pointless shame. I cupped her chin, lifted it to meet my eyes, and poured out the truth from my core.
"Noona, sex with them had other purposes. With Ska, it was to overcome 15 years of defeat. With Lapi...ska, to neutralize the mana I'd absorbed from Ska. Ended up with clashing mana inside me, got a three-day death sentence."
"Three days to live...?"
She paled hearing the full story of today, shocked at my impending death. But I hadn't said it to defuse her anger that way. I still had more.
To her, on the verge of guilt, I revealed my truth to thaw her frozen heart.
"Sex with others was a means to an end. But with you, noona? It's not a means. I wanna know love through sex with you as the goal itself. So don't think I said all that flashy shit just to fuck you once."
TL;DR: Sex with Ska or Lapis was low-purity utility sex. With Ia Ris noona? High-purity goal sex.
Embarrassing as hell sober, but I was shameless now. More confident, more sincere than ever.
"...Urgh. S-so... sex with other girls was business sex... and with me, it's lovey-dovey sex...?"
It melted her heart. Back to polite speech, face flushed like a lovestruck girl. No longer scary—just heart-flutteringly pretty, lovable, cute.
I smirked at her question, answering with pure truth again.
"Yeah, I wanna do lovey-dovey sex with you, noona."
"Uuuu... For real♡ B-because I'm your noona! Older than Paster! My heart's big enough to forgive! No other girl would!"
Sincerity punch worked; her heart thawed. The bedroom's vibe returned to warm pink. The suffocating pressure vanished, tension easing.
"...Thanks, noona. For forgiving me."
"...W-what? It's what noonas do."
"...Still."
"......"
Tension gone, replaced by pounding hearts, excitement, sweet air. Awkward, hard to speak casually, but not uncomfortable. We both knew what starting that talk would lead to.
Guess I should lead. Ease into sex drip, flow naturally. I'm the senior in sex, after all.
Mm. Heart set, I eyed Ia Ris noona and dropped my carefully prepped sex drip.
"N-noona. Still mad?"
"H-huh? Oh, no? Not mad? All good now...?"
I pressed her lips with my index finger, met her sparkling brown eyes playfully.
"Just in case... wanna fuck the anger away?"
"......"
"......"
"......"
Fuck. Screwed.
My prized sex drip landed with horrific silence. Didn't seem that bad pre-launch, but post? Absolute dogshit. Worst pickup line ever. Why'd I think this'd land? This shit's only for madly-in-love couples, you idiot loser!
Self-loathing wave crashed. Mixed with ditched shame, it'd drown me in regret. Why do I keep fucking up today...?
"Paster. No, Paster."
"...Y-yeah?"
Before the tsunami hit, her voice—hot with heat—snapped me out. Eyes open, I saw her furrowed brows, lips twitching to hold back a smile.
"I'm so mad. Can't just watch as Liar's Trap's medic while you spout such shameless pervy lines."
She slipped from my arms, snapped her fingers. Wardrobe opened; white doctor's coat flew to her—artisan-made artifact's recall function. It draped like a magic cloak, swapping her negligee for light blue sleeveless blouse, black miniskirt, coffee pantyhose. Her usual infirmary office look.
"N-noona? Why the sudden...?"
Stunned by the outfit change, I stammered. She yanked the blanket, ripped my shirt, straddled my abs with an excited face, smirking.
"Why? For pervy patients like you, lovey-dovey sex is the surest cure...!"
"Hiiik...!"